I'm not going to say it's easy loving someone with depression. It's difficult, it's repetitive, it means taking one step forward and two steps back. Sure, it's not easy but if you do it right it will be the most beautiful thing you ever do. They never listen when you compliment them. But when they can't see their worth it's like a masterpiece that is just yours to marvel at. Don't be discouraged when a bouquet of flowers doesn't make them smile. Don't get angry when they sleep in the other room. Keep bringing them flowers, keep brewing warm cups of tea, keep trying. Because on good days there is nothing more beautiful than their smile or the sound of their laugh. Some days you may want to give up. Just remember why you've loved them this long. Remember the freckles on their face or the curve of their lips and the way they keep you coming back even on dark days. You can't solve anything but you can hold their hand while they face the world. You can't stop the bad days but you can wipe tears from reddened cheeks and kiss the monsters away for the night. You can't promise it will be over tomorrow but you better promise to be there when tomorrow comes.

nothing easy is worth it
so if you are in something hard be grateful
that you have been chosen to have something wonderful
when you get there you will forget
the pain

We drink to make each other more tolerable.
Whiskey washes over the painful memories of broken trust and promises.
I don’t remember the last time we didn’t fight.
It’s like I love you too much to care anymore.

I’d give you the world if I could,
but that’s easier said than done.
You don’t want me to be so kind to you;
and that’s something I’ll never understand.

Don’t forget who I was before you tore me apart.
I was a pieced together puzzle;
until deconstruction became your hobby.
You became my demise.

Tears trickled down my wrinkled shirt the day you left.
In our life wine rhymed with love
and water tasted like sacrifice.
There are only so many wounds liquor can heal.

New stains painted my shirts,
not tears or wine.
Red cuffs covered up memories of you.
Blood washed down the drain just before you came back.

Now it’s too late to save us.
Maybe we were doomed from the start.
But I’ll refuse to believe we weren’t perfect for each other.
Not until God tells me otherwise.

I suppose I’ll see him soon and ask for His opinion.
Your embrace has never felt more soothing
as my vision blurs to black.
You whisper sweet thoughts you should’ve said before.

We drank to make each other more tolerable.
I couldn’t think of someone I’d rather tolerate.
When I embark from dark to light I’ll remember you.
I love you too much to care anymore.

Pulling on wings
Slowly and delicately
I hear the screaming
Expressing my fears
I continue to pull
This hurts me
I hear the crying
My sadness is appreciated
This enables me to continue
I am feeding myself
I want to cut deep
I need this
Contradictions are my life
Duality defines me
I want to hurt you immensely
I want to be the only one
The only one who can heal you
I need you to love me
I am slowly dying
I want you to bleed with me
But I will feel guilty
I have pain to give
I will always try to hurt you
I will always love you!

© Christopher Chronister. All rights reserved