the dance sends us spiraling.  

spinning.  energy.
funnels in the air.  
swans in the water.  
white necks intertwined.

the truth is a piece.  of a puzzle.
so many pieces. to lose.

love is never pending.
it is or isn’t.

we were in london.

in separate single.
beds.

naked beneath.
thin skin moving.
sheets of.

imagination.

paw prints on my pillow

dreams of being lost
in dense
browns and greens

a male
mountain lion roars

startling the herd
I am caught in a frenzy

and he is
feasting on the weakest
of us

teeth like jagged knives
pierce my willing flesh
snap my spinal cord;
the sound of a single twig
in a scared forest

before I can breathe
before I can speak
before I can wake

my soul becomes as meat
my soul becomes a mountain

lion

I

This long, dark winter night
extends her reach around me
and pulls me into her
whispering her clichés
into my ears
and I am enthralled;
frozen by my utter belief in her;
as if there is no other way.

II

The front window of my apartment,
like a spiritually starved man,
does not quite fit its frame
leaving space for
a cold breeze to sneak in
and rob the room of warmth.

The broken heater is a small dog
barking incessantly.

III

They say every snowflake is unique
but piled one on top of the
other and all of them
on top of me
they carry
the same
significant weight.

I was in a church

I was in a school
created by a church

there were teachers
and preachers
and books

everything was certain

the beginning and
the end
were certain

nothing was gray

black and white
never kissed

and then there was her

she was mathematic
she was the differential

and after we kissed

she said
angels die

so matter
of factly

that it must
be true

the gathering
of angels

white robes
chanting

the wind sings
hymns

the light has
a voice
evoking
verses

hands lift
hypnotically

and we all repeat
after

I feel the weight
pressing down on me

it feels like
a snake is
searching for my
breath

I feel
tight inside
like my skin
is shrinking

like I am being
wrapped
in plastic

they tell me salvation
is a moment

they tell me salvation
is a series of words

and I pray
the series of words
in silence

asking for
giveness

and after
we all smile
as if one mouth

wanting to be right
wanting to be liked
wanting to belong

I like watching those in pain
I like being the one in pain
I like to think it makes me sane
I like getting to play this game

I like repeating the same thing day after day
I like unfinished stories I'll make them my way
I like being the one that doesn't get a say
I like the silence, it'll keep them at bay

I like sitting on my bed
I like letting you finish this instead.