Sweet serenity
Show me your grace
I want to be like you
To dance upon water
Move like the wind
Fierce and aggressive like fire
Sing as beautifully as a sunrise
Serenity,
Show me how to wield this power
Teach me and show me your ways
For I will not object any longer
Forgive me for my stubbornness
I can not control myself
Guide me Serenity
You will not be disappointed

i understand
that the pain
that comes
from a heartbreak
can be devasta-
ting
like the sting
of a wasp
at every little vain.
it is poison to the soul
and your heart
is pounding strong
trying to fight
the devil's work.
in your head
in your thoughts
you try to analyze
what went wrong:
was it you?
was it her?
is there anyone to blame
or was it just God
and one of his jokes?
i don't mean to say
that we are entertainment
for the Lord,
i'm just thinking
how i'll see it
when im old
and think of how foolish
it was to think
that the older i got
the easier it would be.

what is love?

Alice stands
in the room
by the stairs,
at the end
of the house;
the low end,
servant's end,
Father said,
don't go there,
but she does.

She goes down
the back stairs,
down long dark
passageways,
watching staff
in their world,
the kitchen,
scullery,
the wash room,
other rooms.

And this room.
She watches
the thin maid
called Mary
ironing.

Why're you here?
Mary asks.

To see you,
Alice says.

Why see me?
Mary asks.

I love you,
Alice  says.

Mary frowns.
You shouldn't
use those words,
Mary says
turning round.

Alice stands
her small hands
in pockets
of her blue
pinafore.

But I do,
I love you.

Why is that?
Mary asks.

You are kind
like Mother
used to be
before she
had to leave.

Mary heard,
rumours spread,
the mother
had to leave,
had problems
in the head,
locked away
so they say,
for a year
and a day.

She'll be back,
Mary says.

Alice sighs,
I love you,
I want you
to stand in
for Mother,
between us,
Alice says.

Mary sits
on a chair,
flushes red,
between us
I can be
I suppose,
Mary says.

Uncertain
of her pledge
she gazes
at the child
standing there.

Need a hug,
Alice says,
motherly.

Mary feels
at a lost
what to do.

Can I sit
on your lap?
Alice asks.

Mary nods
and opens
her thin arms.

Alice walks
to Mary
and climbs up
on her lap,
lays her head
on Mary's
silky *******,
smells apples
and green soap.

Mary hugs
her closer,
kisses on
the child's head.

Love you, too,
Mary says.

Our secret,
Alice says,
none must know.

None will know,
Mary says,
just we two.

Nanny's voice
echoes down
the passage
Best go now,
Mary says,
learn for me
at lessons,
do your best,
my daughter
adopted.

Alice nods,
kisses quick,
then goes up
the back stairs
out of sight.

Seen Alice?
Nanny asks.

Not at all,
Mary lies,
sees the dark
cruel eyes
scan the room.

She'll be pained
if she's caught
down this end,
Nanny says.

Then she gone,
her black skirt
swishing loud,
the black shoes
going click,
clack, click, clack.

Mary gives
a rude sign
with fingers
behind fat
Nanny's back.

Trapped inside my own mind
So many questions with answers I may never find.
Sometimes it’s hard to breathe.
The weight crushes down on me
It threatens to break me,
My strength wanes,
Hope abandons me.

Trapped inside a prison of darkness
My true face hidden behind the mask I’m forced to wear.  
Lying to myself to keep them happy,
Year after year.
Living inside my own head
No-one can hear me shout.
I made this prison myself
Only I can break out.

An artist
A guitarist
A pianist
A mechanic
A photographer
A writer
A cook
A model
A director
A producer
A mathematician
A football fanatic

I want to do this
And anything else that'll make a woman happy.

I’m thinking of empty boxes

cardboard constructed resting on dusty shelves
neglected discarded
when a new box is acquired
and eventually placed on another dusty shelf
beneath a dusty shelf
which is beneath a dusty shelf

The room is filled with dusty shelves
the red pulsing walls covered with stacks of dusty boxes
growing higher with new contributions
decaying and moth-eaten
becoming as old and decrepit as
the owner who hide them away

We keep buying new boxes
hoping that it will be the perfect fit
sifting through decayed paper and
water stained photographs
for the part that matters
but we never really find it

So we put the box away
hidden on a dusty shelf
in a dusty room
in a dusty heart

I have been to the highest step outside the gates of Heaven;
The gold flickers from the light that was within me.
I have been to the deepest caves of Hell
Where basalt lays as soot on the layers of my skin.

I have known the wonders of altering reality
With a word or a thought. It's easy.
And I have also known how it is deceived
To the point one has no control.

I have traveled the strands of Grey between
The extremes of Black and White,
And have worked them to aid and heal,
To defend and to start a fight.

I found there are many roads that lead
To Heaven and to Hell; I promise,
No one is traveled alone unto itself.
They weave amongst each other.

The Grid that nets us all as One
Exists for those who seek it.
But to use it is to be alone in a world
That finds each piece as separate.

I have kissed the hands of Saints and Angels,
And the lips of devils too.
Shadows bleed across my vision
Where Light and Dark create the Self.

I have been to many places that are
Reflections of us all.
But in the end no one is different,
We fade in the singular point of Death.

there are things i want to hide
things that im afraid of,
things i wouldn't tell anyone
but there is one thing that i wish
i didnt Have to hide.
That is that I love you.
That I want you,
Every day more and more
I want to know that I'm the one
That gets to caress you,
Kiss you, and have you
Wrapped around my arms.
I'm ashamed of many things
But not you,
You are the last thing
I could ever be ashamed of
Specially because
I still remember you.



I remember you.