nobody warns you about the first boy who tells you he wants to marry you.

nobody warns you about the tangible shift in the universe when he parts his lips to smile.

nobody warns you about the poetry he'll write you or how your knees will weaken or the melancholy hidden between the layers of his laughter.

nobody warns you that miles will morph into lightyears and you will curse the ocean for being the only thing that keeps his fingers from resting between yours.

nobody warns you about the day his sweater doesn't smell like him anymore.

nobody warns you that human hands are incapable of holding a person together.

nobody warns you that sometimes love is not enough, no matter how much you wish it was.

nobody warns you about the crippling nostalgia that renders you breathless.

nobody warns you about the nights when silence screams for your blood.

nobody warns you about the crater that forms in your chest in the middle of the night when he doesn't answer.

nobody warns you about how it's going to feel when he tells you he's in love with someone else.

nobody warns you that forever is a lie.

- m.f.

Take it back, please
I do not want
Your gift anymore because
It lives in my sheets
Making it hard to sleep
Every night
I am thinking
About him
And whether or
Not
My gift hides in his
Sheets, or
If it is tucked
Away in a closet
Of embarrassing laundry
His mother will never
Clean

You are ****,
And you know it,
So be proud!

That's it now
that's what you've reduced me to.
And I honestly have no clue how,
I'm going to deal with losing you.

I said three words,
that ever important,
but terrifying verb.
But I meant it.

I've tried killing my mind,
going back to where I was when I met you.
I wanted to be numb so I tried and tried.
That failed too.

But I think I've found a solution,
a way to forget for a few hours,
a blood stream pollution.
I won't have to think about all that was ours.

But those three words always return,
I love you.

Falling off of the wagon is
The most painful thing in the world
Because of all the hurt and effort it took
To get on it in the first place
And the pride one feels
When they can honestly say
I am clean

So I would like to apologize
To God, my family, the universe
For letting you all down
Because I promised I was better
Swore I had moved on
But an addiction is forever
And I am hooked once again

I stare at the fight in the living room
Between my mother and me
From a distance,
Out of my body, I am disconnected because
She accuses me of harvesting
"Mental problems" while I drunkenly slur
Every self loathing thought I've lived with during
My short life, wishing it would end
And she screams "You have no idea what could have
Happened to you tonight, you're lucky no one
Took advantage of you"
Everything stops and I'm back in my body,
Looking at the fight from my point of view,
Her scowling face waiting for an answer,
"You're wrong."
Because I know that risk all too well
And she has no
Idea

18 days left now,
since when was that an eternity?
I know it's been 30 already,
but it sure as hell feels like it.
18 days until the countdown ends,
and then I guess I could say that a new life begins.
Less than three weeks I tell myself,
then I can look into the brilliant blue eyes.
They won't be blurred by the camera,
because skype just isn't the same,
or hidden behind my own digital reflection in your glasses.
I can run through the city with you,
sit on the beach,
and watch contentedly as a brightly burning sun kisses the ocean goodnight.
But that's 18 days away,
and that seems like an eternity from now.
Whatever the case,
it's been a month and I love you,
so I can wait.