Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
103 · Aug 2018
Book
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
There was a story that was true
Each chapter was full of drama
Each page was full of heartache
Each word was full of tears
Each letter i tried to make disappear
As i read myself through,
I cry and then the ink washes away as it turns into my blood
My tears have tried to knock my chapters out
Inside my life a new chapter keeps happening;
And then i always wish it would all go away
My hurt has returned
Each ending is actually a beginning
I cant escape from the cover that tries to close me inside
All the pictures, dark with no explanation
My colours had no strength to reveal themselves
These words inside;
Inside its my head
Im writing and screaming; my mind through my hand
My hand is so tight as i write on myself
Im writing the words of my insides that im forcing out
The pencil im holding;
A strange looking pencil
This pencil is actually an addiction
Im so brainwashed from my mind
I never knew pencils had blades..
As i sit and read myself one last time,
I rip out the pages
Now its even worse
What did i do?
Now im torn
Now im split open
I feel more chapters have come back to harm me
My skin is bleeding;
This book has no ending
103 · Aug 2018
Water Blind
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
I held on to memories that will never fade away
I squeeze my eyes tight thinking it will all go away
The water from my eyes burn my wounds but i dont care
It burns even more when i think into the past
And these scars will always be visible
I feel my heart pounding
As i see myself drowning
I feel my head spinning
As i see myself falling
I feel myself breaking
As i see myself bleeding
I couldnt hold on any longer
I just slipped away
And with the visions of my nightmares, i just want to lose sight
My eyes are blurry and i choose not to see
I always hoped when they open, everything would go back to normal
But its like a waterfall; pouring all over me
Im drenched and cold from the liquid that takes over me
The drops that fell on the floor for me to slip and fall
The puddles that were made for me to ignore a reflection
The ocean that i was forced to swim in, but then i drowned
I took the drops and i made the puddles
I took the puddles and i made an ocean
And when i drowned, was when i couldnt take no more
The memories of pain
The memories of suffering
The memories of remembering
It is the time of struggling
I couldnt see no more
The water took my sight
My face is all numb from wiping away the tears
And i could hardly breathe;
I choked and then i was never able to fight my fears
I couldnt see what was in front of me
I only saw what was within me
I forgot how everything looked around me
I only knew that i could never be set free
Did you ever cry so much that it burned?
Did you ever cry so much that it hurt?
Did you ever cry so much that you couldnt breathe?
Did you ever cry so much that you couldnt see?
102 · Aug 2018
Wounds & Scars
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
What happens when we fall?
We get right back up
But i fell a thousand times
So my body was trained to bruise
My plans broke and then i failed
I tortured my heart so my mind could be left alone to make me struggle
I was broken and was never fixed;
And then i had to move on with unfinished stories
The stories that left me hurt;
Left me bleeding
No bandage was able to stay on
No makeup was able to make it disappear
No clothing was able to cover me
No meds were able to change me
I kept ignoring the wounds that harmed me
I wanted to push it to see what would happen to me
Washing the blood, i didnt care
Even though i saw myself failing;
And i wanted to see how much i can take
Then i thought my strength would never leave
I saw myself grew weak;
Then these wounds were taking long to leave
I couldnt do this
I wanted to end this
I felt my head turning spinning
I felt my ears ringing
I felt my eyes get blurry
I felt my mouth drying up
I felt my breathing turned heavy
And then i felt my whole body go numb with the shock of mental illness
My bones broke
My skin ripped
My mirror shattered
And my heart followed my reflection
All my pieces got lost
I pushed it so deep that i scarred
I regret listening to myself because i went too far
The first cut was for me to try
Then the wounds started escalating until i cried
I cried to wash away the pain
I cried to heal the wounds that remain
But then it was too late
I had started a whole different pain
I was at the weakest my body could have been
I snapped myself in half then i couldnt move
I was badly wounded; i wanted to erase what i have done
I was my own doctor that i had to rely on
I made my own stitches on my body to get fixed, but the damage is done
I stapled my heart together, put it will never be strong
I put a bandage on my memories, but it will always fall off
Now the pain is real
Now i harmed myself enough
It took a long time to heal my wounds
But the scars will stay forever
102 · Aug 2018
Mentally Struggling
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
There is no escape.
Its so dark in here;
& I dont know whats going on.
Noones around to feel this pain.
Noones around to free me.
Im so blind,
I cant see the positivity.
Negativity strikes me like lightening,
Piercing my veins;
Shocking my nerves.
I notice Im blindfolded.
My head is put in its place,
& my body is being held down.
Im so still,
The shock is too much.
It leaves my mind blank & unable to think.
The chains on my body are making me go completely insane.
The rope on my throat gets tighter everytime I scream;
& so slowly,
Im unable to breathe.
A prisoner,
I feel I am;
I dont think I can get out of this trap.
Like a nightmare that wont end,
Im living a horror film.
I want this to end.
I want to be free.
But the more I struggle,
The more worse everything gets.
Im trying to forget about this cage Im in.
Im trying to forget about how claustrophobic it is.
Im trying to forget whats holding me down.
Im trying to forget about everything.
But everything is happening all at once.
Finally,
Im going to explode.
Im blindfolded,
To not see the positivity.
My body is in chains,
To not fix whats going on.
My neck is tightened with a rope,
That pulls tighter,
Everytime I scream for normality to come back.
My heart has a lock in it,
& the key went missing;
To make sure it gets ignored,
Each time I wanna listen to it.
The razor bracelets on my arms & hands dig deep inside my skin,
Making sure I dont stop bleeding.
It goes deeper & deeper into my skin,,
Everytime I try to move,
To make sure Im too dizzy to focus.
My head is bolted against the wall,
To have a hold on my thinking;
To have a hold on what controls my body;
& what controls my thinking.
Finally Im inside this dungeon;
A million chains.
A million locks.
Im unable to be free.
My mind is too powerful,
Because I feel what Im thinking.
The perspective of a prisoner.
This is what I feel in my own body.
This is what my head makes me suffer with.
It is me that locked myself up.
I turned off the lights in front of my own eyes,
& ended up locking up myself away forever.
Im hidden from everything.
Far away from being normal again.
It all feels so real,
Because my mind messed me up.
& I actually feel like a prisoner in my own body.
Im gone forever.
I made sure I will never escape.
102 · Aug 2018
Crash 07
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
The anger started; & grew fast.
I was going completely crazy.
Depression wouldnt leave me.
& the river of my tears had pushed me out of the house.
Just needed an escape.
& needed to get away.
Just couldnt think anymore of the sickness that has been brought to her;
The hospital which held her.
Told to stay home,
But I didnt want to listen.
I just wanted to stop thinking.
I just needed the pain to leave me.
Left without a word.
Daddy had no control.
The wind quickly pulled me inside,
To drive away from it all.
The restaurant full of happiness,
I was still filled with sadness.
I was still hurting.
I was still bleeding.
I was still thinking.
& then it was over.
The houses invited everyone back in.
But my head forced me to stay out.
I took off, speeding.
The music was blasted;
Crying inside while I took the wheel again.
My silence never died.
It only became stronger.
I knew I couldnt be where I was,
But I just needed to forget what was going on.
Darker & colder;
Time flew by.
Quieter, & lonlier;
5am arrived.
Finally my energy died.
Finally my silence died.
Finally thats where I had lost control.
It became darker when I shut my eyes.
Then I became so careless.
I became invisibly drunk.
The next lane reached for me;
& ****** me in.
It became so silent.
Then became so noisy.
Coulnt think.
Couldnt breathe.
Just couldnt wake up from the nightmare.
Waken;
I was screaming at the top of my lungs.
Still so dark;
I didnt know where I was.
I felt no pain,
Because the sudden shock took over.
I felt so helpless.
I felt so destroyed.
I felt so broken.
& I was actually broken.
Still screaming,
The rescue took forever.
It was the sound of his voice that had tried to calm me down.
& then finally,
I was free;
With the broken vehicle;
That had finally let me go.
I thought immediately that I was going to die.
I felt the cold air,
Just peeling at my skin.
& I was so confused.
The bed held me up;
As I woke up from the tragic event.
Couldnt move;
And I thought I stopped breathing.
I had only my eyes & my ears to guide me.
When the spoke,
I felt so helpless.
I wanted to scream,
But couldnt.
I wanted to talk,
But couldnt.
I wanted to explain,
But couldnt.
Felt so claustrophobic,
With me being crowded.
Felt so heavy,
With the damage trying to heal itself from my body.
I didnt even know how to act anymore.
My memory suddenly failed on me.
& my mentality was so out of control.
Still thought it was a nightmare,
But I actually felt all the pain.
Mentally & physically.
My strength was put into a deep sleep.
& weakness grew stronger on me.
& with a big happening,
I felt so small.
I felt so weird everyday being there.
So many thoughts kept racing through my head.
Slowly;
But so impatient,
My strength waked itself from my body.
& I pushed myself;
Pushed myself to the limit.
Pushed myself too far,
To just get home quicker.
I faked at times.
I just wanted to go home.
& then it was that one day I couldnt stop the smile,
From hurting my cheeks.
It was when she showed her strength in front of my face.
& all her weakness died,
When she put everything aside,
To be so strong for me.
I thought she was angry,
But only the sound of her voice spoke so strong; so happy.
& I didnt even make an effort to ask about the pain within her.
I only saw it in her eyes;
That she was hurting deep inside.
& she was trying so hard to be so strong.
& when she left me each day,
My tears drowned me again.
Another wound on my body that was made.
Waited so impatiently,
I was so angry.
So frustrated.
So depressed.
The more I faked,
The more faster I thought I would leave.
And at the same time,
I pushed myself.
& forced my strength to come back again.
& in my mind,
I was thinking stronger;
To push even harder.
My strength had finally came.
My weakness had finally disappeared.
Back to normal once my body stepped foot into my door.
I felt strong again.
I moved again.
I breathed again.
Physically strong,
But now Im mentally weak.
Its over,
But the memories haunt me.
Memories of everything,
Everyone,
& myself.
No forgiveness is necessary towards myself; just hate..
To damage,
To cause a disaster.
& to cause such pain.
So inside,
Im still in pain.
Still thinking.
Still feeling the same emotions.
Im ok now,
But scarred for life.
Nothing will be invisible.
Im actually not ok.
102 · Aug 2018
Sharp
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Cuts like a knife
Rips like a piece of paper
Drags like an object
Addicting like a drug
Small but powerful
And i couldnt protect myself
And the only safety i had was water & tissue
To clean the blood from my scars
The troubles pushed through my veins
The pain forced through my skin
The breathing that i missed was too fast
But i caught it once i relaxed myself to sleep
My fears were hidden
My nightmares were asleep
My anxiety temporarily caught its breath
My pain was healed invisibly
Until the pain ends,
My eyes are wide open
And then im so strong
But my heart was so weak
It pounds with fear;
It escapes comfort
Im smiling at this point because i know ill be calm
My hand grips
My arm tightens
My veins, shaken
My skin, finally struck
And the blood reveals itself once it escapes
Theres no pain
Theres no harm
Theres no feeling
The pain is in the heart
The harm is in the soul
The feeling is in the mind
The thoughts of something that shouldnt be spoken of
I RAISE my hand to my skin
Im into the ER now
My own ER room
And i dont care if i leave now.
RAISE ER
RAZER
It cuts me..
100 · Aug 2018
Feed The Pain
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
I walk through a dark path black walls covered in scratches
My fingernails look bitten, but i was the one trying to free myself from the darkness
I couldnt ignore my nightmares because my eyes didnt know how to open
My screams of terror shook my bed, and i then i wanted to sleep forever
I couldnt ignore my fears because i was forced to do what i didnt want
I yelled
I screamed
I cried
I got angry
And then i wanted loneliness to be attatched to me all the time
I couldnt ignore my sadness because when my eyes were open, they always dried up my memories
Then the tears continued to run
Then i tried to ignore my mind because it all started when i was weak deep inside
I couldnt because i lost
I wish i turned back, and hoped i was more tough
It was like i was trapped; and then i was forced to ignore my conscience
I wanted to forget, but never forgive
I hated this monster that was trying to live
The more i tried, the more pain i received
So then i gave up to the point where i created harm under my sleeve
I grew so weak with fear
Then the fear took over my dreams
I grew so weak with worry
Then the worry took over my breathing
I grew so weak with anger
Then the anger took over my actions
I grew so weak with my sadness
Then the sadness took over my strength
I grew so weak with my mind
Then my mind took over my body
I grew so weak with my body
And then i saw that i instigated the pain
100 · Aug 2018
Numb
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
I wait for a feeling that takes away the pain
I wait for a feeling that takes away the shame
I wait for a feeling to replace all the anger
I wait for a feeling to make the moods better
I wait for a feeling to feel no more anxiety
I wait for a feeling to feel less uneasy
I wait for a feeling to scare away my fears
I wait for a feeling that will prevent all my tears
I wait for a feeling that will heal my wounds
I wait for a feeling that will cover up the bruise
I wait for a feeling to erase the images that will last
I wait for a feeling to hopefully forget the past
And until i wait,
I wont ever know
And im so numb,
From the emotions that wont go
99 · Aug 2018
Uncontrollable
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
The colour red,
Took over all the other colours;
As my anger takes over all emotions.
Like a switch that turns on in my head;
Im suddenly alert at what tends to strike me.
I feels like Ive been hit with a thousand bricks.
It feels like Ive been burned with fire.
It feels like Im choking,
& so I try to grasp for air.
It feels like my heart stops working each time.
It feels like my body collapses all together.
Its at the moment that my mind thinks its ok to allow me to snap;
Allow me to lose my temper.
Im wanting to control myself,
But I keep losing my mind.
I cant find the strength to control myself.
Im guilty of anger.
Im guilty of going off the deep end;
& finally drowning.
I only find my strength when Im strong enough to lose control.
So violent;
The doors I slam.
The things I throw.
The floor that I bang.
My hair that I pull.
My skin that I pierce.
My vioce that I project.
My whole body;
That creates a storm.
Im so full of rage.
Its a nervous heart beat,
Pounding through my chest.
Instead of breathing,
Im gasping for air.
Im unable to relax;
I overreact at each situation.
I feel so trapped inside my body;
Like there is something inside me that wont escape.
Its making me go crazy,
As it controls me.
So hard when I try to calm myself down.
The more I try,
The more outta control I get.
My nerves wont stop shaking.
My heart wont stop pounding.
My mind wont stop racing.
Acting before thinking,
Im physically dangerous.
Thinking before acting,
Im mentally wanting to **** myself.
I wish I knew what to do.
I wish I knew how to deal with everything.
I wish I knew how to control myself.
99 · Aug 2018
Damaged
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Fallen apart,
Broken;
Bleeding through my scars.
Torn,
Shattered,
Bruised through my bones.
Im so weak;
Unstrong;
Without anymore strength.
Im just drained from everything.
Im just hurting from everything.
& Im drowning in my own tears.
I try to swim against my waves that I have created,
But I appear to sink.
I am my own enemy;
Because I gave myself no support.
& I threw out my own strength;
By fighting against myself.
In the end my arms bleed.
In the end my head is spinning.
& in the end my body is the one that leaves.
Im just a puzzle that noone can ever put together;
Because I have sliced my body in pieces.
& the one piece that is missing is my head.
I have just lost it.
I have just broke apart from it;
Because it is somewhere else,
While my body lays here;
In weakness.
& Im so helpless;
So hopeless.
I cannot control whats destroying me.
I cannot control whats breaking me.
I cannot put myself together again,
Because I am damaged
98 · Aug 2018
Cancer
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Why was it created
Why did start
Why was it intended to destroy beautiful hearts
Why all the migraines
Why all the *****
Why all the dizziness
Something isnt right
Why all the confusion
Why all blurriness
Why all the signs
A need to start a fight
Why so many appointments
Why so many doctors
Why so many medications
Losing the mind
Why all the weakness
Why all the tension
Why all the frustrations
Barely holding on tight
Why so much pressure
Why so much stress
Why so much emotions
Why is the body trying to hide
Why the missing hair
Why all the weight loss
Why the spirit getting eaten up
Why is everyone starting to cry
Why all the pain
Why all the anger
Why all the suffering
Barely surviving life
Why did we lose
Why did the body pause
Why does this exist
Why do golden hearts stop
98 · Aug 2018
Drown
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
When i force everything to be quiet
I ignore & shut everything, everyone out
When everything around me suddenly disappears
My back is deep in the water;
I force myself to be invisible
When I want to struggle
I dont want to save myself anymore
Im going in deeper
When my breathing gets heavier
Im forcing the tension to come into my soul
When my heart pumps faster
Im forcing the weakness to come inside my body
My lungs are closed
I cannot scream anymore
My eyeballs are rolled back
I cannot see anymore
My eardrums are damaged
I cannot hear anymore
My bones are broken
I dont want to move anymore
When all the weight is on top of me
I force my strength to leave my body
And then i let myself go again
97 · Aug 2018
Hunger
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
I gathered everything that scared me and i tried to swallow it hole
I wanted to get rid of the negativity and make my fears disappear
When i couldnt swallow, i felt myself choking
One way i had to make the pain disappear, is the only way i had so i would face all my fears
My body was weakening
My body was dragging me down
I needed energy to survive
But the energy that i had was to force my conscience out
The evil was slowly taking from me
So then i had to trade my goodness goodbye
I swallowed a knife that made me bleed
But then it took away all my depression and anxiety
I swallowed the alcohol that made me forget
And then it took away the past & regrets
I swallowed the pleasure that made me relaxed
And then it took away my anger & my stress
I swallowed the mirror to search for myself
And then it reflected on what i was actually about
I ate the truth
I choked on the challenges
I spit out the fears
But now ive ****** all the strength outta me
97 · Aug 2018
Untitled
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
I cannot breathe
I cannot move
And im frozen in shock
Im in shock from the pain
Theres a path i was forced to take
Now the path is broken but i still made the mistake
It broke when i started
Now im near the end
I cannot go back
I cannot start again
I always felt like giving up
I was always close
Close enough to scare people
The feeling of finally breathing;
But hyperventilated to the floor
When i was struck,
When i was down,
The tears drowned me as they burned my wounds
My opened wounds, i couldnt leave
I just kept them covered and thought this was so normal
I just shut everyone out
And the only person i was allowed to listen to was myself
Then it all became worse
I couldnt break free
I was trapped in my own head, into my own body
I finally got the hang of it;
Knowing who to listen to and knowing who to ignore
I forced to choose all the wrongs
When i was supposed to learn all the rights
I was my own bad influence
But i wanted this;
I needed this
I was so convinced that i was fine on my own
In the end i begged not to be alone with myself
Each night i cried
Each night i struggled
Each night i just couldnt sleep
I was my own nightmare that i wanted to wake up from
But it never stopped
I just wanted it to stop
Behind closed doors i wanted to scream
But when the door was open,
I would just be silenced
People questioned
People wondered
People were so concerned
And i just ran away from the advices that i ignored
I tried to listen but the i suddenly couldnt here
I went deaf;
It wanted me deaf
And then i was so lost
It was so hard
So hard to allow my voice to travel
And it was like i always wanted to get myself in trouble
As i stared into the mirror, i watched me with hate
I knew i had an enemy
I knew it would always stay
I watched myself cry
But i didnt feel the same
I watched myself fight
But i never won
I watched myself be alone
But i never wanted anyone
I watched myself turn
And i never went back
I watched myself break
And the pieces were never found
97 · Aug 2018
Breathe No More
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
I dont have time to catch my breath;
& its catching up to me.
My body has broken down;
With my head on the floor.
I kicked it so far that Im so lost.
So my pieces have fallen;
But they are too sharp to put back together.
My heart was stabbed.
My head was completely torn from my body.
& so I walk with strings attached to my soul.
Ive gone so numb.
Ive gone so mute.
Ive been suffocated.
The water that drowns me,
Are the tears I want to take back into my body.
If I continue to stop the air ,
The air will continue to stop forcing itself through my body.
I just want everything to end.
I want myself to end.
Hide my face,
To hide myself.
Numb the pain,
To numb myself.
Cut out blood,
To cut myself.
Break the mirror,
To break myself.
Strangle my throat,
To strangle myself.
Cut off the air,
To cut off myself.
Im losing all air,
So I breathe no more.
97 · Aug 2018
Unstrong
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
I was taken advantage of.
I am now fallen apart.
Cant focus
Cant think.
Cant speak.
My head pounds as I think.
My throat hurts as I speak.
And my heart slows down while I try to breathe.
Im just certain that my strength has been ****** out;
& I was injected with weakness.
I feel like my bones have been filed down to dust;
& that my skin has turned its colour.
Im feeling so weird.
Im not myself anymore.
My mind cant hold anymore information;
So everything is escaping,
And Im choking on all the letters when I try to make words as I try to speak.
My body is shaking,
Because I cant hold myself up anymore.
& everytime I walk,
I fall to the ground.
Im slowly breaking.
Im slowly falling apart;
Because I have lost all my strength.
Noone can save me now.
Noone can fix me now.
Everytime I look in the mirror,
I ask "why have you lost your strength?"
I get a reply saying "you've done it to yourself."
96 · Aug 2018
R.I.P Mom
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
I wish I had gained feeling,
So I could have had all your pain.
I wish that I fell,
So you could have kept standing.
I wish I had distraction,
So you could have been focused.
I wish that I had headaches,
So you could have lost all yours.
I wish that I had gained weakness,
So you could have gained strength.
I wish that I had lost my voice,
So you could have spoken.
I wish that I had gone deaf,
So you could have heard.
I wish that I had lost my sight,
So you could have seen.
I wish that I had stopped breathing,
So you could have breathed.
I wish that I had listened to you,
So you could have made me understand.
I wish I hadn't yelled at you,
So you could have been stress-free.
I wish I didnt ignore you,
So you could have spoken to me.
I wish I had respected you better,
So you could have set me straight.
I wish I hadn't lied to you,
So you would have never had to worry.
I wish I did what you asked,
So you wouldnt have done it on your own.
I wish I had made you happy,
So you wouldnt have been down.
I wish I spoke to you nicer,
So you wouldnt have had to take my negative feedbacks.
I wish I hadnt pushed you away,
So you could have known all my problems.
I wish I told you everything,
So you could have pushed me down the right path.
I wish you had seen your daughters grow up,
So you wouldnt have had to miss anything.
Because now your gone,
Now your not here,
And I cannot stop crying.
I miss you,
I love you,
And I needed you;
But your no longer here.
I am now no longer strong anymore,
Because you were my strength.
And you were the other half of my heart.
But I know now, that your not suffering anymore;
& that your now with God.
Your in a better place now,
And your watching out for all of us.
I love you,
And I've always loved you.
You were the other half of me.
But I know even though I cannot see you,
Your always going to be with me.
And I cannot wait to see you again.
dedicated to my angel in heaven
96 · Aug 2018
Superman
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
I have been walking with my eyes closed for days
I was blind to see what love was about
I didnt wanna learn
I didnt wanna search
I didnt wanna feel
I didnt know how until i was knocked on the ground
I turned away from it all and blocked everything out
I only accepted myself into my life when i was down
My trust issues was for everyone except my mind
I loved my conscience who feared me all the time
I was scared to love, but i loved to be alone
I thought it was normal to be trapped; from being locked inside a room
When i turned around,
I actually turned to change
Into a stranger, i became disturbed & weak
I thought there was no light
I thought there was no escape
I was unsafe
And to be saved, i thought i couldnt be rescued from the prisoner inside my mind
It poured,
It rained
But it was from my eyes
I couldnt deal with the pain inside myself
Loneliness took over my body;
I did whatever the **** i wanted
I was lead to the darkest place
The place that i call my mind
I was scared to let anyone in,
Because i was forced to shut everyone out
And the stranger deep inside, always wanted me to hide
I was in so much danger, that i thought for sure i couldnt be saved
Something hit me
Someone broke me
The light that opened me;
The darkness that left me
My weakness turned to strength when you lifted me from the ground
My tears dried quickly when you wiped them from my eyes
You introduced me to the world because my world was inside my dark self
My negative thoughts disappeared when you whispered in my ears
I was able to breathe again when you made me catch my breath by breathing fresh air into my lungs
And then when my lips were sealed, you unglued them by making yours touch
Your body became strapped to mine;
You were a shield that my worries were forced to hide
You pushed all the darkness out of my way when i was weak
And when i couldnt sleep, you were the one that was in my dreams
When i was drowning in my tears, you helped me swim
I got dried from the air when you breathed all over my skin
My screams were silenced; from every move you made
With my anger gone, you will forever stay
I broke free when you picked up my pieces;
The broken pieces to my heart.
The pieces that were in your hands, had been pushed back in my body
You killed my dark mind
You set me free
You are the one that saved me
96 · Aug 2018
Restored Back To Life
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
When i tried to walk, i fell
When i tried to breathe, i choked
When i tried to speak, i was strangled
When i tried to hear, my ears rang
When i tried to see, my vision went blurry
When i tried to move, i chipped a piece of my body
Stored as an object,
I used myself for punishment
Stored as a toy,
I played with my fears
Stored as a robot,
I was controlled by my mind
Slowly i broke
Quickly i became different
Slowly i was accepting what was hidden deep inside me
Quickly i just had to escape from myself
My mind was strong
My heart was weak
My mind was manipulative
My heart was naive
I learned how to deal
But it was the dangerous way
I learned how to be calm
But it was a risk i had to take
I learned how to ignore
But in a way that noone noticed
I learned the way of evil
I learned a different way to appear
Days to weeks to months to years
Finally i had enough
It took many to convince me
It took one to finally change me
It took myself to break free
I killed the devil within me
Now i see
Now i breathe
Now i speak
Now i hear
Now i move
Now i run
Now i finally see the sun
Now im happy
Now im stable
Now im loving
Now im able
Now im free
Now i dont need help
Now i no longer abuse myself
Im one piece again
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Slowly with a touch,
The bed holds our bodies
Pressing hard against my mouth,
The strength of your lips push me down
Its dark and silent
Its already hot and heated
Our eyes lock,
And im not allowed to speak
As you undress me slowly,
My heart races happily
The excitement rises,
As we promise the night wont end
Wrapped with your hands,
My wrists are locked against the bed
My neck is shocked from your mouth as im gasping for air
******* the life outta me, i accept when you take control
Forcing your body against mine,
Your arms appear like a cage;
Making sure i dont move,
Making sure i dont escape
But i would never try to move in a spot so seductive
Phones silent
Door closed
Tv loud
The floor covered with clothes
As you take away all my worries and fears, my body relaxes
As you take away all my tension, my body becomes so weak
As my body becomes weak,
You become even more stronger
Your strength inside my body suddenly stabilizes me to the point where my arms squeeze you tight
And then i whisper inside your ear what my body wants more of..
An amazing disaster has our hormones going crazy
I feel the pleasure
And the beautiful pain
The bites from our lips to our skin,
The grip from your hands to my body;
Then your hand covers my mouth as your body raises my voice
The scratching from my nails to your back,
And then it gets so intense
There is no such word as stop
95 · Aug 2018
Demons
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Why am i weak when i used to be strong
Why am i depressed when i used to be happy
Why am i scared when i used to be brave
Why the anxiety when i used to me stable
Why the anger when i used to be calm
Why did i forget when i used to remember
Why am i hurting myself when i didnt know what a weapon looked like
& im a puppet on invisible strings
I continue to be pressured into negativity
All my strength has been stolen from me
My body is a trade for a living monster
Im slowly disappearing
When i use violence is when im trying to make them leave
But they know how to fight
When i run, im actually walking
But they know how to slow me down
When i sink, is when im trying to drown my demons
But they know how to swim
95 · Aug 2018
Jesus
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
So innocent
So kind hearted
So giving
So loving
The miracles were like magic
And it was like he was a magician
And so he made it all happen..
Cured
Healed
Raised
Stilled
Opened
Loosened
Restored
Fed­
Cleansed
But they didn't like him
But they didn't believe him
But they didn't respect him
They were the definition of Evil
His wrists were trapped
And so he was arrested
Pulled
Pushed
Forced
His body was naked until they clothed him with nothing but a piece of cloth
Embarrassed
But so focused what the next steps
were about to happen
And then he started to feel the pain
Pointy
Circled
A crown on his head
Not just placed;
But pushed into his tender skin above his angelic face
And then he started to bleed
The pain wasn't over
Whips forced to touch his skin
His back covered with blood
And then he became weak
His weakness was trying to fight back his strength
And then this heavy piece of wood
Bigger then him
Thrown on his shoulder
And then he was forced to walk
Thrown to the ground
Thrown on top of a big letter T that was called a cross
The spikes suddenly pierced him
His hands
His feet
His beautiful skin was torn
The holes forced out red liquid that could never go back into his body
It was done
The pain wouldn't end
And then he was taller then everyone
In the air;
Suddenly he was pierced one last time
A sharp spear was forced through the side of his delicate skin
His body;
Ripped to pieces
And then he bowed his head
And then he closed his eyes
And then his last breath was made
And then his heart pumped one last time
And then he left
His soul was taken
His body was taken
Heavy hearts knew he wasn't coming back
And then it was so bright
They couldn't believe their eyes
Risen
He appeared
An angel had been created
Through eyes
Through ears
Through nose
Through mouth
Through heart
Through body
Through mind
The only person who can save your soul
The only person who will forgive your sins
The only person who has the power
The only person who can set you free
95 · Aug 2018
Done
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Its all coming at me
And i know im not ready
But i still need to accept what i dont deserve
Sometimes i try so hard
But most of the time i just give up
My body finally collapses as my fears drag me down
I dont wanna play this game anymore
Allow me to just accept i lost
I dont wanna get embarrassed anymore
Just allow me to admit it all
I just wanna undo it all
Erase what i have written;
And redo it all
How can i laugh,
If im starting to cry
How can i live,
If im trying to die
If i bleed,
I hope to not stop
If i sleep,
I hope to not wake up
My heart is pounding from all the anxiety
I hope it just stops.
I want my soul to leave me
My questions were never answered
And when i tried to answer myself,
The mirror would always laugh
I was so wrong
I wasnt right
I couldnt speak
But i spoke through the night
Inside my nightmares i would scream;
My dreams were fake
My dreams were never seen
And instead of being on my knees,
I begged on my stomach;
To force myself not to breathe
Make this end
Make it stop
I need air to breathe;
I need a future to see
I cannot chase whats already gone
But when i try to start over, im already done
95 · Jun 2021
Fragile
Caterina Correia Jun 2021
I went from strong to weak; my body broke down
I never functioned after i had fallen
But i fell mentally, not physically
And i broke a thousand pieces within me
I failed myself physically; because i harmed what was already hurt
And i bruised what was already visible
I had shattered what was already broken
And i hid what was already lost
When my body broke, i had lost the strength to continue;
and so when i fell, i had lost the ability walk
When my mind collapsed, everything collapsed, so i became broken into pieces & shattered into slivers
I couldnt put myself back together
Only my mind has the ability to fix me
But it wont
I became lost, and confused
Tired, and abused
I became worthless, and used
Thrown, and reused
I wanted revenge, but i couldnt
I asked my mind to set me free, but it wouldnt
Caterina Correia Jul 2021
I felt like i could breathe again with a kiss on my lips
Till that kiss turned into a makeout session, thats when i couldnt catch my breath
I felt like i could breathe again with your arms around me
Till your hands started wandering, thats when i couldnt catch my breath
I felt like i could breathe again you kissed upon my neck
Till those kisses bruised me with hickies, thats when i couldnt catch my breath
I felt like i couldnt breathe again when we made love
Till the *** was rough & hard, thats when i couldnt catch my breath

I felt your kisses turning into bites
I felt your hands turn into handcuffs that held my wrists tight
I felt your tongue drench my body
I felt my lungs breathing heavy
I felt our sweat drip over the sheets
I felt my chest being sexually squeezed
I felt your hands pull my hair hard
I felt that your body was my guard

You guarded me with every move
Every move was fast
Every move was rough
Every move was hard
I learned how to catch my breath from being under your body
95 · Aug 2018
Whisper**********rated R
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Close the door
And break the lock
Rip apart the sheets
Now lay me down
My ears are open,
And touched from your mouth
Im forced to be silent
Im forced not to be loud
The vocal cords turned down its volume
And to talk, its restricted.
The less we talk
The more we move
The less we stall
The more we get done
The less we think
The more daring we become
A kiss from the lips of a face with seduction
A touch from a body with no shame to wander
Its so silent and dark
Now its unexpected of what im gonna feel
Theres no speaking allowed
But my voice can be loud
Theres no complaining allowed
But we can be rough
Theres no turning back now
But only to turn with a new move
There no stopping now
But we can stop to catch our breath
When a mark is made,
Its when the teeth sink in
When the wrists cant move
Its when the hands are gripping tight
When the breathing is hard
Its when the bodies are strong
When the yelling is loud
Its when the hand covers the mouth
Inside my ear, i hear you
But when i feel you, thats when i can understand
I think its better we dont talk
A whisper from your lips,
Is how we can go on
A whisper from your lips,
Is how you know you can turn me on
Its so hard to talk
But the feeling is unexplainable
The very little sound that comes from the diaphragm,
Is alot to show a satisfaction
Your eyes talk
But your lips move
Your hands move
But your ears dont listen
Your body doesnt listen
So my body accepts
Your actions has me hyperventilating
Your thoughts has me wanting more
& its so much better when its so silent
The sound of our breathing
Is louder than ever
The sound of the bed
Is the noisiest it can ever be
Drowning in sweat,
But i dont want to be rescued
U rescued me from the minute you locked the door
All my worries,
All my fears,
All my anger,
All my tears;
Have all disappeared when you silenced me through actions
I dont ever wanna talk when were in that moment
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Its still a nightmare;
& its still so difficult.
Im trying hard.
Im pushing myself.
Im telling myself,
Everyday that its true.
You're gone,
But never forgotten.
And I still think you're here sometimes.
Im still having a hard time accepting this pain.
It wont leave me.
I cant move on.
I cant trust myself without you here.
You were my strength,
And now Im weak without you.
Im feeling like you're trapped behind every picture I look at of you;
& your just unable to jump through the portraits.
Everytime I stare in the mirror,
I wish I was staring at you.
Everytime I go into your room,
I wish I saw you laying down.
The disappearance of your heartbeat,
Made my heart shatter to pieces.
My dreams of you feel so real.
I just wish I could never wake up.
Because when my eyes are open,
You're gone again.
Everytime I hear your name from others,
My body freezes.
And its everything;
Everything in this house,
Everything that I find,
Reminds me of you.
Puddles are everywhere from my tears.
Every tear,
Falls for everything about you;
Everything that reminds me of you.
Everything that was connected to you.
Is this actually happening?
Am I actually trying to live without you?
I just want you to be the one who wakes me up from this nightmare.
I feel like Ive been sleeping for 2 years,
& you havent come to my rescue yet.
& sometimes I try hard not to think about you,
Because it hurts too much.
& when Im so focused on thinking about you,
Its worse,
As I burst into tears.
I ask the same word everyday;
Everytime,
I think of you;
Why?
Why did this have to happen to you?
Why did you suffer all that pain?
& in the end,
You were taken away from all of us.
I cant do this anymore.
Its killing me inside.
I cant move on anymore,
I wanna hide.
I cant live without you here anymore,
Theres nothing left in life.
Why cant you come back to me?
& if not,
Why couldnt I come with you?
Its just so hard for me to accept this kinda pain;
That cut me so deep.
& Im still in so much shock.
& Im still crying.
& Im still grieving.
Its not going to get easier,
I dont care what anybody says.
I cant accept the fact that you're gone.
Im trying to tell myself,
But I cant.
Im trying to explain it to myself,
But I cant.
& by telling myself this,
Its like a slap in the face everyday.
Everyday becomes harder.
Everyday I become weaker.
Everyday I cry more.
Everyday I react differently.
Everyday I have to wake up having to deal with the truth.
I want you here,
& I cant be strong for this.
I love you.
I miss you.
I need you.
93 · Aug 2018
Cry
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Cry
Unresponsive as i try to think it through
I try to undo this pain, but i cannot erase what has already been left permanent
Nothing has healed
I know, because im still wounded
Nothing was sealed
I know, because i tried every bandage
Nothing was stitched
I know, because i still bleed
Bruises fade
But the scars remain
I bleed through every tear with every pain
Im drenched in my tears
I drown as i weep
I cannot control the emotions that have a hold on me
The movies in my mind never ends
The pictures in my head never changes
The memories in my brain still wanders
My body suddenly weakens as i try to stand up to myself
I try to be the one to stop it all, but i made it worse
The sadness that i express, creates a pounding heart that shakes
The sadness that i express, creates a shaky heart that breaks
The sadness that i express, creates a broken heart so lost
Lost inside the cage of darkness
The darkness holds me without a key
Without a key, im inside a square
The square with mirrors all watching me
I watch myself try to overcome my fears
I watch myself never allowing to stop my tears
93 · Aug 2018
Good Girl Gone Bad
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Innocent baby girl
So sweet; so tender
Heart of gold
Body so delicate
Soul so free
Innocent little girl
Talks so softly
Very shy
Very quiet
Very gentle
Behaves and respects mommy and daddy
Troubled teenaged girl
Confused about life
About everything and everyone around her
Getting out of control
Her temper is taking steps
Learning she was able to yell at mom and dad
Eyes learning how to tear
Her soul starts to peel
Her body starts to pull
Her heart turns grey
She realizes she's trapped;
But doesn't know where
Her conscience introduced her to a razor
Troubled woman
Confused with herself
About life and everything else
Everyone included
Totally out of control
Her temper is making her heart race
Yells & screams at the top of her lungs
Mom and dad just don't know what to do
The tears are making her drown
Its like the devil overpowered her innocence
Her soul is ripped
Her body is stripped
Her heart is black;
With the blood pouring out of her skin
Partying
Drinking
Cutting
Unlimited amounts of ***
Now she knows she's trapped inside her body & soul
Denying the fact she was sick
So sick
So crazy
So unmedicated
Pushing family and friends away
Didn't care
Didn't respect
Didn't regret
Her life,
So ruined
93 · Sep 2021
Feed the Pain
Caterina Correia Sep 2021
I wanted to starve my pain but I didnt know how
Instead of taking it away, I fed it innocently thinking it would leave
The pain ate away at my happiness
I began to hyperventilate
I became angry
I became sad
It showed me my fears that I tried to drown for years
But the pain allowed them swim
I tried to run, but the pain made me slow down by allowing my blood to forced its way through my scars
The scars that i thought were healed, opened up;
Now my body is weak all over again
93 · Aug 2018
Francesco
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
A group in the middle of a word called fun
But then that word only lasted for so long..
Strangers in the darkness
Strangers that noone was able to describe
The twisted minds of the killers
That took away his life
The darkness that blinded the eyes
The silence that blinded the ears
The noises that blinded the voices
When the fun had suddenly disappeared
Up standing to not back down
But then on the ground thats where he was forced to stay
Up standing to defend again
Then again on the ground he lay
Suddenly with force, he accepted all the pain
The hours went by
Then a sudden shock zapped at their lives
Sad faces; just drowning in their tears
They had hoped that it was just a bad nightmare
The reality was real
And it also pierced everyone's hearts
So broken
So empty
No words to express what they feel
The only words they knew was that "this isnt real"
A million questions but starting with the same word
Why him?
Why did this happen?
Why would someone do this?
Why take someones life?
Why did this day come
Just why
Family so strong
Friends so strong
But the tears were stronger to blind the eyes of broken hearts
But then the truth, is that he suffers no more
The pain that was felt, had unlocked a door
The kind soul from his heart
The strong mind of his brain
The gentle touch of his hands
The memories that remain..
And then the door he had unlocked was the stairs in the clouds
A new angel, had made the others scream;
Happy & loud
93 · Aug 2018
Flowers On The Grave
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Beautiful
Colourful
Big
Small
Its a forest of sorrow
Its a forest of pain
But a home of invisibility
And the only closeness to u is above a locked up ground
The fresh flowers are what makes u alive again
And when they die it feels like your leaving
All over again
Does this pain ever gain weakness
The flowers grow so fragile
Does this pain ever go away
The flowers start to break
Does this pain turn to strength
Fresh flowers all over again
To brighten the day
To begin to laugh again
To dry the tears
To release all the anger
The ground is pierced
Do you ever feel our touch
Breaking through the grave
Do you ever feel our bodies
Touching you again
These visits shouldnt be visits
You should have been with us forever
These flowers dont compare to how u were to us
But these flowers are the only gifts that you will ever touch
The pedals from the roses
They fall when i cry
So in a day the rose is gone
My tears will always float by
Lay them down on a bed of grass
Lay them down on a bed of dirt
Lay them up against a stone
U deserve every single colour
Every single size
Ever single kind
And without the colours,
Its just a reminder of sorrow
The flowers fix a broken heart
But its only temporary
At home it will always be colourless without you
93 · Aug 2018
Where Do I Stand Now
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
I chased my dreams but i ended up running from my nightmares
I chased the light but i ended up hiding from the darkness
I chased courage but i ended up losing to my fears
I chased happiness but i ended up crying everyday
I chased peace but i ended up yelling & screaming
I chased the air but i ended up gasping for it to come back
I chased relaxation but i ended up with anxiety
I chased comfort but i ended up bleeding
I chased sober but i ended up drunk
I chased my heart but i ended up running from my mind;
So i should have chased help and now im broken inside
93 · Jan 2021
UNTITLED
Caterina Correia Jan 2021
Thank you for teaching me how to walk;
now i know why you followed me
Thank you for teaching me how to run;
now i know why you chased me
Thank you for teaching me how to scream;
now i know why you scared me
Thank you for teaching me how to cry;
now i know why you tortured me
Thank you for teaching me how to bleed;
now i know why you cut me
Thank you for teaching me how to gasp for air;
Now i know why you gave me anxiety
A mind is a crooked teacher in disguise.
It appears at every episode of struggle
It appears at every episode to make sure you remain weak
It takes away your strengths and feeds you with weakness
It robs you of learning to build a relationship with yourself, so it becomes your enemy
93 · Aug 2018
Glossy Eyes
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
I feel my heart pounding as im forced to hold in what i should release
I just wanna hide when i feel the tears behind my eyes
I cannot breathe when i hold back my fears
My heart opens & wants to spill it all out
But my mind works differently
Im hiding behind darkness and i can't show myself in the light
Each time i want to express,
Is when i wanna cry
I look in the mirror and notice a shine in my eyes
A shine that never left
A shine when i was supposed to cry
I hold back so much, when i should be able to speak
But my mind has my tongue in knots
My mind put a block to my speech
Everything is too late
I know because i tried
Trying to reveal the tension
Trying to change the lies
Everything is too late for me to hold back
The anxiety
The depression
The moods that cant make me relax
Out and about, yes im ok
I wanna cry so bad but i have the anxiety for people to judge
So when im behind a closed door
Im unable to see
Im unable to see because its blurry
Thats when im blind
And thats when i finally cry
Glossy and hidden;
These arent contact lenses..
Its a start
A start to a fear
And then a tear appears when im in front of my mirror
And then i finish drowning behind a door
93 · Aug 2018
I Want You Back
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
There isnt one day that these eyes dont cry
The tears start from memories
The memories are together safe
Locked away in my heart
But i wanted you to stay
I cant undo whats done
So now im feeling it everyday
Im broken
Im lost
And now its the pain that i truly hate
I knew you couldnt stay
But why all the suffering?
It was hard to see your pain, your weakness, and your eyes
It was hard to show the love;
The one that i regret to show
I showed it with all my strength
When you slowly had to go
Everything was just too late
A troubled girl gone blind
I noticed everything at the last minute
When it was out of time
It replays in my head like a movie;
A sad movie
Its a never ending story;
A sad story
Its a never ending nightmare;
My dreams of you here is never going to happen


rip to my angel x0
92 · Aug 2018
Disabled
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
I wanna laugh but i cant even smile
I wanna scream but i cant even speak
I wanna empty my lungs but i cant even breathe
I wanna listen but i cant even hear
I wanna watch but i cant even see
I wanna touch but i cant even feel
I wanna fight but i cant even move
I wanna run but i cant even walk
I wanna get help but i cant even ask
I wanna talk back but i cant even respond
I wanna explain but i cant even think
I wanna lose feeling but im already numb
I wanna lose my my voice but im already mute
I wanna stop my breath but i already have no air
I wanna lose my hearing but im already deaf
I wanna lose my sight but im already blind
Im numb but i feel the pain
Im mute but i scream in silence
I dont breathe and i choke on oxygen
Im deaf but the noises hurt my ears
Im blind but i see the darkness
The pain hurts me silently
The oxygen is fake and it only makes a loud noise in my ears
And im broken in the darkness;
Because i lost by trying to fight my fears
92 · Aug 2018
Unbreathe part 2
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
My eyes are wide open as a stare at the wall
I feel so heavy inside as i try to concentrate on what i feel
The message i try to express is not sinking in my brain
I cannot control whats controlling me
Im choking in silence and i dont know how to breathe
Without no light, the darkness strangles me
I cant see whats around me
All i know is that my heart is slowly dying
My chest is tight,
My anxiety strikes again
My body is dizzy and i cannot control the air
Now i feel the need to fall forever
I continue to choke on oxygen
Nothing is working
Nothing is going to repair me
My head is throbbing from the fears that wander inside me
My bones crack as i move
My veins pop out as i try to breathe one more time
I have no words to release because each letter keeps choking me
I continue to drown in my tears;
That try to wash away all the pain deep inside me
What i say
What i do
What i hear
What i see
When i move
And how i think is when i stop breathing
91 · Aug 2018
Drown my Fears
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
I tried everything & everything to make it disappear
The more i fight, the more i lose
So i just gave up
I never needed help until i found out i was crazy
My inner self was rotten
My inner strength was broken
And my inner soul has died
When i was alive i felt so strong
Now that im slowing down, weakness has come to me
The rain washes my tears, but i started to drown
The door closed on the darkness,
But now im locked inside a cage
My eyes shut out the nightmares,
Now im unable to see
I ran from the terror,
And now i cant breathe
No matter what i do,
It all comes back to find a way to bury me
My back is always turned because im so scared to see what isnt supposed to be there
How do i fight it?
How do i make it disappear?
Replace my anxiety with invisible puffers;
So my fears have no way of breathing into my body
Replace my tears with an invisible dryer;
So my fears will dry up inside
Replace my nightmares with constant dreams;
So my fears will disappear in the night
Replace my body with a new kinda strength;
So my fears will run away and hide
Replace my mind with water
And if i drown myself will it all be over?
91 · Aug 2018
Broken Inside part 2
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
I try to move but i cant find the strength
I cut myself deep and now i bleed the pain out
I cant function and i dont know where to focus
Im reaching out but everything is just so far away
My body is slowly giving up
Everything is moving away
Inside myself i feel it all crack
All i ever had, is now hard to get back
I feel it all disappearing
All the damage is breaking me
My fears are all taking over me
I wanna escape the darkness
But the darkness is inside me
Im actually going nowhere..
Im slowly losing myself
Im being stretched as i try to think
And im being torn as i try to repair my pieces
My muscles are tense
And then they become knotted
My blood is thinning out
And then it escapes
My veins are shot
And then they snap
My bones are weak
And then they shatter
My heart is giving up
And then it breaks
I lost strength
I feel empty
I lost feeling
I feel the dizziness
I lost interest
I feel different
I lost my mind
I feel nothing.
91 · Aug 2018
Wild Rose
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
A scent so strong, but yet so sweet;
The colour that reveals itself, shines happily
It calms
It silences
And then it grows strong
The face so gentle
The head so strong
But then a heart so fragile
Something can go wrong
My hands all *******
Then my body suddenly turned into a shield
Im protecting what im fighting for
Im protecting what isnt real
I turned away
I shut everyone out
I turned into ticks that pierce right through my body
The vicious thorns force me to bleed out every fear
Im struggling inside the garden of mazes
I struggle to untie my knots
My blood flows into the stem
My veins are snapped from the thorns
I learned to defend but now im completely protected
I have built a garden, then i grew what decided to pierce me
I grew a rose that replaced what couldnt be new
I screamed
And then i yelled with different volumes
I wanted to break myself
My pedals are slowly falling
My thorns are growing fast
My body continues to wrap around my space
Im in the middle of trying to let myself go
91 · Aug 2018
Untitled
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
I became numb because i felt every pain
I became deaf because i heard every lie
I became blind because i saw all the darkness
I became mute because i screamed at all my fears
I couldnt breathe because i started to choke
I felt every pain because i wanted to bleed
I heard every lie because i searched for the truth
I saw the darkness because i tried to find the light
I screamed at my fears because i begged them to disappear
I choked because my hands were around my throat
I wanted to bleed so i could feel what relief was
I wanted the truth because i couldnt trust myself
I wanted the light so i woulnt be so scared
I wanted my fears to disappear because i was my own enemy
I wanted my hands to squeeze everything out of me
I bled but im still not at peace
I found the truth but i still cant trust myself
I found the light but im still scared
I got rid of my fears but im still my own enemy
My hands put an end to harm but everything is still growing inside me
90 · Aug 2018
The Hardest Goodbye
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
I wanted to find the proper answers
My questions still remain unanswered
My prayers were left open with no responses
Now my tears drown me forever
I went on my knees everyday questioning if there was another way
To change it all
To fix it all
To heal it all
But the time was small
I didnt know what it actually meant when i had to hide
I didnt know what it actually meant when i felt my soul die
I didnt know what it actually meant when i finally opened my eyes
I didnt know what it actually meant when i realized the truth wasnt a lie
Now it was the time i searched you but i couldnt see
Now it was the time i tried to talk to you but i couldnt speak
Now it was the time to try to hear you but i couldnt hear
Now it was the time to reach out to you but you were forced to disappear
I knew it was that time
That time for me to cry
That time to close your eyes
That time to say goodbye
90 · Aug 2018
Confused
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Its a mixture of emotions
Emotions that wont change
I still wonder why i continued to be insane
Where i stand,
Is the same spot i began with
I cannot erase my footprints if they were always mistakes i didnt change
I wanted to bury my hurts, my scars, and the memories
I wanted to close the doors, the windows, and lights
I wanted to erase the images, the words, and the time
I wanted start over but i strength already died
I didnt know that i was still struggling
I didnt know that i was still weak
I didnt know that i finally lost it all
I didnt know how to speak
I didnt know i still had to fight
I didnt know i was still had to bleed
I didnt know i still had to take pain
I didnt know how to breathe
Some days im fine
But then it all turns on me
I cant see if im blinded by negativity
I cant even breathe if i choke on all the pain
I still think,
And then i worry
I still worry,
And then i get anxiety
I get anxious,
Then i feel the anger
I get angry,
Then i feel the depression
I get depressed,
Then i cry
I feel the tears,
But i dont know why
88 · Nov 2020
UNTITLED
Caterina Correia Nov 2020
Im liking my nightmares
and loving the darkness
Im hating my dreams
and im despising the light
Im liking my fears
and loving the horror
Im hating the happiness
and im despising the excitement
Im liking every sad moment
Im loving every angry episode
Im loving every negative thought,
Because my mind taught me what the brain was told
88 · Aug 2018
Wishes Dont Come True
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
The stars are only there to look pretty,
Not to be our friends
The dreams are only keeping the brain calm
Not to keep us positive
The pennies only make the water *****,
Not to bring us a future
The candles on a cake is an old trick,
Each year was forgotten
11:11 is just a coincidence,
Not for the time to make us believe
Eyelashes just bother us,
Not to be happy if one falls
Wishbones just break easily,
Not to keep us strong
The moon just makes it all dark,
Not for the night to **** our nightmares
But God is still in the sky,
Lets see what happens before we die..
88 · Aug 2018
Monster
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Im scared to obey my enemy
That lurks inside the dark
It haunts me
It finds me
It destroys me
And i dont know how to defend myself
My nightmares attack me
They chase away my dreams
In the night i wake;
Trying to breathe as i gasp for air
I realize im being choked
Makes me scream
Makes me cry
Makes me silent
Makes me lie
Makes me depressed
Makes me angry
Makes me anxious
Makes me harm me
Makes me different
Makes me a danger
Makes me different
Makes me a stranger
What are you so afraid of? They ask
Its just the dark
And then i try to so hard to believe its just the darkness
But if i talk,
If i express;
They will all think im so crazy
I try to undo this fear that im holding onto
This fear that stays,
Will follow me around forever
I dont wanna be here anymore
I try to break through my body with weapons,
Hoping ill be set free
But i only bleed to drown in my own soul
Im inside my own cage,
& threw away the key
Theres no escape now
When will i be set free?
These eyes that go red;
And then begin to tear
These ears that go sensitive;
And then forced to obey
These lungs that begin to collapse;
Then i hyperventilate
These hands that become violent;
Then i begin to bleed
This heart that turns black;
Then finally, it breaks
This thing that wasnt under my bed,
Has shown me it was inside my head
88 · Oct 2021
UNKNOWN*****Rated R
Caterina Correia Oct 2021
My eyes were made to see, but seduction distracted me
My lips were made to speak, but your kiss ignored me
my body was made to reach, but your hands kept wandering

Your eyes were made to ****** me, and not to see
Your lips were made to kiss me, and not to speak
Your ears were made to hear my screams, and not to hear anything else
Your hands were made to touch me, and not touch anything else

The wall was made to hold me up, when you throw me against it
The floor was made to catch my clothes, when you strip them off of me
The bed was made to hold me, when you roughly make love to me
88 · Aug 2018
Down
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Unknown feelings;
Only to explain through silence
And behind closed doors is how i can express everything all at once but noone is allowed to hear
I learned to live with guilt
I learned to live with pain
I learned to live with suffering
I learned to live with my own mental game
I learned to live with sorrow
I learned to live with fear
I learned to live with nightmares
I learned to accept what i see in the mirror
To feel what has been brought to me
My fears are slowly killing me
I can no longer fight for my heart;
As i try to protect myself
There is no more shield over my body
My mind was strong enough to break it and make it disappear
The shield that was for my own protection has broken a connection that is forever lost
Protection from myself;
I was actually not safe
I walked on broken glass
Broken glass that was from my body
And so i walked all over myself;
Just stepping on the innocence that was taken from my soul
The stranger that is here replaced the other person
A stranger once created,
I can no longer take over
Taking over me
Taking over my body
Taking over my soul
Taking over my heart
When the mind takes over completely
Thats when i fail
This is where i pause
This is where i break
This is where i fall
This is where i regret all my mistakes
This is when i realized
This is when i closed my eyes
This is when i heard the lies
This is when i always cry
When all the positivity took over the negativity,
My emotions got crushed,
And then my heart failed to light up
Darkness suddenly took over all the colours leaving black in front of my eyes
I cannot look out a window,
I wont see no light
I cannot look up to a light,
Ill go blind,
Im blind because i made myself
Not to see
I refuse to allow myself to see the good,
If i was so used to the bad
I fake a smile
I fake the laughter
I fake my happiness
Its all a show
So i dont explain
Its all i have to show my pain
Im weak,
Im giving out on myself
I cannot stand to take it anymore
I just wanna drop
On the ground is where i wanna be
Silent forever;
Forever i dont wanna be seen
87 · Aug 2018
Like A Piece Of Glass
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
Ive delt with enough ****,
Because I kept myself standing.
Ive heard all the negativity,
Because I kept my ears unblocked.
Ive witnessed what I didnt wanna see,
Because I held my eyes open.
Ive been verbally abused,
Because I didnt want to defend.
I gave my strength to other people,
Because I saw their pain.
Ive showed happiness,
Because my other emotions were still unborn inside me.
Ive held my tears back,
Because I thought I was brave.
I pretended to be smart,
Because I didnt want to show that I was so confused.
I was so quiet that my problems were  never shared with people,
Because I thought I could have helped myself.
I started to become hyper;
I started to become angry;
I started to become depressed;
I started to become anxious;
I started to become scared;
I started to become miserable,
I started to become forgetful,
I started to become nervous,
I started to change everything into a person I didnt recognize anymore.
And in the mirror I try to find that girl I used to be;
But I know she has disappeared.
..So now I lay like a piece of glass;
Broken & shattered on the floor.
Next page