I felt you on my skin
and you wouldn’t leave till you got what you wanted
You landed on top of me so quietly
I only felt a tickle that made me want something more
You started to make my blood boil,
Then changed my heart rate
My neck was poked from your teeth
till you wrapped your mouth around my skin
You covered every inch of my body; poking different levels of excitement
Anxiety starts in my blood; pacing through my veins
You had me itching for something more
I lay there *******, marked up, & irritated
You left the room, keeping me waiting
The tension is intense because I’ve been anticipating  
Your teeth marked everywhere below my chin
Your mouth made a redness & heated my skin
You finally appeared with a cure to my bites
You forced a pressure on a my body
You forced a puncture to remain inside me
I anticipated the whole day
Now you poked me in a different way

Inside my head im flying
But i fly to an unknown place
A place to cry
A place to mourn
A place for anger
A place to be depressed
A place to be hurt
A place to forget
As i land thats when it all hits me
And i try to push it all away,
But it all seems to be coming closer then ever
I try to reason;
To make a deal
But like always, i never win
Im stuck on this island forever
All around me seems to be unfamiliar
I came to a place to lose myself forever
When the white wings were born,
It was so pure
All the negativity suddenly changed its colour
If i try to pull these things off,
Will i be different;
Will i be how i used to be
So now i tear out these wings,
As i rip open my skin
Now im bleeding,
Now im in pain
But the pain is not within my body
Its in my mind,
Its in my soul
The blood just makes me dizzy as i continue to separate myself from it all
Im in pain because i want to
Now its even more
As i tear it all off,
It grows back for more
Im so stuck
Im stuck like this forever
I thought i accomplished what i needed
I really dont know how to fix it all
Disappear, or just deal with it all
I thought i would escape, but now i made it worse
How can i fly back?
I cant.
How can i start over?
I cant.
I appeared into a world that i created
A world not normal;
To be who i want
But now i wanna go back
Now i regret it all
And as i try to fly, it hurts
As i get up it weakens me
Theres no turning back,
Because i had chosen my path
This colour wont make me change to what im begging for
All alone;
Its cold
Its dark
Its silent
How do i go back home
Right now im so lost
Because the right path has been erased

His lips trap me from speaking, but he allows me to scream
As our tongues make conversation, my hair is automatically locked inside his fist
Then he showers me with his tongue until I beg him to enter
I feel my heart beating hard inside my throat as I try to catch every
breath of the pleasure that I take
Im being moved into different positions every minute
Im being detained after every pleasure
My ears are popped from the ******* of his mouth to my neck
My body is cracking from the way he positions my back
Handcuffs were a bit different this time; they were replaced with his hands
I couldn’t move, but he moved me
I couldn’t breathe, but he made me gasp for air
Those ****** noises turned a quiet house loud
I broke free of my silence, then made him deaf from my screams he brings on
Its so intense I need him to stop
The cramping in my ovaries
and the poking of my ribs
its pleasure & pain when he forcefully gives in
He still has a grip; not only on my hips, but my whole body
He holds me tight, making sure our skin stays attached
My walls inside are scratched and bleeding with pleasure  
My ****** is bruised and scarred with ******
I gave up on trying to catch my breath
I only wanted to suffocate sexually even more
Those bedsheets make it even harder to breathe under while he’s taking control

I can feel an anxiety thats coming through with force
My body is shaking
My body is trembling and then im numb
I feel a gentle flow running down my face from my eyes
My face is shining
My face feels wet
Now my face shines, but not with happiness
Im sparkling now with brokenness
I wiped away everything that ran down my face
I was glowing
I was sparkling
I couldnt get these tears off my face anymore
I was angry
I was anxious
I couldnt stop these tears from coming through my eyes
I was depressed
I was hurt
I couldnt stop these feelings tearing my heart out of my chest
I wanna run, but where will i hide
I wanna speak, but what will i say
I wanna fall, but whos going to catch me
I wanna sleep, but will i wake up
I keep wiping my face
They are just sparkles
I keep counting each sparkle
Each one has its meaning
I keep releasing them on my face
And my face always shines
I cannot control whats coming through my broken heart & eyes

When i used to say goodnight,
I saw you in the morning
When i used to say im leaving,
I came back while you were there
When i used to call you on the phone,
Your voice would always be on the other side
When i used to go out,
You would stay up until i got home
When i went to bed,
I would wake up to see you still sleeping
When i used to smell your cooking,
You would always make enough for an army
When i used to say goodbye to you,
I said hello when i came home

I cant hear your goodnights anymore
I cant hear your goodmornings anymore
I cant talk to you on the phone anymore
I cant see you sleeping anymore
I cant smell your cooking anymore
I cant hear your hellos anymore
because i never thought i would ever be forced to say goodbye..

With your every strength, you made me weak
The kinda weakness i wanted in the sheets
I felt you before you actually touched me
I wanted you before you actually grabbed me
Your eyes pierced me, so i went blind
The kinda blind that shut my mind,
It was replaced what i saw in our world
Your mouth bit me, so i went numb
The kinda numb that stopped all my pain, but i regained wanted pain from you and that made me go insane
My buttons became loose
My pants became unzipped
I couldnt move, until you had me stripped
I lost all my weakness as soon as you kissed me
I lost all my strength the minute you ******
me

I created a dance floor that only you can step into
I created a party that is only for two people
Close that booth & enter a stage full of experiences
A stage that soon becomes our movie to be played into a reflection
I hired you as my personal dj
Cover this floor with our clothes;
there are no rules
Strip me on top of your turn table
so that my vocal chords begin to fill the room
Turn the lights off to only connect that disco ball
that shines around my wrists
Now use my body as a microphone;
place those lips all over me
The beat is hard; let’s keep playing music
Allow that smoke to flow on the windows; on the mirrors;
its our breath
Place your hands below my waist & dj me till I start to shake
This club is on all night;
I’m staying open late
Turn my body on
Turn our volume loud
Your glow stick handles the rest
So dance inside me
Your ears are the speakers; make me scream loud

Pick me up like Im a box;
And carry me to a place meant for you to be alone
All this ribbon that binds me, are my chains that will free me
The paper that covers me is taped closed to hide an image
My body is a box
My string is the ribbon
My clothes is the paper
So throw me;
Im the present underneath your sheets thats green like a tree
****** me;
Now you’re ready to unwrap me

Your last of being healthy, then I made myself sick
Your last creation, then I created a mess
Your last gift, then I stopped wrapping
Your last movie night, then I stopped watching
Your last communication, then I went distant from the world
Your last strength, then I went weak
Your last drive, then I crashed
Your last holiday, then I stopped celebrating
Your last laugh, then I couldnt smile
Your last hug, then I went numb
Your last meal, then I couldnt eat
Your last word, then I couldnt speak
Your last blink, then I couldnt see
Your last breath, then I couldnt breathe
Your last heartbeat, then my heart started to bleed

I met a liquid
Then i met my other side
This is a story
When i made myself sink
This is a story
When my only hobby was to drink
I was too sober to focus
And when i was intoxicated,
I was aware
But aware to harm
Aware not to care
I peer pressured myself to change
And brainwashed my heart to bleed
The pain;
The darkness.
I never saw the light until the bright liquid opened my eyes
I fell in love
My first love ever
I just knew i didnt need anyone else;
Anything else
I didnt mind the taste, or burn
Because i never felt a thing
As it traveled down my throat,
It cured my screams
As it traveled through my lungs
I was able to breathe
As it traveled through my veins,
All the pain was gone
But as it stayed within my body,
Thats when i lost control
I didnt care
I didnt think
I wanted more
This was an obsession
I became a danger to myself and other people
I didnt care
I didnt think
I wanted to feel all my pain disappear
And so i wanted to be taken advantage of
Drank to make all my pain go away
Drank to forget
Drank to bleed
Drank myself to sleep
And i loved a bottle more then i loved anyone else

I saw all the colours fade
They faded into grey
They faded into black
And then i saw beautiful flowers trying to replace a beautiful soul
And nothing can replace another broken soul
I watched every second
I cried every second
I wished every second for the weakness to be gone
I often wondered why, but God gave me no answer
I often asked multiple questions, but
God ignored every single one of them
Nothing was cured
Not even my heart
Nothing was done
Not even a miracle
The prayers that got delivered, are still locked up in my brain
But then i often thought about what could have been prevented if the devil hadnt stepped in
Her days were getting short,
And i saw a bed being made up above
I dreamt of a queen but i never knew who
Until the day came
Until there was nothing left to do
Why take such an innocent soul
Why take such a beautiful face
Why rob the family of happiness
Why make such a terrible mistake
A sleeping beauty that never woke up,
Everything was done
And left us in shock
There was a new place to hold her
To place her body
To keep her
From his hands to her wings
They gained an angel
But we lost a queen

*dedicated to my mother i miss and love u so much

Replaced my head with a stone;
Because Ive knocked myself out several times.
Replaced my bones with sticks & twigs;
Because Ive gained weakness.
Replaced my face with fire;
Because I kept trying to burn the mask.
Replaced my hair with water;
Because I kept drowning in my tears.
Replaced my arm with blades;
Because I kept hurting myself.
Replaced my feet with thorns;
Because I kept piercing my balance.
Replaced my hands with weights;
Because I kept falling.
Replaced my blood with alcohol;
Because I drank to forget.
Replaced my heart with glass;
Because I broke it in a million pieces.
Replaced myself with a stranger;
Because my old spirit has given up.

Isnt life supposed to be happy
Arent memories supposed to fade
Arent nightmares supposed to disappear
Isnt the devil supposed to run away
Arent bruises supposed to leave
Arent bones supposed to seal
Isnt blood supposed to dry
Arent cuts supposed to heal
I faint inside my body when it shows that my appearance is strong
Outside my body i show the strength that i wish i have when im alone
Uncontrollable feelings on top of these scars that never faded
I have to accept the bruises that come and go when my mind is weakened
I tried to end it all with a memory i tried to change
But then the nightmare came back and the devil reached out again
I was bruised and it comes back
My bones broke and the pain still attacks
The blood that pours out my strength makes me dizzy and then i drop
The cuts remain open forever because i didnt know how to make it stop
Isnt time supposed to heal
Because the wounds are still not gone
My body weakened itself from fear
I cannot get over whats done

My scent is a way of forcing you to bring yourself into my world
Theres a path you should follow from beginning to end
A path that leads the way to the bed
Come through the trees,
the ones I grew
I wanted privacy
I wanted coverage
But for you i want to be ****
Close the gates as you walk through
Begin your journey by picking my flowers that you helped bloom
Ignore the dirt
I threw away all the negativity
Just plant a new seed in my throat that appears deep
Strip all my leaves and throw them to the ground
Sting these lips like a bee
Make me bleed
Make my heart see
Tickle my skin like a spider until you find my cave
**** my neck like a leech to make my strength misbehave
My garden had a missing link
I saw you, and thought of a snake
Your fangs grew & sunk into my skin
Your muscles squeezed my neck & you wanted to come in
You finally found the forbidden fruit
on my final tree
Keep me still & slither your way through me
Now it pours but not from the sky
You made my body rain from deep inside

This is what I choose
So dont make me change my mind
This is how I want to live
So dont pressure me to move away from memories
Dont question me
I dont reveal,
So then you cant comment
Dont talk behind my back
I have ways of finding out
I know you look at my face
I know you watch how I act
I know you hear things
I know you try to help
I know you want to know everything
Everyone needs to stop
Everyone needs to relax
Everyone needs to step back
Everyone needs to mind their own business
Everyone needs to stop asking
Everyone needs to shut the **** up
Dont be surprised
Because you will never see me the same again
Dont be shocked
Because this is how Ive changed
Dont make things worse
Because I will get worse
Dont pretend you know everything
Because you havent spoken to me
Dont try to change my life
Because nothing good will come out of it
Allow me to do my own things
Allow me to make my mistakes
Allow me to be alone
Allow me to figure things out
Dont try to force out the depression within me
Dont try to force out the anger within me
Dont try to force out the quietness within me
Dont try to force out the stress within me
Dont try to force out the stranger within me
Dont try to replace the depression with happiness
Dont try to replace the anger with relaxation
Dont try to replace the quietness with noise
Dont try to replace the stress with ease
Dont try to replace the stranger with who I used to be;
Because you will never see my old spirit again.
Listen to my voice.
Listen to my tone.
Listen to ME.
Ive had it;
And I dont want to repeat myself anymore.
Everyone;
& everything is making **** so much worse.
& I just want to be left alone.
Im not ready to talk
Im not ready to decide
Im not ready to communicate
Im not ready to move on
Stay away from my problems
Stay away from what I do
Stay away from what you heard
Stay away from who Ive become
Everyone just understand;
I dont wanna hear it anymore.
Everyone just understand;
I dont wanna fight anymore.
Everyone just understand;
I dont wanna hear **** behind my back anymore.
Everyone just understand;
I dont wanna be pressured anymore
Everyone just understand;
I dont wanna repeat myself anymore.
Everyone understand;
Leave me the **** alone.

You saw the impatience of my body,
waiting for you to make your move
I saw your hands ready to rip me out of my clothes; and cover me with your skin

You finally appeared on my neck, suffocating me while my skin was in between your teeth
I saw my breath leave my body, then felt my scream squeeze through my lungs
It was only the beginning, and you already left me marked up
I saw your tongue act like a magnet; stuck to my skin
Dragging yourself lower,
You found your way below my waist
Your hands became handcuffs; ready to see me squirm

My lower lips were burning from all that pleasure your mouth gave
and your tongue vibrated more heat inside my body
Your fingers thrusting hard, you wanted to see how hot i was inside
I couldn’t wait anymore
I wanted your other thermometer to come in and hide
I felt the burning on my skin and in my body
You left me to grab a remedy to beat the heat
Then suddenly I felt a cold sensation
You shocked my body with a piece of ice
You wanted me to go insane;
I wanted more of your pleasure you bring
I couldn’t handle the thrill
My legs kept shaking; you couldn’t keep me still
You melted the ice all over me
I was drenched with your saliva & ice
I continued to scream
The blood flow turned my face a different colour
while you felt that fire inside of me
I finally strapped you down to my body with my legs wrapped around you
making sure you fix every leak inside me
Until I pour

My heart kept racing
My fast breathing dried my throat, tongue and mouth as I felt a sensation take over my body
I began to shake, holding onto your skin with my nails
I gripped your body, pulling you closer to make sure you don’t stop
I love having my lower lips choke you, as you give me that big release

A flower bloomed so nice
Full of life
Full of colour
The stem was strong and so were the pedals
Opening the clothing to show its glow
But then every flower dies at one point in life
My legs gave out and then i wilted over
My colour had gone brown
My skin had marks as it tore
My bones became so brittle
My insides became so dehydrated
Then my heart grew so weak
My air was the wind; just breathing so hard
My lungs couldnt handle it anymore so i just hyperventilated
I felt all my pieces to my body shake
It was like i was being blown around;
And then the dizziness started
A trail of pedals had marked up the floor
The pedals attached, were the parts that i will have to search for
I took my pedals off one by one
And they came off so easily because i was weak
My pieces broke off fast
I ripped them off so angrily
And then they all just fell to the ground
I tried to water myself with my tears but it was too late
I cannot grow anymore
I cannot replant what already died
I cannot change how my body didnt survive

Force myself to reach it;
I just need to push up the blade while my tears run down my face.
Like Im in a rush,
Im craving it badly.
My heart pumps faster,
& I hyperventilate.
My anxiety is what suddenly strikes as Im on the floor, crying; freaking.
My strength suddenly turns to weakness as I finally pierce myself.
The racing thoughts slowly die down.
Its like I need air, so I finally stepped outside.
Im finally calm as my nerves recover.
Pleasured by dizziness.
Pleasured by relaxation.
& to see that Im bleeding;
I know its working;
And my mind tells me not to stop;
So im unable to stop.

The hands on the clock are in control
The type of control that can last for hours
Every second counts
Every minute is never wasted
And every hour theres alot to do
Every second is when I lose track of the kisses, thats being placed on me
Every minute is when Im impatient to have my soul stripped from being naked
Every hour I want more
I gather my thoughts just like you gather yours
The numbers that mean the hours,
are things we plan behind closed doors
The hands to the clock is your arms that hold me down
The clock is my body, controlled by your hands
I dont wanna stop the time

When i woke up, i got knocked out
When i got up, i got knocked down
When i rolled over, i got kicked
When i moved, i got trapped
When i opened my eyes, the light was too bright
When i dimmed the lights, the darkness arrived
When the darkness arrived, my mind was alive
When my mind was alive, thats when i started to cry
I wanted nothing
I had everything
I needed everything
But everything was nothing
I enjoyed the black walls that were forced to make me happy
I enjoyed the darkness that trained me to hate and hurt me
I enjoyed the drama that was a tornado in my life
I enjoyed those times when i picked up a knife
Negative energy that i had created
Everything that i ever thought about;
I just couldnt understand why there were no colours
I just couldnt understand why i had to suffer
I would be angry
I would cry
I would be violent
I would have thoughts to die
What if i ran
What if i hid
What if i disappeared
What if i didnt want to live
The anxiety;
I was always worried
The fear;
I was always scared
The yelling;
I was always angry
The depression;
The tears were always there
I questioned myself everyday
At night i wasnt allowed to answer
In my dreams i wished for no more
In my nightmares i was forced to lock my door
I just wasnt allowed to breathe
I just wasnt allowed to see
I just wasnt allowed to hear
I just wasnt allowed to speak
I couldnt breathe, because i was choking in my sleep
I couldnt see, because i was blinded from the light
I couldnt hear, because i was yelling with fear
I couldnt speak, because in the darkness i had noone to talk to
Noone but myself
Exactly- noone

I met a friend who appeared to be fake
I met a friend who i wanted to break
Taught me how to live, but made me go crazy
Taught me how to be happy, but made me cry
Taught me how to love, but made me hate
Taught me how to heal, but made me bleed
Taught me how to breathe, but gave me anxiety
Taught me how to relax, but made me
angry
Taught me how be strong, but made me weak

I lived in fear, thats why i went crazy
I was happy, because crying too much drowned me
I love, because pain was the only partner i had
I healed from the cuts & scars that were purposely done to my body
I breathed in so much toxic that harmed me
I was relaxed after i used negative paths to help me
I was strong to feed my weakness

I met a friend, that friend was me.
I was the one that destroyed my body, my soul and my sanity..

The roses revealed such a wild scent;
It made us relax,
Before we got excited.
& it was so quiet.
Our hands did all the talking in silence.
Our clothes ended up ****** our souls.
Our minds just forced our bodies on eachother.
It was just too easy to give in.
The air was like piercing thorns,
That allowed us to bleed sweat upon eachother.
The walls were yelling down to the floor.
The floor was yelling up to the bed,
To take us in.
The bed finally answered after watching our eyes,
Stare with strong excitement.
Teasing our bodies.
Teasing our minds.
The bed was calling to get blessed.
The bed had the jaws of a shark,
Waiting to pull us in.
My body was suddenly carried;
His arms were forced to touch me.
And then I was saved;
As the bed catches my body,
As Im thrown down.
I felt the air from his mouth to my ear.
His whispers were no secrets.
His responses left me no choice;
Theres no turning back.
My whispers were answering back to him;
I gave my body to him.
Ripped from our bodies,
Our clothes were tossed on the floor from eachothers hands.
Our skin was finally revealed through the air.
& it became so hot.
The walls cracked.
The floor broke.
The bed got beaten.
It must have been a sin,
Because it felt so good.
It must have been wrong,
Because we couldnt stop.
Your starvation for my body,
I fed you.
My dehydration for your body,
You quenched my thirst.
All the tension,
All the weakness,
All the strength,
All the energy,
Was released onto the bed.
& it was drenched with sweat.
& it was ***** with our bodies.
& it was beaten with our hands.
& it was completed with pleasure.
The strength within you.
Showed me what you were about.
The strength within me,
Showed you what I was about.
The energy between us,
Stripped the room with great pleasure of ****** activity.
The innocence of the bed has been finally broken with guilt.
& the sheets were brutally shattered.
It was so dark.
But so light to see what had happened.

I can zone out for hours and pretend that im ok
Until im shaken, im frozen
Until im moved, im still
Until im screamed at, my worries remain
I still think of those cuts made from a razer and a knife
I still think of those times when i wanted fight
I cannot forget those times i loved being alone
I cannot forget those times i loved my door closed
Privacy wasnt spoken about; i gave noone a choice
I shut the blinds before a stranger
I closed the window in front of my friends
I slammed my door on loved ones
And i welcomed my enemy that brainwashed my head
When i screamed, i harmed my voice
When i cried, i harmed my eyes
When i hyperventilated, i harmed my lungs
But when my thoughts didnt make sense, my brain was fine
Not understanding what hurt me but i remember how it ruined me
I was fragile when my strength was taken
Then my power was only inside my head
I remember who i hurt
I forgot who i was
I remember who i ignored
I forgot the person that i lost
I only knew fears, loneliness and bleeding pain
Deep down i tried to find a shield, a perfect stranger, and a bandaid

This day was too quick
Too quick for my tears to finish
"Lets go see your mother,"
He said to me
I wasnt stupid
Pretended i was fine, my quiet voice responded "ok"
I knew this was the last day
I knew this was the last night
My heart beating,
I was afraid.
My blood boiling,
I was nervous.
Alive, there she was
But so broken
So fragile
So fair
And then i saw her weakness
There was so little time
A blank page i had to write,
There were no words to express the feeling within me
I kissed her softly
She who was only able to see
She who had limited amounts of breathing
She who was unable to speak
My voice entered her
What do you say to a dying heart?
What do you say to a damaged soul?
What do you do when you have to ****** strength or miracle to give?
I just wanted to feel her pain
Because my pain was too little
Her suffering forced our eyes to stay open;
Wishing God would change his plan
Doctor arrived;
So what does this mean?
And then suddenly everyone but me was in another room
I just forced myself in
And the news that i got shocked me
And the news that i got tortured me
And the news that i got already killed me to be partnered with her soul
But i needed to be prepared to be strong;
Especially for my poor sisters
There was no time for tears
Time was running out
I stayed by her side
Forced to watch her suffer with pain;
It hurt so bad when she was trying to explain just one word
Breathing;
She wasnt breathing normally
I couldnt take it anymore
I knew what was going to happen
But i didnt know when
Stupid me,
I had ran out the door;
Screaming
Crying
Becoming crazy
I just wanted to be alone
Stupid me,
I missed her last goodbye
Her last breath was watched by others and not me
I missed my beautiful angel's breath leave her body
I didnt ****** stay by her side
The time should have been frozen
And i regret it all !
And then those hurtful words from nonno into the telephone;
Telling loved ones,
"Shes GONE"

A kiss can turn into something dangerous if its in the dark
A tongue is like an instructor, showing me how I need to start
You tear off my clothes, then grasp my hips
I rip off your shirt, then I made your jeans up-zip
Your lips met my body, marking up my skin
Your tongue showered me, then found its way in
Losing grip in my hands, but my legs choked you
I felt weak when I couldn’t stop you
The intensity made me squirm; I couldn’t breathe
Finally I felt your whole body on top of me
I was strapped to the bed, waiting for that
moment where I cant hold on
That moment you constantly use your lips, body, & tongue
You showed me something new in the mirror
You made me focus when you whispered your plan in my ear
When you start, I tell you not to stop
I knew how to yell, but you make me scream when you hit the spot
You made me feel that pleasure, and rolled my eyes back
Felt myself drowsy, dizzy, and relaxed

Under the sea
On top of the sand
Between the waves
The king's daughter
Ruby red;
Her hair long and wavy
Amethyst purple;
Her chest is protected with plastic sea shells
Emerald green;
Her fins are strong
Shes wild
Shes free
Shes fun
Shes full of energy
Shes determined
She moves
She sings
She escapes when shes supposed to stay
And then a prince;
Takes her breath away
Wanting to take his hand,
She kills him with the eyes of crystals
Unexplainable love writes itself a book
Her heart is pounding
His heart is melting
The wind forces their bodies to reveal themselves to eachother
The waves move her into his space
At last they meet
She has no fear
The king is ignored
Love come first
He comes first
Noone else had the strength to take her heart
The anger in his voice
The power from his trident
The king had so much rage
And she tried to fight it
A wicked silhouette;
Willing to help a helpless mermaid
A transformation was forced
An evil fish was at her attention
And the human appeared
Her fins were locked up
Her voice was taken away
And the only way to love,
Was to finally walk
No recognition,
The prince didnt know
Her strength was taken
Her voice was taken
Her fins,
Disappeared
She only wanted to walk
But also wanted to talk
And she had to make a trade
Into a shell,
Her voice was stolen
That wicked fish used it to steal another thing
His love moved on
His love grew strong
Wrong body
Wrong soul
Wrong heart
Poor ariel
The tears made a new ocean
With all her breath;
Now shes swimming to a ceremony that should have been hers
He was ready
Into pieces,
The shell had escaped from an evil soul
Into her body,
The voice was back into the mermaid's soul
Into his eyes,
He saw what beauty was
The love grew
It grew upon everyone
In the end the prince was accepted
The king had bowed his head
The evil was gone
The magic, finally dead
Fins again
Voice again
Alive again
In love once again

Sometimes a cut hurts your body more than a bruise; it actually brings on that past we werent allowed to choose
Sometimes the past hurts your body more than physical pain; it actually brings on that migraine that wont go away
Sometimes a migraine hurts your body more than a pain in your gut; it actually brings on that blood from a cut
A cut is deeper than how it starts;
Its the past, the present, and turns into a scar

She craved what she didnt deserve;
Her eyes killed a strength that turned into weakness
It was when she was told that there was beauty greater than her;
She then revealed all her secrets to a mirror who voices the truth
That singing voice hurt her ears
That beautiful face burned her eyes
A jealous soul had a plan to ruin a strong heart of gold
A potion; waited to be made
A poison; waited to be poured
A ***; waited to be heated
An apple; waiting to be boiled
And then a disguise; all in black
Her crown came off, and her cape fell off her back
She turned old & wrinkly
Grey & her voice was squeaky
A basket full of apples were finally carried out to be noticed
Black hair
Fair skin
Red lips
The princess let her in
One conversation
One bite
On the floor
The queen finally shut her eyes

Face to face i spoke
Face to face i smiled
Face to face i shared all my secrets
Face to face i whispered
Face to face we slept
Face to face i trusted
When i spoke, i screamed;
I tried to fun from my fears
When i smiled, i pretended i was ok;
I cried behind closed doors and watched myself break
When i shared the secrets, i was actually sharing what to do;
I forced myself to harm; forced my mind to hurt my heart and bleed through my cuts
When i whispered, i was actually hyperventilating;
My anxiety striked me when i couldnt take no more
When i slept, i was experiencing nightmares
What happen to the dreams i once had?
I thought i knew, but i actually didnt
The person deep within was a stranger after all
Turned their back
Shut me out
Turned their face
Locked me out
Closed the lights;
And silenced me
Opened the door;
Pushed me out
Everything has turned and now im so confused
Living with the enemy is not easy
Sleeping with the enemy still chokes me
Looking at the enemy still makes me cry
Fighting the enemy, and then always losing
Being the enemy is basically my nightmare
Mind and heart separated
Heart and mind will never be reunited
So when i trusted, it was so wrong;
Yes it was so wrong to trust myself
I thought i knew who i was

Pain eventually turns into numbness
Tears eventually make a pool
Anxiety suddenly freezes your lungs
That bleeding heart finally turns heavy, then breaks into a million pieces;
So then you become so weak
Weakness over strength,
The pain was too much to handle
And so it numbs every single memory,
Every single nightmare,
Every single fear
Every single worry
Every single emotion;
Then engraves the biggest memory in the mind;
A memory that wont be forgotten
That pain that went numb, suddenly hurts all over again
It was so numb, to feel it all over again

She doesnt even care who watches her
She doesnt even care who talks about her
She doesnt even care how she disrespects herself
She cares for pleasure
Cares to meet guys
Cares to be seen
She uses it to get away
She uses it to distract her mind
She uses it to relax her nerves
Not sober,
But not an alcoholic,
A sexoholic.
So shes drunk with pleasure.
And she knows people talk
And she knows people disagree
And she knows people laugh
And she knows people watch
And she knows people are disappointed
And she knows people cant mind their business
And she knows other girls are *******
Everyday, a different guy who calls.
Everyday, a different number she saves.
Everyday, a different car shows up.
Shes too out of control
Shes too confused to realize
Shes too focused on one thing
Shes too distracted to worry about all the problems
Because she chooses to be the way they see her as
She choses the way she acts
She choses the way she dresses
She choses the way she moves
She choses the way she thinks
She choses the way she talks
She choses the number of guys
She choses to be a ******

He allowed his hands to wander all over my body;
Unzipping every zipper, and unbuttoning every button
The cloth that was on my skin came off
as his lips replaced what covered me
His tongue drew new clothes all over me
The excitement was real; I lost my breath
I was covered with saliva sweat
I heard my heart beating faster;
when his head got lower
Then he suddenly stopped
My heart also stopped;
He purposely made me wait
First he wanted to secure my arms,
and then my legs
I felt my wrists get shackled
I felt my ankles get shackled
He came closer
His lips pierced me harder
Then he made the handcuffs tighter
I felt that moment I was waiting for
His body, his energy
His strength; him ******* me
I couldn’t move;
thats how he wanted me
Made sure I wouldn’t move
Made sure he can hear me scream

The candles open a tunnel for us to see each others naked bodies
As you guide me through the curtain, I felt your hands all over me
The hot water sprays but i felt a cold sensation on the wall as you pushed me against it
Your kisses warmed me up even more than the water that flows onto us
The faucet doesnt cover me anymore; and instead its your body that layers me
Then the marks on my neck became dark bruises that made my blood flow faster
Your tongue continued to slide down my body, and my breathing became heavy
And then when we were ready,
you locked my hair into your fist, as you grip my hip really tight
As we slip into a deep seduction, we both are drenched
Drenched, not only from water; but from deep within our bodies
I try to find something to hold onto as you became rough
Then your body became my stabilizer as I began to shake

Riding inside sorrowful wheels
Our minds were so lost
Still to this day i continue to cry,
And i saw no colours but black
Because she made the colours bright
Now she doesnt drive anymore
But shes inside a car
Unable to move
Unable to speak
Unable to breathe
And we were forced to ride behind her
Blind to see the roads,
I wanted to turn back time
When is this pain going to end,
It should have never began
Alone,
Unbreathing,
Layed down to rest,
Its forever
Slowly we move,
Faster our hearts beat
Around in a circle,
I couldnt live through it
Then i made it;
But blinded;
Crying, and broken
The waving of their hands had me confused and locked up inside
Now this is the end
This is how we made her say goodbye
The hurst is what held her
Closed, and hidden inside
Arrived at the forest
With silent bodies around
Now its her turn to leave;
We had to say goodbyes above ground
She who was buried,
I felt like i was too.
Half my heart was gone
Half my heart was taken
Half my heart was shattered;
Broken
Forever gone
Half my heart was buried with her soul
So today i still cry
The black car that i see
As soon as it appears
Im unable to set myself free
The black car that i see,
It happens all the time
Everytime i see a funeral,
That day is in my mind
Like a light switch that turns on;
My anxiety turns on.
Im hyperventilating;
I cannot breathe.
The terrible memory i had to see,
This vehicle triggered a tragedy
Today i see the black car
The hurst that i hate
Today i think back when i had to witness her body escape

I allowed myself to leave
I left without a sound
I shut the door and locked it
I turned everything upside down
Grieve;
I continue to have sorrow
Thoughts;
I continue to be dangerous
Silence;
I continue to hide
Weakness;
I continue to fight
Memories;
I continue to think
Pain;
I continue to experience my hurts
I wanna wash it all away
I wanna move it all away
I wanna let it all out
I wanna let myself go
If i wash away my wounds will it burn?
If i wash away my thoughts will my memories erase?
If i wash my fears away will my nightmares continue?
If i wash everything with my tears will it all disappear?
If i drown myself in my tears will all the pain go away?..

Its slow but will be fast
Im beginning to feel weak inside myself
I feel like im tearing apart
And so the blades have appeared inside my life once again
Undoing my strength,
I have no more courage
Im so afraid to step ahead,
When im being forced to stay behind
Memories fade,
But the ones that stay, hurts
Im being tortured
And im bleeding until i faint
Fears haunt,
But the ones that really hurt;
Make me cry until i drown
Moods have grown
But the ones that ruin me,
Are the ones that are dangerous to me and everyone else
My breathing is changing on me
And when i hyperventilate;
It continues till i fall to the ground
Piece by piece im failing
One piece at a time
Piece by piece im disappearing
Each piece is my body and mind
Its stripping me
Its tormenting me
Is this ever going to end
Its scaring me
Its hurting me
Each piece is going to bend
One piece at a time,
Each time is a negative outcome
One piece at a time,
Each time its coming off of me
Im slowly disappearing
These pieces from my body are tearing easily
And im in no control
Im slowly vanishing
These pieces one at a time;
And this time is speeding up
Soon ill be gone
Soon ill be forgotten
One piece to scream
One piece to cry
One piece to have anger
One piece to hyperventilate
One piece is my eye;
I cannot see
One piece is my nose;
I cannot breathe
One piece is my mouth;
I cannot speak
One piece is my ears;
I cannot hear
2 pieces of my arms;
I cannot reach
2 pieces of my legs;
I cannot run away
3 pieces of my mind, body, and soul
Now my pieces are scattered on the floor
Like an impossible puzzle,
I cannot put myself back together again

I replaced my happiness with tears,
Fallen out of my body as the memories never fade
I replaced my peace with hyperventilation,
Bringing my fears closer from worry
I replaced my door with a lock,
Closing myself inside these walls
I replaced my reflection with a shattered mirror,
I broke myself completely
I replaced my dreams with nightmares,
I fear what im seeing
I replaced the light with darkness,
I dont know where im going
I replaced my words with silence,
I just dont want to explain the truth
I replaced my stability with imbalance,
Im not allowed to choose who i wanna be
I replaced my skin with blades,
Bleeding from the inside out
I replaced my strength with weakness,
I ****** the life right out of my system

Knowing eachother's likes
Our gifts is a way to surprise
Together watching movies
We use that time to just embrace
When we shut off the lights,
And light a candle
We breathe air into one another's body like we breathe in the smell from the light
The light that shines, goes through us as we stare into eachother's eyes
Our hands always held without letting go
We would be lost without eachother if our love ever broke
A kiss is so soft, so tender, so meaningful with excitement
The hug is a shield; blocking the wind, keeping in warmth, and used as a protection
A bed that holds us
And our strength that bonds us;
Its passionate and sweet,
When our clothes come off easily
Kisses are passionate
Hugs are so strong
Our love is so true and it is where it belongs
Its not about giving gifts
Its about giving ourselves to eachother
Its not about spending money
Its about spending time with your lover
Its not only a hug, its a reach for a wanted touch
Its not only making out, its a passionate kiss for our hearts to beat as one
Its not about make up, shaving or dressing up,
Its not only ***, its about making love
This day has meaning
It means alot
But this day never dies
Everyday is about love


*dedicated to my amazing husband Danny
Valentines never existed in my world before i met u
love u so much

I wait for a feeling that takes away the pain
I wait for a feeling that takes away the shame
I wait for a feeling to replace all the anger
I wait for a feeling to make the moods better
I wait for a feeling to feel no more anxiety
I wait for a feeling to feel less uneasy
I wait for a feeling to scare away my fears
I wait for a feeling that will prevent all my tears
I wait for a feeling that will heal my wounds
I wait for a feeling that will cover up the bruise
I wait for a feeling to erase the images that will last
I wait for a feeling to hopefully forget the past
And until i wait,
I wont ever know
And im so numb,
From the emotions that wont go

I was blind,
And it showed me the dark
I was deaf,
And it made me hear all the lies
I couldnt breathe,
And it made me hyperventilate
I couldnt speak,
And it made me scream with fear
I couldnt move,
But it made me fall
I couldnt feel,
But it made me feel pain
I couldnt face with myself,
But it made me answer to my enemy
When i saw the dark,
It made me change
When i heard all the lies,
It made me believe
When I hyperventilated,
It made me lose control
When i screamed,
It made me go crazy
When i fell,
It made me trap myself
When i felt the pain,
It made me hurt myself more
When i answered to my enemy,
I forgot who i was
When i trapped myself,
It broke the lock
When i hurt myself,
It gave me more weapons
When i forgot who i was,
It brainwashed me completely
When the lock was broken,
It made sure i was stuck forever
When i had more weapons,
I was always bleeding the problems away
When i was brainwashed,
I was no longer in control
When i was stuck
When i was bleeding
When i wasnt in control
When i went down the wrong path
Im ruined forever
Unsaved;
And now i suffer

My throat is clogged
And then my chest is tight
My hands are numb
And then my fingers tingle
My ears are ringing
And then my eardrums close
My eyes are tired
And then my eyeballs burn
My mouth is open
And then my tongue is dry
Im hyperventilating
And then i feel to faint
My body is exhausted from no sleep
Dehydrated without liquids
Weak without food
And this appetite that disappears only comes when im forced to swallow the anxiety; as i try to run away from it
Im shaky
I feel my legs are going to give out
I thought i got stronger
But my mind only made me weaker
And now i have to learn how to function all over again
My heart is beating so fast
I can hear it inside my ears
When my blood is boiling, my temperature rises
Im drenched in the sweat that got me choking on my own air
Through my lungs, i feel like everything has been blocked
It unblocks only when i open my mouth to hyperventilate
But then i swallow my own fears

A tunnel thats ready to move,
Im inside a dark place
I feel the tension inside my body and im preparing not to breathe
I feel the squeeze that covers my lungs
The liquid that escapes, makes a puddle of blood
My throat doesnt cooperate when i try to swallow
I choke on the past
And i hyperventilate on all the shadows
The air that i try to catch only makes me dizzy
My heart races
And my body gets heavy
Everything is getting smaller as i get weaker
My bones arent strong as my body gets tighter
Im falling over as my skin rips apart
I shattered the pieces to my heart
The tunnel is my body and its closing in on me

I close my eyes and see the past
Im taken away into the pain once again
It strikes me one more time
So my fears have returned and unlocked my door
Undoing my progress,
Its ruining my strength
Undoing my happiness,
Its ruining my moods
Undoing my past,
Its bringing me back
Walking then suddenly stopped,
Its blocking my path to move
Now it created a maze for me figure out and get hurt
Running then suddenly pushed,
On the floor now i cannot move
Forced to stay down in chains;
Now the mind is ready to work
A movie in front of me is placed
For me to cry through it all
Now its a never ending story,
Now im watching myself fail
Its pushing me to where i started
To remember and repeat my mistakes
Its pushing me to when i was weak
Now my strength is remembering where it died
Its pushing me to when i didnt listen
Now im ignoring my heart again
Its pushing me to when i was drug-free
To when my mind was always in control
Its pushing me to repeat
For my body to give in one more time
The maze is over but everything looks the same
Now im back where i started;
Im in the dark once again

I held on to what feared me for too long
Now i wanna leave; i wanna let go
My strength was taken and is still locked away
My weakness became weaker and im still searching a way to run and break free
I had enough of what tortured me;
My mind that overpowered me
I had enough of the pain that ruined me;
My soul that slowly finished me
I wanted no more abusing;
Myself that was always bleeding
I drowned and it wasnt from water
My tears were bringing me down
I ran but i wasnt being chased
My heart was racing from the worry
I choked and it wasnt from eating
My hands wrapped around my own throat
I stopped breathing and i dont have asthma
I hyperventilated from no control
I bled and it wasnt an accident
I was an owner of a razor
How do i undo this
How can i redo this
I searched for the key for years;
To unlock what i locked up that hid all my fears
All the pain
And all the wounds
All the scars
And all the bruises
All the fears
And all the nightmares
All the worry
And all the panic
All anger
And all the sadness
All the memories
And all the suffering
All the closure
And all the darkness
It needs to end

I had fallen when i was small, and my scrapes were too small for me to even care
I healed and continued my days with not knowing how to cry
I fell a second time but it wasnt like any other
It wasnt the wind who pushed me
It was the force of my mind that was guiding me
I failed when i was supposed to pass
I gave up when i was supposed to succeed
I noticed i had some fears
My anxious tears, and alot of nightmares
I fell on top of a trap
The knife was sharp, and i stabbed my own back
I wanted to be weak
But at the same time i was fighting to be strong
I found out how it really felt to get hurt
I found out how it really felt to fall
Collapsed; i couldnt get up
As i pushed the mirror, i ended up on the floor
Shattered; i was broken
My bones gave up when i wanted to continue
I became friends with my enemy
I played with danger to satisfy me
As i walked into a hidden string, it tangled around my neck so i couldnt breathe
I hyperventilated when i wanted to bleed
I got anxious but i didnt wanna leave
Everytime i got up, i was pushed right back down
I never learned;
My new bed was the ground
I tripped over my own mistakes, then i broken my bones over my anger
I pushed myself ontop of the weapons, then i tore my skin over depression
I fell down my own dark path, then i shattered my body over my mind

The noise of thunder starts as i have an outburst
Then the blinking lights of lightning strikes at my body; and so the rain pours when i cry
The storm hides my behaviour
I like the rain;
It hides all my tears
I like the thunder;
It hides my anger
I like the lighting;
It hides my scars
I stand under the clouds that was pulled from my mind
I  voiced the thunder that my ears had to find
I walk through the lightning that was made with a knife
I run through the rain that was made from my eyes

She had a throbbing sensation in her finger that looked bruised
A throbbing in which her blood boiled through her veins to attack her stability
She needed relief from a bubble of pain;
She needed to feel all normal again
Finally a light pulled her through a
door
A pathway was made to guide her through the walls of the castle floors
The approach was like a treasure, she hasnt seen
A sharp object she can use to stop the throbbing on her skin
A voice of evil whispered in her ear
Touch the spindle was a command she was forced to hear
Like a magnet, her finger couldnt release,
A ***** to her body, put a force in her knees
Fell to the floor
Fell unconscious
Fell into a deep sleep
Fell so sudden
A sleep-like death was the queen’s intention
A crave for a princess for her to be weakened

Putting my brain to work,
I think it all out.
This mood has been going on for such a long time.
So much anxiety all at once.
So much anger all at once.
Slowly,
I just want to get all this buildup out,
Thats stuck inside of me.
I need to be free.
The sounds of music,
The sad songs are played.
Its minor,
To loosen everything up.
The silence within me;
My mind throws everything in my face,
So I can be reminded of all the pain.
The clear glass of alcohol,
I drink it all away.
The sharp razor of the knife,
I bleed it all away.
My eyes meet the photos of the past;
I continue to stare deep inside the portraits of happiness.
The mirror pulls me to have a conversation.
Im hypnotized without a sound to have eye contact,
With the stranger on the wall.
My mind;
I have no control.
My body;
Im being forced.
My soul;
I make myself invisible.
Trapped;
My mind is forcing me to put my life on hold.
Trapped;
My body takes the beatings.
Trapped;
My soul disappears from it all.
All at once,
Im trapped.
My tears break the silence.

I thought it was over but my heart is still racing
I hear the pounding in my ears
I feel the breathing suffocating me
The numbness broke off all my circulation within my body
I cant hold on to what was already lost
My dreams have crashed
And my fears are still standing
My nerves are about to snap because im shaking
I feel like the darkness wont allow me to reach the the light
I close my eyes to make it darker and then i cry
I think then i get worried
I see then i get scared
I hear then i get startled
I feel then i get hurt
I thought i would never fall, but i did
My dizziness got the best of me; now i lay on the floor
I fell; not from being pushed
Not from tripping
Not from being off balance
..only from my mind within me
My heart shakes the floor
My lungs move the air
My thoughts play on a tv
I fear what isnt there..

Eyes wide open,
My eyes never tire out.
It suddenly startles me,
when the light goes down.
Unable to shut my eyes,
Unable to fall asleep.
Unable to finally wear off,
Unable to be in peace.
Im just in disturbia when the night approaches;
Insomnia when I try to sleep.
Silence is getting noisy;
The darkness is what scares me.
My nightmares haunt me all night;
My body just jerks with fear.
My nerves are just shot;
Everything is just so unclear.
Im just so overtired;
That I dont even feel exhausted.
Im just so out of it;
My sleep habits are forever melted.
Im so woken up from the darkness;
& so restless from being up.
Im so sick & tired of trying to overcome my fears;
I just feel so locked up.
& everytime I try to close my eyes;
My body jerks reminding me not to pass out;
& every night Im losing sleep;
But I can never turn the lights out.
& its just insomnia keeping my eyes busy on a lookout;
& its just all in my head;
But Ill never get over the fear;
No matter how much I shout.
So Im awake when my alarm starts;
Im awake all night long.
To suffer with patience for the day to come;
Because when I try to fight my fear,
Im just not that strong.