Mistakes were made, but never learned
My head was fuming, but it was my heart that got burned
My ears werent working, only towards my friends
My mouth kept talking, till it was the end
I saw what was happening with my eyes shut
My lungs were collapsed but i was able to scream
My bones were broken while the only thing that was strong was my heart
So much in shock, I thought i was dying, with no pain
Thought it was a nightmare but it was actually the truth
I was in complete darkness and the only light that i remembered was from the cop
I felt the cold air on my skin in the sky
And then my memory forwarded to when i felt so disabled
I woke up from the nightmare but i wasnt free
It was the middle of the nightmare
I was still trapped, then i questioned myself; why
I just felt like a broken doll; stitched and hoping i wont fall apart again
I couldnt talk
I was trying to express
And then a i learned that a pen was my voice;
But then my strength wasnt there
I tried but i failed; the paper was blank
I was just too weak to make the pen kiss its partner
I was so angry i couldnt speak
The tube blocked my every sound;
It was a time to remember to be in school again;
Raising my hand for attention when i was forced to be silent
When i finally breathed on my own, i felt my heart racing.
I just didnt know what was happening until they told me i will breathe slower
I didnt like this feeling, felt like i was hyperventilating
I still couldnt speak; i had to learn how to control it once again
My lungs were still weak
I wasnt alive until they came;
My family opened my eyes.
Then when i was alone, it all started again
And when the cast came off,
I saw the wounds that I purposely made before i crashed
I was already bleeding;
I remembered what else i have done to myself
And then i answered myself why
I knew exactly the reason why
Then my body appeared in another building of new faces
But my mind was at home
When will i be home? i questioned them everyday
Each answer changed
The frustrations i had,
The anger inside,
And the tears i had to hide
It was just so hard to believe i was in a chair with wheels
It was just so hard to believe i broke my own bones
It was so hard to believe i had to learn to walk again
It was even harder to believe that i heard what actually happened
A place to recover
A place to gain strength
But a place that made me forget how to smile
Full of anger
Full of bitterness
Full of hate
I just sat and wrote all my poems with a dark heart
When it was time to gain strength, i already succeeded
Not with the helpers
Not with the blind lady who helped me,
But my mind broke through it all
And then i got so annoyed;
That i was the one carrying the wheelchair
I knew i was ready
Even with the arm that failed me, it actually helped me
Even with the hip that failed me, it actually helped me
But then what made me fail forever was my mind that made me go wrong
I continued to stare at my cuts
And i still continue to stare at my scars
The guilt, the foolishness, the regret;
My every regret has a place on each of my tears
I cannot get these images out of my head
These flashbacks have made me gone crazy
The night that left me broken;
Im still broken with invisible stitches

I forced the tears out to be spoiled
A little girl everyone was used to
It was only a fuss
It was only water with salt
And then i brought on a thousand headaches
Whining
Screaming
Yelling
I knew how to make mom and dad crazy
I didnt know;
I just knew how to get my way
Older;
A little distant now
The tears were made out of selfishness
Things became thrown
Doors were slamming
My way, or no way;
I knew how to yell
I knew how to scream
I knew how to silence everyone until i came home
The tears came out for nothing
A little weaker now
My eyes;
Wide open
I introduced a weapon
Now i learned how to really cry for something
Broken thoughts became tinier
And then the cuts turned into scars
I needed an escape
Sorrow had replaced happiness now
Not when i was a baby
Not when i was a little girl
Memories remain
Pictures remain
And my tears drown me with pain
I felt so alone
But i loved being alone
And then suddenly i knew what alone really meant;
So then i understood what crying was really about
I broken heart,
A broken soul
A dead heart,
A dead soul
A goodbye forever
A hello to my fears
As i wake from my nightmares,
I cannot see
My eyes are shut tight
And then i became scared to open up to see
I couldnt breathe
Drenched with sweat, i was going crazy
And then i felt the tears again
Now im out of control; i bleed
The harm i force on myself,
I just want myself to leave
As i release such hateful tears,
The mirror i stare into shatters my body and makes me broken
I learned how to bleed;
I learned another way to cry
The fears have taken over now
My mind became my enemy now
The past that was broken never got repaired
Now is when I memorized what crying is
As i close my eyes i think of what i have done, what i lost, and what i continue to do
Hyperventilation,
Anxiety,
Depression,
Moodswings,
Self-mutila­tion
The tears from my childhood didnt make me understand;
It made be spoiled and silenced
Now i understand,
Now i learned
I learned how to cry the hard way
For pain
For loss
For scars
For the past
For harm
For memories
For the blood i lost when i couldnt cry anymore

Emptiness pulled through my wounds
I bled everything i had out of my body
Inside, my bones are moving;
They wanna pull me down
I should just knock myself down
My heart is so weak
Because my mind took all the strength
Now im shaky;
As i walk, i feel like im gonna fall
And im already bleeding as i walk on broken glass
Glass that had been together; the glass that was me
Then i suddenly shattered when i couldnt take it anymore
The tears i release, i can only drown
Its enough to make me stop breathing
I cannot breathe when im gasping for air
I cannot find an opening
I tried so many times to escape;
I tried to escape my mind
But i will always be a prisoner; a danger to myself
This is forever
The bed holds my back is i choke up all my fears
I cant roll over,
I cant get up,
I cant undo my weakness to feel free
I feel like there are straps going across my chest; i cannot breathe
Im being held down
The person whos doing it is me
Theres pressure on top of my lungs; i continue not to breathe
Its heavy;
My body is so weak
My mind is so strong to put all its strength on top of me
My heart is being squished,
Now all my blood is escaping from its home
My face is being pushed down, i cannot see
I suddenly became blind and met the darkness;
Then left everything behind
An invisible strap,
Im underneath
I cant break free,
I cannot remember how to move
I cannot remember how to breathe
Im frozen, i cant get up
My temperature dropped
And my bones got covered in ice
A brain freeze i had,
But the then my mind burned and meted it away
Burning with anger, everything turned black
As i lay here,
Im still blind
Im hyperventilating and nothing can help me now
I lay here confused
I lay here in silence
I lay here angry
I lay here in tears
I squeeze my wrists
I twist & turn
I kick & scream
I punch & yell
I choke because of not breathing
Not breathing,
Hyperventilating
I cannot control what im feeling
But what would you do if something is holding you down?
And the only thing that can move,
Is the air & blood within my body

I chewed up my dreams
I choked on my fears
I swallowed my enemy
Now i shoot out tears
There is no air passing through my nose
No air passing through my mouth
No air passing through my throat
No air passing through my lungs
Everytime i breathe it hurts
It hurts to take a breath
It just feels like knives stabbing me
And a hand squeezing my chest
I feel like im a cave,
Closing in on myself
My walls are crushing me
Theres no room for me to yell
Its dark, i cannot see
I cant see where i am
Im claustrophobic inside
I cant find a spot to clear my head
My chest is heavy
My heart is broken
My body is shaky
My skin is wounded
My lungs got crushed
My bones are shattered
My veins had popped
My body is a disaster
I cant breathe
I have forgotten how to breathe
I stopped caring to breathe when i tried to stop myself from continuing
I cant breathe
Im trying to breathe
I started to open my lungs
I just wanna be un-weak
I can breathe now
But my breathing is a mess
Im breathing fast now
Im hyperventilating in distress
I still cannot breathe

I chased my dreams but i ended up running from my nightmares
I chased the light but i ended up hiding from the darkness
I chased courage but i ended up losing to my fears
I chased happiness but i ended up crying everyday
I chased peace but i ended up yelling & screaming
I chased the air but i ended up gasping for it to come back
I chased relaxation but i ended up with anxiety
I chased comfort but i ended up bleeding
I chased sober but i ended up drunk
I chased my heart but i ended up running from my mind;
So i should have chased help and now im broken inside

Never will i talk again
Never will i search again
Never will i trust again
Until i fight myself all over agin
I tried but i couldnt continue
I cried but i couldnt stop
I lied but i couldnt forgive
And as i look in the mirror, im so disgusted
I was betrayed,
I was left behind
I was chasing myself
I was looking for myself
But i just couldnt find myself
I created dark thoughts, and then i became angry
I ran out, and then i wanted to hide
I sat down and then i cried
I closed my eyes, and then i didnt care
I drank, and then i bled
I had open wounds, and then i was dizzy
I fell, then i couldnt get up
I couldnt move, so then i gave up
I just didnt wanna try anymore
Everything i did, went wrong
Everything i touched, needed a repair
Everything i lost, had disappeared
Everything i dreamed, will never come true
Everything i wished, was a waste of time
Everything went wrong with my mistakes
Everything needed a repair because my anger broke it all
Everything disappeared because i pushed it all away
The dreams that wont move, because they had fallen into a permanent sleep
Everything was a waste of time, because it all just wasnt right;
I cant trust myself again

This is where i got struck
Through my body i pierced myself with negativity
This is where i lay
Unable to get up;
Unable to find the strength
This is where i lost my mind;
It was just so easy to turn the other side
This is where i always cried;
Tragic losses and my place to run & hide
This is where i lost my breath;
Trapped within the hypertension anxiety
This is where i dreamt the nightmares;
Choking in the night and the fear i wish left behind
This is where i became frozen
The past moved closer to me and caused my mind to be still
This is where my mistakes were made
I moved before i thought and then in the end i felt the pain
This is where i hurt
Dangerous actions when i taught myself how to bleed the right way
This is where i was intoxicated
Erasing my memories;
And the past that haunts me
This is where i gave up
I lost it all;
Until i began again
This is where i stand
Im finally up but the pieces still remain

A long way with so many fears
Every day with a million tears
Still not over it
Still havent fought it
And its eating me up inside
When the air turns cold thats when i get to breathe
Thats the only way my air allows me to see
My heart is getting weak from the strength that got away
My head is getting tired from all these that run around in my mind
I shut my eyes and i get scared
When day turns to night
My dreams turn to nightmares
But all i can be is silent
I feel like im choking
Feels like im gasping for air
I cannot remember how to breathe
I cannot remember to hear or how to continue to see
Im so numb
How did i go numb?
I lost all feeling and this is the worst
The physical pain is gone, but its forever hurting me inside
Im bleeding from the inside out and i dont know how it will stop
As i try to hide these scars,
New ones open slowly as i look away
The beginning it was easy
It was all i had to be innocent for
In the middle i was stuck
It was all i had to be scared for
In the end it was never solved
It was all to be hated for
What happen to the time that the pieces were together?
And then i broke that promise
My body broke forever
I broke all the promises to myself;
To be who i had to and not who i wanted to
I just couldn't follow the rules
I turned my back on my heart and allowed my mind to take over
I didnt care,
I couldnt care at all
Lost
Confused
Everything was so blurry
I lay there almost lifeless
I couldnt continue a smile
I couldnt make a laughter happen
I cannot remember all those times i had to change
All i can remember is how i became this way
All the thoughts
All the fears
And all the good memories have disappeared
The colours on me
They turned away from it all
I can only see black shadows that disappear when i go near my own body
I faded myself away

Take my fears and wash them all away
Take my heart and glue it back together
Touch my skin and repair my scars
Tape my pieces that have fallen apart
Untwist my mind from the twisted thoughts
Keep the memories because i dont want them anymore
Rewind the past and erase it all at once
Remake the future that is yet to come
Breathe into my lungs that the air has escaped
Slow down my heart when i hyperventilate
Dry the tears that fall from these eyes
Defeat the one that always makes me cry
Uncover my eyes to see the truth
Unplug my ears to hear the lies
Break my hands from the chains i put on
Find myself before its gone
Find the happiness that once was lost
Fight the anger that lives inside me
Change the sadness that depression was made
**** out all my guilt & hate

One last time im gonna repeat myself
One last time ill try to explain the truth
I cannot control it
I can only fight it
Even though i may end up bruised
A thousand times i tried to heal myself
And in the end i made it worse
A thousand times i tried to ignore myself
A thousand times i ended up hurt
I begged myself to change
I begged myself to accept
I begged myself to be calm
I begged myself to forget
The pieces that had fallen
They were from my body
The pieces i picked up
They just continued to hurt me
I cried to see if the tears would wash away all the pain
But it only made me drown;
It never made my fears go away
I made myself bleed to see if i would gain a conclusion;
But it only made it worse,
It made me gain an addiction
The nightmares that i had,
I hoped it would all be over
Then i was wrong;
It was a way for me to get weaker
I used violence, i threw things around,
I slammed the doors,
I fell to the ground
I ran outta breath;
With the anxiety attacks
I thought it was only one time,
But it always came back
The mind kept changing,
I thought it was normal
Until i was told that i had to be under control
I look through the darkness and there will never be light
I try to figure out how im going to fight
I look around the room to see if the weapons are still around
But its so hard to stop wanting what brought me to the ground
I look at the door;
The one i always shut behind
I can no longer open it until my habits get left behind
I look in the mirror and i dont like what i see
I will always see a stranger staring at me

I cannot breathe
I cannot move
And im frozen in shock
Im in shock from the pain
Theres a path i was forced to take
Now the path is broken but i still made the mistake
It broke when i started
Now im near the end
I cannot go back
I cannot start again
I always felt like giving up
I was always close
Close enough to scare people
The feeling of finally breathing;
But hyperventilated to the floor
When i was struck,
When i was down,
The tears drowned me as they burned my wounds
My opened wounds, i couldnt leave
I just kept them covered and thought this was so normal
I just shut everyone out
And the only person i was allowed to listen to was myself
Then it all became worse
I couldnt break free
I was trapped in my own head, into my own body
I finally got the hang of it;
Knowing who to listen to and knowing who to ignore
I forced to choose all the wrongs
When i was supposed to learn all the rights
I was my own bad influence
But i wanted this;
I needed this
I was so convinced that i was fine on my own
In the end i begged not to be alone with myself
Each night i cried
Each night i struggled
Each night i just couldnt sleep
I was my own nightmare that i wanted to wake up from
But it never stopped
I just wanted it to stop
Behind closed doors i wanted to scream
But when the door was open,
I would just be silenced
People questioned
People wondered
People were so concerned
And i just ran away from the advices that i ignored
I tried to listen but the i suddenly couldnt here
I went deaf;
It wanted me deaf
And then i was so lost
It was so hard
So hard to allow my voice to travel
And it was like i always wanted to get myself in trouble
As i stared into the mirror, i watched me with hate
I knew i had an enemy
I knew it would always stay
I watched myself cry
But i didnt feel the same
I watched myself fight
But i never won
I watched myself be alone
But i never wanted anyone
I watched myself turn
And i never went back
I watched myself break
And the pieces were never found

Im silenced from my mind
And im forced not to talk
I dont know what im thinking
I dont know what im supposed to do
My head is spinning so i fall
I fall and cant get up
Im so weak from being too strong
All my strength has disappeared
No more thoughts
No more voice
No more expressing how i really feel
I feel so trapped
When i try to think, my head starts to hurt
When i try to speak, my mouth becomes dry
When i try to see, my eyes get watery
When i try to listen, my ears start to ache
When i try to move, i become numb
I tried everything
I gained weakness when i lost all my strength
And when i try to exercise my mind, i hyperventilate and collapse
I have no more words because i wasted all my energy to show what i feel
My stories never got across
And when it did, i never cared to cure whats been hurting me
Unresponsive;
I force myself to be silent
If i talk, im screaming
If if i scream, im crying
If i cry, i hyperventilate
When i cant breathe, i just fall to the floor
I dont have the strength to pick myself back up
And when my legs are shaky, its so hard to walk the path i once got lost in
I have no more memory,
Of what i need to remember
And when i wanna forget,
It all comes shooting inside my head
I can never win
Because i always lose
It kills to learn how to think again
I wanna try to start over again
Im willing to try again
But i think that my mind wants it all to end
I try to wake up but dreams got lost
I try to forget but there is no block
I wanna remember but everything is on pause
I try to come back but my mind has no response

All around me is unknown
Nothing looks familiar
Nothing looks alive
And i dont see the mirrors that shows me into different paths
All i see is the one dark road that im forced to take
I walk through my fears,
Not knowing whats next
I have been through enough
I already failed the test
I dont wanna continue
I dont wanna fall
I dont wanna remember
I just want to forget it all
I stand frozen;
I cannot move
I stand still;
I cannot walk
I stand alone;
Im so lost
When will this nightmare be over
Finally i walk, im starting to move through this place
But as i walk, i wish i had turned back
The black roses pull me in
Their thorns pierce me as i start to bleed
This is where i lose all my weakness
The trees keep pushing me forward
And im being dragged by the bushes
Im so trapped; i just wanna leave this terror
Im hungry for strength, not the poison berries
Now i cannot breathe as i take in the dangerous fruit
My air is leaking,
My lungs are collapsing
As i try to cut it all out;
Its rebelling to come out of my system
Am i having a nightmare?
Or is this true?
Im hallucinating and cannot tell the difference;
Im so confused
There was never any sun
Inside this place, the sky is only the moon that it all comes out and fears me
The shadows of the monsters got me screaming for help
But deep inside the monsters are deep within myself

My heart beats fast & slow at the same time,
But i will never feel any emotion
I run & walk away at the same time,
But my fears will always be there
I dream & have nightmares at the same time,
But i will always be scared
Im distant & close at the same time,
But i will always be far
I laugh & cry at the same time,
But the depression will always be there
I talk & scream at the same time,
But the anger will not disappear
My eyes are open & closed at the same time,
But these images will never move
I feel & get numb at the same time,
But i will always be in pain
I ignore & listen at the same time,
But i wont ever give any answers
I hate & love at the same time,
But i will always remember
Im calm & nervous at the same time,
But my nerves will always b shot
I hyperventilate & breathe normal at the same time,
But i will always have anxiety
I remember & forget at the same time,
But my mind will always be blank
Its dark & light at the same time,
But i will always see one side
I respect & disrespect myself at the same time,
But i will always harm
Im normal & not normal at the same time,
But i will always be insane

Unknown feelings;
Only to explain through silence
And behind closed doors is how i can express everything all at once but noone is allowed to hear
I learned to live with guilt
I learned to live with pain
I learned to live with suffering
I learned to live with my own mental game
I learned to live with sorrow
I learned to live with fear
I learned to live with nightmares
I learned to accept what i see in the mirror
To feel what has been brought to me
My fears are slowly killing me
I can no longer fight for my heart;
As i try to protect myself
There is no more shield over my body
My mind was strong enough to break it and make it disappear
The shield that was for my own protection has broken a connection that is forever lost
Protection from myself;
I was actually not safe
I walked on broken glass
Broken glass that was from my body
And so i walked all over myself;
Just stepping on the innocence that was taken from my soul
The stranger that is here replaced the other person
A stranger once created,
I can no longer take over
Taking over me
Taking over my body
Taking over my soul
Taking over my heart
When the mind takes over completely
Thats when i fail
This is where i pause
This is where i break
This is where i fall
This is where i regret all my mistakes
This is when i realized
This is when i closed my eyes
This is when i heard the lies
This is when i always cry
When all the positivity took over the negativity,
My emotions got crushed,
And then my heart failed to light up
Darkness suddenly took over all the colours leaving black in front of my eyes
I cannot look out a window,
I wont see no light
I cannot look up to a light,
Ill go blind,
Im blind because i made myself
Not to see
I refuse to allow myself to see the good,
If i was so used to the bad
I fake a smile
I fake the laughter
I fake my happiness
Its all a show
So i dont explain
Its all i have to show my pain
Im weak,
Im giving out on myself
I cannot stand to take it anymore
I just wanna drop
On the ground is where i wanna be
Silent forever;
Forever i dont wanna be seen

Slowly with a touch,
The bed holds our bodies
Pressing hard against my mouth,
The strength of your lips push me down
Its dark and silent
Its already hot and heated
Our eyes lock,
And im not allowed to speak
As you undress me slowly,
My heart races happily
The excitement rises,
As we promise the night wont end
Wrapped with your hands,
My wrists are locked against the bed
My neck is shocked from your mouth as im gasping for air
******* the life outta me, i accept when you take control
Forcing your body against mine,
Your arms appear like a cage;
Making sure i dont move,
Making sure i dont escape
But i would never try to move in a spot so seductive
Phones silent
Door closed
Tv loud
The floor covered with clothes
As you take away all my worries and fears, my body relaxes
As you take away all my tension, my body becomes so weak
As my body becomes weak,
You become even more stronger
Your strength inside my body suddenly stabilizes me to the point where my arms squeeze you tight
And then i whisper inside your ear what my body wants more of..
An amazing disaster has our hormones going crazy
I feel the pleasure
And the beautiful pain
The bites from our lips to our skin,
The grip from your hands to my body;
Then your hand covers my mouth as your body raises my voice
The scratching from my nails to your back,
And then it gets so intense
There is no such word as stop

Its getting in my way
Its ruining me
It screws with me inside
The poison is slowly killing me
I forgot the stranger is my mind
Never felt so trapped
I just wanna keep screaming
But as i scream im laughing at myself
Because only i can save me
I cannot give in
My mind wont let me
Only im tamed from a drug that fights deep inside me
My heart is attacked
Im struggling to breathe
Its all starting again
Its all coming back again
I just wanna be free
Im trying to hide
But where ?
Im trying to run
But where?
The path i chose was dark
Im still trying to find the end
Its so hard to follow
I cannot escape my mind
Im still fighting
Im still struggling
When will this end?
My body is getting too used to being controlled
Now i dont know what else to try
Off and on my switch never fails
My heart is beating so fast
As my lungs pump so hard
The air is cold
Im struggling to breathe
My thoughts are still dark
My thoughts make me scream
Its so dark,
Even in the day
Its so dark,
Im begging the light to stay
And im so tempted to touch the weapon
The one that made me bleed
Im so tempted to feel the air again
The air that made me dizzy
The violence has started again
My strength is all from anger
My tears are starting to drown me again
I can no longer control my nightmares
Once again im scared of my fears
My fears are of my mind
Once again the mirror shows that im still not able to fight

If only my nightmares werent real
And i could have slept in peace
If only my breathing were normal
And i didnt have all this anxiety
If only my moods were stable
And that my tears would never escape
If only my anger wasnt bad and that i made myself filled with hate
If only i didnt ignore the people that i needed most
If only i wasnt distant and that i disappeared like a ghost
If only i had listened to the ones that i loved
If only i was smarter with the disaster that ive caused
If only the sorrow hadnt appeared into my life
If only i used my brain when i wanted to pick up a knife
If only i was able to help myself without so much force
If only i didnt hurt myself behind all the closed doors
If only i hadnt taken out all my anger onto family
If only i understood of why i became so crazy
If only things were different
If only things had changed
If only things didnt happen
If only things had been erased

I broke myself and got shattered;
To see where the pieces would land
As i kept my eyes opened,
I eventually went blind to everything
I couldnt stop the force,
From my mind to my hands
I hated everything & everyone
I just wanted to disappear
I couldnt control what i felt
But I controlled what i wanted to be
It wasnt right;
Its still not right
My mind still has a hold on me
Im still inside the cage that i once built inside my nightmares
Im still in between walls that i built with my eyes closed
I couldnt break the cage
I couldnt tear down the walls
But i could only put up mirrors to always see myself fall
And when i fell, i broke my bones
I broke the bones that made me run
Now i cannot even run away from my fears
I cannot run away from whats been undone
Struggling to breathe
Thats when i start choke
My hands try to uncover invisible ropes that cut off the air between my throat
Each thought,
I think of doing
Each fear,
I hope of disappearing
Each action
I try to fight
Each tear
That i cry every night
The pieces that got bent were struggling to stay together
The pieces that broke were all the positive ones
The pieces that got shattered were the ones that i kept dreaming
The pieces that fell down were the ones who were weak
The pieces that i found;
It was too late to put them back together;
And so inside these pieces were mirrors,
I saw myself completely broken

Face to face i spoke
Face to face i smiled
Face to face i shared all my secrets
Face to face i whispered
Face to face we slept
Face to face i trusted
When i spoke, i screamed;
I tried to fun from my fears
When i smiled, i pretended i was ok;
I cried behind closed doors and watched myself break
When i shared the secrets, i was actually sharing what to do;
I forced myself to harm; forced my mind to hurt my heart and bleed through my cuts
When i whispered, i was actually hyperventilating;
My anxiety striked me when i couldnt take no more
When i slept, i was experiencing nightmares
What happen to the dreams i once had?
I thought i knew, but i actually didnt
The person deep within was a stranger after all
Turned their back
Shut me out
Turned their face
Locked me out
Closed the lights;
And silenced me
Opened the door;
Pushed me out
Everything has turned and now im so confused
Living with the enemy is not easy
Sleeping with the enemy still chokes me
Looking at the enemy still makes me cry
Fighting the enemy, and then always losing
Being the enemy is basically my nightmare
Mind and heart separated
Heart and mind will never be reunited
So when i trusted, it was so wrong;
Yes it was so wrong to trust myself
I thought i knew who i was

Its just a hidden name
But it means the same
In try to change it
But i feel the same
I try to re name it
But it looks the same
I cant undo whats done
All the colours that were mine,
Has disappeared away from my mind
Im experiencing a deep, dark shadow
And my image is escaping;
I wanna run & hide
Im drowning
And only myself can save my mind
My tears are whats making me unbreathe
As i try to gasp for air, i feel my lungs being crushed some more
The razor hides because i abused it
Now i smash a mirror to remake it
And im walking with my eyes closed
Do i really wanna do this again?
I cannot hold myself back
I am my own enemy
I try to stop myself from harm
But i keep forcing mutilation upon my body
On the floor i fall; i bleed
On the floor im struggling to save me
Once again i cry
Once again i hyperventilate
Once again im angry
Once again i abuse
Once again im in pain
Once again i dont care

Inside my head im flying
But i fly to an unknown place
A place to cry
A place to mourn
A place for anger
A place to be depressed
A place to be hurt
A place to forget
As i land thats when it all hits me
And i try to push it all away,
But it all seems to be coming closer then ever
I try to reason;
To make a deal
But like always, i never win
Im stuck on this island forever
All around me seems to be unfamiliar
I came to a place to lose myself forever
When the white wings were born,
It was so pure
All the negativity suddenly changed its colour
If i try to pull these things off,
Will i be different;
Will i be how i used to be
So now i tear out these wings,
As i rip open my skin
Now im bleeding,
Now im in pain
But the pain is not within my body
Its in my mind,
Its in my soul
The blood just makes me dizzy as i continue to separate myself from it all
Im in pain because i want to
Now its even more
As i tear it all off,
It grows back for more
Im so stuck
Im stuck like this forever
I thought i accomplished what i needed
I really dont know how to fix it all
Disappear, or just deal with it all
I thought i would escape, but now i made it worse
How can i fly back?
I cant.
How can i start over?
I cant.
I appeared into a world that i created
A world not normal;
To be who i want
But now i wanna go back
Now i regret it all
And as i try to fly, it hurts
As i get up it weakens me
Theres no turning back,
Because i had chosen my path
This colour wont make me change to what im begging for
All alone;
Its cold
Its dark
Its silent
How do i go back home
Right now im so lost
Because the right path has been erased

I tried everything & everything to make it disappear
The more i fight, the more i lose
So i just gave up
I never needed help until i found out i was crazy
My inner self was rotten
My inner strength was broken
And my inner soul has died
When i was alive i felt so strong
Now that im slowing down, weakness has come to me
The rain washes my tears, but i started to drown
The door closed on the darkness,
But now im locked inside a cage
My eyes shut out the nightmares,
Now im unable to see
I ran from the terror,
And now i cant breathe
No matter what i do,
It all comes back to find a way to bury me
My back is always turned because im so scared to see what isnt supposed to be there
How do i fight it?
How do i make it disappear?
Replace my anxiety with invisible puffers;
So my fears have no way of breathing into my body
Replace my tears with an invisible dryer;
So my fears will dry up inside
Replace my nightmares with constant dreams;
So my fears will disappear in the night
Replace my body with a new kinda strength;
So my fears will run away and hide
Replace my mind with water
And if i drown myself will it all be over?

Its all coming at me
And i know im not ready
But i still need to accept what i dont deserve
Sometimes i try so hard
But most of the time i just give up
My body finally collapses as my fears drag me down
I dont wanna play this game anymore
Allow me to just accept i lost
I dont wanna get embarrassed anymore
Just allow me to admit it all
I just wanna undo it all
Erase what i have written;
And redo it all
How can i laugh,
If im starting to cry
How can i live,
If im trying to die
If i bleed,
I hope to not stop
If i sleep,
I hope to not wake up
My heart is pounding from all the anxiety
I hope it just stops.
I want my soul to leave me
My questions were never answered
And when i tried to answer myself,
The mirror would always laugh
I was so wrong
I wasnt right
I couldnt speak
But i spoke through the night
Inside my nightmares i would scream;
My dreams were fake
My dreams were never seen
And instead of being on my knees,
I begged on my stomach;
To force myself not to breathe
Make this end
Make it stop
I need air to breathe;
I need a future to see
I cannot chase whats already gone
But when i try to start over, im already done

Yellow leaves fall to the ground
The trees feel naked,
They have invisible frowns
The colour orange has the pumpkins all bright,
Inside was torn apart,
As the candles shine bright
When the moon comes up
When the lights need to turn off,
Then underneath the sky;
Has people dressed up
The music is loud, its creepy
The volume is high so everyone could scream
Night of terror
Darkness of screams
We fear
We fight
We run
We smile
We laugh
We hide
We hold on tight
Or we dont need to hold on at all
Some scared
Others dont
Some have fun
And others stay home
From the morning to night,
Were being controlled
From the sun to the moon,
We do as were told
Everyday we appear good;
Until that one night we turn our heads like a new stranger takes over our souls
Like it escapes as we sleep in our beds
This is the day,
This is the night
The king of darkness rejoices
His party,
His world
And then the excitement, excited with noises
Red tail
Red horns
Red clothing
Red pitchfork
We cant see,
But we can notice
We cant hear,
But we find the screams
We cant feel
But the cold is on our skin
Red liquid, but the blood is fake
Scary masks, but underneath is a real face
Tricks or treats, everyone can play,
Just remember to keep your eyes open on halloween day

Im scared to obey my enemy
That lurks inside the dark
It haunts me
It finds me
It destroys me
And i dont know how to defend myself
My nightmares attack me
They chase away my dreams
In the night i wake;
Trying to breathe as i gasp for air
I realize im being choked
Makes me scream
Makes me cry
Makes me silent
Makes me lie
Makes me depressed
Makes me angry
Makes me anxious
Makes me harm me
Makes me different
Makes me a danger
Makes me different
Makes me a stranger
What are you so afraid of? They ask
Its just the dark
And then i try to so hard to believe its just the darkness
But if i talk,
If i express;
They will all think im so crazy
I try to undo this fear that im holding onto
This fear that stays,
Will follow me around forever
I dont wanna be here anymore
I try to break through my body with weapons,
Hoping ill be set free
But i only bleed to drown in my own soul
Im inside my own cage,
& threw away the key
Theres no escape now
When will i be set free?
These eyes that go red;
And then begin to tear
These ears that go sensitive;
And then forced to obey
These lungs that begin to collapse;
Then i hyperventilate
These hands that become violent;
Then i begin to bleed
This heart that turns black;
Then finally, it breaks
This thing that wasnt under my bed,
Has shown me it was inside my head

I feel that I need to ask to live my life
I feel that I need to ask to do what I want
I feel that I need to ask to go where I want
I feel that I need to ask to be the person I want to be
I feel that I need to ask for my own space
I feel that I need to ask for forgiveness; even though I've done nothing wrong
I feel that I need to ask to speak
I feel that I need to ask to see
I feel that I need to ask questions
I feel that I need to obey all the rules
I feel that I need to be fake to certain people
I feel that Im being watched
I feel that Im being spied on
I feel that Im being threatened
I feel that Im being judged
I feel that Im being yelled at too many times
I feel that Im a prisoner
I feel that Im a puppet on strings
I feel that Im a dog on a tight, strict leash
I feel that Im a butterfly without her wings
I feel that Im a monkey in a cage; waiting to be unleashed
i feel the need to tell people off
I feel the need to get revenge
I feel the need to defend myself
I feel the need to yell back
I feel the need to confront certain people
I feel the need to hospitalize myself...
Because I dont think Im allowed to breathe

All i see is darkness
All i feel is weapons
All i hear is myself screaming
All im doing is trying to breathe
The darkness shuts my eyes
The weapons tear open my skin
My screaming strips my vocal cords
I still cant breathe
A sudden change;
I dont know whats happening
I dont know what im feeling
And i can only feel my heart pounding
And i feel like im choking
I know ill never breathe
All the worries
All the pain
Is controlling my body & making me weak
Im trying to breathe,
While i struggle to breathe
Im trying to speak,
As i struggle to speak
But the air is just strangling me
I dont know what im supposed to do
Because im so confused
What is going on?
I feel so numb to gain feeling again
Now i lost all strength;
When i gained all weakness
And then my head spins as im getting so dizzy
My legs are wobbly as i try to walk;
Now i know im gonna fall

Close the door
And break the lock
Rip apart the sheets
Now lay me down
My ears are open,
And touched from your mouth
Im forced to be silent
Im forced not to be loud
The vocal cords turned down its volume
And to talk, its restricted.
The less we talk
The more we move
The less we stall
The more we get done
The less we think
The more daring we become
A kiss from the lips of a face with seduction
A touch from a body with no shame to wander
Its so silent and dark
Now its unexpected of what im gonna feel
Theres no speaking allowed
But my voice can be loud
Theres no complaining allowed
But we can be rough
Theres no turning back now
But only to turn with a new move
There no stopping now
But we can stop to catch our breath
When a mark is made,
Its when the teeth sink in
When the wrists cant move
Its when the hands are gripping tight
When the breathing is hard
Its when the bodies are strong
When the yelling is loud
Its when the hand covers the mouth
Inside my ear, i hear you
But when i feel you, thats when i can understand
I think its better we dont talk
A whisper from your lips,
Is how we can go on
A whisper from your lips,
Is how you know you can turn me on
Its so hard to talk
But the feeling is unexplainable
The very little sound that comes from the diaphragm,
Is alot to show a satisfaction
Your eyes talk
But your lips move
Your hands move
But your ears dont listen
Your body doesnt listen
So my body accepts
Your actions has me hyperventilating
Your thoughts has me wanting more
& its so much better when its so silent
The sound of our breathing
Is louder than ever
The sound of the bed
Is the noisiest it can ever be
Drowning in sweat,
But i dont want to be rescued
U rescued me from the minute you locked the door
All my worries,
All my fears,
All my anger,
All my tears;
Have all disappeared when you silenced me through actions
I dont ever wanna talk when were in that moment

Im scared
But the lights never come on
I hyperventilate
But my breathing makes me choke
I fall
But the floor never catches me
I run
But the path loses me
Im hurting
But i continue to feel the pain
Im guilty
But im still the one to blame
Im anxious
But my heart beats faster
I cant see
But i go blind
I cant speak
But i go silent while being mute
I cant hear
But i go deaf
I cant feel
But i turn numb
Im angry
But my mind gets stronger
Im violent
But i get stronger
I stay awake
But i continue to have insomnia
I cry
But my tears never dry
Im out of control
But i continue to fight myself
I bleed
But my wounds never heal

Its hard to explain
Just let me breathe
Don't pressure me
Dont force me
Dont question me
I cannot think
What am i going through?
Is it a rebound of depression?
A rebound of this illness?
I cant breathe
Its really hard to breathe
Just let me go
My tears are stuck
But i still wanna cry
Im in a mixed up emotion that hasnt been created yet
Im still fighting for an answer
Im just lying here not knowing what to do
I only hear my heart
And then the rest is just silence
My fears are coming back
My anxiety is awake
I think my body is finished now
Finished with all the rehab
Now im afraid
Is my heart really giving up?
My mind wants to take over once again
I really dont wanna do this
Do i have a choice?
Where is my strength?
Is my weakness coming back?
I have to try and win the fight again
Im so confused
Im so silent
I really dont wanna start all over again
My thoughts are so blank
I dont know what i want
I dont know what im supposed to be thinking
Unless this is the end
The end of rehab
The end of help
Is it wearing off?
Did it have enough?
Please dont let it give up on me now
Im not ready to be on my own

People stare
People talk
People laugh
People judge
Tell me something i dont know
Dont tell me something i already know
Voice your words somewhere else
And please erase what you wrote upon my body
The ink that was permanent wont rub out
By mind is infected by the hurtful sounds
The loudness of everyones mouth,
Now my ears are ringing
Its all *******
And now my heart is stinging
I hear it all
I see it all
I notice it all
I feel it all
If I continue to worry
I will become more stressed
And then these people wont make me rest
Theres jealousy & hate
Theres rumours & truth
But theres never any silence;
Why do people have to talk
Theres no privacy when im there
And when i disappear, people close there eyes
Let me do the things i wanna do
Im sure you can relate
But i know its not about you
Its all about me
Its all about the judging
Its all about the rumours
Its all about the hate
Its all about the jealousy
The judging,
For who i am and what i do
The rumours,
When you dont know my story
The hate,
For me being a *****
The jealousy,
Now u wanna know me;
Now you wanna be me
Dont confuse your own mind with mine
I have a stronger grip
Dont mix in your own heart with mine
I have a deeper anger
Dont try to fix me for your convenience
In the end my tools are sharper
Break the silence,
And tell me to my face
Now leave the circle;
The one that im in
Im glad im the centre of attention
Are you done talking **** now

I thought all the negativity had been erased
Until i realized i was wrong
When it hit me suddenly,
I fell down to the ground
The disappearance of it all,
Allowed me to breathe again
But when it all came back to haunt me,
I felt myself choking again
The air that i had inside me, all sneaked away
My lungs became black
My heart became slow
My bones became brittle
My body became weak
It all became silent
I thought everything was dead
Then soon I realized,
It was all in my head
The truth was that it was sleeping,
And then it entered in my dreams
When my dreams were blank,
It weakened my hopes.
Now these dreams changed into nightmares of terror
I suddenly couldnt breathe again
My heart pumped hard again
My mind was forced to harm again
And then my hands wrapped around my own throat
This is happening again
The anxiety
The anger
The depression
The hyperventilation
The harm
The negativity
Im forced to turn around
My back against the mirror
I thought the mirror broke,
But those pieces were hidden inside its own reflection
I looked through the mirror a thousand times
Always hoping the past would change its mind
And then ran through the future with fear
Now in the present, everything had reappeared
I wasnt answered truthfully
My heart was naive happily
Now my tears had dried up inside
Now my eyes continue to cry
This is so unexpected
Why was i lied to?
Why was i tricked?
My mind has all the answers
My mind has all the secrets
But my heart is not allowed to hear
& even though they're in the same body,
They are so far apart
They have grown apart to hate eachother
I will never understand why two pieces have broken apart
Now i feel myself breathing,
But its too fast
Now i feel myself speaking,
But i stutter
Now i feel myself listening
But theres static
Now i feel myself seeing,
But everything is a blur
Now i feel myself feeling,
But im getting hurt
Its all back
I give up on trying to fight again

I was blind,
And it showed me the dark
I was deaf,
And it made me hear all the lies
I couldnt breathe,
And it made me hyperventilate
I couldnt speak,
And it made me scream with fear
I couldnt move,
But it made me fall
I couldnt feel,
But it made me feel pain
I couldnt face with myself,
But it made me answer to my enemy
When i saw the dark,
It made me change
When i heard all the lies,
It made me believe
When I hyperventilated,
It made me lose control
When i screamed,
It made me go crazy
When i fell,
It made me trap myself
When i felt the pain,
It made me hurt myself more
When i answered to my enemy,
I forgot who i was
When i trapped myself,
It broke the lock
When i hurt myself,
It gave me more weapons
When i forgot who i was,
It brainwashed me completely
When the lock was broken,
It made sure i was stuck forever
When i had more weapons,
I was always bleeding the problems away
When i was brainwashed,
I was no longer in control
When i was stuck
When i was bleeding
When i wasnt in control
When i went down the wrong path
Im ruined forever
Unsaved;
And now i suffer

To have anxiety;
All my fears are haunting me
To have fear,
And then i hyperventilate
To hyperventilate;
It comes from numerous dark thoughts
To have dark thoughts;
My mind is brainwashing me
To be brainwashed;
Im so angry of what ive become
To be angry;
Im so uncontrollable and then my tears begin to fall
To be uncontrollable;
Im crying deep inside
To cry;
A depression has been built inside my soul
To be depressed;
I have taught myself to harm me
To use a weapons;
I have taught myself how to bleed
To bleed;
I finally have relaxation from it all
To relax;
And then im trembling
I begin to tremble;
Im shaking and my body is going into shock
To shake;
I cant move without falling, i cant move without giving out
To fall;
My bones have been broken
To be broken;
I will never gain strength

So tired of remembering
So tired of trying to think
So tired of knowing the truth
So tired of feeling sick
I can hardly speak,
If im mumbling
I can hardly breathe,
If im hyperventilating
I can hardly hear,
If there is static
I can hardly see,
If its blurry
I cant talk,
But i scream
I cant breathe,
But i get anxious
I cant hear,
But i hear the truth
I cant see,
But i see only myself
My moods
My fears
My actions
My words
My nightmares
My thoughts
My mind is never heard
Im violent
Im hurting
Im out of control
Im in danger
Im drowning
Im losing my soul
Noone liked me
My attitude ******
Noone understood me
My moods were ****** up
Everyone tried
I pushed them away
Everyone was scared
But they forced themselves to stay
I fought myself and i lost
I tried to swim in my tears and i drowned
I tried to put together my broken pieces but i lost them
I tried to be friends with myself and i gave up
I couldnt undo myself
I couldnt accept myself
I couldnt look at myself
I couldnt control myself
Until i injected myself
Until i repaired myself
Until i fixed myself
Until i finally helped myself
It helps to speak
It helps to breathe
It helps to hear
It helps to see
It helps to be calm
It helps to be alert
It helps to be clear
It helps to be understood
Im forced to be stable towards myself
Im medicated

When i woke up, i got knocked out
When i got up, i got knocked down
When i rolled over, i got kicked
When i moved, i got trapped
When i opened my eyes, the light was too bright
When i dimmed the lights, the darkness arrived
When the darkness arrived, my mind was alive
When my mind was alive, thats when i started to cry
I wanted nothing
I had everything
I needed everything
But everything was nothing
I enjoyed the black walls that were forced to make me happy
I enjoyed the darkness that trained me to hate and hurt me
I enjoyed the drama that was a tornado in my life
I enjoyed those times when i picked up a knife
Negative energy that i had created
Everything that i ever thought about;
I just couldnt understand why there were no colours
I just couldnt understand why i had to suffer
I would be angry
I would cry
I would be violent
I would have thoughts to die
What if i ran
What if i hid
What if i disappeared
What if i didnt want to live
The anxiety;
I was always worried
The fear;
I was always scared
The yelling;
I was always angry
The depression;
The tears were always there
I questioned myself everyday
At night i wasnt allowed to answer
In my dreams i wished for no more
In my nightmares i was forced to lock my door
I just wasnt allowed to breathe
I just wasnt allowed to see
I just wasnt allowed to hear
I just wasnt allowed to speak
I couldnt breathe, because i was choking in my sleep
I couldnt see, because i was blinded from the light
I couldnt hear, because i was yelling with fear
I couldnt speak, because in the darkness i had noone to talk to
Noone but myself
Exactly- noone

Little girl in her own world
And the world is different from everyone else's
New discoveries
New paths
And then,
A new personality
So then, a hidden secret
I never understood what changed
I thought i was so normal
Something there just wasnt right
Something the family noticed just wasnt fine
I was able to see, but nothing was clear
I was able to hear, but it was all static
I was able to breathe, but i kept hyperventilating
My mind was so naive until i became friends with the devil
And when i tried to escape, it blinded me from the light
All the darkness was thrown in front of me;
I was too small to look for the light
But then i was too short to switch it back on
And then the walls caved in on me
The size that i was;
My bones have been broken from being crushed with fear
I didnt have the time to grow out of this sickness
And then all the questioned were asked..
Why are you like this?
Watch your attitude
Why arent you eating?
Your going to become anorexic
Why are you slamming the door?
Your going to break it
Why are you throwing things around?
She can hurt someone
Why are you yelling?
Your scaring everyone
Why are you hurting people?
Keep your hands to yourself
Why are you talking to yourself?
Your so weird
Why are you failing in school?
Your going to fail the grade
Why did you become distant?
You dont talk to anyone anymore
Why are you a *****?
Your going to lose your friends
Why are you getting into fights?
One day you will fight with the wrong person
Why dont you sleep?
Take a sleeping pill
Why are you hyperventilating?
Why are you anxious?
Why are you angry?
Why are you violent
Why are you promiscuous?
Why are you always drunk?
Why are you suicidal?
And these questions couldnt be answered until i allowed myself to take control
I never knew what the word crazy meant until i actually read the word and matched it to my mind
C-crying my eyes out
R-restless and never tired
A-anxiety attacks forced me to hyperventilate; anger turned into danger within myself
Z-zoning out and not responsive
Y-yelling and screaming with rage
Im still growing up
Im still trying to control it all

The stars are only there to look pretty,
Not to be our friends
The dreams are only keeping the brain calm
Not to keep us positive
The pennies only make the water *****,
Not to bring us a future
The candles on a cake is an old trick,
Each year was forgotten
11:11 is just a coincidence,
Not for the time to make us believe
Eyelashes just bother us,
Not to be happy if one falls
Wishbones just break easily,
Not to keep us strong
The moon just makes it all dark,
Not for the night to **** our nightmares
But God is still in the sky,
Lets see what happens before we die..

Suddenly i couldnt breathe
Suddenly i couldnt speak
Suddenly i couldnt hear
Suddenly i couldnt see
I couldnt breathe because i was hyperventilating
I couldnt speak because i was choking
I couldnt hear because my ears were ringing
I couldnt see because i got blinded
I was hyperventilating because of the anxiety
I was choking because i was being strangled with words
My ears were ringing because i heard too much *******
I was blinded because i didnt want to see the truth
The anxiety
The words
The *******
The truth
They wont ever change

White as snow;
Her face is so tender
Eyes that sparkle;
Like the crystal blue sky
Red like an apple
Her lips shine bright
Black like a silhouette
Her hair is so dark
Wicked, but there was still beauty somewhere else
The mirror of an evil queen talks the truth;
And ruins her each time
The evil in her eyes,
Stare at the innocent princess
Death was waiting
Death was sleeping
Working hard to please the queen,
The weapon of terror had him scared for the life of an innocent child
The huntsman sadly agreed to her dreams
In seconds she was frightened when she saw him lift the axe,
And then she didnt understand why...
"Run" he said
"Why" she responds
"She wants you dead"
Into the forest;
The character- like forest
She runs
She hurries
Her heart beating fast with fear
Shes so confused
Shes so afraid
And then her fragile body gave out;
Fallen to the ground
So tired;
So exhausted
So shocked
The day light came
And so she was awake with cute animals of the forest
The air breathes into her lungs as she gains oxygen once again
Up she gets
Off she walks
It was like nothing happened
Her new friends hint a house waits for her company
Into the house
Exhausted; she finally gets to sleep
Until an unexpected door
Opening frightens her suddenly
7 men
7 little men welcome her stay
Her story had sadden them;
And agreed she stayed
Insisted she stay forever
A smile was always on her face
But deep inside shes broken
And its so awful when someone;
Your family; wants to **** you for beauty..
Days pass
Nights pass
Shes nowhere to be found
She finally found out the truth behind it all
The queen with the evil intentions will stop at nothing
Mixing potions,
Reading a book
And then when she drinks,
The liquid eats away at her beauty
The black dark image of an old lady changes her appearance completely
And then for her final magic,
The innocent apples were tricked into a ***
A red fruit had drowned in poison,
To feed an innocent body
To work the men went,
So to the house the old lady missioned
And the kindness in the princess' heart couldnt say no,
To opening the door to an old stranger
A lie was told next
A big lie that goes wrong
"These are magic apples" she smiled
And then snow white was so amazed that her wish was not going to come true...
The music in her stomach
The light in her eyes
Her watery lips were begging for a quench
As she opened up,
The whiteness in her teeth started to go brown.
As she took her first bite,
She felt so strange
"I feel strange" she worried
Weakness; shes so weak
A faint covered the floor and held her body
Her fragile body had fallen
She laughs
She rejoiced
"Now im the fairest in the land"
Not for long she had the happiness
These men were ****** when they saw what happened
The mountains were just screaming for her to come
She ran
They ran faster
The storm got stronger
Her body became lighter
And then suddenly to the ground she fell
Death was actually waiting for the wickedness of the land
Now another body to worry about
To cry
To pray
To dream
Into a glass casket,
They just couldnt hide her
She lay there broken,
Fragile,
Weak,
Lifeless
Not even the tears of 7 sets of eyes awakened her
And a miracle was going to approach
The prince of magic was shocked
Its over he thought
But then he opened the glass
His mouth met her soft red lips
Only seconds later they all had to wait
Her long lashes moved
Her big beautiful eyes opened
Her lips smiled
And then her body gained all the strength
The hugs, the kisses
A beautiful princess was back into the life of her loved ones
The horse is the ride,
And now the path leads them off
Happily ever after
Happily in love

A spoiled handsome prince
A beautiful enchantress in disguise
A spell that would last forever
It was a test
A rose was an exchange
He turned her away, and had to remain ugly forever
Until he loves
Until he changes
He remain; a beast forever
Depressed & confused
His heart was so cold
He needed love
Before the rose got old
Far away a beauty appears
Her big hazel eyes had such good intentions
Her lips shine as she sings
And a brunette long hair waved around as she dances
Full of life
Full of kindness
The opposite of who she will soon meet will frighten her
A sudden trap,
The beasts heart exploded
Papa is trapped,
But she gained strength to free him
The deal she made
The shock of life
Her life,
Prisoner forever
Seconds to minutes, they stare at eachother with silence
Minutes to hours, they fight constantly
Hours to days, everything was finally stable
Days to nights, the heart became warm again
The sound of her voice calmed the nerves;
Calmed the castle
The touch of her body turned him weak;
Made eyes bigger
The two that danced;
The two that sang,
The two that slowly turned hate to love
Bitterness was he;
Who turned into kindness
Miserable was he;
Who turned into happiness
Scary was he;
Who he turned gentle
And then suddenly,
A disaster
A magic mirror never told a lie
Run;
She needed to run
The beautiful dress;
She needed to change
The tall friend; the love;
She wanted to leave
Papa is sick
She needed to leave
His emotions were mixed
Torn
Sad
But understanding, he let her go
The ROSE;
She had left behind
Home sweet home
Not for long,
Not for peace
And now they wanted to **** the beast
& the castle dark with fear;
Protection could only be so long before its broken into a thousand pieces
And then finally a nightmare got created
The door opens
The arrow pointed
A man, who was a real beast inside had struck a restored heart
So silent;
It was too silent
Her body exhausted so she threw herself at him
"Please dont leave me;
I LOVE you"
And then the last rose petal had fallen down to die
Seconds were approaching
And then his sweet heart stopped
Her tears became apart of the rain
Into the puddles, she shed
There was a deep depression in her eyes
There was no more hope inside her mind
Silence turned to noise
A struck of bright light,
And then some more
A struck of bright lines,
And then alot more
and as he lifted into the sky,
He was unzipped out of that hideous costume
It was an amazing site
The glowing skin of a transformed figure
Eyes more crystal blue then ever
The body of a newly updated prince
Heart finally of gold
The wind pushed him close
His breath opened his lips
"Its me"
And then he waited for her response patiently
& then she was speechless until she realizes the truth
They're eyes connected deep within their minds
Deep within their souls
The happiness struck her suddenly and softly her vocal cords pushed the words of excitement out of her red lips;
"It is you"

I met a liquid
Then i met my other side
This is a story
When i made myself sink
This is a story
When my only hobby was to drink
I was too sober to focus
And when i was intoxicated,
I was aware
But aware to harm
Aware not to care
I peer pressured myself to change
And brainwashed my heart to bleed
The pain;
The darkness.
I never saw the light until the bright liquid opened my eyes
I fell in love
My first love ever
I just knew i didnt need anyone else;
Anything else
I didnt mind the taste, or burn
Because i never felt a thing
As it traveled down my throat,
It cured my screams
As it traveled through my lungs
I was able to breathe
As it traveled through my veins,
All the pain was gone
But as it stayed within my body,
Thats when i lost control
I didnt care
I didnt think
I wanted more
This was an obsession
I became a danger to myself and other people
I didnt care
I didnt think
I wanted to feel all my pain disappear
And so i wanted to be taken advantage of
Drank to make all my pain go away
Drank to forget
Drank to bleed
Drank myself to sleep
And i loved a bottle more then i loved anyone else

Sometimes its hard
Sometimes it stops
Other times i forget
I just cant breathe
I want these walls taken away
I feel like im closed inside a cell
And gas has been released to choke me
Its too much to handle
Its too much to remember
How do i control whats controlling me?
Im moving too quickly
Im going insane
I feel like my neck is being strangled by a chain
I cannot escape
I cannot release
The air is going nowhere
Its cutting off my circulation
Feels like a bag is over my head
And i cannot getting off
Now im suffocating
All the heat is in front of my face
I really cannot breathe
My heart is beating faster
My body is shaking
Im so dizzy
Im going to just drop to the floor
Im trying to give myself CPR but its not working
How can i give air if its escaping from my body
Im failing;
Im losing
And im so tired of this game
When am i allowed to breathe?
Something is stopping me
Or someone is stopping me
I look and the mirror and i see my hands on my throat
Now i know whos trying to **** me
My lungs are getting weaker
My throat is getting tighter
My mouth is getting smaller
Im trying to win this fight
I think i have forgotten how to breathe

All the pain that was caused,
Had made my anger rise
My veins revealed themselves through my skin
And so my blood revealed itself through my cuts
How did this bleeding end
How did i live normal again
Im reaching into the mirror,
Hoping i can switch places with my twin
But its all the same
The mirror broke
And the pieces cut my skin
I bandaged the bleeding with food;
The late nights when i couldnt stop
I bandaged the bleeding with alcohol;
I drank my fears away, & drank myself to sleep
I bandaged the bleeding with ***;
I wasnt scared of strangers who took my worries away
I tried to bandage the bleeding with weapons, but i made it worse
And so i bled all over again
I licked my own wounds
But then i swallowed the pain back in my body
I covered my scars
But then the lid got worn out
I clothed my cuts
But then the weather got hot
I uncovered everything again
A bandage is not permanent
Im still wounded;
Bleeding from the inside out
With a drug i had to take,
It helped me push out all the toxins inside my body
I had to **** the poison out of my own body
And like a snake i took off all the dead skin i had
With the layers gone,
Im hoping my new body will last without harming myself again

Cuts like a knife
Rips like a piece of paper
Drags like an object
Addicting like a drug
Small but powerful
And i couldnt protect myself
And the only safety i had was water & tissue
To clean the blood from my scars
The troubles pushed through my veins
The pain forced through my skin
The breathing that i missed was too fast
But i caught it once i relaxed myself to sleep
My fears were hidden
My nightmares were asleep
My anxiety temporarily caught its breath
My pain was healed invisibly
Until the pain ends,
My eyes are wide open
And then im so strong
But my heart was so weak
It pounds with fear;
It escapes comfort
Im smiling at this point because i know ill be calm
My hand grips
My arm tightens
My veins, shaken
My skin, finally struck
And the blood reveals itself once it escapes
Theres no pain
Theres no harm
Theres no feeling
The pain is in the heart
The harm is in the soul
The feeling is in the mind
The thoughts of something that shouldnt be spoken of
I RAISE my hand to my skin
Im into the ER now
My own ER room
And i dont care if i leave now.
RAISE ER
RAZER
It cuts me..

She recognizes,
It was only the first time
So the pain only lasted for a short time
She hurt,
The pain started again
It started to show
It started to notice
Silence wouldnt allow a voice to talk
She bruised,
Her mind was played with
Her body was thrown around
Her soul was pierced
She abused,
The marks showed the emotions within her
The blood was proof
It forced itself out of her body
And then she was weak
She murdered,
Shes so dead inside herself
Shutting everything and everyone out
& the company she ever had was negativity
Sharp objects were her friends;
And the only weapons she only knew
The more she faught, the more she wanted to damage
The worse it became
& the damage was done
She murdered;
The jail was her body
Her mind lost the key

Only the time can stop
Only the time can go
And only the tears can be controlled,
If these things run smoothly
I try to think, but my mind freezes
I try to see, but my eyes turn blurry
I try to speak, but i choke
I try to breathe, but i hyperventilate
I try to listen, but my ears create static
When good happens,
He evil is behind it already bringing on the bad
When a positive turns to a negative thats when all hell breaks loose
I began on the wrong path,
Then at the end, the right path stole me away
Once i was in the right world,
The wrong path blinded me once again
I failed, but then i succeeded
And when i continued to do good,
I began failing all over again
I was angry, then i became happy
When i was seen with a smile,
The happiness was taken from me once again
When i cried,
My tears dried up forever
But when the puddles disappeared,
I was depressed all over again
I was bleeding,
Then my skin was sewed shut
But when there was no more red liquid,
The stitches unraveled themselves;
and i began bleeding all over again
My screams turned to whispers,
Now im loud again
My cries turned to laughter,
Now im crying again
My eyes opened up,
Now im blind again
My ears took in noise,
Now im deaf again
My mouth was able to speak,
Now im mute again
My nose was able to breathe,
Im hyperventilating again
My fears disappeared,
Now im scared again
My struggling stopped,
Now its happening again
Inside my mind i became calm,
Now i cant take the pain all over again
I have changed for the better,
Now the stranger is back once again

The mind is incomplete
I have been thinking without a brain
I have been seeing without eyes
I have been hearing without ears
I have been breathing without a nose
I have been speaking without a mouth
The path i took was dark
It was full of black walls
And then i turned to the devil
That wouldnt let me see through a window
It was my only friend
& friends dont last forever
They turn on you so quick
This friend was fake
And then i learned what being scared was all about
My heart was pure
It was strong until it broke
Anxiety grew
Moods grew stronger
I learned how to cry
I learned how to yell
I learned violence
And then the blood found an escape;
It was the strength of a hand that wanted to release all the pain
Learned to think, but bitter thoughts
Learned to see, but disturbing images
Learned to hear, but listening to all the lies
Learned to breath, but hyperventilating
Learned to speak, but cannot explain anything
This was out of control
I was out of control
I didnt know the feelings that were created deep inside me
How do i act
How do i think
How do i know who i really am
I cannot trust myself ever again

I hear voices,
My own voices;
Negative and positive
One voice to fail,
Once voice to succeed
But my ears fall under a spell that cannot be broken
My mind is telling me to leave
Listening to a broken soul,
Im struggling, im fighting
Who is this voice thats trying to speak
Where is this voice thats trying to see
I disappeared
And i didnt come back
Inside a cage im locked
The key is inside my mind
My heart tries to break through
But it weakens
Im trapped
Unable to escape
Pounding into my chest;
My throat is trying run
I cannot breathe,
Because the pace of my heart is choking me to fear
Now my heart bleeds,
Bleeding into a body
This is how it speaks
What is it trying to say? Im confused
Its trying to talk to me
In my ears it whispers;
"I miss you please come back"
I hear but i dont understand
Im blind but i can only see the darkness deep inside my soul
I cannot move
I cannot think
Where am i supposed to go? I ask my heart
My mind wont let me escape
The repetitive signals from the heart,
Is killing me each time it tries to speak
I cannot follow
I cannot leave
Its not easy
And my heart wants me to sneak
Im hyperventilating now
I know im going to fall
Im dizzy,
Im nautious
What is it trying to tell me
Im having bad anxiety
My hot flashes are starting
My face is red
My body is trembling
My skin is sweating
These attacks are getting worse
My tears force themselves through my eyes
Its forcing me to cry
My head is killing me
My mind is punishing me
I dont want to do this no more
I dont want to suffer no more
If i come back to myself will things be better?
If i come home to myself will it all disappear?
The heart craves what it wants
But the mind takes what it can steal
The heart screams
The mind fights back
The heart cries
The mind laughs
The heart pulls
The mind pushes
The heart blocks
The mind breaks
The heart begs
The mind ignores
The heart wants to heal
The mind continues to bleed
The mind creates darkness
And so the heart turns black
The mind creates tension
And so the heart pumps faster
The mind creates fears
And so the heart races
The mind creates anxiety
And so the heart beats faster
The mind creates anger
And so the heart turns cold
The mind creates depression
And so the heart breaks
The mind creates a stranger
And so the heart wants to stop