I never cry for no reason
The tears never leak without a push
The greatest sadness depends on the mind, body, & soul
Before these tears, I try to fight
Then theres a push on my lungs that moves up to my throat
Anxiety has arrived;
It never goes
My throat locked itself from the air that passes through
I tried to breathe one last time, but my strength was too dry
So finally, I cried

I wanted to starve my pain but I didnt know how
Instead of taking it away, I fed it innocently thinking it would leave
The pain ate away at my happiness
I began to hyperventilate
I became angry
I became sad
It showed me my fears that I tried to drown for years
But the pain allowed them swim
I tried to run, but the pain made me slow down by allowing my blood to forced its way through my scars
The scars that i thought were healed, opened up;
Now my body is weak all over again

A razor cuts
A knife stabs
A punch bruises
I have been cut but not from a razor
I have been stabbed but not from a knife
I have been bruised but not from a punch
The razor was this tiny voice that noone heard, but was ignored from my mind
The knife was my heart that kept wanting to fight
The punch was my body bringing myself down
I was my own victim that i threw to the ground

I learned to quench my thirst with a drink that also quenched my fears
I learned to quench my fears with a drink that also quenched my moods
I learned to quench my moods with a drink that also quenched my anxiety
I learned to quench my anxiety with a drink that also quenched my depression
I learned to quench my depression with a drink that also quenched my mind
my mind was quenched for trying to forget but now the alcohol is done

I met a friend who appeared to be fake
I met a friend who i wanted to break
Taught me how to live, but made me go crazy
Taught me how to be happy, but made me cry
Taught me how to love, but made me hate
Taught me how to heal, but made me bleed
Taught me how to breathe, but gave me anxiety
Taught me how to relax, but made me
angry
Taught me how be strong, but made me weak

I lived in fear, thats why i went crazy
I was happy, because crying too much drowned me
I love, because pain was the only partner i had
I healed from the cuts & scars that were purposely done to my body
I breathed in so much toxic that harmed me
I was relaxed after i used negative paths to help me
I was strong to feed my weakness

I met a friend, that friend was me.
I was the one that destroyed my body, my soul and my sanity..

I felt like i could breathe again with a kiss on my lips
Till that kiss turned into a makeout session, thats when i couldnt catch my breath
I felt like i could breathe again with your arms around me
Till your hands started wandering, thats when i couldnt catch my breath
I felt like i could breathe again you kissed upon my neck
Till those kisses bruised me with hickies, thats when i couldnt catch my breath
I felt like i couldnt breathe again when we made love
Till the *** was rough & hard, thats when i couldnt catch my breath

I felt your kisses turning into bites
I felt your hands turn into handcuffs that held my wrists tight
I felt your tongue drench my body
I felt my lungs breathing heavy
I felt our sweat drip over the sheets
I felt my chest being sexually squeezed
I felt your hands pull my hair hard
I felt that your body was my guard

You guarded me with every move
Every move was fast
Every move was rough
Every move was hard
I learned how to catch my breath from being under your body

I went from strong to weak; my body broke down
I never functioned after i had fallen
But i fell mentally, not physically
And i broke a thousand pieces within me
I failed myself physically; because i harmed what was already hurt
And i bruised what was already visible
I had shattered what was already broken
And i hid what was already lost
When my body broke, i had lost the strength to continue;
and so when i fell, i had lost the ability walk
When my mind collapsed, everything collapsed, so i became broken into pieces & shattered into slivers
I couldnt put myself back together
Only my mind has the ability to fix me
But it wont
I became lost, and confused
Tired, and abused
I became worthless, and used
Thrown, and reused
I wanted revenge, but i couldnt
I asked my mind to set me free, but it wouldnt