Why cant i see
Im wondering why my eyes keep closing
I feel the need to use my hands to open the lids from being shut
Why cant i speak
Im wondering why my voice is gone
I feel the need to whisper and try to get out a sound
Why cant i hear
Im wondering why my ears wont inhale sound
I feel the need to press my ears against the world to see if im listening
Why cant i move
Im wondering why my body wont get up
I feel the need to reach out for strength and see if i can lift myself up
Why cant i breathe
Im wondering why my lungs arent opening, and my heart doesnt pump
I feel the need to try to breathe air inside my own body;
But im unable to see
Im unable to speak
Im unable to hear
Im unable to move
So im unable to breathe; and if im dying inside there is no way im able to bring myself back to life
Im under a drug that wont fade away
Im in the middle of a crisis thats pushing to stay
Im trying to fight for the pain to go away
But the nightmare wont make me wake

Knowing eachother's likes
Our gifts is a way to surprise
Together watching movies
We use that time to just embrace
When we shut off the lights,
And light a candle
We breathe air into one another's body like we breathe in the smell from the light
The light that shines, goes through us as we stare into eachother's eyes
Our hands always held without letting go
We would be lost without eachother if our love ever broke
A kiss is so soft, so tender, so meaningful with excitement
The hug is a shield; blocking the wind, keeping in warmth, and used as a protection
A bed that holds us
And our strength that bonds us;
Its passionate and sweet,
When our clothes come off easily
Kisses are passionate
Hugs are so strong
Our love is so true and it is where it belongs
Its not about giving gifts
Its about giving ourselves to eachother
Its not about spending money
Its about spending time with your lover
Its not only a hug, its a reach for a wanted touch
Its not only making out, its a passionate kiss for our hearts to beat as one
Its not about make up, shaving or dressing up,
Its not only ***, its about making love
This day has meaning
It means alot
But this day never dies
Everyday is about love


*dedicated to my amazing husband Danny
Valentines never existed in my world before i met u
love u so much

Who was i to think that beauty would always win
The redness within my cheeks were quick to fool with an innocent grin
Who was i to think i was smart
I grew but i wasnt tall; my attitude
was above everyones level and i made everyone fall
Who was i to think i would be so strong
I grew my body with thorns to think i was able to fight my enemy and make them gone
A natural beautiful scent,
Not knowing when the stem will be bent
A garden so colourful, but i couldnt fit in
I couldnt grow the way i wanted
I couldnt help myself the way i needed
I hated myself for leaving with the wind
I hated myself for leaning towards the darkness
I lost the sun, the rain, and the grass
I wanted to be good, but my mind watered me down the wrong path
I drowned and never came back
When the colour fades,
I want to hide my face
When the thorns fight me back,
I take all the attacks
When the petals fall,
My body weakens itself and stalls
When the stem finally breaks,
I knew i couldnt stop my mistakes

It looks so calm, but i was told not to be fooled
I didnt believe, instead i ignored all the signs
I dipped my feet in the cold wet liquid; eventually it became warm with the sand between my toes
I walked into a pathway of seashells
An invisible basket i had carried in my hands where the shells rested in my arms
The weeds tickled me so i became comfortable going deeper into the water
I felt like i was turning into a mermaid because breathing became easier
As my body went deeper
I felt like a little girl with no worries
Until the sun went down; and i became weak
I couldnt control my breathing,
Then i felt like i was drowning
I was being pulled down from the seaweeds and then the waves had their support
The seashells cut me and i bled with no bandages
Suddenly i couldnt swim
Suddenly i couldnt breathe
I felt tickeled, but not from gentle hands
I was circled from a creature with a sharp object attached to its body
I suddenly fainted as i was stung from the stingray that crept up on me
I felt hypnotized and i couldnt speak
I was brought deeper in the water then i felt squeezed
I was pulled,
I was shoved,
I was held tight from an octopus who was rough
I also felt pinched; i was stuck to its arms and then suddenly i was dragged under water
The suction cups from its body pulled my skin
I wanted to fight but my body just gave in
I was under so much weakness,
Then suddenly i felt more pain
The razor sharped teeth from an eel scraped its mouth all over my frame
As it scraped me, a big creature watches me
Its eyes were dark and its body covered the ocean
I felt caged with no key
I wanted to be free
But then i became close to more teeth
Suddenly my eyes close
My bones were broken
My blood, overflowed
My body ruined
My lungs were crushed
My skin was ripped
And my heart had stopped
It was big
While i was small
I was too weak
It was too strong
I stung myself with negativity
I squeezed my heart to my mind
I pinched myself towards a dark path
I suctioned all the life out of my spine
I calmed myself with the weapon that i used to fight
I fought myself with a razor and then a knife
Finally i swallowed it whole
I swallowed what had to stay
And i swallowed what shouldnt have had to go
I broke my whole body
I broke my own bones
I manipulated my mind
I was the one who swallowed myself whole
My blood poured out
Hoping i was found so someone can lift me out
I felt like a broken mermaid unable to kick
Unable to move
Unable to swim
I felt like i was just born not knowing what to do;
Not knowing whats around
And that being alone was the worst thing to do.

Isnt life supposed to be happy
Arent memories supposed to fade
Arent nightmares supposed to disappear
Isnt the devil supposed to run away
Arent bruises supposed to leave
Arent bones supposed to seal
Isnt blood supposed to dry
Arent cuts supposed to heal
I faint inside my body when it shows that my appearance is strong
Outside my body i show the strength that i wish i have when im alone
Uncontrollable feelings on top of these scars that never faded
I have to accept the bruises that come and go when my mind is weakened
I tried to end it all with a memory i tried to change
But then the nightmare came back and the devil reached out again
I was bruised and it comes back
My bones broke and the pain still attacks
The blood that pours out my strength makes me dizzy and then i drop
The cuts remain open forever because i didnt know how to make it stop
Isnt time supposed to heal
Because the wounds are still not gone
My body weakened itself from fear
I cannot get over whats done

I felt a feeling like never before
My heart; pounding
I couldnt handle anymore
My fears escalated to the point where i glued my eyes shut
But then i saw my nightmares that never went away
I tried to unglue my eyes
But then they were permanently shut tight.
Now i see whats inside my mind
I wanna erase everything thats trying to hide.
I will never forget what harmed me
I want to go back to the past and change everything
I blocked myself from winning
My mind made me lose repeatedly Turned into glass; my heart jumped out of my chest and then broke as it hit the floor
The blood rushed out of my body as i tried to save myself
I felt so broken as i lay on the floor
I bruised myself my remembering the times i wanted to leave this darkness
And I have been in the darkness my whole life; i regret not wanting to fight
I fought the wrong people
I fought the wrong person that tried to hide
My fears keep growing; while i am shrinking
Eventually i will crumble inside my own body
Eventually i will pass out for not breathing
Im breathing harsh
Im breathing slow
Im hyperventilating and it just wont leave me alone
Im fighting to breathe
My tears just wont dry
Its painful to breathe
And it hurts to cry
The time keeps ticking but there is no change
The time only makes me think that tomorrow it starts all over again
My fears dont wanna leave
My nightmares dont turn into regular dreams
Im still unable to control this feeling
Im waiting on the last tear that ends all my negativity
And i wish the last tear will stop all pain forever

I had fallen when i was small, and my scrapes were too small for me to even care
I healed and continued my days with not knowing how to cry
I fell a second time but it wasnt like any other
It wasnt the wind who pushed me
It was the force of my mind that was guiding me
I failed when i was supposed to pass
I gave up when i was supposed to succeed
I noticed i had some fears
My anxious tears, and alot of nightmares
I fell on top of a trap
The knife was sharp, and i stabbed my own back
I wanted to be weak
But at the same time i was fighting to be strong
I found out how it really felt to get hurt
I found out how it really felt to fall
Collapsed; i couldnt get up
As i pushed the mirror, i ended up on the floor
Shattered; i was broken
My bones gave up when i wanted to continue
I became friends with my enemy
I played with danger to satisfy me
As i walked into a hidden string, it tangled around my neck so i couldnt breathe
I hyperventilated when i wanted to bleed
I got anxious but i didnt wanna leave
Everytime i got up, i was pushed right back down
I never learned;
My new bed was the ground
I tripped over my own mistakes, then i broken my bones over my anger
I pushed myself ontop of the weapons, then i tore my skin over depression
I fell down my own dark path, then i shattered my body over my mind