I walk through a dark path black walls covered in scratches
My fingernails look bitten, but i was the one trying to free myself from the darkness
I couldnt ignore my nightmares because my eyes didnt know how to open
My screams of terror shook my bed, and i then i wanted to sleep forever
I couldnt ignore my fears because i was forced to do what i didnt want
I yelled
I screamed
I cried
I got angry
And then i wanted loneliness to be attatched to me all the time
I couldnt ignore my sadness because when my eyes were open, they always dried up my memories
Then the tears continued to run
Then i tried to ignore my mind because it all started when i was weak deep inside
I couldnt because i lost
I wish i turned back, and hoped i was more tough
It was like i was trapped; and then i was forced to ignore my conscience
I wanted to forget, but never forgive
I hated this monster that was trying to live
The more i tried, the more pain i received
So then i gave up to the point where i created harm under my sleeve
I grew so weak with fear
Then the fear took over my dreams
I grew so weak with worry
Then the worry took over my breathing
I grew so weak with anger
Then the anger took over my actions
I grew so weak with my sadness
Then the sadness took over my strength
I grew so weak with my mind
Then my mind took over my body
I grew so weak with my body
And then i saw that i instigated the pain

I wanted to find the proper answers
My questions still remain unanswered
My prayers were left open with no responses
Now my tears drown me forever
I went on my knees everyday questioning if there was another way
To change it all
To fix it all
To heal it all
But the time was small
I didnt know what it actually meant when i had to hide
I didnt know what it actually meant when i felt my soul die
I didnt know what it actually meant when i finally opened my eyes
I didnt know what it actually meant when i realized the truth wasnt a lie
Now it was the time i searched you but i couldnt see
Now it was the time i tried to talk to you but i couldnt speak
Now it was the time to try to hear you but i couldnt hear
Now it was the time to reach out to you but you were forced to disappear
I knew it was that time
That time for me to cry
That time to close your eyes
That time to say goodbye

I can zone out for hours and pretend that im ok
Until im shaken, im frozen
Until im moved, im still
Until im screamed at, my worries remain
I still think of those cuts made from a razer and a knife
I still think of those times when i wanted fight
I cannot forget those times i loved being alone
I cannot forget those times i loved my door closed
Privacy wasnt spoken about; i gave noone a choice
I shut the blinds before a stranger
I closed the window in front of my friends
I slammed my door on loved ones
And i welcomed my enemy that brainwashed my head
When i screamed, i harmed my voice
When i cried, i harmed my eyes
When i hyperventilated, i harmed my lungs
But when my thoughts didnt make sense, my brain was fine
Not understanding what hurt me but i remember how it ruined me
I was fragile when my strength was taken
Then my power was only inside my head
I remember who i hurt
I forgot who i was
I remember who i ignored
I forgot the person that i lost
I only knew fears, loneliness and bleeding pain
Deep down i tried to find a shield, a perfect stranger, and a bandaid

My memories of peacefulness has been erased from my mind
I have no way of getting back to the reality of life full of failure
I was drowned inside my body and then i wasnt living
I died inside my nightmares, then my dreams became a reality
I let go of myself and i slipped away
I fell through the cracks
And then i shattered into pieces that i thought would never break
I tied every knot tighter from my mistakes that were on a string
And then when i finally found the scissors,
Instead i cut myself from reality and the string had strangled me
On the ground i lay
I had fallen with no more pieces left to break
My body stopped working
Like a broken toy that got thrown out;
I didnt even care to get fixed
I gave it all up
The strength had left and the weakness forced itself in me
I didnt know how to use my lungs anymore
I forgot how to breathe
I didnt know how to use my mouth anymore
I forgot how to speak
I didnt know how to use my ears anymore
I forgot how to hear
I didnt know how to use my eyes anymore
I forgot how to see
I didnt know how to use my muscles anymore
I forgot how to move
I didnt know how to use my bones anymore
I forgot how to think
I didnt want to use myself anymore..

The weight is heavy against my body
I can feel my chest being pushed in
Its tight inside this little space
I cannot move; i can barely breathe
There was a cage that grew over me;
Locking me in
And hiding me
I wanted to escape but i couldnt find the key
I was trapped and i was lost
I tried pushing my way through but nothing moved
I just had no strength to move my own fears
Invisible pins pierced through my clothes
And then the wall waited for my body; i was pushed but i didnt fall
Instead i was held up with the strong forces, then i felt like i was being strangled
I had no way of breaking through
My strength broke when i tried to escape
There was nowhere to go
So i stood there feeling helpless
I breathed so deeply hoping my lungs would open wider
Instead i felt them being crushed
And then my heart was squeezed until i fell to the floor
I was feeling weak
No more wall was behind me
Instead i was pushed to the floor
Broken,
Shattered,
Bleeding until i couldnt take no more
Felt stabbed with invisible knives
Cut right open,
And ended the fight

I talk,
But im forced to choke on my words
I scream,
But im forced to hold it between my teeth
I whisper,
But im forced to just close my mouth
What is left?
I try to breathe,
But i have no oxygen
Inside my throat is where i feel a pain so uncontrollable
My chest feels like there are pins and needles; just piercing me and i cant find the holes
Then my heart feels like theres a knife just stabbing me with no control
My words were innocent until i was triggered
My actions were gentle until i was tempted
My mind was stable until i got introduced
My body was pure until i got damaged
As i whispered, i had to chew ******* my words
It was sweet and innocent, so i bit my tongue and silenced
Then i spoke, i had to close my mouth
It was salty but easy to wash it right out
Then i tried to breathe, it was too sour for me proceed.
I was struggling with no air
Then i tried to think, it was bitter and i couldnt keep it all in
So then my heart came up into my throat
The pain that i felt when i had to *****
But at the same time i was forced to keep it down
Im so nauseous from trying to be strong
I held inside everything that was wrong
I bleed without a knife
My mind just wants to fight
My nightmares havent disappeared
My fears have left me in tears
Now i cant breathe
Im choking and its all too sharp
I dont wanna close my mouth with everything just piercing through me
My throat acts like a shield; protecting the body from damage
But im too weak to fight back so i have to bite down and take it
Its inside my stomach,
I wanna ***** the liquid out of me
Its inside my blood,
I wanna cut out the depression inside of me
Its in my bones,
I wanna break; then rebuild what already broke me
Its in my chest
I wanna rip out the heart thats frozen
Its in my throat
I wanna pull it all out but its too late
Its in my mouth
I was forced to take in what i couldnt handle
My mouth was supposed to stay closed so that it all couldnt go down

I feel so tired
Tired of trying to win
Im fighting a battle against myself
And i should just give up
Im slipping through the cracks that i made with my force
My anger broke down what was trying to protect me
I cant breathe; it feels like im suffocating
Im inside a box with no holes and i need to get air
I blocked every escape i had that was open
They closed up and locked me out
I can never get out, even though i created the locks
The keys are locked away somewhere inside my head
Im so tired of searching
Searching for all these answers
My questions just cannot be answered
I tried, and then i failed
I failed a test that i was forced to cheat on; & then i disqualified myself from life
I tried not to get hurt but my mind was the weapon
I bled from the inside out without a shield for protection against myself
In the darkness i was blind to fight
There was no light for my freedom to hide
It all came at me at once
I wasnt ready to fail from my own soul
Once it started, it just didnt stop
I had no time to breathe
I had no chance to speak
Fighting the fears
But i ran away
Fighting the lies
But i was naive
Fighting the darkness
But then i couldnt sleep
Fighting the pain
But then i bleed
Fighting the emotions
But then i cry
Fighting the emotions
But then i wanna hide
Fighting the emotions
But then i become angry
Fighting the emotions
But then its overwhelming
Fighting the emotions
But then i become anxious
Fighting the emotions
But then become hypertension
Fighting the emotions
But then i become lost
Fighting the emotions
But then i give up