I held on to memories that will never fade away
I squeeze my eyes tight thinking it will all go away
The water from my eyes burn my wounds but i dont care
It burns even more when i think into the past
And these scars will always be visible
I feel my heart pounding
As i see myself drowning
I feel my head spinning
As i see myself falling
I feel myself breaking
As i see myself bleeding
I couldnt hold on any longer
I just slipped away
And with the visions of my nightmares, i just want to lose sight
My eyes are blurry and i choose not to see
I always hoped when they open, everything would go back to normal
But its like a waterfall; pouring all over me
Im drenched and cold from the liquid that takes over me
The drops that fell on the floor for me to slip and fall
The puddles that were made for me to ignore a reflection
The ocean that i was forced to swim in, but then i drowned
I took the drops and i made the puddles
I took the puddles and i made an ocean
And when i drowned, was when i couldnt take no more
The memories of pain
The memories of suffering
The memories of remembering
It is the time of struggling
I couldnt see no more
The water took my sight
My face is all numb from wiping away the tears
And i could hardly breathe;
I choked and then i was never able to fight my fears
I couldnt see what was in front of me
I only saw what was within me
I forgot how everything looked around me
I only knew that i could never be set free
Did you ever cry so much that it burned?
Did you ever cry so much that it hurt?
Did you ever cry so much that you couldnt breathe?
Did you ever cry so much that you couldnt see?

What happens when we fall?
We get right back up
But i fell a thousand times
So my body was trained to bruise
My plans broke and then i failed
I tortured my heart so my mind could be left alone to make me struggle
I was broken and was never fixed;
And then i had to move on with unfinished stories
The stories that left me hurt;
Left me bleeding
No bandage was able to stay on
No makeup was able to make it disappear
No clothing was able to cover me
No meds were able to change me
I kept ignoring the wounds that harmed me
I wanted to push it to see what would happen to me
Washing the blood, i didnt care
Even though i saw myself failing;
And i wanted to see how much i can take
Then i thought my strength would never leave
I saw myself grew weak;
Then these wounds were taking long to leave
I couldnt do this
I wanted to end this
I felt my head turning spinning
I felt my ears ringing
I felt my eyes get blurry
I felt my mouth drying up
I felt my breathing turned heavy
And then i felt my whole body go numb with the shock of mental illness
My bones broke
My skin ripped
My mirror shattered
And my heart followed my reflection
All my pieces got lost
I pushed it so deep that i scarred
I regret listening to myself because i went too far
The first cut was for me to try
Then the wounds started escalating until i cried
I cried to wash away the pain
I cried to heal the wounds that remain
But then it was too late
I had started a whole different pain
I was at the weakest my body could have been
I snapped myself in half then i couldnt move
I was badly wounded; i wanted to erase what i have done
I was my own doctor that i had to rely on
I made my own stitches on my body to get fixed, but the damage is done
I stapled my heart together, put it will never be strong
I put a bandage on my memories, but it will always fall off
Now the pain is real
Now i harmed myself enough
It took a long time to heal my wounds
But the scars will stay forever

They say to fight until you win
But i have been losing each time
I want the negativity to end the darkness that comes from within
I dont know how to go through the darkness if i cant see the light
I never believed there was a light at every tunnel
It kept going with no opening
So i never found my way out; im still struggling
I felt heavy with broken thoughts
I wanted to be found because i was lost
I was patient;
So very patient
I was generous;
So very generous
I was quiet;
So very quiet
I was naive;
Im still so naive
I was calm until i turned angry;
And i wanted everything to just leave me
I was happy until it turned into depression;
I drowned everyday in my tears
I was talkative until i turned silent;
I was just too scared to speak
I was strong until i turned weak;
I was used to the point where i could no longer defend myself
I gave up when i couldnt reach
I tried to grab every chance to explain what is going wrong
But then i failed
Each time i fell to the floor, i couldnt gain the strength to get up again
I put too much trust inside something that was waiting to break
Then the floor had shattered pieces
And the time ran out on me
How do i fix this mess?
How do i pick it all up?
The pieces are cutting me
Im bleeding; i cannot remove the scars that were left behind
Each picture had a tear
Each tear had a memory
Each memory had a movie
Each movie played inside my head
My head had a weak mind
The mind of a broken child
I felt small, i felt weak, i felt naive
And i couldnt sleep
I felt like i couldnt breathe
I felt like i couldnt see
I felt like i couldnt hear
I felt like I couldnt speak
I lay here in the same spot
The thoughts keep running around inside my head
My mind stopped me from rewinding and fix the mistakes that I should have learned from
My regrets have knocked me down
And i have broken all my bones
My silence made me slip away
I was ignored and trapped inside the darkness
I suffocated while I hyperventilated
I couldnt breathe no more
I cried until i drowned
I disappeared under the puddles on the floor
I tried to escape through my scars, my cuts, and bruises
But i only made it worse by bleeding out the pain, the memories and excuses
I did too much
I said too much
I worked too much
Now the pain is too much
I cried too much
I hurt too much
I bled too much
Now the weakness is too much
I fought too much
I lost too much
I fell too much
Now the bruises are too much
The anxiety is too much
The tears are too much
The struggle is too much
Now this is enough

My room turned into glass; then it shaped itself into a bowl
I didnt know the next step until i got brainwashed and it all made sense to cry
To fill up the bowl, it was all planned
In the end i know im going to drown
My fears broke me
My anxiety striked me
My nightmares haunted me
My mind played me
Inside the glass, my screams only echoed back
Noone was able to hear me ask for help
I wanted to continue to scream but it was so pointless as i became so weak
There was no air to breathe;
Only the top was open for me to see
I didnt know how to climb out
I didnt know how to run away
I didnt know how to break away from all the mistakes that were made
Every single night;
I had cried,
I laid in bed with closed eyes
I had no more strength so i struggled
I wanted to escape all the trouble
And i felt like a statue;
Couldnt move
Couldnt speak
Couldnt hear
Couldnt breathe
I felt trapped inside my own room
I locked away dreams & wishes that i once knew
I wanted to change
I wanted to grow
But instead i was stuck
And i kept going low
I keep being attacked, but noones here
Im alone
I know noone will hear
Everything taken, so my heart would bleed
The water kept coming as my eyes couldnt see
I panic because the bowl is half full
I just cant stop even if i try to punch a hole
I had forgotten how to swim
So im sure i will drown
This water is even salty so it burns my cuts & scars that keep opening as i bleed on the ground
Im trying to dry the water but it keeps coming so i cant sleep in peace
My bed is soaked; how do i rest?
My face is drenched; how do i stop?
My eyes are burning; how do i forget?
Im drowning
I cannot see
Now my room is filled to the top so i cannot breathe
I have no choice but to lay here waiting for it all to shatter and stop my eyes from leaking

What didnt touch me, harmed me
What touched me, i didnt push away
My friends were the weapons;
It was the mind that made me bleed
The bruises never failed
The pain always existed
The scrapes were visible
The cuts kept opening up
They say the sticks and stones break you
Its a lie because i played
The names and memories are the ones that hurt you
Its true because i finished the game
My tears didnt get made from physical harm
I drowned from unexplainable hurts
Memories never fade
Images never run away
Lost and never found
My mind had escaped
Harmed without being touched;
I looked through the past
And had nightmares of the present
And now im trying to survive the future
Sticks and stones never bothered me
Knives and weapons always helped me
Alcohol would be relaxing to me
But now the mind inside still has a hold on me
My bones didnt break but my heart was the one that broke
My brain didnt get damaged but my mind was the one that got ruined
My skin didnt peel but my strength was the one that was peeling off me
My body didnt collapse but my soul collapsed and took off from me

It feels so tight
I feel my chest squeezing itself as i try to release the air
I feel a fast beat
I feel a harsh feeling
I feel a sharp pain
I feel a loud drum in my ears
Im breathing but its hard
I wanna get up but my strength is too far
I need to stand but i know im gonna fall
Now im reaching the scissors to cut the weakness thats wrapped around my soul
Im wanting to push away the darkness and make all my fears go
My anxiety and depression wont seem to leave
Now my head has exploded
Now my heart & skin are bleeding
My throat is so dry
Its dry from struggling to breathe
All the air dried me out
My lungs had suddenly weakened me
Im dizzy; i cannot stand
I try to grab onto something
But everything moves away from my hands
Im on floor and i give up
I never learned to control myself
And ive had enough
I had lost
And anxiety won
My strength was taken
And now im done

I held on to what feared me for too long
Now i wanna leave; i wanna let go
My strength was taken and is still locked away
My weakness became weaker and im still searching a way to run and break free
I had enough of what tortured me;
My mind that overpowered me
I had enough of the pain that ruined me;
My soul that slowly finished me
I wanted no more abusing;
Myself that was always bleeding
I drowned and it wasnt from water
My tears were bringing me down
I ran but i wasnt being chased
My heart was racing from the worry
I choked and it wasnt from eating
My hands wrapped around my own throat
I stopped breathing and i dont have asthma
I hyperventilated from no control
I bled and it wasnt an accident
I was an owner of a razor
How do i undo this
How can i redo this
I searched for the key for years;
To unlock what i locked up that hid all my fears
All the pain
And all the wounds
All the scars
And all the bruises
All the fears
And all the nightmares
All the worry
And all the panic
All anger
And all the sadness
All the memories
And all the suffering
All the closure
And all the darkness
It needs to end