I cried a million times to think that i had no more energy to push out the tears
But now im thinking twice because i feel it all over again
Im getting drained once again
I feel my heart pounding like before
I cant accept what i wanted to be unreal
I cant push away what the images are showing me
I appear alone
I appear alone with the door closed
Not only closed; but locked with an invisible key
As i lay down, the weight chokes me
Just forcing myself not to breathe; i cant think anymore
I feel a set of invisible hands strangle me as i lose control
I cant continue to think, when its making me worse
I close my eyes to try to remember how to breathe
Then suddenly i feel a wave of anxiety hit me
The fears find me,
My memories say hi to me
The past; that haunts me
I cant control whats happening
I cant control what stays
I cant control what visits me
I just cant control these emotions that remain
Lying here, feeling small
Feeling like i have no voice
I cant breathe; its just hard to breathe
Now my eyes cant see
On my back i hyperventilate,
On my back im choking
The weight is on top of me and now im trying to break free
Turning over, trying to catch my breath
I cannot escape from this feeling
My hands are so shaky as i try to gain strength to squeeze whats under my head
I thought that if i move i would erase all my thoughts
But its the same; if not worse
I feel my face all wet
Wet, from my eyes that i couldnt control
I tried to be strong one last time but i failed
Its pointless for the pain to just go away
I tried to burry my thoughts
I tried to burry my fears
But i buried my face to try to forget
But im only releasing my tears..

The strength has been forced to escape through my fears
And now it replaced itself with weakness
I bent myself the wrong way and now im broken
I twisted too far and now im fractured
I jumped too high and now i cant walk
I threw myself and now im shattered
I picked up my pieces but nothing matches
When i try to find my strength, its already hiding from me
When i try to lose my weakness, its already fighting me
I realized i did it all
I made it all disappear
I broke the rules
I escaped from safety
I ignored who spoke to me
I tried to ignore my broken dreams
I drank all the poison
I created my own scars
I made my own cuts
And i went too far
I tried to get up while my legs were numb
I tried to speak while my mouth was closed
I tried to see while my eyes were shut
I tried to hear while my ears were plugged
I tried to breathe while my lungs were collapsed
I tried to think while my mind blocked me from it all

I thought it was over but my heart is still racing
I hear the pounding in my ears
I feel the breathing suffocating me
The numbness broke off all my circulation within my body
I cant hold on to what was already lost
My dreams have crashed
And my fears are still standing
My nerves are about to snap because im shaking
I feel like the darkness wont allow me to reach the the light
I close my eyes to make it darker and then i cry
I think then i get worried
I see then i get scared
I hear then i get startled
I feel then i get hurt
I thought i would never fall, but i did
My dizziness got the best of me; now i lay on the floor
I fell; not from being pushed
Not from tripping
Not from being off balance
..only from my mind within me
My heart shakes the floor
My lungs move the air
My thoughts play on a tv
I fear what isnt there..

A scent so strong, but yet so sweet;
The colour that reveals itself, shines happily
It calms
It silences
And then it grows strong
The face so gentle
The head so strong
But then a heart so fragile
Something can go wrong
My hands all *******
Then my body suddenly turned into a shield
Im protecting what im fighting for
Im protecting what isnt real
I turned away
I shut everyone out
I turned into ticks that pierce right through my body
The vicious thorns force me to bleed out every fear
Im struggling inside the garden of mazes
I struggle to untie my knots
My blood flows into the stem
My veins are snapped from the thorns
I learned to defend but now im completely protected
I have built a garden, then i grew what decided to pierce me
I grew a rose that replaced what couldnt be new
I screamed
And then i yelled with different volumes
I wanted to break myself
My pedals are slowly falling
My thorns are growing fast
My body continues to wrap around my space
Im in the middle of trying to let myself go

My heart has been used over a thousand times
Over and over i saw the truth break through my soul
I was transformed into someone i didnt recognize;
Now my mind has full control
My eyes stayed open, and then i was forced to see what i didnt wanna see
My ears were aching, from the noises i couldnt block out
My voice was damaged, from the screaming i warned when i needed freedom
My body fell over as i tried to run, but i tripped over all the hurts that block my way..
My heart was pounding fast with these emotions that went through
But my mind was satisfied because it was the only one; happy
I wanted to close my eyes because they were burning
I wanted to plug my ears because they were hurting
I wanted be silent because my throat was stinging
I wanted to get up because my body felt so heavy
I wanted to slow myself down because i actually wasnt breathing
I wanted to shut down my mind because its slowly draining me

Unresponsive as i try to think it through
I try to undo this pain, but i cannot erase what has already been left permanent
Nothing has healed
I know, because im still wounded
Nothing was sealed
I know, because i tried every bandage
Nothing was stitched
I know, because i still bleed
Bruises fade
But the scars remain
I bleed through every tear with every pain
Im drenched in my tears
I drown as i weep
I cannot control the emotions that have a hold on me
The movies in my mind never ends
The pictures in my head never changes
The memories in my brain still wanders
My body suddenly weakens as i try to stand up to myself
I try to be the one to stop it all, but i made it worse
The sadness that i express, creates a pounding heart that shakes
The sadness that i express, creates a shaky heart that breaks
The sadness that i express, creates a broken heart so lost
Lost inside the cage of darkness
The darkness holds me without a key
Without a key, im inside a square
The square with mirrors all watching me
I watch myself try to overcome my fears
I watch myself never allowing to stop my tears

I feel the burning of the heat go through my body
And now the humidity squeezes my head so that im unable to think
The water is filling up my space quickly
And then i feel myself drowning as i try to swim
The darkness traps my dreams
And now my nightmares broke through my strength
I feel the anxiety creeping up because suddenly i feel numb
Then im hyperventilating; and now im unable to breathe
I feel my heart pounding as my moods make a switch to confuse me
One minute its happiness the next is depression
I dont know what im feeling
When my head is squeezed
When my body is drowning
When my weakness is gone
When my fears are scary
When i cannot breathe
Is when im out of control
When i try to defend myself
Is when my fears are stronger than my soul