The feeling when my mind is numb
Is when i lose all concentration when i try to think
In a sudden shock; i freeze
My body is frozen, and then i forget how to breathe
Silence is interfering when i try to look for hidden words
I cannot speak when i want to speak
Something is stopping me
I forgot everything i wanted to do;
Everything i wanted to say
It all got ripped out of me
I feel so empty inside
I use to write with my brain
I had words all over me
My stories were told
My memories would show
Then my mind erased it all
The good memories turned bad
The stories didnt end happy
The other side of me changed and stood out more then the light
I was covered in black
I cannot erase what got painted on me
Its all black
Its all dark
I feel blind
I feel scared
No words are allowed to be spoken
I know because i tried
Its like my memories restored
Its like the good ones were a dream
Im in a nightmare now
And now i can hardly see
Now i try to use my head,
But it just keeps blocking me
Im limited to my thoughts
Im limited to speak out loud
Then when i speak in silence, its so hard to think
My body got washed out
I cant remember how to move
My voice got washed out
I cant remember how to speak
My hearing got washed out
I cant remember how to listen
My sight got washed out
I cant remember how to see
My breathing got washed out
I cant remember how to breathe
My heart got washed out
And then my mind took over
There is emptiness within

Its silent
Its dark
And i only hear my breathing to the fast pace of my heart
Noones listening
Just myself observing
I tell myself that everything is never gonna be the same
My image broke years ago
Everyday i walk against invisible crutches; that i depend on to guide me through my fears
Sometimes i let go and i wanna fall
Lose all my strength;
Then lose it all
I try to keep my focus
But all i see is the past
I lay down and roll over and keep saying i wanna go back
I cannot return whats been brought to me
I tried to make things work
I tried to heal the hurt
Then reality got worse
The feeling of numbness
But then the feeling of knives
The feeling of loneliness
But then the feeling of my fears beside me
The feeling of hyperventilating
But then the feeling of intoxication
The feeling of anxiety
But then the feeling of being dangerously calm
The feeling of hallucinations
But then the feeling of the reality of life
When i think, I remember
When i remember, i feel the anger
When i feel the anger, i feel the sadness
And then i feel the tears from eyes run down as i cry myself to sleep..

My throat is clogged
And then my chest is tight
My hands are numb
And then my fingers tingle
My ears are ringing
And then my eardrums close
My eyes are tired
And then my eyeballs burn
My mouth is open
And then my tongue is dry
Im hyperventilating
And then i feel to faint
My body is exhausted from no sleep
Dehydrated without liquids
Weak without food
And this appetite that disappears only comes when im forced to swallow the anxiety; as i try to run away from it
Im shaky
I feel my legs are going to give out
I thought i got stronger
But my mind only made me weaker
And now i have to learn how to function all over again
My heart is beating so fast
I can hear it inside my ears
When my blood is boiling, my temperature rises
Im drenched in the sweat that got me choking on my own air
Through my lungs, i feel like everything has been blocked
It unblocks only when i open my mouth to hyperventilate
But then i swallow my own fears

A flower bloomed so nice
Full of life
Full of colour
The stem was strong and so were the pedals
Opening the clothing to show its glow
But then every flower dies at one point in life
My legs gave out and then i wilted over
My colour had gone brown
My skin had marks as it tore
My bones became so brittle
My insides became so dehydrated
Then my heart grew so weak
My air was the wind; just breathing so hard
My lungs couldnt handle it anymore so i just hyperventilated
I felt all my pieces to my body shake
It was like i was being blown around;
And then the dizziness started
A trail of pedals had marked up the floor
The pedals attached, were the parts that i will have to search for
I took my pedals off one by one
And they came off so easily because i was weak
My pieces broke off fast
I ripped them off so angrily
And then they all just fell to the ground
I tried to water myself with my tears but it was too late
I cannot grow anymore
I cannot replant what already died
I cannot change how my body didnt survive

I allowed myself to leave
I left without a sound
I shut the door and locked it
I turned everything upside down
Grieve;
I continue to have sorrow
Thoughts;
I continue to be dangerous
Silence;
I continue to hide
Weakness;
I continue to fight
Memories;
I continue to think
Pain;
I continue to experience my hurts
I wanna wash it all away
I wanna move it all away
I wanna let it all out
I wanna let myself go
If i wash away my wounds will it burn?
If i wash away my thoughts will my memories erase?
If i wash my fears away will my nightmares continue?
If i wash everything with my tears will it all disappear?
If i drown myself in my tears will all the pain go away?..

When the air usually passes through,
But then suddenly its hard to breathe
I feel it in my chest the pressure
I can feel my heart just pounding
The dizziness arrives
And thats when my strength fades away
I can no longer hold onto myself
Im falling as i slip away
I cannot swallow
I just wanna exhale all my fears
Theres something in my throat
The anxiety just wont go down
I keep forgetting
I keep messing up
The confusion gets the best of me
My brain is just freezing over
Like a tree with no leaves, all my pieces shook themselves and fell onto the ground
The pieces to my body broke apart from me
I felt every struggle as i try to open my lungs
As i hyperventilate i feel the suffocation choking me
I want these invisible hands to break away from my throat

I try to move but i cant find the strength
I cut myself deep and now i bleed the pain out
I cant function and i dont know where to focus
Im reaching out but everything is just so far away
My body is slowly giving up
Everything is moving away
Inside myself i feel it all crack
All i ever had, is now hard to get back
I feel it all disappearing
All the damage is breaking me
My fears are all taking over me
I wanna escape the darkness
But the darkness is inside me
Im actually going nowhere..
Im slowly losing myself
Im being stretched as i try to think
And im being torn as i try to repair my pieces
My muscles are tense
And then they become knotted
My blood is thinning out
And then it escapes
My veins are shot
And then they snap
My bones are weak
And then they shatter
My heart is giving up
And then it breaks
I lost strength
I feel empty
I lost feeling
I feel the dizziness
I lost interest
I feel different
I lost my mind
I feel nothing.