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Caterina Correia Aug 2018
When your inside a box, you cant move
When you cant move, its because theres no holes
When the box has no holes, it will make it harder to breathe
When the water is dumped in the box, you panic
When you panic, its because your trapped
When your trapped, its because you cannot breathe
When you cannot breathe, its because your slowly drowning
The water keeps pouring inside the box that has you closed deep inside
Struggling
Fighting
You cannot breathe until the water is released
It keeps filling and your so deep inside
Deep inside a tiny room with no room to breathe
To struggle means screaming in silence
To scream silently means running with the fears that has you trapped
Closed inside with the nightmares
And your drowning with all the fears on top
They're alive while your dying
They laugh while your cry
They breathe while you lose all your air
You try to pull everyones oxygen to help your own breath
Lungs are weak
Nothing more to do then wait
Wait to see what you can conquer
And wait to see the next day
Fighting
Struggling
The lid wont come off
Fighting
Struggling
The box is too strong to receive holes
Fighting
Struggling
The box is overflowing
And its the mind thats does the drowning
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
I tried to leave a place that turned dark
A place that i created and the place that blocked out my heart
I tried to change but in the end
I struggled
No room to breathe
No time to see
I got lost inside my own mind and then i made myself bleed
I created bruises that stayed blue
I opened cuts that never closed
I left all the wounds alone to bleed out my hurts
Stitches werent available because i used the string to hold on
I held on tight but it snapped and i fell to the ground
When i fell i broke my bones
New wounds appeared as scars that wouldnt go away
All together i mark up my life
The blood that runs down my body tries to drown me
I try to wash away my pain with my tears
But they only drown me
Im still in bad shape
And i cannot heal the pain
My body is burning from these open wounds
There goes another story without an ending
There goes the blood that continues dripping
I question my mind about what it wants
It replies "you" and i know my heart has no say
I want it all to end
I just want these thoughts out of my head
I wanna run but my legs are weak
I wanna fight but my hands arent moving
I wanna close my eyes and open them to something new
I wanna plug my ears and then unplug them to change the truth
I wanna believe that my heart will repair
I wanna believe that my hurts arent there
But the truth is that my heart is too weak
The truth is that the mind will continue to speak
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
I couldnt plug my ears when the truth came into my mind
Thats when my heart was getting weak and then suddenly, i cried
The days grew heavy just like the hearts that wouldnt stay together
The pouring rain was from my eyes and wasnt from the weather
In shock i couldnt breathe
My dizziness just brought me to my knees
The pain that i needed to fall
I knew this time i lost it all
All i had and all i looked up to
All i looked at and all i spoke to
All i loved and all i followed
Was all i saw that left me in sorrow
Anxiety worsened
Hyperventilation tried to chase you
Anger erased all the happiness within me
And depression created invisible stairs
To me there was no time
The clock wasnt allowed to speak
I curse the day you were taken
I just wanted to be the one who lay peacefully
I stayed inside and closed my door
With force, i cried in silent
With rage & violence, i needed to be tamed
It was the moments i wanted the harm to be quiet
I gathered my thoughts
I gathered my tears
I gathered my memories for the time you painfully disappeared
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
I hear the footsteps behind me as i get startled
Then suddenly i start to use my legs as i run past my fears
Im being chased but i dont see anyone
My heart is racing but why am i running?
Im being threatened but the voices disappear
And i cannot see the person that was near
My arms are marked
My skin, it bleeds
My heart is stabbed
Im pushed on my knees
I cant get up because i was pushed
On the floor i went blind as i lose whoever is following me
Its in my house now
Im scared to make a sound
If i move, im going to fall to the ground
Now its in my room
Im being held down
Im choking from the hands that are tightly wrapped around
Am i going crazy?
Am i going insane?
I mistake the invisible for myself
The suspect is my own mind
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
A tunnel thats ready to move,
Im inside a dark place
I feel the tension inside my body and im preparing not to breathe
I feel the squeeze that covers my lungs
The liquid that escapes, makes a puddle of blood
My throat doesnt cooperate when i try to swallow
I choke on the past
And i hyperventilate on all the shadows
The air that i try to catch only makes me dizzy
My heart races
And my body gets heavy
Everything is getting smaller as i get weaker
My bones arent strong as my body gets tighter
Im falling over as my skin rips apart
I shattered the pieces to my heart
The tunnel is my body and its closing in on me
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
I turned my back so the mirror wouldnt break me
I kept my eyes open so i wouldnt see my fears
I put the alcohol away so the memories fade
I put the light on so i wouldnt have nightmares
I put the chains in front of my arms so i stop the bad habit of harm
I put a stop sign in front of my eyes so i wouldnt go through the darkness
I opened my door so i would be set free
I put a question mark in front of my mind so i find out all the answers
I faced the mirror and it shattered to pieces
I opened my eyes and i saw what fears me
I filled up the glass and kept the bottles near
I turned off the light and then my hopes & dreams disappeared
I broke through the chains and grabbed a razor
I kicked the stop sign and lost all the light
I locked my door so i would be trapped inside
I erased the question mark because ill never be able to answer to myself
Caterina Correia Aug 2018
I became numb because i felt every pain
I became deaf because i heard every lie
I became blind because i saw all the darkness
I became mute because i screamed at all my fears
I couldnt breathe because i started to choke
I felt every pain because i wanted to bleed
I heard every lie because i searched for the truth
I saw the darkness because i tried to find the light
I screamed at my fears because i begged them to disappear
I choked because my hands were around my throat
I wanted to bleed so i could feel what relief was
I wanted the truth because i couldnt trust myself
I wanted the light so i woulnt be so scared
I wanted my fears to disappear because i was my own enemy
I wanted my hands to squeeze everything out of me
I bled but im still not at peace
I found the truth but i still cant trust myself
I found the light but im still scared
I got rid of my fears but im still my own enemy
My hands put an end to harm but everything is still growing inside me
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