I took away what held me together
And now i have fallen apart
All the dark secrets ive hidden inside me bled out through my cuts & scars
The loneliness of my spirit has left a crowded life
I left what could have saved me
I left what could have helped me
And now i breathe in the pollution thats inside my mind
I brainwashed myself into thinking i was ok
I couldnt see how i was because i was blinded with the pain
As i met who i was deep inside, i learned to accept the change within myself
I was addicted to a mind that stays inside;
Trapping me so i cant hide
I thought i was normal when i was full of guilt
I thought i was normal when i was full of anger
I thought i was normal when i was abusive
I thought i was normal when i was changing my thoughts
I thought i was normal when i was turning my back away from people
I thought i was normal when i was avoiding people
I thought i was normal of every single behaviour i had made
I thought i was normal when i was full of tears everyday
I thought i was normal to crave my fears
I thought i was normal to look for my nightmares
I thought i was normal to fall in love with the stranger i have created

I fell for my lies and i couldnt catch myself
As i fell to the ground, i broke all my strength
The bed that held me went invisible towards me
When i sleep, all i have is nightmares;
The pillow just ignores me
When i hide myself from my fears,
The blanket tries to strangle me
I had to search comfort another way
As i try to go through the door, it slams shut in front of me
I try to open it, but i locked myself in with no key
As i walk through the mirrors of my broken image,
I fall between the floors
It collapsed and then thats when my legs had been broken
I had to find another path to take
As i go down the stairs, the railing ignores me
I was too weak when i needed to grab on, but now even weaker when the stairs throw me down to the floor
As i lay here broken, my heart is actually in pieces
As i lay here weak, my mind actually lost its strength
As i lay here with fear, my body is shaking
As i lay here crying, nothing can stop these tears from falling

I ran out of ink;
Thats when it all became the reality
I was full of life but then i erased all my pages
The paper is blank now
And now i write the feelings of a broken soul
Painful words
Harmful thoughts
Emotionally abused
And the tears I purposely made drop
I ****** out the ink to replace it with blood
Im torn
Im hurt
I bleed
My bruises are black
My scars are forever
My cuts are still open
I never got mentally better
I speak through a book where my cover is a secret
Inside im damaged
Inside im shattered
My vocal cords dont want to work
My tongue gets twisted each time i try to say a word
Im unable to speak
So through silence,
Im forced to harm whats already harmed
I hurt whats already hurt
I pierce whats already pierced
I damage whats already damaged
I tear away whats already torn
I throw whats already thrown
Now im down on the ground still unable to speak
My mind forces me not to reveal the punctured heart
The visible appearance thats allowed is through the body;
Through the bones
Through the veins
And through the skin
I write the chapters of my life
And the tool that i use is a knife

My brain is right, while my mind is wrong
I believe all the lies, and i hate all the things i have done
My left leg wants to move, while my right leg trips me
I try to run away, but my fears wont set me free
My left arm is weak, while my right arm is strong
One i suddenly broke, and one used to make the blood run
My eyes are closed, while i see my worries inside
When they're closed im safe, but when they're open i wanna hide
Im breathing, while im hyperventilating
I feel calm, but at the same time i feel dizzy
I can hear, while im deaf
I wish i can plug out everything, but the negativity wont make me forget
Im numb, while i feel all the pain
I knocked myself out, then i forced myself up again
Im tired, while im wide awake
Im burning up, while im cooling down
The anger that i release, leaves my voice with no sound
I wanna forget, but my nightmares keep me up late
Im laughing, while im crying
My appearance is that im ok, but behind a door im mentally dying
Half of the mirror is perfect, while the other half is shattered
The perfection is what i want;
And the shattered is the reality in which i will forever suffer..

I fought with my head, while my heart was breaking
When i was falling, i didnt even try to save myself
Every action spoke my violence
Every word spoke my truth
Every silent spoke my back
Every anger spoke my cold heart
Every appearance spoke my shadow
I was dark
I was invisible
I ended up hiding from it all
I wanted to run, but gravity forced myself to feel the pain
The pain in which i caused me to regret every serious game
I wanted to go back
I wish the time reversed
Now i carry it all on my shoulders
I was shot with my own words
I was trapped in my own actions
I was caught with my own lies
I was hurt with my own anger
So i cried it all away;
At least i tried but never succeeded
The tears only made puddles for me to drown myself in
I covered my face forcing myself not to breathe
And then i breathed out fire; i burned my own image,
I burned what i was unable to see
My ashes were like dust;
Floating away with the wind
I disappeared and couldnt stay to feel another guilt within my skin

I sit inside four walls
Im in the middle where i cannot breathe
I want to reach out but everything is so far away
Get me out;
I wanna get out
I feel that i cannot breathe because im losing air
Everything is closing in on me as i try to speak
Then when im silent, my heart pounds so loud i go deaf
Im unable to express what i feel
This feeling just cannot be explained
All the anxiety
All the hyperventilating
All my worries
All my fears
All the anger
All the tears
Where are holes that were supposed to me made?
The holes in which i have to force myself to breathe
I closed them
I hid them
Now i cannot breathe
Im choking as im struggling
Im dizzy as i catch my breath
I dont wanna do this anymore
Just let me out of this position
Im trying to do what i want but im being stopped
Im being held back to do so much
I just wanna break free
The outside is what im missing
Looking in, im so alone
In the darkness is what i fear
I fear the invisible truth
As i close my eyes, i listen; but i cannot hear
As i close my eyes, i touch; but i cannot feel
As i close my eyes, im talking; but i cannot speak
And as i open my eyes, i look; but i cannot see where to begin
Im just sealed inside my own mind

There isnt one day that these eyes dont cry
The tears start from memories
The memories are together safe
Locked away in my heart
But i wanted you to stay
I cant undo whats done
So now im feeling it everyday
Im broken
Im lost
And now its the pain that i truly hate
I knew you couldnt stay
But why all the suffering?
It was hard to see your pain, your weakness, and your eyes
It was hard to show the love;
The one that i regret to show
I showed it with all my strength
When you slowly had to go
Everything was just too late
A troubled girl gone blind
I noticed everything at the last minute
When it was out of time
It replays in my head like a movie;
A sad movie
Its a never ending story;
A sad story
Its a never ending nightmare;
My dreams of you here is never going to happen


rip to my angel x0