I always wandered what would happen if i got back on the right path
Will i change?
Will my mind twist & turn itself back to normal?
And will my heart unfreeze itself?
I followed a shadow that i knew would make me blind
I followed a soul that i didnt want to attach myself to
But i stared into a mirror and just threw myself in and lost myself
I disappeared from life;
I was invisible to myself
I made my own path; i followed a dark road
And then i ended up in the middle of my own drama
I stood up but i was dizzy
I walked into tripping over
I ran into falling on the floor
I used my eyes but i was blind
I listened carefully but i was deaf
I tried to speak while my voice was mute
I tried to move while my bones were broken
Then i gave up from being mentally exhausted
Where did i go?
I never knew how to interact with a person so close; but so far away
Distance broke me, myself, and i
And i never saw the line that i was holding onto before i let go
I met her, but i said goodbye
I laughed at her, and made her cry
I judged her, then she was angry
I abused her, and made her bleed
I looked and couldnt find
I searched but she had to hide
And then I realized i had cut my own line
I confused my heart with hateful words, and so i ended up bad-mouthing to the mirror
I confused my body with bruises and scars, and so i ended bleeding in my own tears
My mind confused me with an enemy i once knew, without a role model;
All along i locked myself,
In my own room

It will pass; there is nothing to worry about
No doctor necessary
And theres no time to go out
One week of headache,
One bottle of pills
One day hot,
One day the chills
Some days vomiting
Some days dizzy
Somedays chest pain
Some days the stomach is cramping
Some days heartache
Some days are hurting
Some days feared
Some days are boring
Some days worrying
Other days fine
Some days serious
Other days to cry
One day healthy
One day in pain
One day is ok
One day its starts all over again
Months to wait for results
Hours of sleeping in bed
Days of trying to get better
Minutes of hoping its all in the head
Now the days with no energy
Now the days feeling weak
Now the days with no motivation
Now the days only to sleep
Day by day trying
Day by day suffering
Day by day anxiety
Day by day its exhausting
Slowly the strength breaks
Slowly the hopes drop
Slowly the body collapses
Then thats when the heart stops

-miss u mom ❤️

I replaced my happiness with tears,
Fallen out of my body as the memories never fade
I replaced my peace with hyperventilation,
Bringing my fears closer from worry
I replaced my door with a lock,
Closing myself inside these walls
I replaced my reflection with a shattered mirror,
I broke myself completely
I replaced my dreams with nightmares,
I fear what im seeing
I replaced the light with darkness,
I dont know where im going
I replaced my words with silence,
I just dont want to explain the truth
I replaced my stability with imbalance,
Im not allowed to choose who i wanna be
I replaced my skin with blades,
Bleeding from the inside out
I replaced my strength with weakness,
I ****** the life right out of my system

I found out i was weak,
Then i found my mind's strength
Then i realized the reality,
So i found an escape from my pain
In this reality i cannot fake;
I cannot fake a mind thats going insane
I found all my nightmares and tried to wake up
I got knocked back down; my eyes glued shut
I walked in the darkness, searching for the light
Then again my eyes shut, i became blind
My eyes opened, thats where i saw my wounds
While i was blind, my mind took control
I bled through it all because i couldnt keep it in
I tore my skin
I bruised my bones
I licked my wounds
I cried on my scars
I was my own bandage but wouldnt stick
And as i keep falling apart, i bleed all over again
I was my own enemy i had to fight,
But then i found weakness once the strength to my heart had died

I tried to rinse my face but it seems im not gonna change
I tried to rinse my weakness but strength doesnt wanna meet me
I tried to rinse my fears but they came back to scare me
I tried to rinse my problems but they came back to trouble me
I tried to rinse my anxiety but it came back to blow away my body
I tried to rinse my sorrow but the memories still remain
I tried to rinse my nightmares but they came back to haunt me
I tried to rinse my thoughts but the negativity keeps returning
I tried to rinse my steps but the past wont ever change
I tried to rinse my scars but i still see what i did
I tried to rinse the blood but my wounds wont ever close
I tried to rinse the bruises but the pain wants to stay
I tried to rinse my anger but i keep getting angry
I tried to rinse my bitterness but my heart keeps getting cold
I tried to rinse my emptiness but i keep getting unfilled and broken
I tried to rinse my sadness but the tears is what im using,
To try and wash everything away

It was fun staying out late until i took advantage
It was disappearing until i made it a habit
It was fun being wasted until i got out of control
It was fun being promiscuous until my heart couldnt take no more
It was fun being a ***** until i walked with guilt
It was fun getting angry until i put up walls i built
It was fun staying out late until i almost died
It was fun making mistakes until i had to hide
It was fun playing with knives until i actually got hurt
It was fun playing with fire until i finally got burned
It was fun staying up at night until my nightmares forced me to stay awake
It was fun trying to fight my fears until i had the attacks of anxiety
It was fun being alone until i was left alone forever
It was fun staying in my room until i got to know myself better..

I can hardly breathe;
My chest is so tight
In the darkness i lay wide awake
Through my pain, i hyperventilate
Im breathing, but its too fast
I still havent learned to catch my breath
My heart is pounding hard
And then i become so numb from dizziness
I have become so overtired that i cannot sleep
And im inside a nightmare that my eyes wont stay shut
When i tremble, i shake my whole body
I cannot control my nerves
I cannot hold myself down
My appetite has suddenly disappeared; my spirit is the one that starves
Too nervous to eat
Too nervous to drink
Too nervous to get up
Im so confused; what is happening?
Im inside another world feeling weird
I cant snap out of it
I cant control it
I guess i have to fight it
But how do i fight if i have no strength?
I have no strength to control whats inside me
As i keep hyperventilating im slowly falling
I fall with weakness to the ground
I cannot undo whats purposely done
I can only find a way to cope with my fears
There are knots inside my stomach;
The cramping makes it harder for me to breathe
Its fast;
My breathing is so fast
The dizziness is getting worse
Now i feely head is spinning with all the pain
Pulsing; i can feel my heartbeat inside my head as it starts hurting;
Its squeezing me tight
Im struggling to pass air because my chest is so tight
Something is blocking my lungs
These thoughts keep racing
I keep accepting
Im supposed to ignore what hurts me
It's just not giving me a chance to breathe properly