I chased my dreams but i ended up running from my nightmares
I chased the light but i ended up hiding from the darkness
I chased courage but i ended up losing to my fears
I chased happiness but i ended up crying everyday
I chased peace but i ended up yelling & screaming
I chased the air but i ended up gasping for it to come back
I chased relaxation but i ended up with anxiety
I chased comfort but i ended up bleeding
I chased sober but i ended up drunk
I chased my heart but i ended up running from my mind;
So i should have chased help and now im broken inside

Never will i talk again
Never will i search again
Never will i trust again
Until i fight myself all over agin
I tried but i couldnt continue
I cried but i couldnt stop
I lied but i couldnt forgive
And as i look in the mirror, im so disgusted
I was betrayed,
I was left behind
I was chasing myself
I was looking for myself
But i just couldnt find myself
I created dark thoughts, and then i became angry
I ran out, and then i wanted to hide
I sat down and then i cried
I closed my eyes, and then i didnt care
I drank, and then i bled
I had open wounds, and then i was dizzy
I fell, then i couldnt get up
I couldnt move, so then i gave up
I just didnt wanna try anymore
Everything i did, went wrong
Everything i touched, needed a repair
Everything i lost, had disappeared
Everything i dreamed, will never come true
Everything i wished, was a waste of time
Everything went wrong with my mistakes
Everything needed a repair because my anger broke it all
Everything disappeared because i pushed it all away
The dreams that wont move, because they had fallen into a permanent sleep
Everything was a waste of time, because it all just wasnt right;
I cant trust myself again

This is where i got struck
Through my body i pierced myself with negativity
This is where i lay
Unable to get up;
Unable to find the strength
This is where i lost my mind;
It was just so easy to turn the other side
This is where i always cried;
Tragic losses and my place to run & hide
This is where i lost my breath;
Trapped within the hypertension anxiety
This is where i dreamt the nightmares;
Choking in the night and the fear i wish left behind
This is where i became frozen
The past moved closer to me and caused my mind to be still
This is where my mistakes were made
I moved before i thought and then in the end i felt the pain
This is where i hurt
Dangerous actions when i taught myself how to bleed the right way
This is where i was intoxicated
Erasing my memories;
And the past that haunts me
This is where i gave up
I lost it all;
Until i began again
This is where i stand
Im finally up but the pieces still remain

A long way with so many fears
Every day with a million tears
Still not over it
Still havent fought it
And its eating me up inside
When the air turns cold thats when i get to breathe
Thats the only way my air allows me to see
My heart is getting weak from the strength that got away
My head is getting tired from all these that run around in my mind
I shut my eyes and i get scared
When day turns to night
My dreams turn to nightmares
But all i can be is silent
I feel like im choking
Feels like im gasping for air
I cannot remember how to breathe
I cannot remember to hear or how to continue to see
Im so numb
How did i go numb?
I lost all feeling and this is the worst
The physical pain is gone, but its forever hurting me inside
Im bleeding from the inside out and i dont know how it will stop
As i try to hide these scars,
New ones open slowly as i look away
The beginning it was easy
It was all i had to be innocent for
In the middle i was stuck
It was all i had to be scared for
In the end it was never solved
It was all to be hated for
What happen to the time that the pieces were together?
And then i broke that promise
My body broke forever
I broke all the promises to myself;
To be who i had to and not who i wanted to
I just couldn't follow the rules
I turned my back on my heart and allowed my mind to take over
I didnt care,
I couldnt care at all
Lost
Confused
Everything was so blurry
I lay there almost lifeless
I couldnt continue a smile
I couldnt make a laughter happen
I cannot remember all those times i had to change
All i can remember is how i became this way
All the thoughts
All the fears
And all the good memories have disappeared
The colours on me
They turned away from it all
I can only see black shadows that disappear when i go near my own body
I faded myself away

Take my fears and wash them all away
Take my heart and glue it back together
Touch my skin and repair my scars
Tape my pieces that have fallen apart
Untwist my mind from the twisted thoughts
Keep the memories because i dont want them anymore
Rewind the past and erase it all at once
Remake the future that is yet to come
Breathe into my lungs that the air has escaped
Slow down my heart when i hyperventilate
Dry the tears that fall from these eyes
Defeat the one that always makes me cry
Uncover my eyes to see the truth
Unplug my ears to hear the lies
Break my hands from the chains i put on
Find myself before its gone
Find the happiness that once was lost
Fight the anger that lives inside me
Change the sadness that depression was made
**** out all my guilt & hate

One last time im gonna repeat myself
One last time ill try to explain the truth
I cannot control it
I can only fight it
Even though i may end up bruised
A thousand times i tried to heal myself
And in the end i made it worse
A thousand times i tried to ignore myself
A thousand times i ended up hurt
I begged myself to change
I begged myself to accept
I begged myself to be calm
I begged myself to forget
The pieces that had fallen
They were from my body
The pieces i picked up
They just continued to hurt me
I cried to see if the tears would wash away all the pain
But it only made me drown;
It never made my fears go away
I made myself bleed to see if i would gain a conclusion;
But it only made it worse,
It made me gain an addiction
The nightmares that i had,
I hoped it would all be over
Then i was wrong;
It was a way for me to get weaker
I used violence, i threw things around,
I slammed the doors,
I fell to the ground
I ran outta breath;
With the anxiety attacks
I thought it was only one time,
But it always came back
The mind kept changing,
I thought it was normal
Until i was told that i had to be under control
I look through the darkness and there will never be light
I try to figure out how im going to fight
I look around the room to see if the weapons are still around
But its so hard to stop wanting what brought me to the ground
I look at the door;
The one i always shut behind
I can no longer open it until my habits get left behind
I look in the mirror and i dont like what i see
I will always see a stranger staring at me

I cannot breathe
I cannot move
And im frozen in shock
Im in shock from the pain
Theres a path i was forced to take
Now the path is broken but i still made the mistake
It broke when i started
Now im near the end
I cannot go back
I cannot start again
I always felt like giving up
I was always close
Close enough to scare people
The feeling of finally breathing;
But hyperventilated to the floor
When i was struck,
When i was down,
The tears drowned me as they burned my wounds
My opened wounds, i couldnt leave
I just kept them covered and thought this was so normal
I just shut everyone out
And the only person i was allowed to listen to was myself
Then it all became worse
I couldnt break free
I was trapped in my own head, into my own body
I finally got the hang of it;
Knowing who to listen to and knowing who to ignore
I forced to choose all the wrongs
When i was supposed to learn all the rights
I was my own bad influence
But i wanted this;
I needed this
I was so convinced that i was fine on my own
In the end i begged not to be alone with myself
Each night i cried
Each night i struggled
Each night i just couldnt sleep
I was my own nightmare that i wanted to wake up from
But it never stopped
I just wanted it to stop
Behind closed doors i wanted to scream
But when the door was open,
I would just be silenced
People questioned
People wondered
People were so concerned
And i just ran away from the advices that i ignored
I tried to listen but the i suddenly couldnt here
I went deaf;
It wanted me deaf
And then i was so lost
It was so hard
So hard to allow my voice to travel
And it was like i always wanted to get myself in trouble
As i stared into the mirror, i watched me with hate
I knew i had an enemy
I knew it would always stay
I watched myself cry
But i didnt feel the same
I watched myself fight
But i never won
I watched myself be alone
But i never wanted anyone
I watched myself turn
And i never went back
I watched myself break
And the pieces were never found