Yellow leaves fall to the ground
The trees feel naked,
They have invisible frowns
The colour orange has the pumpkins all bright,
Inside was torn apart,
As the candles shine bright
When the moon comes up
When the lights need to turn off,
Then underneath the sky;
Has people dressed up
The music is loud, its creepy
The volume is high so everyone could scream
Night of terror
Darkness of screams
We fear
We fight
We run
We smile
We laugh
We hide
We hold on tight
Or we dont need to hold on at all
Some scared
Others dont
Some have fun
And others stay home
From the morning to night,
Were being controlled
From the sun to the moon,
We do as were told
Everyday we appear good;
Until that one night we turn our heads like a new stranger takes over our souls
Like it escapes as we sleep in our beds
This is the day,
This is the night
The king of darkness rejoices
His party,
His world
And then the excitement, excited with noises
Red tail
Red horns
Red clothing
Red pitchfork
We cant see,
But we can notice
We cant hear,
But we find the screams
We cant feel
But the cold is on our skin
Red liquid, but the blood is fake
Scary masks, but underneath is a real face
Tricks or treats, everyone can play,
Just remember to keep your eyes open on halloween day

Im scared to obey my enemy
That lurks inside the dark
It haunts me
It finds me
It destroys me
And i dont know how to defend myself
My nightmares attack me
They chase away my dreams
In the night i wake;
Trying to breathe as i gasp for air
I realize im being choked
Makes me scream
Makes me cry
Makes me silent
Makes me lie
Makes me depressed
Makes me angry
Makes me anxious
Makes me harm me
Makes me different
Makes me a danger
Makes me different
Makes me a stranger
What are you so afraid of? They ask
Its just the dark
And then i try to so hard to believe its just the darkness
But if i talk,
If i express;
They will all think im so crazy
I try to undo this fear that im holding onto
This fear that stays,
Will follow me around forever
I dont wanna be here anymore
I try to break through my body with weapons,
Hoping ill be set free
But i only bleed to drown in my own soul
Im inside my own cage,
& threw away the key
Theres no escape now
When will i be set free?
These eyes that go red;
And then begin to tear
These ears that go sensitive;
And then forced to obey
These lungs that begin to collapse;
Then i hyperventilate
These hands that become violent;
Then i begin to bleed
This heart that turns black;
Then finally, it breaks
This thing that wasnt under my bed,
Has shown me it was inside my head

I feel that I need to ask to live my life
I feel that I need to ask to do what I want
I feel that I need to ask to go where I want
I feel that I need to ask to be the person I want to be
I feel that I need to ask for my own space
I feel that I need to ask for forgiveness; even though I've done nothing wrong
I feel that I need to ask to speak
I feel that I need to ask to see
I feel that I need to ask questions
I feel that I need to obey all the rules
I feel that I need to be fake to certain people
I feel that Im being watched
I feel that Im being spied on
I feel that Im being threatened
I feel that Im being judged
I feel that Im being yelled at too many times
I feel that Im a prisoner
I feel that Im a puppet on strings
I feel that Im a dog on a tight, strict leash
I feel that Im a butterfly without her wings
I feel that Im a monkey in a cage; waiting to be unleashed
i feel the need to tell people off
I feel the need to get revenge
I feel the need to defend myself
I feel the need to yell back
I feel the need to confront certain people
I feel the need to hospitalize myself...
Because I dont think Im allowed to breathe

All i see is darkness
All i feel is weapons
All i hear is myself screaming
All im doing is trying to breathe
The darkness shuts my eyes
The weapons tear open my skin
My screaming strips my vocal cords
I still cant breathe
A sudden change;
I dont know whats happening
I dont know what im feeling
And i can only feel my heart pounding
And i feel like im choking
I know ill never breathe
All the worries
All the pain
Is controlling my body & making me weak
Im trying to breathe,
While i struggle to breathe
Im trying to speak,
As i struggle to speak
But the air is just strangling me
I dont know what im supposed to do
Because im so confused
What is going on?
I feel so numb to gain feeling again
Now i lost all strength;
When i gained all weakness
And then my head spins as im getting so dizzy
My legs are wobbly as i try to walk;
Now i know im gonna fall

Close the door
And break the lock
Rip apart the sheets
Now lay me down
My ears are open,
And touched from your mouth
Im forced to be silent
Im forced not to be loud
The vocal cords turned down its volume
And to talk, its restricted.
The less we talk
The more we move
The less we stall
The more we get done
The less we think
The more daring we become
A kiss from the lips of a face with seduction
A touch from a body with no shame to wander
Its so silent and dark
Now its unexpected of what im gonna feel
Theres no speaking allowed
But my voice can be loud
Theres no complaining allowed
But we can be rough
Theres no turning back now
But only to turn with a new move
There no stopping now
But we can stop to catch our breath
When a mark is made,
Its when the teeth sink in
When the wrists cant move
Its when the hands are gripping tight
When the breathing is hard
Its when the bodies are strong
When the yelling is loud
Its when the hand covers the mouth
Inside my ear, i hear you
But when i feel you, thats when i can understand
I think its better we dont talk
A whisper from your lips,
Is how we can go on
A whisper from your lips,
Is how you know you can turn me on
Its so hard to talk
But the feeling is unexplainable
The very little sound that comes from the diaphragm,
Is alot to show a satisfaction
Your eyes talk
But your lips move
Your hands move
But your ears dont listen
Your body doesnt listen
So my body accepts
Your actions has me hyperventilating
Your thoughts has me wanting more
& its so much better when its so silent
The sound of our breathing
Is louder than ever
The sound of the bed
Is the noisiest it can ever be
Drowning in sweat,
But i dont want to be rescued
U rescued me from the minute you locked the door
All my worries,
All my fears,
All my anger,
All my tears;
Have all disappeared when you silenced me through actions
I dont ever wanna talk when were in that moment

Im scared
But the lights never come on
I hyperventilate
But my breathing makes me choke
I fall
But the floor never catches me
I run
But the path loses me
Im hurting
But i continue to feel the pain
Im guilty
But im still the one to blame
Im anxious
But my heart beats faster
I cant see
But i go blind
I cant speak
But i go silent while being mute
I cant hear
But i go deaf
I cant feel
But i turn numb
Im angry
But my mind gets stronger
Im violent
But i get stronger
I stay awake
But i continue to have insomnia
I cry
But my tears never dry
Im out of control
But i continue to fight myself
I bleed
But my wounds never heal

Its hard to explain
Just let me breathe
Don't pressure me
Dont force me
Dont question me
I cannot think
What am i going through?
Is it a rebound of depression?
A rebound of this illness?
I cant breathe
Its really hard to breathe
Just let me go
My tears are stuck
But i still wanna cry
Im in a mixed up emotion that hasnt been created yet
Im still fighting for an answer
Im just lying here not knowing what to do
I only hear my heart
And then the rest is just silence
My fears are coming back
My anxiety is awake
I think my body is finished now
Finished with all the rehab
Now im afraid
Is my heart really giving up?
My mind wants to take over once again
I really dont wanna do this
Do i have a choice?
Where is my strength?
Is my weakness coming back?
I have to try and win the fight again
Im so confused
Im so silent
I really dont wanna start all over again
My thoughts are so blank
I dont know what i want
I dont know what im supposed to be thinking
Unless this is the end
The end of rehab
The end of help
Is it wearing off?
Did it have enough?
Please dont let it give up on me now
Im not ready to be on my own