People stare
People talk
People laugh
People judge
Tell me something i dont know
Dont tell me something i already know
Voice your words somewhere else
And please erase what you wrote upon my body
The ink that was permanent wont rub out
By mind is infected by the hurtful sounds
The loudness of everyones mouth,
Now my ears are ringing
Its all *******
And now my heart is stinging
I hear it all
I see it all
I notice it all
I feel it all
If I continue to worry
I will become more stressed
And then these people wont make me rest
Theres jealousy & hate
Theres rumours & truth
But theres never any silence;
Why do people have to talk
Theres no privacy when im there
And when i disappear, people close there eyes
Let me do the things i wanna do
Im sure you can relate
But i know its not about you
Its all about me
Its all about the judging
Its all about the rumours
Its all about the hate
Its all about the jealousy
The judging,
For who i am and what i do
The rumours,
When you dont know my story
The hate,
For me being a *****
The jealousy,
Now u wanna know me;
Now you wanna be me
Dont confuse your own mind with mine
I have a stronger grip
Dont mix in your own heart with mine
I have a deeper anger
Dont try to fix me for your convenience
In the end my tools are sharper
Break the silence,
And tell me to my face
Now leave the circle;
The one that im in
Im glad im the centre of attention
Are you done talking **** now

I thought all the negativity had been erased
Until i realized i was wrong
When it hit me suddenly,
I fell down to the ground
The disappearance of it all,
Allowed me to breathe again
But when it all came back to haunt me,
I felt myself choking again
The air that i had inside me, all sneaked away
My lungs became black
My heart became slow
My bones became brittle
My body became weak
It all became silent
I thought everything was dead
Then soon I realized,
It was all in my head
The truth was that it was sleeping,
And then it entered in my dreams
When my dreams were blank,
It weakened my hopes.
Now these dreams changed into nightmares of terror
I suddenly couldnt breathe again
My heart pumped hard again
My mind was forced to harm again
And then my hands wrapped around my own throat
This is happening again
The anxiety
The anger
The depression
The hyperventilation
The harm
The negativity
Im forced to turn around
My back against the mirror
I thought the mirror broke,
But those pieces were hidden inside its own reflection
I looked through the mirror a thousand times
Always hoping the past would change its mind
And then ran through the future with fear
Now in the present, everything had reappeared
I wasnt answered truthfully
My heart was naive happily
Now my tears had dried up inside
Now my eyes continue to cry
This is so unexpected
Why was i lied to?
Why was i tricked?
My mind has all the answers
My mind has all the secrets
But my heart is not allowed to hear
& even though they're in the same body,
They are so far apart
They have grown apart to hate eachother
I will never understand why two pieces have broken apart
Now i feel myself breathing,
But its too fast
Now i feel myself speaking,
But i stutter
Now i feel myself listening
But theres static
Now i feel myself seeing,
But everything is a blur
Now i feel myself feeling,
But im getting hurt
Its all back
I give up on trying to fight again

I was blind,
And it showed me the dark
I was deaf,
And it made me hear all the lies
I couldnt breathe,
And it made me hyperventilate
I couldnt speak,
And it made me scream with fear
I couldnt move,
But it made me fall
I couldnt feel,
But it made me feel pain
I couldnt face with myself,
But it made me answer to my enemy
When i saw the dark,
It made me change
When i heard all the lies,
It made me believe
When I hyperventilated,
It made me lose control
When i screamed,
It made me go crazy
When i fell,
It made me trap myself
When i felt the pain,
It made me hurt myself more
When i answered to my enemy,
I forgot who i was
When i trapped myself,
It broke the lock
When i hurt myself,
It gave me more weapons
When i forgot who i was,
It brainwashed me completely
When the lock was broken,
It made sure i was stuck forever
When i had more weapons,
I was always bleeding the problems away
When i was brainwashed,
I was no longer in control
When i was stuck
When i was bleeding
When i wasnt in control
When i went down the wrong path
Im ruined forever
Unsaved;
And now i suffer

To have anxiety;
All my fears are haunting me
To have fear,
And then i hyperventilate
To hyperventilate;
It comes from numerous dark thoughts
To have dark thoughts;
My mind is brainwashing me
To be brainwashed;
Im so angry of what ive become
To be angry;
Im so uncontrollable and then my tears begin to fall
To be uncontrollable;
Im crying deep inside
To cry;
A depression has been built inside my soul
To be depressed;
I have taught myself to harm me
To use a weapons;
I have taught myself how to bleed
To bleed;
I finally have relaxation from it all
To relax;
And then im trembling
I begin to tremble;
Im shaking and my body is going into shock
To shake;
I cant move without falling, i cant move without giving out
To fall;
My bones have been broken
To be broken;
I will never gain strength

So tired of remembering
So tired of trying to think
So tired of knowing the truth
So tired of feeling sick
I can hardly speak,
If im mumbling
I can hardly breathe,
If im hyperventilating
I can hardly hear,
If there is static
I can hardly see,
If its blurry
I cant talk,
But i scream
I cant breathe,
But i get anxious
I cant hear,
But i hear the truth
I cant see,
But i see only myself
My moods
My fears
My actions
My words
My nightmares
My thoughts
My mind is never heard
Im violent
Im hurting
Im out of control
Im in danger
Im drowning
Im losing my soul
Noone liked me
My attitude ******
Noone understood me
My moods were ****** up
Everyone tried
I pushed them away
Everyone was scared
But they forced themselves to stay
I fought myself and i lost
I tried to swim in my tears and i drowned
I tried to put together my broken pieces but i lost them
I tried to be friends with myself and i gave up
I couldnt undo myself
I couldnt accept myself
I couldnt look at myself
I couldnt control myself
Until i injected myself
Until i repaired myself
Until i fixed myself
Until i finally helped myself
It helps to speak
It helps to breathe
It helps to hear
It helps to see
It helps to be calm
It helps to be alert
It helps to be clear
It helps to be understood
Im forced to be stable towards myself
Im medicated

When i woke up, i got knocked out
When i got up, i got knocked down
When i rolled over, i got kicked
When i moved, i got trapped
When i opened my eyes, the light was too bright
When i dimmed the lights, the darkness arrived
When the darkness arrived, my mind was alive
When my mind was alive, thats when i started to cry
I wanted nothing
I had everything
I needed everything
But everything was nothing
I enjoyed the black walls that were forced to make me happy
I enjoyed the darkness that trained me to hate and hurt me
I enjoyed the drama that was a tornado in my life
I enjoyed those times when i picked up a knife
Negative energy that i had created
Everything that i ever thought about;
I just couldnt understand why there were no colours
I just couldnt understand why i had to suffer
I would be angry
I would cry
I would be violent
I would have thoughts to die
What if i ran
What if i hid
What if i disappeared
What if i didnt want to live
The anxiety;
I was always worried
The fear;
I was always scared
The yelling;
I was always angry
The depression;
The tears were always there
I questioned myself everyday
At night i wasnt allowed to answer
In my dreams i wished for no more
In my nightmares i was forced to lock my door
I just wasnt allowed to breathe
I just wasnt allowed to see
I just wasnt allowed to hear
I just wasnt allowed to speak
I couldnt breathe, because i was choking in my sleep
I couldnt see, because i was blinded from the light
I couldnt hear, because i was yelling with fear
I couldnt speak, because in the darkness i had noone to talk to
Noone but myself
Exactly- noone

Little girl in her own world
And the world is different from everyone else's
New discoveries
New paths
And then,
A new personality
So then, a hidden secret
I never understood what changed
I thought i was so normal
Something there just wasnt right
Something the family noticed just wasnt fine
I was able to see, but nothing was clear
I was able to hear, but it was all static
I was able to breathe, but i kept hyperventilating
My mind was so naive until i became friends with the devil
And when i tried to escape, it blinded me from the light
All the darkness was thrown in front of me;
I was too small to look for the light
But then i was too short to switch it back on
And then the walls caved in on me
The size that i was;
My bones have been broken from being crushed with fear
I didnt have the time to grow out of this sickness
And then all the questioned were asked..
Why are you like this?
Watch your attitude
Why arent you eating?
Your going to become anorexic
Why are you slamming the door?
Your going to break it
Why are you throwing things around?
She can hurt someone
Why are you yelling?
Your scaring everyone
Why are you hurting people?
Keep your hands to yourself
Why are you talking to yourself?
Your so weird
Why are you failing in school?
Your going to fail the grade
Why did you become distant?
You dont talk to anyone anymore
Why are you a *****?
Your going to lose your friends
Why are you getting into fights?
One day you will fight with the wrong person
Why dont you sleep?
Take a sleeping pill
Why are you hyperventilating?
Why are you anxious?
Why are you angry?
Why are you violent
Why are you promiscuous?
Why are you always drunk?
Why are you suicidal?
And these questions couldnt be answered until i allowed myself to take control
I never knew what the word crazy meant until i actually read the word and matched it to my mind
C-crying my eyes out
R-restless and never tired
A-anxiety attacks forced me to hyperventilate; anger turned into danger within myself
Z-zoning out and not responsive
Y-yelling and screaming with rage
Im still growing up
Im still trying to control it all