Sometimes its hard
Sometimes it stops
Other times i forget
I just cant breathe
I want these walls taken away
I feel like im closed inside a cell
And gas has been released to choke me
Its too much to handle
Its too much to remember
How do i control whats controlling me?
Im moving too quickly
Im going insane
I feel like my neck is being strangled by a chain
I cannot escape
I cannot release
The air is going nowhere
Its cutting off my circulation
Feels like a bag is over my head
And i cannot getting off
Now im suffocating
All the heat is in front of my face
I really cannot breathe
My heart is beating faster
My body is shaking
Im so dizzy
Im going to just drop to the floor
Im trying to give myself CPR but its not working
How can i give air if its escaping from my body
Im failing;
Im losing
And im so tired of this game
When am i allowed to breathe?
Something is stopping me
Or someone is stopping me
I look and the mirror and i see my hands on my throat
Now i know whos trying to **** me
My lungs are getting weaker
My throat is getting tighter
My mouth is getting smaller
Im trying to win this fight
I think i have forgotten how to breathe

All the pain that was caused,
Had made my anger rise
My veins revealed themselves through my skin
And so my blood revealed itself through my cuts
How did this bleeding end
How did i live normal again
Im reaching into the mirror,
Hoping i can switch places with my twin
But its all the same
The mirror broke
And the pieces cut my skin
I bandaged the bleeding with food;
The late nights when i couldnt stop
I bandaged the bleeding with alcohol;
I drank my fears away, & drank myself to sleep
I bandaged the bleeding with ***;
I wasnt scared of strangers who took my worries away
I tried to bandage the bleeding with weapons, but i made it worse
And so i bled all over again
I licked my own wounds
But then i swallowed the pain back in my body
I covered my scars
But then the lid got worn out
I clothed my cuts
But then the weather got hot
I uncovered everything again
A bandage is not permanent
Im still wounded;
Bleeding from the inside out
With a drug i had to take,
It helped me push out all the toxins inside my body
I had to **** the poison out of my own body
And like a snake i took off all the dead skin i had
With the layers gone,
Im hoping my new body will last without harming myself again

Cuts like a knife
Rips like a piece of paper
Drags like an object
Addicting like a drug
Small but powerful
And i couldnt protect myself
And the only safety i had was water & tissue
To clean the blood from my scars
The troubles pushed through my veins
The pain forced through my skin
The breathing that i missed was too fast
But i caught it once i relaxed myself to sleep
My fears were hidden
My nightmares were asleep
My anxiety temporarily caught its breath
My pain was healed invisibly
Until the pain ends,
My eyes are wide open
And then im so strong
But my heart was so weak
It pounds with fear;
It escapes comfort
Im smiling at this point because i know ill be calm
My hand grips
My arm tightens
My veins, shaken
My skin, finally struck
And the blood reveals itself once it escapes
Theres no pain
Theres no harm
Theres no feeling
The pain is in the heart
The harm is in the soul
The feeling is in the mind
The thoughts of something that shouldnt be spoken of
I RAISE my hand to my skin
Im into the ER now
My own ER room
And i dont care if i leave now.
RAISE ER
RAZER
It cuts me..

She recognizes,
It was only the first time
So the pain only lasted for a short time
She hurt,
The pain started again
It started to show
It started to notice
Silence wouldnt allow a voice to talk
She bruised,
Her mind was played with
Her body was thrown around
Her soul was pierced
She abused,
The marks showed the emotions within her
The blood was proof
It forced itself out of her body
And then she was weak
She murdered,
Shes so dead inside herself
Shutting everything and everyone out
& the company she ever had was negativity
Sharp objects were her friends;
And the only weapons she only knew
The more she faught, the more she wanted to damage
The worse it became
& the damage was done
She murdered;
The jail was her body
Her mind lost the key

Only the time can stop
Only the time can go
And only the tears can be controlled,
If these things run smoothly
I try to think, but my mind freezes
I try to see, but my eyes turn blurry
I try to speak, but i choke
I try to breathe, but i hyperventilate
I try to listen, but my ears create static
When good happens,
He evil is behind it already bringing on the bad
When a positive turns to a negative thats when all hell breaks loose
I began on the wrong path,
Then at the end, the right path stole me away
Once i was in the right world,
The wrong path blinded me once again
I failed, but then i succeeded
And when i continued to do good,
I began failing all over again
I was angry, then i became happy
When i was seen with a smile,
The happiness was taken from me once again
When i cried,
My tears dried up forever
But when the puddles disappeared,
I was depressed all over again
I was bleeding,
Then my skin was sewed shut
But when there was no more red liquid,
The stitches unraveled themselves;
and i began bleeding all over again
My screams turned to whispers,
Now im loud again
My cries turned to laughter,
Now im crying again
My eyes opened up,
Now im blind again
My ears took in noise,
Now im deaf again
My mouth was able to speak,
Now im mute again
My nose was able to breathe,
Im hyperventilating again
My fears disappeared,
Now im scared again
My struggling stopped,
Now its happening again
Inside my mind i became calm,
Now i cant take the pain all over again
I have changed for the better,
Now the stranger is back once again

The mind is incomplete
I have been thinking without a brain
I have been seeing without eyes
I have been hearing without ears
I have been breathing without a nose
I have been speaking without a mouth
The path i took was dark
It was full of black walls
And then i turned to the devil
That wouldnt let me see through a window
It was my only friend
& friends dont last forever
They turn on you so quick
This friend was fake
And then i learned what being scared was all about
My heart was pure
It was strong until it broke
Anxiety grew
Moods grew stronger
I learned how to cry
I learned how to yell
I learned violence
And then the blood found an escape;
It was the strength of a hand that wanted to release all the pain
Learned to think, but bitter thoughts
Learned to see, but disturbing images
Learned to hear, but listening to all the lies
Learned to breath, but hyperventilating
Learned to speak, but cannot explain anything
This was out of control
I was out of control
I didnt know the feelings that were created deep inside me
How do i act
How do i think
How do i know who i really am
I cannot trust myself ever again

I hear voices,
My own voices;
Negative and positive
One voice to fail,
Once voice to succeed
But my ears fall under a spell that cannot be broken
My mind is telling me to leave
Listening to a broken soul,
Im struggling, im fighting
Who is this voice thats trying to speak
Where is this voice thats trying to see
I disappeared
And i didnt come back
Inside a cage im locked
The key is inside my mind
My heart tries to break through
But it weakens
Im trapped
Unable to escape
Pounding into my chest;
My throat is trying run
I cannot breathe,
Because the pace of my heart is choking me to fear
Now my heart bleeds,
Bleeding into a body
This is how it speaks
What is it trying to say? Im confused
Its trying to talk to me
In my ears it whispers;
"I miss you please come back"
I hear but i dont understand
Im blind but i can only see the darkness deep inside my soul
I cannot move
I cannot think
Where am i supposed to go? I ask my heart
My mind wont let me escape
The repetitive signals from the heart,
Is killing me each time it tries to speak
I cannot follow
I cannot leave
Its not easy
And my heart wants me to sneak
Im hyperventilating now
I know im going to fall
Im dizzy,
Im nautious
What is it trying to tell me
Im having bad anxiety
My hot flashes are starting
My face is red
My body is trembling
My skin is sweating
These attacks are getting worse
My tears force themselves through my eyes
Its forcing me to cry
My head is killing me
My mind is punishing me
I dont want to do this no more
I dont want to suffer no more
If i come back to myself will things be better?
If i come home to myself will it all disappear?
The heart craves what it wants
But the mind takes what it can steal
The heart screams
The mind fights back
The heart cries
The mind laughs
The heart pulls
The mind pushes
The heart blocks
The mind breaks
The heart begs
The mind ignores
The heart wants to heal
The mind continues to bleed
The mind creates darkness
And so the heart turns black
The mind creates tension
And so the heart pumps faster
The mind creates fears
And so the heart races
The mind creates anxiety
And so the heart beats faster
The mind creates anger
And so the heart turns cold
The mind creates depression
And so the heart breaks
The mind creates a stranger
And so the heart wants to stop