My heart is beating normally.
My breathing is so steady.
Until I wait;
Wait for you to ruin me.
You've already ***** me with your eyes.
I felt the blades piercing through my body.
Now I want to feel that pain with your hands.
I want to feel that the closer you walk,
The more excited I get.
The closer you walk,
The speed of my heart;
The speed of my breathing,
Gets faster.
Mentally,
Im ******* you.
Physically,
I want to copy the movie thats playing in my head.
The more I stare,
The more I want.
The more I want,
The more dehydrated I get.
& my body needs yours to quench mine.
My body needs yours to enter mine.
& my body needs yours to calm mine.
Excitement is striking even more;
My breathing is starting to get heavy.
& I need your lips as a puffer;
I have an invisible asthma, and its getting worse.
I need you to breathe into me;
Fill my lungs with your air & strength.
All these naughty thoughts going through my head is just strangling me.
& Im strangled by your ****** presence.
Its causing me to find my breath and catch it.
Causing me to find my pulse and relax it.
& then there you were;
Right in front of me.
No more invisible wall.
No more waiting.
I was getting so impatient.
& then we **** the lights.
& then we **** the clothes.
Entering me finally,
The look in your eyes were asking me to breathe harshly.
& then your energy took over my body.
Your ears just wanted to hear,
Your eyes just wanted to see,
How crazy you can get me.
Then finally,
All your power,
All your strength.
All my power,
All my strength.
I wanted more & more each time.
Gasping for air,
There were no words.
Gasping for air,
I couldnt even speak.
The air through my lungs,
Turned my body into a tornado that you've created.
& so Im spinning with unstoppable pleasure.
You've released your energy onto me.
I've released my excitement onto you.
Im beginning to choke.
The air through my chest,
The pounding of my heart;
I blame you.
I have forgotten how to breathe.
I have forgotten how to scream.
The pleasure that Im feeling cannot be described.
Faster,
Harder,
Deeper;
My breathing is speeding up.
Stronger,
Crazier,
Driven,
I cannot catch my breath.
Hotter,
Sweatier,
Harsher,
Im finally hyperventilating.

These wounds arent healing;
& the pain is too strong for me to handle.
Ive fought enough,
But fighting the person within me.
My mind has put a stop sign in front of my own eyes;
& like the naive girl that I am,
I obeyed.
Ive pulled myself away from everything,
& abandoned my spirits.
Im no longer the person I used to be.
Changing into a stranger I dont even know,
Im finally broken.
Im not strong anymore.
My strength was taken from my own self;
& all this time Ive been sick.
I dont know what to do anymore.
Its too late for me to get better.
& I regret turning my back on everything,
Everyone,
Myself.
Never understood anything,
Because I wasnt allowed to be smart.
My mind had locked me up from day one;
& so I couldnt learn.
But only learned how to bleed.
And so my mind took me somewhere else.
My mind transformed me completely.
& I wish I wasnt here;
To bring all the pain to life,
To be who I am now.

Its the weight of the world that brought me to the ground.
Its the things around me that took away my ability to balance.
But most of all its my mind that took away my strength.
Unable to focus.
Unable to move.
Im mentally exhausted from the past & the present.
The future will erase my energy forever.
The forces are ******* my strength right out of me.
Im unable to control everything around me.
My body feels like its going to break,
& I feel so lightheaded.
& its like a disease Im unable to fight off.
A disease Im unable to control.
It will slowly take me away.
It will slowly break me down into pieces.
It will rip my strength out of my body.
Everytime I try to walk,
Im falling.
Everytime I try to see,
Im blinded.
Everytime I try to hear,
Im deaf.
Everytime I try to talk;
Try to breathe,
Im suffocating.
Everytime I try to touch,
Im numb.
Everytime I try to think,
My brain freezes.
I feel as though my body is being squeezed;
With my blood dripping all over the floor;
The puddles just waiting for me to drown inside my own liquid.
I have no strength for anything anymore.
I have no energy for anything anymore.
I have no patience for anything anymore.
I have given up.
My weakness came alive,
& killed all my strength.

There is no escape.
Its so dark in here;
& I dont know whats going on.
Noones around to feel this pain.
Noones around to free me.
Im so blind,
I cant see the positivity.
Negativity strikes me like lightening,
Piercing my veins;
Shocking my nerves.
I notice Im blindfolded.
My head is put in its place,
& my body is being held down.
Im so still,
The shock is too much.
It leaves my mind blank & unable to think.
The chains on my body are making me go completely insane.
The rope on my throat gets tighter everytime I scream;
& so slowly,
Im unable to breathe.
A prisoner,
I feel I am;
I dont think I can get out of this trap.
Like a nightmare that wont end,
Im living a horror film.
I want this to end.
I want to be free.
But the more I struggle,
The more worse everything gets.
Im trying to forget about this cage Im in.
Im trying to forget about how claustrophobic it is.
Im trying to forget whats holding me down.
Im trying to forget about everything.
But everything is happening all at once.
Finally,
Im going to explode.
Im blindfolded,
To not see the positivity.
My body is in chains,
To not fix whats going on.
My neck is tightened with a rope,
That pulls tighter,
Everytime I scream for normality to come back.
My heart has a lock in it,
& the key went missing;
To make sure it gets ignored,
Each time I wanna listen to it.
The razor bracelets on my arms & hands dig deep inside my skin,
Making sure I dont stop bleeding.
It goes deeper & deeper into my skin,,
Everytime I try to move,
To make sure Im too dizzy to focus.
My head is bolted against the wall,
To have a hold on my thinking;
To have a hold on what controls my body;
& what controls my thinking.
Finally Im inside this dungeon;
A million chains.
A million locks.
Im unable to be free.
My mind is too powerful,
Because I feel what Im thinking.
The perspective of a prisoner.
This is what I feel in my own body.
This is what my head makes me suffer with.
It is me that locked myself up.
I turned off the lights in front of my own eyes,
& ended up locking up myself away forever.
Im hidden from everything.
Far away from being normal again.
It all feels so real,
Because my mind messed me up.
& I actually feel like a prisoner in my own body.
Im gone forever.
I made sure I will never escape.

Only my thoughts,
Cause so much drama between myself and I.
Only my eyes see what I will do.
& my actions are controlled from my brain.
My heart is just beating so fast;
Screaming for it not to begin.
While my head doesnt want it to end.
I just cant explain the pressure.
I just cant explain the pain.
My mind has me locked up.
My mind has me like a prisoner,
Who cannot escape.
Cannot escape my fears.
Cannot escape the pain.
And cannot escape the depression.
I cannot be calm.
Everything is just getting to me.
I cannot just ignore.
Everything is asking for attention,
& I cannot stop.
My energy is taking over.
Its when Im triggered,
I just go outta control.
Then at that moment,
My body temperature rises.
Im boiling with anger.
Then at that very moment,
My heart is in danger for a heart attack;
Speeding up will finally make me lose control.
Then at that very moment,
Im hyperventilating;
Just trying to catch my breath.
& then at that very moment,
Im so focused when I think.
I know my plan.
Im know what I need to do next.
Cant think.
Cant breathe.
Will not stop.
Im so convinced,
That its the only way out.
Yet at that very moment,
Im so dizzy.
Im so relaxed.
& Im just laying here;
Not caring.
Not listening.
Turned my back on my heart,
& turned to my head for guidance.
& Im so focused.
Finally I lay here,
Arm dripping,
Bleeding the pain away.
This is how I escape;
This is the only way out.

Stuck;
Unable to move.
Forgotten,
I have died inside my own body.
Lost,
A stranger has taken over me.
And like an evil spirit erupting,
I think it was born inside me.
The new life of an unknown person,
Now lives inside my body.
My original character has been beaten
Tortured to pieces.
& my new character is just outta control.
Thinking how I used to be,
Now I dont even know myself anymore.
From calm to angry.
From happy to sad.
From good to bad.
From innocent to guilty.
I have been torn.
I have been mentally abused.
And now I cant even look at myself mirror;
And say,
"You are going to be ok."
The moods are taking over me.
And I wish I knew how to control myself.
I wish my mind was stable.
But its just so twisted.
Im so confused,
& I dont know what to do anymore.
What Ive become,
Frustrates me.
My nerves dont know when to stop shaking.
My heart;
My breathing,
Doesnt know when to slow down.
& Im just a different person every second,
Every minute,
Every hour,
Everyday.
& so the mirror keeps defending itself,
As I try to see who I really am.
But Im too deep inside inside my body.
Im so locked up.
My true self will never come through.
My true self will never appear.
& when I act up,
& when I go crazy,
& when I explode,
& when I disappear,
& when Im mentally changing,
Its just not me.
Im hidden away forever.

Like a bat in the night,
Your unable to rest your eyes.
& you charge into my room as a thunderstorm begins.
Your wings make you fly over top of me.
Its the force of your mind,
That pushes yourself onto my body.
I can already tell your twisted;
I am your first & only victim.
& your eyes try to hypnotize.
As Im forced to look deep inside you,
Im falling under your spell.
Your crazy; but gorgeous eyes weaken me.
Your hands,
So strong.
They slowly tighten me;
Making it hard for me to move.
I know that your never gonna leave,
Until you get what you want.
My ears are suddenly ringing from your whispers.
My mind is filled with your naughty thoughts.
& so you told me your lips were dry;
& so you told me I will quench your thirst.
& with a naked neck on my body,
You slowly moved your mouth towards me.
It was slow,
But the stabbing was so quick.
Your teeth were like thorns;
So sharp,
So controlled.
& suddenly I felt pressure.
Im hyperventilating;
Trying to breathe,
But its so hard.
By body,
Shaking.
My body,
Dizzy.
My body,
Slowly fainting.
& with my blood flowing to the floor like a river,
You finally got a hold on me,
& wont let go.
You stabbed me with your pointed teeth.
You stabbed me hard.
Your bite was like a snake;
& your poison released my blood.
I am now in your hands.
& after I faint,
You can finally take advantage.