The first time I saw him I was playing monopoly with some friends. He said hi and that he didn't want to talk to us because he wanted to go play video games. I later found out he said this to look cool. Later, I wandered into the living room and sat on the couch to talk to Kendall, really wanting to talk to him. Jordan. We talked and joked and I started to fall. He came to church with me the next morning. He read my poetry. Later he would tell me that he fell in love with me because we wrote about the same things. I think he was my salvation. We lived in the same building, we spent every day of the first three months together. We made love on trains and in abandoned buildings long before we moved to a bed. He asked me to be "his boyfriend" at a gay bar. I used to dream that we would joke about that into old age. Somewhere along the way we got lost. He started pushing, no, shoving me away. I kissed another boy. I tried to end my life. He pulled me back together, said he still loved me. Pinky promised forever with me. Before this last, final breakup he broke up with me multiple times. The day that we ended I knew. And I asked. "You're gonna break up with me, aren't you?" His silence told me the truth. We made love, played a game, ate dinner. Tried to act like nothing was wrong until he left. And then I cried. February 3, 2014. We promised to still be friends, but you can't really promise that. I realize things now. He never was gonna get a job. He made me feel bad about being who I am. He wants something that he doesn't even know what it is. He's not everything. He's not perfect and we were both so unhappy, but even recognizing that as reality doesn't make things easier. My mom left at the same time. I feel so abandoned. I don't know what I do wrong, but I want to fix it. I wish others would stay. I need somebody to stay.