I'm the one who
always
***** things
up.

I am a ****** up ******* **** useless excuse for a human being.
I should never have been brought into this world.
Everything hurts and I just want
it all to
stop.
I'm so tired.
I hate myself.
I hate myself so ******* much

I want to be held and I want to cry and have somebody kiss the tears from my eyes and when I say that I'm worthless I want you to kiss the words out of my mouth.

I don't want to
have
to be strong
for my
sisters.
I can't do it all the
time.
And who's being strong for
me?
And who's listening to me when I
cry?

He left me notes.
Two. That's what I've found.
I messaged him on facebook tuesday.
Why can I not be strong?
I did it again.
Messaged him.
Just said that I found the notes and sorry and thank you.
And I asked him not to
respond.
Sometimes I miss him a lot.
And sometimes not at all.
Sometimes I hate him.
But always I love him.

I had a
good day
today

I read through my poems and started crying and I am tired. I wanted to cry earlier when my youngest sister left but I couldn't. i don't want to be the strong one. I'm not the strong one. Why does life turn out so differently than we wanted? I'm supposed to be doing homework, but how the **** am I supposed to care about some **** heiroglyphic assignment when my world ******* falls apart every night? I've always been so open with my emotions and for the past 5 weeks and 2 days I've been hiding behind a facade. A smile and a joke and a laugh. Low cut shirts and hints to boys and talks about *** equality. And I just want somebody to grab me and say "cut the *******" and i just want somebody to pick me up at two in the morning because they know I'm awake. I just want somebody to care and somebody that I can laugh with but also cry with. I'm sitting here, crying alone and it's so **** lonely and I'd give anything to make it stop. Anything to make it stop. When is all of this gonna get better? I'm begging you to tell me. Please please tell me.