I want to beg everyone,
anyone,
to come over.
Spend the night with me.
Help me chase away my
demons.
It's gets lonely. Being
alone. And tonight I want it
gone.
Tonight I want it
gone.

It's hard and easy to have a heart that feels so
much.
I fall in love with a snap of fingers.
I want to run outside and dance in the rain.
Get soaked to the bones.
I think I'm going to head to the park tonight.
Swing until the rhythmic patterns calm my ever shaking heart.
I'll eat toast and jam.
Write poetry.
Pray for love.
The wind is blowing outside.
It is both calling me and pushing me away.
Is that what others think I do?

I want to
be loved.
Please.
Will you
love
me?

Sitting here with my
phone,
laptop,
Smirnoff.
Waiting for everyone to go
to bed.
Ready to bathe and write and not-sleep.
Ready for it all to
go away.

I just want to go
to sleep.
But I hate the dreams and the
waking up.
Which is worse?

When guys ask what I like
(in bed)
I say, rough.
And they usually smile or high five
(i got a high five yesterday)
They don't know that I want
them to
claw my back until
it bleeds
(oh baby, more)
I want my wrists pinned down
(mark them as a souvenir)
Bite my lips
my neck
my body
(i do it, but it's so much better from you)
For some
reason
it hurts
so badly when I ****
(but you shove it anyways and i silently say thanks)
Physical pain is so much better
(yeah, i like it rough)

I cut off all my hair in November.
It's just hair. It doesn't make that
much of a difference to who you are. He said.
But he doesn't know.
I am so tired of being what everyone expects of me.
I cut off my hair. And now I talk in
class, and I drink
beer, and I hang out with
friends.
I can't sleep.
I don't sleep.
I'm not so beautiful anymore.
Although, I do get laid more.
It's not always what the surface shows.
I wasn't just cutting off my hair.
I was getting out of my skin.
Running away from myself.
And I'm getting farther and farther but I don't know
if it's better
or worse.