I don't think about him
the way I think about you.

I don't wonder where he is
            who he is with
            what he is dreaming
            how he is feeling.

But you, oh, you.

You cloud my judgement
when I know you are bad,
so bad,
for this taped together heart.

He would never toss my love about
                            bring tears to my eyes
                            leave me alone at night.

But you, oh, you.

With your tantalizing eyes
                  dazzling smile
                  ignorance toward me.

Tonight I found the letters,
the pages you never read.
Tonight I tore out the pages
of words that I never spoke aloud.
Tonight I didn't read those words,
tonight I tore those pages in half
and then in half again.

Two years ago you found my heart,
the heart you never cared for.
Two years ago you tore out my heart
and left it lying on the ground.
Two years ago I gave you that heart,
two years ago you tore that heart in half
and then in half again.

There you were (with her)
and there I was.
I didn't expect seeing you (with her)
would have this effect on me.

As you introduced your friends
I stood aside and watched them smile.

As you walked past me (with her)
you didn't stop to say hello.
Would it have been awkward (with her)
to acknowledge an old friend?

As the night came to an end
I realized it would never be the same again.

Because seeing you (with her)
brought back all these emotions.
So, tonight when you fall asleep (with her)
think of me falling into bed alone.

The bottle warms in my hand
only a sip but I'm already numb
My heart couldn't beat any slower without completely stopping

Like a sunset that lasts too long
beautiful but painful

Like a song without a chorus
forgetful but unique

You had to know how I felt,
everyone else knew.
Still you left you me crawling around,
blindly fumbling in dark rooms.

You had to hear me call out your name,
everyone else heard.
But still my voice became raw,
as my screams echoed across canyons.

You had to feel some of what I was,
I felt it when you laughed.
But the laughter paused for too long,
left a ringing in my ears.

For now
I'm over your eyes
your laugh.

For now
I don't feel the need
to call you.

For now
I can put the bottle
in the cupboard.

For now
you are a hundred miles away
from my mind.

But in the spring
you'll be back
close enough to touch.

And when you see
the bottle in my hand
do not ask me to dance.

In this night sky
     pregnant with little lights
          love has a chance to last.

Tonight's sky so vast
     bringing more stars
          a chance for dreams to be cast.

It's amazing to me
how many poems I can write
about the way you say my name

I find it quite silly actually
after all you're just a man
and it's just my name

But here I am
pen in hand
Pouring out the emotion I feel

The dream is so vivid
so fresh in my mind
thoughts wander,
no where else,
but the memory of your eyes.
Pain in my chest becomes unbearable
because you're only a memory.

You
I see
imagine
us together
we could be happy
developing the love
like putting together a
sentence for a story, but I
know you can not reciprocate all
the feelings I wish you were able to.

it came on the wind
flow of creativity
words meant just for you

boy
be careful

her wounds are fresh
her wounds are deep

your words aren't salt
your words soothe her bleeding heart

words become poison to open sores
eating away any healing flesh

your words remind her of happy times
with you
boy

she's listening to your song

boy
be careful

Its in a song
in every line
in every note

Its in a chorus
in every beat
in every crescendo

Its in a song
on the radio
on an album

The way I felt about you
Its in a song
Everyone else sings about it
But you wouldn't believe it

I see him in you
Your eyes hold the same shine.
I hear him in you
Your voice whispers the same words.
Your lips I long to kiss,
will they taste like his?
Your hand I long to hold,
will it feel like his?

How can
I help it? They're
something I

long to taste.
If only he would
press them to mine time might
stop.

Last night
your soul
occupied my dreams.
Last night
I saw
your face in my mind.
Last night
in my head
you told me you never loved me.
Last night
I awoke
in a fit of tears.
Last night
I cried
myself back to sleep

because everything
about last night
was true.

if i would've been the bigger person
spoken for myself
thought of just myself
been selfish
would you be here with me

if i would've thought about you
considered your feelings
asked your opinion
taken your advice
would i be here with you

I guess I'm not the girl
who you say "I love you" to
or the girl you can't forget about.

I guess I'm not the girl
who you come back to
or the girl you call just because.

I guess I'm not the girl
who you spend forever with
or the girl you hold on to.

I'm just the girl who's life
is so easy to walk in and out of
without a glance back.

Physical pain
masks the emotion
accompanying it, easing it?
Proving I can feel more?
But the ache of the heart overpowers
coloring the light red, black.

My heart beats fast in my chest
as friends this is a big step
as a friend in love with a friend
this could be the end of the world.

My knees get weak at the thought
of you sleeping with just a wall between us.

My stomach clenches at the thought
of seeing you every morning as I sip my coffee.

I'm saving up jokes to tell at night
so I can fall asleep to your laugh.

I'm saving up compliments for the day
so I can go to work with your smile.

My heart beats fast in my chest
this could ruin our friendship
as a friend in love with a friend
this may as well be the end of the world.

Have you ever thought about
your lips against mine,
your hands in my hair?

Have you imagined my hands
on your back
holding you close to me?

Have you ever thought about
spending the night,
waking up next to me?

Have you imagined the day
spent in the sun
just you and me?

Have you ever thought about it?
Have you imagined it?

When it all piles up
the stack becomes unbearable
I want to light it all on fire
watch the flames lick the edges
watch the memories turn to ashes.

Instead I drench it in tears
snuffing out any spark
plunging myself back into the dark
where the world stop spinning
and time stands still.

While we're young,
teach me how to live
with you by my side.

When you kiss me,
teach me how to breathe.
While you hold me,
teach me how to love.

When I cry,
I'll teach you how to care.
When I fall,
I'll teach you how to catch me.

As we grow old,
we'll teach each other
simply to be ourselves.

Nothing feels right,
when you're not here.
Every memory of you
runs through my head,
but it's not the same.

To see you smile,
to hear you laugh,
is different than just
trying to remember.

God, do I ever,
miss you.

"Happy"
She says to reassure herself.
She paints on a smile
and gets out of bed.

"Great"
She says to her friends.
She laughs when they laugh,
but cries for help inside.

"Yes"
She says to him as he takes her hand.
She'll smile when he does,
but she doesn't want him.

"Bye"
She says to the gun.
The note on the counter explains,
at least better then she could.

There it is.

That feeling in the pit of my stomach.
An aching,
churning,
burning.

There they are.

Those tears that always follow that feeling.
A crying,
sobbing,
hurting.

There you were.

Telling me everything I didn't to hear.
A friend,
not lover,
not ever.

There I was.

Hearing everything I didn't want you to say.
A word,
a curse,
a bruise.

Here I am.

Trying to hold all the heartache in.
A break,
crack,
shatter.

I think about that night often
remembering how it felt to be in your arms
and how it felt when you didn't stay the night.
The rush of emotion, hot and cold,
sweating and shivering.

I think about how you just left
forever changed by the passion we shared
but neither of us different for the better.
We loved one another more
but were left harder by the new feelings.

I think about that night often
remembering how it felt when you wanted me back
and how it felt to say I couldn't go through it again.
The rush of emotion, hot and cold,
knowing I should've said yes.

When I look at you, I know,
if I was someone else
maybe we could fall in love.

When I hear your voice, I know,
if our paths crossed at the right moment
maybe you'd write lyrics just for me.

When I see you smile, I know,
if you could take the time to get to know me
your world would tilt and I'd be your sun.

I'd be the gravity that kept you grounded.
I'd be the reason for the light in your eyes,
the reason for your song,
for your laugh.

You'd call me,
"the reason you live".

I use to love a boy.
He meant the world to me
and I to him.
I use to call a boy mine.
We would walk the streets at night
sharing all our secrets.
I use to kiss a boy.
He was so special to me
and I to him.

One day the boy decided he didn't love me anymore.
One night I cried into his arms as he told me we'd always be friends.
One summer we talked everyday as the sun set.
One night we got closer than we ever had been.

But he still didn't love me again.

I use to hope he'd come back to me.
We'd make ourselves a home
our kids would grow up there.
I use to dream of us growing old.
His hand in mine
as we slipped from this world.
I love a boy.
He means the world to me
but I not to him.

It's girls like her I envy.
The in place hair,
the flawless skin.
The tiny waist,
the long legs.
The easy laugh,
the wealthy family.

But there's one thing I envy most:
she gets you.

This smile is so easy to paint
even when this mind is so faint

to curl up inside
to run and hide.

I need to leave
this tangled weave

of lies
of lies.

I run away in my sleep
only to wake and constantly weep

drowning in tears
confirming all fears.

Scared to lose
hurts to choose

to go
to go.

I had a dream
you were in it
I wasn't asleep
I was wide awake
it was a few years ago

Now I can't dream
you're not around
I only sleep
I don't like to wake
This is now

Your lips met mine
a sweet second
my lips found yours
a tender touch

A first
for a last
an only
for a lifetime

These are times I wonder
if he even really sees me.
Am I only there
when he needs me to be?
Sometimes I think to myself
and ask, "Am I invisible?"

These are times I know
he watches what I do.
But not the way
I watch his every move.

These are times I believe there's hope,
but most of the time I know there isn't.

You make me
a better person
a better friend
a better lover

But something holds me back
my past
my present
my future

I know with you I would
be safe
be warm
be loved

But there is something that is
stopping me

I want to know how you got your scars.

The physical,
the emotional.

I want to know when you cry.

So I can hold you,
so I can help you.

I want to know of your past lovers.

So I can love you better,
so I won't hurt you.

I remember when
that song came on
we danced like fools
(well, we were).

I remember then
the summer gone
we broke all the rules
(we were sure).

I remember when
I got the phone call
I forgot how to cry
(you were gone).

I remember then
sitting against the wall
why did you have to die
(you became dawn)?

“Why do you fear the stars?” He asked, his hands in my hair.
“Because as they fall
They burn their brightest,” I said.

‘And what if you’re not there to catch me?’ I thought as his lips met mine.

each step closer cracked the earth
dry, dusty breaths burned my lips
hot air seared my lungs

i can’t make it
i won’t

his eyes a deep, refreshing pool
cool breezes flowing out of reach
his smile beckoned like a rainbow

i can’t make it
i won’t

the sky is fire raining sparks
only he can quench my thirst
smoke pours from my mouth as i call to him

i can’t make it
i won’t

rain falls from his lips
my name a clap of thunder
his love a dark cloud

i can’t make it
i won’t

the cracked soil fills with water
mud rushed to my knees
skin sizzles in the flood

i can’t make it
i won’t

his eyes darken to mud
his arms raise the winds
his smile falters to lightening
water up to my neck
i lose sight of my oasis
i drown dying of thirst

i can’t