Could this man be my soulmate?
He made me laugh,
without trying.
He let me talk
without defying.

Could I find attraction in him?
The way we fell in step
and the way it was so simple.
We may begin to ebb
or we could grow, begin to kindle.

Could he be my soulmate?
Maybe he's the stepping stone
leading me to my match.
For now I won't be alone
waiting for the flame to catch.

I miss my best friend
our long talks about everything,
yet nothing.

I miss my best friend
how it felt when you held my hand,
kissed my lips.

I miss my best friend
the way i loved you and how I meant the world,
everything to you.

I miss my best friend
how safe I felt with you hand in mine,
my heart in yours.

Like falling down stairs
you know before it happens
that misstep
the drop in your gut

Like falling down stairs
you know the pain before it's felt
that initial shock
the suppressed cry of pain

Like falling down stairs
hoping no one was witness
the embarrassment
the fear of getting back up

We stood at the top
when you pushed me down
the falling
hurt more than the landing

Over the airplane hor d'oeuvres
war of nerves
your blue eyes
no disguise

It could have lasted forever
words so clever
left on red lips
dreaming of hips

I will never know your name
play your game
the terminal
a lonely girl

Hope is the color blue,
clear blue.
     Not ocean blue,
     nor sky blue.
     A special blue,
     your own blue.

     A color I want in my world.

I keep it in my pocket
in case you lean in for a kiss.

You'll smell it
before you taste it
but you'll never forget it.

Maybe you'll crave it,
maybe you won't like it.

Either way it's on my lips.

I can't say that I'm happy for you
because you were so awful to me
all your hurtful words ran me through

what did you expect me to do
simply let my broken heart be
I can't say that I'm happy for you

the ringer that you put me through
all the tears that you wouldn't see
all your hurtful words ran me through

my skies were clouded, never blue
I told you I wasn't anymore happy
I can't say that I'm happy for you

I don't wish hurt for you
just a taste of what you did to me
all your hurtful words ran me through

and, no, I can't say either that I loved you
but you brought out the worst in me
I can't say that I'm happy for you
all your hurtful words ran me through

Suddenly I feel as if
a supernatural power has taken me over.
When your eyes meet mine
I can make the world stop.
I can do anything
when you're near me.
I feel invincible
when I touch you.
I change the world
when I speak to you.
I have superpowers
as long as I have you.

**** you.
I fell for it again, your
smile, your laugh.
Again you break my heart
playing cool,
poisoning my heart.
Over and over again.
I had hoped you'd changed,
never mind.
Tonight's another disappointment.

I’m going to make this a laugh
because that’s what it is.
You’re smart, cute, and charming,
everything for that I wish.

But there is one thing in the way,
a girlfriend,
“together since high school”
or so you say.

Me and her,
that girl you’re with,
we have the same occupation,
but she, for you, changed location.

Think about the hobbit-like children we could have,
curly brown hair is not so bad.
With your “girlfriend” the kid would be a ginger
but with your button nose that might be cute, go figure.

Don’t you think we’d make a cute couple?
I know I do!
You’re tall, I’m short.
It’s a match of sorts.

Our children could be normal sized,
taller than me,
but shorter than you.
It’s a plan I’ve thought through.

The exchange in the hallway after lunch
was a little bit awkward, but I liked it a bunch!
Maybe tomorrow we can sit together
and, again, talk about the weather.

Your accent is adorable,
the way you say “about”
and various other words
that sound funny when they come out.

It’s a school girl crush
and I feel so silly
because I’m all grown up.
C’mon, Cassie, really?

didn't you understand
the first two times
but you kept coming back
and i kept letting you
even though i couldn't love you
i didn't want to be alone

didn't i understand
the first two times
i let you crawl back
and you kept trying to stand up
even though you didn't love me
you didn't want to be alone

The one she thought she couldn’t live without
she has forced from her being.
The pain he inflicted, the tears he created
were not worth the will to survive.

She kept breathing
she kept walking
she kept living

She let go of the memories.
She forgot the kisses and  promises.
She burned the bridge back to him.

What she thought was love
was nothing close to hate,
but more of a longing for acceptance.

She won’t deny she’ll miss the feeling of being wanted
but it’s nothing compared to the self-respect she’s gained.

Your tongue tastes of cigarettes
Your hands are cold against my skin
My heart beats faster, my hands find your chest
I should push you away
but I pull you closer
I can't just be happy with what I have.

My forbidden fruit
you linger in front of me
irresistible
I will hold you, taste you, enjoy you.

So quiet,
but your eyes spoke volumes.
When they met mine from across the room
it all seemed so clear.

I had to get to know you.

So soft,
but your words are burned into my brain.
I needed to know all about you
so I asked more questions.

I had to get to know you.

So sad,
but I knew we would have to part.
I plan on seeing you again
even if you don't know it yet.

I had to get to know you.

So sorry,
but I can't let you just get away.
When your eyes met mine
it all seemed so clear.

I had to get to know you.

Burnt out lanterns
          swaying in the wind.
Harsh Winter bares his glistening teeth
          biting at my exposed flesh
          tearing at my tattered layers.
He whispers in my ear
          threatens my life with
                                               hunger
                                               thirst
          promising death
                                               in the end.
Harsh Winter wears a mask
          of white, glittery fabric.
He walks around impersonating
          instilling images of
                                                family
                                                friends
                                                love.
Harsh Winter tempts you
          only to take your heart
                                                freeze it
                                                shatter it.
Harsh Winter is not your friend.

You are the fuel to my flame,
gasoline meets a struck match.
I know I'm the one to blame.

I always fall victim to your game,
myself, from you, I could not detach.
You are the fuel to my flame.

Once we met, I was never the same,
fire burned the forest, the whole patch.
I know I'm the one to blame.

With your heat you took aim,
I was the easy catch.
You are the fuel to my flame.

With the roaring wind you did not tame,
you ran away with the key to my latch.
I know I'm the one to blame.

Your wildfire left me here in shame,
you were the itch I could not scratch.
You are the fuel to my flame.
I know I'm the one to blame.

there was a stillness in the air.

no leaves rustled.
no frost crackled.

no air stirred.
no birds sung.

i didn't blink.
i didn't breathe.
i didn't feel my heartbeat.

there was a stillness in the air
to echo the lull within my chest.

no tears boiled atop my open eyelids.
no sobs escaped my tranquil lips.

there was stillness in the air.

It could have been you,
boy in the elevator,
who I was meant to be with.
But we never spoke.

You were reading a book,
boy in the elevator,
I was reading one, too.
But our eyes never met.

Do you think we have a lot in common,
boy in the elevator?
Do you wish you would have said hello?
Do you wish I had asked what you were reading?

There was something about your eyes,
boy in the elevator,
that made me dream of you.
But I don't even know your name.

Boy in the elevator,
I wish I knew your room number.
I would come knock on your door.
I would ask you on a walk.

Boy in the elevator,
I'm sad I let our moment pass.
Maybe you were the one,
boy in the elevator.

Would my words flatter you
or start a tailspin
that ends with you running
in a direction away from my arms?

I hope you would run into them,
my arms.

If my words did flatter you
would you have words
that would turn my cheeks red
as you press your lips against mine?

I imagina they are soft and gentle,
you lips.

If my words didn't flatter you
I would burn them
before you could truly understand
that I want to love you.

I imagine they wouldn't flatter you,
my words.

When we first met
the fact that I would fall for you
never crossed my heart

When we first became friends
the fact the you would break my heart
never crossed my mind

When we first fought
the fact that you would walk away
never crossed my heart

When we first didn't talk
the fact that it would end like that
never crossed my mind

You wouldn't spend the day with me
and no one made me a birthday cake.
The latter would not be so devastating
without all the events leading up to it.

You couldn't find it in you to stay
and you choose the wrong words.
If only it had been any other day
and no one made me a birthday cake.

You didn't want to spend the day with me
and I only kept getting older.
You kissed me like you were sorry
but no one made me a birthday cake.

Why
when the snow begins to fall
do I feel your arms around me?
How
many more winters
before your memory becomes buried?
When
will the avalanches of pain
finally cease and fill in the cracks?

Why
do the blizzards of memories
come back to me in frigid storms?
How
do i come out of it alive
when every winter I nearly freeze?
When
will my heart thaw
and let the icicles fall?

now i'm wide awake
thinking of your face
knowing it was a mistake

there was so much for you to take
you stole it with such grace
now i'm wide awake

more than hearts at stake
feelings wrapped up in lace
knowing it was a mistake

wounds left in your wake
never leaving any trace
now i'm wide awake

delicate moves for you to make
heartbeats begin to race
knowing it was a mistake

holding on for my own sake
letting to go due to haste
now i'm wide awake
knowing it was a mistake

i can't do this anymore.
i can't take the pain.
it Hurts so bad,
so bad.

i need someone to talk to.
to tell you that i Hurt.
i Hurt not because you left me
but because i never had you.

Do Not!
stare at me from across the room

Hide!
your arrant looks, at least try

Look Away!
there is nothing here for you

Boy, don't you know?
You had your chance.

You!
think you get a second chance

No!
find some other girl to play your games

Get out!
leave my heart to mend

Boy, don't you know?
You had your chance.

these feelings, tiring,
(wanting, wanting, wanting)
these emotions, exhausting,
(lusting, lusting, lusting)
this smile, aching,
(wishing, wishing, wishing)
this desire, burning,
(needing, needing, needing)

When will the want stop?
When will the lust subside?
When will the wish be granted?
When will the need be fulfilled?

Call it a premonition,
this seething in my bones,
your presence is a violation.

Once my addiction,
ears ringing like telephones,
call it a premonition.

Now a sudden mutation,
DNA sequence unknown,
your presence is a violation.

Seeking a destination,
wandering through fields overgrown,
call it a premonition.

Looking for peaceful fixation,
never really being alone,
your presence is a violation.

Needing redemption,
going back to you I am prone.
Call it a premonition,
your presence is a violation.

I wanted to hug you
but it would have be unprofessional.
Four years,
we have worked together,
and I was finally able to talk to you.

You started to joke with me
but it didn't feel unprofessional.
You said,
'I almost didn't recognize you!'
and we walked along the canyon rim.

Every time out paths cross
my thoughts become unprofessional.
Your blue eyes,
make me dizzy and I get tongue-tied,
maybe that's why I couldn't speak.

I packed you a lunch since you forgot yours
and it didn't seem at all unprofessional.
You said,
'You've made me week!'
and the baked goods were all you could talk about.

I offered to make you a cheesecake for your birthday
and I hope our relationship gets unprofessional.
You said,
'We can trade beer and baked goods!'
and I couldn't keep the smile off my face.

Now I have to wait until April
and I'll try to be professional.
Believe me,
I still want to hug you
and I hope you call me for that cheesecake.

We were both so good at talking
and avoiding all the topics
that had to do with compassion
You spoke of pop culture
I spoke of the outdoors
We never spoke of emotion

I think that's why I fell for you

We were both so deeply jaded
and bitter about the past
that we pretended it didn't exist
You spoke of high school hockey
I spoke of pre-teen gymnastics
We never spoke of fondness

I think that's why I fell for you

The heavy weight on my shoulders slows me down
The guilt in my stomach ties it in knots
There is no regret
just fear tugging at my heart.

Omission and lies
betrayal and dishonesty

I would apologize
but it would require an explanation
An explanation I can not share without hurt.

Loathing and hurt
tears and anxiety

Grateful for secrets and those who keep them.

In anticipation she grips his hand tighter
In anticipation he leans in toward her
The lights spin before their eyes
the cold air rushes past their faces
'Hold on' she thinks
'Let go' he thinks

Now she realizes she was temporary
a moment in time that had to be filled with passion, a short-lived love

She fell hard
pressing herself to the ground she landed on trying to fall farther
'might as well' she thinks 'I'm never getting up'

Tears, hot and uncontrollable, burn and moisten her cheeks
The sunlight blinds her
she squints into the sky
sees his eyes, his smile
hears his laugh, his voice

"It'll always be you" she whispers to the memory of him

In the falling snow
breaths form condensation.
Mule deer migrate on.

Every time I eat peanut M&M;'s
I think of you.
That one time we shared a bag
and you ate all the yellow ones.
I didn't know why,
I didn't ask.

Every time I eat peanut M&M;'s
I think of you.
Now you're engaged
and I haven't seen you in years.
I don't know why,
I don't ask.

Every time I eat peanut M&M;'s
I think of you.
Those high school days together
and how we never got any any closer
then a bag of peanut M&M;'s.
I wonder why?

Your confidence overwhelms me
when you look at me
your eyes don't falter.

When your ego shows off
yes, I am impressed
and appalled in the same moment.

How can someone
with so much chivalry
be so weak?

I've noticed your lack of will
how your laziness drags you around
only leading you deeper into yourself.

Where your ego compliments itself
where your false bravery grows
and your confidence never falters.

It's all in your head
and I can see right through it
you can't hide anymore.

Last Sunday
I was curled up in bed
dreaming of you next to me.
Sharing a pillow,
sharing a kiss.

This Sunday
I want you curled up
next to me.
Sharing the space between your fingers
sharing the same feelings.

Next Sunday
I'll be curled up alone
cold spaces next to me.
Sharing my shivers,
sharing my tears.

Nearly a year, a million tears.
Flooded by memories
breached dams of distances.

Is it the wine that makes me honest?
Brings out the feelings?
Make me want to call you,
tell you everything?

So many tears,
only a year.

I can love you again,
my heart is open again.
The one problem is that you’re not around.
You’re not here to love.
You’re too far away to feel.

I look at the stars,
the same stars we watched together.
I count our time apart with dying stars.
As they fall across the dark sky
your face fades a little more in my mind.
Your laugh becomes a distant memory,
a memory, that one day, will be lost.

I dream of us meeting again,
a moment in time that I pray for.
Accidental or purposefully,
I will see you again.

I will love you again.
My heart is open again.
You will be around to love.
You will be close enough to feel.

Slinking in the dark,
Lying low,
Yearning to taste the hunt.
Freeing the wild instinct,
Opening up his senses,
X**-ray vision in the black night.

i used to love his laugh
dream about his eyes
long for his kiss

now i despise his smile
dream about his demise
revenge on my lips

So many  opportunities for wishes,
11:11
shooting stars
birthday candles,

but here I sit
with you miles away,

so many wasted wishes,
throwing coins into fountains
breaking wishbones,
blowing dandelion seeds.

It started as a wind
rustling grasses, stirring up dust,
it ended as a lightning strike
cracking the sky, igniting a fire.

Flowers bent by force, scorched by heat.
Trees black from flame, dead from being parched.
Skies dark from smoke, lit by flashes.

The world around, scarred

the girl in the middle, scared

In my party dress
my hair twirled
my eyelashes curled

You leaned in and whispered
"I shouldn't be looking at you like this."

In my party dress
teal colored heels
my mind reels

As those whispered words fade
into nothing but meaningless sounds.

In my party dress
holding back tears
hiding all fears

With your arm around her
after I gave you everything I had.

In my party dress
a lonely girl
in a small world

Those nights spent with you
become useless as you walk away.

Rough
is not
the right word.
Tough in the face,
gentleman to the
core. A love for his girl
so deep it could fill the seas.
Hold her, cowboy, lasso her
heart. Pull her in with a soft touch.
Do not fence her, but do not let her run.

I don't want to cry
but I can feel the tears.
The words pierced my heart
as they fell from your mouth.

Anger spewed from my soul
as you sprouted an apology.
Those words were too late
they shouldn't have been needed.

But you chose to break me
the cracks are visible to the world.
I try on a smile, it's too fake
I try out a laugh, it's too weak.

I missed you before the words
but this fault has made me loathe.
You can't take them back
and I can't forget them.

It's not fair
that you get to go on
enjoying the sun
when you took mine
right from my sky

It's not fair
that you get to go on
smile on your face
when you took mine
right from my mouth

It's not fair
that you get to go on
on the receiving end of love
when you took mine
right from my heart

It's not fair
that you can break a girl

break her smile

break her heart

and go on like you did nothing wrong

the sun glints off his wet, dark hair,
the breeze pulls at his sun-bleached, torn shirt,
the kelp brushes his cold, bare toes,
the salt sticks in his still lashes,
the waves reach for his lifeless body,

I watch from behind my rock,
my alcove,
my arch,

waves push my body against barnacled surface,

his first mistake was being alone,
his second was listening to my song,
his last was our kiss,

holding him against my lips,
underneath the white foam,
I took his last breath,
I'll never love again.