That night you took your smile
     and put it on my heart
Like a brand it burned
     away the hurtful words
     a hole so charred and black

With each new sun the feeling of your hand
     on the small of my back
     clasped around mine
fades a little more until
     the memory no longer
          makes me smile
     the memory only
          makes me cringe

at being so naive
     again

Spring comes and goes
tricking birds with warm winds, sun.
Snow falls the next day.

Do I love you for the right reasons,
or is it just your reputation
that has me so infatuated?
If you weren't what you are,
if you were simply you
would your smile still ease my mind?

I've set you on a pedestal
and I'd do anything for you,
to hear your laugh,
to see your smile,
to hear you speak,
to look into your eyes.
And still I wonder,
do I love you for the right reasons?

It's inconvenient
one needs a beating heart
when I have given mine to you.
Betrothed it has become
without your consent
to your cardiac system.
I sit here cold
'fore I have no blood
without my vascular *****.

When I saw a car like yours
my head didn't do a double take.
It was steady.

When our song came on the radio
my heart didn't skip a beat.
It was steady.

When someone mentioned your name
my body didn't shiver.
It was steady.

When I returned to the edge
my emotion didn't falter.
It was steady.

As I turned and walked away
your memory didn't knock me over.
It was steady.

The morning sun teases my eyelids
'no, not yet'
1:11 AM, come and gone.
5:30 AM, my new lover

You must not miss me.
I had hoped you would.
I miss you terribly
but I'd never admit it.

Some say I'm better off
but they didn't know us.
Thinking of you, I can't stop
but I'd never admit it.

I wish you'd call me up.
Convince me I was wrong.
Believing in you, I give up
but I'd never admit it.

If you knew how often I cry
would you change your mind?
I die a little more inside
but I'd never admit it.

my head is telling me to breathe
but it's hard when my heart's not beating
when my stomach is in knots
and you're on my mind
the world seems to spin out of control

what should i do to let you know
you're slowly killing me
you take my breath
you stop my heart

you cloud my eyes
and i can't see where i'm headed
i'm falling for you
and you're not there to catch me

i can wear this smile
but inside i'm crying
i'm crying oceans
the salt burns my open wounds
only you can heal

She isn't smart
she isn't very pretty
but you wanted her body.
The cut of her shirt
the length of her shorts
made you over look me.
If that's what you're looking for
then I'm glad you passed by
I'm not that kind of girl.

I thought you were smart
and, oh, so handsome
but you acted immature.
How your eyes undressed her
the comments that you made
proved you, to me, undesirable.
I thought we could have something
thought you wanted more than physical
apparently you're not that kind of guy.

The cars we drove in high school
the boys we let ride in them
"reckless"
they would call us

The cars we drive today
the men we ride alongside
"cautious"
they will call us

When did we lose the spirit?
How did we grow up so fast?

I wish my old car still ran
I wish I knew where he was
"abject"
we call ourselves

Remember when you killed me?
You left me bleeding in your bed.
My heart stopped beating as you walked out the door.
Now I'm dead.
No more talking
No more laughing
No more loving
No feeling.
**Dead.

This heart is fragile,
bearing a sign 'Handle With Care',
but it has been thrown around,
hammered with wear and tear.

Just when it's patched,
and packaged for shipment,
the box gets dropped,
and the result is torment.

The last delivery scheduled,
not all that too long ago,
the recipient assumed to be a man,
with hopes of becoming beau.

He left the box unopened,
left the package out in the rain,
nothing but a selfish boy,
who created all this pain.

What has he done to this girl,
'Handle With Care' is no longer readable,
she longed for just one kiss,
but thoughts of love are now inconceivable.

His laugh promised happiness,
but the pieces no longer fit together,
her heart stranded out in the storm,
unable to sustain the weather.

With every call he rejects,
she applies more stitching,
hoping one day, one night,
he will realize all that he is missing.

Ocean waves calling,
salty foam licking the shore.
Soft breeze, warm sunshine.

Now
          when I hear our song
I don’t forget to breathe
I don’t choke on the memories
I don’t drown in the tears

Tonight
          when I wish on shooting stars
I won’t wish for you
I won’t count our days apart
I won’t close my eyes to dream of your kiss

Tomorrow
          when I wake from sleep
I will unwrap my body from the blankets
I will go out into the world alone
I will survive without you





I can’t remember who you are
I can’t remember who I was with you

Falling in love with you
arrested my heart and
left a pain
lingering through my body,
infusing into my soul,
never ceasing to
grind my emotions.

I** had
never

loved anyone before
or think I ever will again.
Verified loneliness leaves me
expecting your return,

whether for love or friendship,
I will forever hold a place for you.
Threatened by no other man, my
heart is completely

yours.
Other boys may try to persuade but they
underestimate my feelings for you.

Are you so insecure
that you will let
any guy
who crawls into your bed
take a little piece of you?

Do you think so little of yourself
that you will let
any guy
who buys you a drink
follow you home?

Is your self-esteem so low
that you will let
any guy
tell you all his lies?

Are you so blind
that you can't see
how beautiful
you really are?

we talk in black and white
the screaming in my head is red
inside my heart it's grey

words fall in silence
their meanings roaring
but understanding is deaf

impossibly blue eyes
look into unappealing brown ones
blinded by yellow sun

we talk in black and white

I'm running out of ways
to tell you
you've broken my heart
you break it more everyday.

You'll never run out of ways
to hurt me
when your eyes meet mine
when you smile in my direction.

I'm running out of ways
to miss you
the pictures wreak the same havoc
the memories are just as potent.

You'll never run out of ways
to use me
with the words you choose
with the lies you spew.

I'm running out of ways
to forget you
just when I think I've moved on
just when I lose your name.

You'll never run out of ways
to haunt me
with the memories we share
with the time we spent together.

We're running out of ways
to fall in love
with each day we don't talk
with every moment spent apart.

It's tragic, this love.

How I clutch to your lips
like the ledge over a raging river,
fingers slipping,
slipping.

How my eyes plead to you,
to pull me to safety,
into you arms,
into your eyes.

I plead for your words,
like a drought needs the rain,
my life needs your breath,
your heartbeat.

It's tragic, this love.

Boy,
you have
got me. Me
feeling something,
intoxicated.
I am holding onto
your every word. I feel
insane. Your eyes are so intense.
Smile at me again. Boy, look in my
direction. There is something between us.

I need to get her out of the picture.
She is keeping you from me and you
know it. You want to be with me.
I can make you feel something.
Boy, exhilaration,
intoxication.
Experience
my love for
you, oh,
boy.

If you knew I wasn't over you
would you feel pity
or think I was weak?
You moved on before the seasons changed
and this new light is a harsh reality
casting shadows on this vacant pillow.
My eyes bleed tears with every sunrise
because I know your heart has left
and I can't bait it back to mine.

I couldn't wait to see you
and when I did
it was all I had to confirm.

The feeling I had to sift through
all those i had hid
buried under a berm.

What should I do
open up a bid
let you make me infirm?

If only you knew
it seems I have slid
into a situation in which I squirm.

It takes all I have not to call you.

you never took a second look
you never looked back

I was giving you a chance
a chance to let you love me
a chance to let me love you

but you threw it away
you threw away a chance

You hold me as if you know me.
You kiss me as if you won't miss me.
Skeptical? I think not.
Trusting? I know I'm not.
Suspicious? I try not to be.
Willing? More than likely.

I know you won't miss me.
I know you don't know me.
This is what I will be believe.

We acted like teenagers
never saying what we meant
hinting with smiles and compliments.
We acted liked fools
when we were near one another
never ceasing to smile or laugh.

We acted like teenagers
staying up late talking
over messenger or text.
We acted like fools
stealing glances across rooms
enjoying each other's company.

We should have acted like adults
expressing our feelings
telling the truth.
We should have acted our age
then you'd be here beside me
not playing house with her.

When I first met you
you were just a boy
I'd hoped I could help you grow up

It didn't take me long to realize
that would never happen

I was angry
I was hurt

But when we talked the other night
you were so much more than that boy
you were the man I'd longed for

It didn't take me long to realize
my feelings hadn't changed

I'm falling in love
or maybe I never stopped

I am not
who you think I am.
The girl you met
late one night at the bar
who so easily let down her guard.

I am not
the girl you spent
the night holding so tenderly.
The girl you called
so pretty, so beautiful.

I am not
who you think I am.
The girl with no defenses
has rebuilt all her fences
with steel, iron, barbed wire, voltage.

I am not
so easily bought
with pretty words, gentle kisses.
The girl who I am
would never let you in.

I am not
who you think I am.
The girl you like so much
doesn't want your touch
or anyone else's.

I am not
who you think I am.
I am independent,
fine with being alone,
taking care of myself.

my name never sounded do beautiful
as it spilled form your lips
effortlessly consonants and vowels
strung side by side
six letters painting an invisible picture
six letters composing a silent symphony

your voice echoed off mountains
through canyons and valleys
reverberating off my ears
settling in my heart

i had never heard a sound so beautiful
a song lasting not even one second
burned into my ear drums
leaving a glistening scar

how can i forget a sound so beautiful
my body aches with a need
to be shook with the timbre

say my name

if only in a whisper
if only for me to hear
it could not sound so beautiful
to anyone else

We laid in my bed
as the snow fell all around
but I felt the chill.
You stroked my hair
as I kissed your lips
I felt you pull away.

I still see red
with feet firmly on the ground
you took away the thrill.
A vacant stare
my beating heart skips
if only to end the day.

Trying to clear my head
my ears pounds
trying to find the will.
All I did was care
as you vied for my hips
but you wouldn't stay.

My feeling left for dead
falling making no sound
river of emotions comes to a still.
Love is hard to bare
tears from my cheek drips
how could you leave me this way?

I just have to say,
if things don't work out with her,
give me a call one day.

You know I'd find a way,
no matter where I might be at,
to go to you and there I would stay.

A few more words, if I may,
when the weather rolls in
and our skies become cloudy and grey

Under the covers with you I'd lay,
I wouldn't leave for just one storm,
with you forever I would stay.

Sometimes you need someone to hold you
when you can't stop crying,
when the sobs come
and you can't stop shaking.

When the nights get too dark
and the sun won't rise,
you need someone there to tell you it'll get brighter.
Someone who will hold your hand through the nightmares.

But when the world is at it's cruelest
it leaves you to stumble through the dark alone
and through blurry eyes, a foggy mind,
you surrender on your knees.

Can you possibly recover?
Will you ever stand again?
Questions for eternity circle in your mind.
You're clouded judgment pulls you down.

You stay at the bottom waiting for someone,
someone to grab your hand and pull you up,
up out of the hole you dug yourself.
In the blackness, crying, you wait.

This middle-of-the-night breakdown shook my body
A small earthquake starting in my heart
spreading through my chest
after shock visible on my cheeks

Molten lava flowed from my eyes
burning rivers down my face
turning to rain to fall from my chin
pooling at my feet
before drowning me in a natural disaster

A worldwide phenomenon
a storm named for you

All the stars in the southwestern sky
couldn't add up to all the tears I cried.

When you walked away that February day
after three years we had shared
on a day meant for love
you proved to me you'd never cared.

When I saw you that chilly November night
nearly two years after that fateful break,
you had turned into something I hate.

Silence encompassed the space we occupied
and once again my heart cried,
shattered in front of you
I realized
I will always love you.

Moved to tears,
that's how I feel
when I think about our years.

How you helped me fight my fears,
every touch was so real,
moved to tears.

It's been all these years
and with the devil I have made a deal
when I think about ours years.

No help from my peers
could rid me of the pains that real,
moved to tears.

With snickers and sneers,
all my love, my whole heart, you steal
when I think about our years.

Love inside me still rears
it's head, so surreal.
Moved to tears
when I think about our years.

the dream was so vivid
your arms wrapped around me
your breath on my neck
as you slept so soundly

i awoke with shock
expecting you beside me
your eyelids fluttering with sleep
as i turn to face you

the dream was so real
it hurt when my bed was empty
no dream can replace
what we once had

so i close my eyes
once again to hear your voice
as real as what once was
but will never be again

All of a sudden
your face came to mind.

The feel of your hand
on the small of my back,
the feel of your lips
tickling my neck.

The sound of your laugh
Haunting!

The smell of your skin
Intoxicating!

All of a sudden
your face came to mind
my heart broke
again
and I realized

just how alone I am.

How I remember you.
Your brown eyes,
your sweet smile.
The little things you cherished
from our days spent together.

How I remember you.
Your soft laugh,
your gentle touch.
The way you could tell me secrets
the ones you'd never tell anyone.

How I remember you.
The closer we got,
the further I fell.
You became my best friend
and the one who meant the world.

How I remember you.
The summer turned colder,
our nights grew shorter.
As the seasons changed around us
you grew to love another.

How I remember you.
The way you broke my heart,
the way you let me down.
It's not often I think of that summer
or the emotions you made me feel.

How I remember you.
Your brown eyes,
your sweet smile.
The little things I cherish
from our days spent together.

Waiting,
like the last leaf for the wind.
     Lonely,
like the lone tree in the field of wheat.
     Forgotten,
like the change on the floorboard.
     Distracted.
     Lost.
     Afraid.

     *Waiting.

To the man from Colorado
who broke my heart,
you might think I am mad
but I'm just torn apart.

Someone like you shouldn't say
all that you did
to someone like me.

The words you would say
when doors were closed,
the smiles that were shared
all lies I suppose.

Someone like me shouldn't fall
as hard as I have
for someone like you.

To the man form Colorado,
who I can't forget,
you might think I am sad
but it's just regret.

Some people like us shouldn't meet
the way that we did
or the ways we didn't.

Some people like us are meant to fall,
just simply fall apart.

These past few days
I've been remembering our first ones.
You were different in so many ways.

What was once a lingering gaze
fades with each setting sun
these past few days.

You led me through your maze.
I really thought you could be "the one".
You were different in so many ways.

I've been struggling through a haze,
a mess of emotions come undone
these past few days.

Stuck in a constant daze
from utter happiness to none.
You were different in so many ways.

This hurt, you it did not faze.
Again, I am the loser, you have won.
These past few days
you were different in so many ways.

When are you coming back?
I miss your smile.
I can't wait for you to unpack
I've been waiting quite a while.

I miss your smile.
There's something I need to say
I've been waiting quite a while.
If only I could find a way.

There's something I need to say,
I've heard about her,
If only I could find a way.
There's so much to infer.

I've heard about her.
All these feelings I conceal,
There's so much to infer
hoping they turn out to be real.

All these feelings I conceal
I can't wait for you to unpack
hoping they turn out to be real.
When are you coming back?

Now I realize I never really knew you
but I cried when you left
I could have really loved you
I could have got to know you
Then I could have loved you

I wonder what would happen if I saw you now
Would my heart break or beat
Would I cry or would I laugh

With you I could have loved again
but now it'll have to wait
My heart will have to heal
because I never really knew you
It seems silly to cry over