How do I say it,
when the clouds still thunder cold
and the wind breaks me in shivers
where all the leaves are rusting yellow
and the sky looks like a grey, mopping carpet
when the sun hides itself
and where all the people loom
ready to pounce and shred me

How do I say it,
as she smiles
and her eyes just gleam and nothing more
because I don’t know
if she will reciprocate
when her friends look at me
like a stranger from a distant land
finding feet, and not yet there

How do I say it,
that the pain of not saying ‘it’ cracks me open
like a cycle of Cruciatus curse on a repeat
so only the wrong words come out
and the tongue feels twisted, forever like a roller-coaster
going faster and faster, getting more intense,
but just not getting there
to nail it.

How do I say it,
that I have sinned
by setting my eyes on her,
and letting her pervade all over me
like the fog on a cold December morning
So when will that day come
When I say it,
and let her know of how I feel.

all I remember are a few
too many shots of whisky;
mints and cigarettes;
your lips -- and mine,
and my burgundy lipstick.
I remember your hands
under my skirt;
my perfume;
my hands running through
your hair.
mostly I remember
the next morning --
the headache
the scrambled eggs
and my sheets in the dryer,
tumbling
like my head.

I was standing in the airport this morning
and thinking of our first kiss,
When I realized I should write you this letter.
I’ve bought a ticket to somewhere far away
a place I know you won’t follow me,
where no one knows my name.

It’s best if you forgot my name
since by next Tuesday morning
you won’t know where to find me.
You’ll know it’s gone, that kiss
and that I’m even father away.
That’s why I’m writing you this letter.

I imagine you’ll burn the crinkled letter
and curse that you ever asked my name
curse my blush when you asked to go out with me.
How you woke up at dawn that morning
How you brushed chocolate off my lips with a kiss
You’d curse you ever fell in love with me

When you escaped to San Francisco with me
you saw all my writing, the poetry, the letters.
You read a poem about dove’s kissing
and you said you loved me by name.
When we woke up in a hotel that first morning
The world couldn’t have felt farther away

But I had plans to fly away
My future wouldn’t make room for you and me
I couldn’t always wake up to you in the morning
I knew one day I’d have to write this letter
That one day I would try and fail to forget your name
That I’d always feel the pressure of that kiss

God, if I could go back to that first kiss
I would push you away
I would tell you to forget my name
To forget everything you would love about me
So I’d never have to send this letter
and wake up so  a l o n e  in the morning

Kiss the memory of me
away and touch the flame to the letter
Sincerely, a nameless girl you loved yesterday morning