You looked tired today
Soft and sleepy, like a little boy
I wanted to have your head in my lap
To run my fingers through your hair
Soft against smooth
Warmth against warmth
But I felt too much like a little girl
With blushing cheeks
Shy and unsure of what I want
So I hung back, afraid
Offered you a cup of coffee
Lectured you about an early night
And stayed in the safety
Of being just a friend
Always, just your friend.

I am many miles away
I have left home
Flown the nest
Towards the sea.
I am now
Past the age of dependency
And yet I have
Never needed you more
And as usual
You are there
My eternal source of love
And reassurance.

I have grown past the age
Of needing to be rocked to sleep
But I know you stay up
Waiting for me to come home
And let you know I'm OK.
I am not the child
That needs to sit on your knee
And have my hair stroked
But I know the spot is always free
When I'm sad and need you.

You will always be my source of wisdom
You tell me how to cook as you do
Warn me who cannot be trusted
As you showed me how to read
When I was small
And as I can always trust you.
Now I teach you
How to use your phone
So we can send silly photos
And make me feel at home wherever I go.

To my mother
Who I miss everyday
But know is just a phone call away.

I want to dream
of fresh, green fields
Wildflowers, sweet and heady
Tickling the end of my nose
As I stare out at blue skies
And feel the warmth of the sun
On my face as my eyes shut.
I want to dream
Of laughter and stories
Surrounded by love and light
A face that aches from smiling
and cheeks that are tinged pink
My glass always half full.
I want to dream
I feel it as a longing
Deep inside me, rising and falling
Like waves.
I want to dream
And feel it fill me up
Complete me and fix where
I have broken and frayed.
I want to dream
And have it come true.

I have loved you for a long time
And hated myself
For you not loving me
The scorn of being
The unrequited lover
Burnt into my skin.
But you are my best friend
With you I have laughed
So much that I've cried
And cried myself to sleep
Thinking about why
I am the undesirable
The unlovable, the always
And yet never quite.
At night you are
The man of my dreams
And in the day
Perfect and somehow godlike
Bathed in sunlight and self-confidence
While I dim in the shadows behind you.
But I cannot hate myself anymore
And I cannot love you anymore
So I must turn my back on sunshine
And let myself enjoy the rainbows
And the rainstorms.

We were in love
Once upon a time
It was wonderful.
But then we woke up
Why do I always
Have to wake up.

Life is sour
A taste that makes you wince
As if you've been
******* lemons
For when life hands you lemons
You can pretend
You squeezed them in your eyes
That explains the tears.
My heart feels bitter
I've left it open for too long
I should throw it out
As what's the point in salvaging
What can so easily be replaced.
Yes I'm feeling sour
Bitter, rotten
Who wouldn't be
With your name on their tongue.

You are sweet
Like tea with too many spoons of sugar
The mug you cradle and
Drink while it's still hot.
You are sweet
Like picnics and walks along the beach
Holding hands with damp palms
My heart beating fast in my chest.
You are sweet
Like the treats you shouldn't have
But I feel I will never grow sick of you
Or feel I have to push the plate away
To be polite.
I don't drink tea
And it's too cold outside for picnics
But with you the world is fuzzy
Golden glazes my eyes
And I find myself liking the taste of
Honey on my tongue.