the light is so far away
but I hear the train so near
I scream, but the horn is blaring
but why are you all just staring?
The ropes tighten as I struggle
my half-hearted efforts are useless
when can I be released?
when can I finally breathe?
are you finished yet?
My eyes are forced to close forever with the sand of your storm
introspective roaring
my brain is imploding
I'm going the wrong way on this mountainous escalator
I'm just so tired
the exhaustion is overwhelming
everything I used to do
I now do for you
but you don't even know
I can only offer my condolences
but I can't rewire my head
it's all set.
I'm dead.

Going through the motions of every day
Trying to make you all think I've changed my ways.
Living life stuck in this daze.
This maze.

How could you believe I changed my mind?
Have you met me? I'm not fine.
I don't believe I should even try
Not me. Not I.

All I've ever wanted to hear is what I tell you.
Yet no one gets the hint, they don't have a clue.
"Don't worry sweetie, it's nothing you do.
Would I lie to you?"

And as my fingers tremble with the ache of memories
I wish you were here to give my hand a squeeze.
If no one were around I'd drop to my knees
And Death I would plead.

I want to be alone right now
with nothing but my thoughts
Nobody here can ever know
exactly what I've fought
I always try
but never do
Leaving you all behind
words and thoughts
leave their marks
but no one can see
these scars upon my heart
they say people will always feel
what you do for yourself
but is that still true
when I only feel hatred for me, too
I'll never know what it's like
to completely love myself
but at least I can see
who knows the truth
and who only ever sees the lie

Let's all get together
for a rousing game of "have you ever"

Have you ever felt so low
that nothing was real?

Have you ever wanted to paint a canvas of skin and veins
Only to regret it every day?

Have you ever wanted to run away from every pain
And live your days in another place?
Have you ever been told no?

Have you ever been afraid to disappoint;
Afraid you couldn't work your own voice?

Have you ever wondered what it's like on the other side?
I wonder if it's really a heaven in the sky?
Maybe it's nothing and you really do just die.

Have you ever felt so buried under stress
that you couldn't even get dressed?

Have you ever wanted to down a bottle
And feel powered, full-throttle?

Have you ever hoped to bleed dry
So you could be light enough to fly?

Have you ever dreamed of bleeding skin
then woke up, wishing it had happened?

Have you ever loved the pain of an open sore
So much so that you made some more?

Have you ever loved someone so much so
that you didn't even care where your own life would go?

I have.

All these things.

I can't talk anymore.

My heart is throbbing.

Your smile lights up my whole life
When I look in your eyes, it's like
I'm flying through a dusty sea
When I catch your waves, you see me
It's as if you already know me
Our brains are alike
And so are we
I look in my soul
And I see
You and me
Will you understand, please?
I know, I know, I know
I'm so sorry.
And when you look at me
It's me who can't breathe
Now I'm the claustrophobia
And you're the door for me to leave
And you can see right through me
I really can't explain it
Our brains are alike
And so are we.

"Well, you're going to die anyway."

My gaze sweeps over the streets of the muse of our spirit.
The men click their heels.
The women dance to their ancestors' beat.
The children clap and keep their time.
We live in a swirl of our own past.
Fields and crops
Love and loss.
We remember
We live on.