The smell of your soft skin close to mine.  
The taste of your pink lips.    
My soul is for you to keep.
Close.
To you.
The sparkle in your hazel eyes it's what keep the fireworks alive you're my fourth of July .

Sly
like a serpent silently
slipping
under the skin
slithering
up though the spinal cord
to secretly settle
inside your skull
where it will sit
and sedate
your senses
with sweet seductive
songs of
sleep

Today I picked up a pencil in a pathetic attempt to banish all the bad thoughts.
I wrote about you.
How we haven't been talking.

I wrote about my dad.
About how I don't want to hate him

I wrote about how I stopped getting high with my friends.
And how I should be focusing on important things

I wrote about how I stayed the night at my best friends house.
And how I took too much ambien and how it made me cry all night.

I meant to get all these thoughts out But now I'm swimming in them.

As the light turned to dark,
You were there.
You shielded me from the pain that was trying to tare me apart.
You held me up when I didn't know how too.

I lived on your chest.
It was the only place that i felt safe. Everyday we searched for the invisible bond we both dreamed of.
We thrived for the connection that would move our relationship further,
But neither of us could find it.

So we stopped living in each others arms.
Safety wasn't enough.
We had to learn how to live without one another.
Neither of us wanted to say goodbye.
But our paths were going different ways and neither of us will have the connection we're dying for,
If we stay together.
So we only live in each others memories.

You are my soulmate. 
Everyday You keep me sane.
You teach me how to be a better person.
Everything you are is what i lack and desire to be.
I'm envious of your loyalty to your word and to the people that you care about, your kindness and compassion for everyone around you , your integrity to think everything through and make sure everything you do is/was the right decision, and your honesty to yourself.

And even though you are moving on to your next chapter in your life soon, what has kept our friendship so strong and what will keep us close for a long time is always being able to have one an other and truly know and understand each other and accept each other for everything that we are, and having that equal balance of give it take, and knowing that no matter what we are there for each other and would do anything for one an other.


And Even though you won't be able to have the people you love in your next chapter, I know for a fact that you will be right at home in Utah, it will feel right and you'll be happy.

But I can also guarantee you that there'll be bumps in the road but I know with everything in me that you will be ok and will get through them because you always make the right decisions for yourself and because you have a good head on your shoulder and you know yourself more than anyone else. 

And no matter what pulls us apart, our friendship and our memories will keep us together.

While you were gone,
          I was dreaming fantastic dreams,
                    that make you seem,
             ordinary.

And in these dreams,
                        So it seems,
                             I met the ocean deep below,
      He grabbed me hold and told me he'd never let me go.

Why choose land when you can have the sea?
                        I'm just a summer's breeze
                             Rippling the water occasionally
    But he admired my company (that's enough for me)

So I'm diving into the deep dark blue
                   To the parts of him no one knew
                           Purely encompassed in wavy conversation
    The shivery conversations made of vibrations

*"And I asked myself about the present:
                  how wide it was,  
                                         how deep it was,  
       how much was mine to keep."