Was I that easy to forget?

Well, at least I know how much you actually loved me.

To you I was nothing...
I was nothing but a single flower in a garden
I was nothing but a small star in a galaxy
I was nothing but a line in a book
I was nothing but a single blade of grass in a field
I was nothing but a small speck in a grand piece of art
I
was
nothing

Even sitting here alone in the darkness,

It doesn't get me any further away from my problems

It doesn't help me become blind to my problems.

Your mouth- the gun.
Your voice- the trigger.
Your words- the bullets,

The bullets that have broken my heart, my mind, and my soul.

The lakes inside my eyes dried out

I wasted every drop on someone who wasn't worth my tears.

I no longer care.
Why should I live if there's no meaning to my life?
I just can't take it anymore.
I'll just be here, waiting for Death to come and get me.
The sooner I'm out of this world, the better.

I feel like my heart is about to pound out of my chest.
I feel as if I'm going to have a heart attack.
I feel so desperate, so stuck.
There's no escape.
Fear starts kicking in, and I feel hopeless.
I feel like I am about to die, right here, right now.
I start breathing rapidly, I feel like I am choking.
Tears then make their way out of my eyes, and fall down my cheeks.
It's hard to take it all in, and I can't handle it.
Then like a child throwing a tantrum I start kicking and squirming, as if that were going to break me free from anxiety's curse.
The sad thing is, I know it won't.

My heart is like a butterfly
So thin
So delicate
So fragile
And also like a butterfly I have wings
So I'll fly away if you don't catch me

My heart starts to pound at the sight of you
But I know I have to let you go
I need to forget you, but I just don't want to
And even if I wanted to, I just couldn't.

I feel so broken hearted
I don't know what to do
It was all over before it started
And it's obvious that I'll be missing you
Without you I have to learn to live my life
I know that I have to move on
It'll be impossible for me not to have you by my side
But I hope I'll soon manage to move along

I am not asking
For much but all I want is
To just be happy.

I was in the dark
And my sightless eyes touched something sharp
I kept on trying grab it
Didn't know how much pain it caused me
Until I decided to turn on the light
And saw all the blood on my hands

Whenever I see you my eyes light up
But then the bright drowns out when I realize that you won't be there for me anymore.

You loved me, I rejected.
My mistake, now regret it.
My days have now been filled with darkness and rain
I realize how much you've suffered, for now I'm the one in pain.
I truly am sorry for being the cause of your sadness
So many people have broken me, and I became heartless.

Please don't tell me you love me if you don't mean it
Please don't hug me if you don't even want to be with me
Please don't talk to me if you're going to be feeding me with lies
Please just leave
No matter how much I wanted you in my life
You have to go
Because loving you is like trying to find daylight when you know it's  already dark.

I feel sad
I feel that my life isn't complete
My life is missing something indeed
Is it friends that I lack
Or something materialistic perhaps?
Now that I have thought it through
I have everything but love is what I need too
Now I know that this feeling of desolation deep down inside
Comes from not seeing you

Sometimes I still wonder...
Why do I even wait for your name to light up my phone?
Why do I even wait for you to talk to me?
Why am I even waiting for you?
Why do I feel so hurt?

I know that I don't deserve you after everything,
Yet you're still the only person I want.

Why do I even care so much about you?*

The hardest question I've ever asked myself,
And still cannot find the answer to.

You were the rain that put out the fire
of hatred that used to burn me

But rain can also create floods
In which you can drown in sadness

When I'm down I try
To be happy but sadly
It does never last.

For you I've cried tears
Rivers of tears
That turned into oceans of tears
In which I have drowned in their sadness in which they came with.

Is it weird that you're
The cause of my sadness and
My happiness too?

Why do we believe that
Love is the thing that will
Make us better when it's actually
The thing that is
Destroying me inside?

What used to be a
Smile quickly fades back to
A frown once again.