You're still my vice baby
It scares me how much I love the thought that I could be yours too
The idea that I'm not
I push away
As it tries to confirm old beliefs that I am not enough
That what I want will not come to me
Because I live anew
Now
What I want lands in my path
"I am abundance" I repeat as I fall asleep
I hope with tearful eyes
And shaking breath
And that sweet earnest quiver in the bridge of my nose
That one day you won't be my vice
That you'll be my good morning
Or my Tuesday afternoon
That we'll be in tune
Like we were in June and May and October and December
I don't want anything from you that you don't want though
And how hard to know what to want
When I'm afraid.
I don't want to live in fear
So I must live apart
But is it all so dramatic anyway?
I don't want to always be so deliberate in my wants
It's not all love and romance
It's just a normal day
Meaning passing between us
Is what I pretend.
But really.
Fervently, I love you.
I love your jaw and your voice.
I love your laugh
How giddy you become like a child smiling at the sun
I love your mania
I love your crazy eyes alight in the moon
I love your BELIEF I love your ******* earnest sincerity.
Who the **** else is earnest like that?
It's gorgeous, I'm obsessed.
I could drink and bathe in your sincerity.
A bless or a curse to be the object of my obsession
I worry how my attraction to you would affect you
Would it be too much?
I think so.
Read the signs, see the facts
When someone tells you who they are believe them and all of that...
But, I'd rather not?
Instead I want to think that when we stood behind your house smoking that joint trying to stay away from the wind that you felt the tension too.
I love the way you wear boots.
I love the way sweaters hang on your shoulders.
****, each time I revisit your room in my mind I must confirm again and again with growing certainty that I am obsessed with you.