The homeless man begged
for change, but not the kind you
keep in your pocket

You've sworn
to live for poetry
but it is
poetry that
kills you

You drive in
circles and circles and circles
in a stuffy car
constantly searching
for the best possible space.
Stopped and waiting
for person after person
who clearly find it acceptable
to walk in
the
middle
of
the
street
Gritted teeth
Fingers gripped, indenting the
cushioning of your steering wheel
You imagine your
parking angels laughing
at your ridiculous prayers
playing harps to
accompany your misery.
You felt as if you haven't
taken a breath in
quite some time
as your sweat-drenched collar
seems to be tightening.
Frustration is digging ulcers
as if you're ready to just
crash your car right
into the front of the store
and,

Finally

you just settle
for the space in the way back.
Nothing to exactly brag about
at your next dinner party.
Settling is a part of life you suppose.
The door slams and you lock it.
A few paces in
and
well,
you find yourself
surprisingly
enjoying
the long walk,
this scenic route.
You remember how nice it is
to actually be outdoors
and to see some clouds
and birds and empty
noiseless air.
You laugh a little to yourself
You slow your steps and breathe.
A car honks at you for standing
in the middle of the street.

No, you're wrong.

Everyone is as beautiful
as they can possibly be

Particularly at lunch
in a laughing restaurant

Everyone is as beautiful
as they can possibly be

And they are moved
by their own beauty

And they shed tears for it
in the back of the taxi home

I still wait for the phone to ring
so that I may hear your voice again
but I'm left with wishes only.

Some nights I'll keep it close, passing
it nervously from hand to hand for
no reason at all. It stays quiet.

Tossing and turning on the bed,
sleepless I'll stare up at the ceiling
and pretend it's a lit night sky.

I'll talk to the spot that was yours
as the illusion of comets glide
down to imaginary fields.

And though I'm alone it'll feel right,
the way nothing ever does now days,
Your shadow accompanying me.

My room will turn into those nights
you have probably forgotten,
the ones in which we shared happiness.

I wonder
If you miss
that at all.

I feel a train approaching
Headed straight for my soul
A tiger ready to pounce
And rip it bare to shreds,
Well whatever remains i suppose.

Sadly I know the origin well
Of these worries of terror
And it's all my fault.
I really hate myself sometimes,
For the things I need of her.

I'm sorry
I just need someone there
I don't seem the same now as I was before
But deep down i promise I'm still here
It's just hard sometimes to see that you care.

It's not your fault at all
No you were unaware of the scratches
That lie beneath the surface
Of a painted door
With tampered latches.

I know we're not perfect
That's not of my intention
I want to fall in love
With you
And all of your imperfections.

Forgive me for being weak
And having issues greater than you expected
But if there was any a hope
For me to truly love you
You needed to understand the ways I'm affected.

So if this ends for my actions
And you no longer can handle me
I will understand
And let you go as you wish
Only pondering on all I hoped we could be.

I'm running over in my head everything i want to say to you
But I can never get it out when we're face to face
Because whenever I look in your eyes
Everything disappears
And it's clear
That there's something about you that I can't face losing.