One second you say you miss me.
Then you don't call me for days.
I don't know what else to do.
I'm left in a confusing haze.
Why do you disappear?
It is my fault you go?
All I can ask or say,
please stay.

Life is more
  Than who you are
     and
        The trival lives
           That people lead
              You are way more
         Than what they say
              Don't be scared
                 Of who
             You should be
         Remember,
    No one said
It would be easy

Sometimes people have urges.
To get rid of everyone in their life.
Sometimes those people deserve this.
And sometimes it isn't quite right.
The fact is you can not escape.
Every time something jogs your memory,
You want to jog away.

I still see my dad the way I did when I was seven
I think I always will
I barely notice him age until I clear my eyes
clear the memories that make up who he is
who he has been to me
run to the door he's home for the night
little girl playing pool he'll teach me right
he wears the necklace we made with beads
make a game of pulling weeds
eyes like grandma's icy blue
consistent and true
welcome me home like they always do
roles these days have been reversed
I walk through the door he hugs me first
the wrinkles around his eyes begin to shape
pain in his hip he tries to escape
yet, I see my dad steady and playful at 43
a part of my memory where he'll always be,
makes me wonder how he sees me
guess I don't blame him that he can't let me go
feels like time should pass more slow
I bet he sees me at 7 years too
the picture with my lips turned candy blue
carry me on his shoulders
strong arms seem like boulders
seven
not old enough to know that our childish fun
will one day be gone
seven
shame I don't believe in heaven.

I once had friend until
he fell in love with another.
I saw him everyday,
Even went out of my way
To see his lovely face.

We laughed, cried, talked.
I fell slowly, softly, soundly,
And he never knew.

I never knew until he came
With a ******* his arm
And it took all I had
To hold my tears back.

I introduced myself
Then cried myself to sleep
And wondered why
I hated her so.

She was funny.
She was smart.
Her voice was soft
like the perfect sunlight.
That’s what he said.

But to me, it was like
The thunder and lightning
That steals my breath away,
Not in a good way.

He said her touch
Reminded him of
The the rain falling
Fresh on his skin.

But to me, when we
shook hands, it was
The hail pounding on
My back when I looked
For a way out.

He asked why I didn’t show
To the movies when they
Asked me to go.
I told him I was sick.

Sick of pretending I didn’t care.
That I was happy. Sick of hearing
Her plan their wedding before
She even had a ring.
Sick of hearing her name the children
They didn’t have.
Sick of her having everything
I thought was mine.

He asked why we never talk.
I shrugged it off and told him I was busy.
Busy praying for them to end.
Busy wondering what if.
Busy trying to fix my broken heart.

Then one day,
I found out
She had a ring
He gave her
On my birthday.
And I cried.
I lied.
And I told him I couldn’t
make the wedding
Or do the portraits.
The ones I promised to do
when we were five.
I told him I was busy.
It was just life.
He said he always thought
I would be at his wedding.
So did I.

I thought
I would smile
Walk down the aisle.
And take his breath away.

Instead I cried.
I lied.
I didn’t watch her smile.
Walk down the aisle.
And take his breath away.

Instead, I hid myself away
Cried everyday.
Tried to talk myself out
Of a tragedy I lived.

They came back
from their honeymoon.
I lived in despair
And gloom.

Then one day,
Something changed
And I stopped being
In love with a memory.

I met them for coffee,
Apologized for my mistakes.
Then someone came and she introduced
Me to him.

The way he looked at me
Made me feel beautiful
The way he said my name
Reminded me of summer rain
And slowly, softly, soundly
I fell.

And this time he
was there to catch me.
I smiled.
Walked down the aisle
And we took each others
Breath away.