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Cameron Clarke Apr 2016
You’re detail oriented,
Always noticing the small things about everyone
How they hold themselves,
The difference in their laughs and smiles
How their smile is around certain people compared to others

You’re detail oriented,
And you notice how she smiles around you,
Only ever doing the same smile around her boyfriend
How she doesn’t check her phone
She laughs like she’s genuinely happy
It makes you feel like you matter

You’re detail oriented,
And you share the same enthusiasm over music and books,
Scouring the shelves of every bookstore you find
You feel at peace with her there,
You feel at peace with her anywhere

You’re detail oriented,
So you immediately notice a change in her
She’s taken up the habit of checking her phone
She seems distracted when you talk,
As if she’s somewhere else entirely
You wonder what’s going on,
It’ll surely pass though

You’re detail oriented,
You can feel a familiar emptiness creeping in to your chest,
It comes around when she’s glued to her phone,
She doesn’t seem to realize you’ve circled the same bookshelf three times now,
Make that four

You’re detail oriented,
Now she feels more like a shadow than a friend who once stood by your side
She’s giving her phone small grins,
You notice she’s texting someone,
It’s not her boyfriend
This will surely pass

You’re detail oriented,
She’s been mentioning this girl a lot,
Apparently they’re growing close,
You decide to ignore that emptiness that crawls into your heart

You’re detail oriented,
And you’re not one for jealousy,
Something isn’t the same anymore though
She no longer smiles as brightly when you’re around,
She’s always texting now,
And she’s mentioning that other girl
You’re not one for jealousy,
But you’ve never felt more alone

You’re detail oriented,
So you see how huge her grin is when you meet this girl,
They talk as if you’re not there,
You insert yourself into the conversation and suddenly you don’t feel welcome
Hopefully this will pass soon

She’s detail oriented,
Yet she hasn’t noticed how you become quiet when she mentions the girl,
Or how you no longer speak up first to vent
She doesn’t notice that you walked her around the same bookshelf seven times
Or that you just told her it’s been a year since major depression consumed you
She doesn’t notice that your jaw clenches when you watch her walk into that girl,
Or that you’ve suddenly become preoccupied with the hem of your shirt as they talk
She doesn’t notice your silence,
That girl just sent her a text and so did her boyfriend
That emptiness is suddenly filling your lungs and you feel like suffocating

You’re both detail oriented,
You want to tell her how you’ve been feeling,
But you know how she’ll react
It’s best to just stay silent

You’re detail oriented,
You feel her slipping away first,
Before she even realizes it
She just got another text,
And you’re getting tired of circling the bookshelf
Cameron Clarke Apr 2016
Don’t fall in love,
They warned
I assured them that I never would,
That the idea of love was never for me
My heart didn’t listen though,
Seeking out who you were

Don’t fall in love,
They warned
I assured them that I never would,
After all you only seemed to understand me and I to you
Something seemed to click,
But I’d ignore that,
For now

Don’t fall in love,
They warned
I assured them that I never would,
The way your face lit up when you smiled had nothing to do with it
That light feeling enveloped my stomach every time we talked,
But I don’t notice that,
For now

Don’t fall in love,
They warned
I assured them that I never would,
How we were there for each other through a storm,
It was pure coincidence
Your unlocked brilliance that even you didn’t understand yet,
It’s what pulled me in,
Like an unsuspecting cat following after a moving string
You didn’t even notice,
How could I blame you?

Don’t fall in love,
They warned
I assured them that I never would,
Nevermind your thoughts or your smile,
The way you seemed to understand my darker feelings or accept my darker past,
Nevermind the lightness in my stomach or the click I felt,
Nevermind every feeling
I wouldn’t fall for this,
I refuse

Don’t fall in love,
They warned
I promised them I never would,
But I never promised the idea of you
I sit frozen when I realize any daydreaming I had was just that,
Day-dreaming
It killed a part of me,
Never to light again
But I could never blame you for that,
You never knew,
You never will if I can help it

Don’t fall in love,
They warned
I assured them I hadn’t,
But berated them for never warning me about the absolute infinite idea of you,
That thought of you that showed itself in every song,
That pushed itself into my veins like a drug,
I couldn’t seem to get enough

I won’t fall in love,
I assured them
You never mentioned how an idea plants itself like a seed,
Growing throughout your being,
Intertwining with my veins and pulse and heart and soul

I won’t fall in love with her,
I promise
But the idea of her is already a disease within my blood
Just one more shot,
I beg
Just one more pill,
I plead
Just one last swallow and pin *****,
I cry

I won’t fall in love with her,
No
Now I’ll fall in love with the loneliness that comes with becoming clean
The pain of this drug that’s always been with me,
It will rock me to sleep every night

I’m done falling in love with her,
Now I’ll let the idea of her die out

Don’t fall in love,
They warned
I promise I won’t

— The End —