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cameran Mar 2014
I'm an old soul,
in a valley of new-aged minds.

I hide behind long tresses of dark, curly hair,
and a mind-blowing swirl of brown, green, and grey eyes.

I listen to classic rock,
and steal liquor from my mom.

I hate society,
And I am that crazy, political, hipster chick.

I like vintage things, meaningless things,
and even very broken things.

I love clothes that are to big for me,
and can only drink milk if it's in a mug.

I like the kind of weather that flushes your cheeks,
And causes you to pull your jacket on tighter.

I like these things because they are what they are,
and they make me who I am.
" For those ******* who ask the question,'Who are you?' "
cameran May 2015
i see these news clips,
the stories that go around
and it rips me apart inside

i spend hours thinking about it,
the struggles those people go through

the attacks,
the murders,
the rapists,
the brutality,
the war,
the innocent people
paying in blood,

i see it all and i want to speak up,
shout "it's not okay" from the roof tops,

i'll bring it up at lunch
but my friends don't care,
they don't think they have to,
because "we're just kids"
and "we're too young to understand"

we are the indifferent generation,
because our voices were taken away,
and our opinions were silenced,
before we even had a chance to express them
"it disgusts me! disgusts me!"
cameran May 2014
Having the urge to crumble, but instead trying to stay strong.

Everything seems blurry, until you release the tears you've been holding in.

All the memories come streaming back, forcing you to remember the good times.

Repeating the words, "I don't need you." constantly.

The way you can literally feel that rib-splitting ache in your chest as they say goodbye.

Bonding yourself back together with time.

Reliving all the experiences you've had with them, but this time reminiscing with a smile.

Explaining to a new someone how that old someone broke your heart.

A** moment in time where you look into your new someone's eyes and fall back into passionate love.

Kite flying in the park with that new someone wrapped around you, and the thought of that old someone pushed back into the crevices of your mind.
"first love is the worst love."
cameran Mar 2015
there are two
clocks on the wall
and neither work.

there are one
million thoughts
in my head
and none are worth it.

sometimes i wonder
is it worth it?

to count the minutes, the
seconds, until time is up.

why measure
life in increments
when i can measure it in
memories?

the squeals that
left my lips as
dad chased me
around the house
as a dragon,
the sweet sent
of lavender and
candy flavored kisses.

what about the hum
in my lungs as i tentatively
kissed the boy
i loved and gave him
everything i shouldn't have?

the proud look in
my mother's eyes as
i left home with
my bags packed?

the boys i talked to,
the friends i laughed with,
the nights i wasted
and the ones i didn't…

could these really
have an expiration date?
"another cliche."
cameran Sep 2016
i like your smile
and how you smell
and how soft your voice is
and maybe no one knows
how i feel about you,
but the wind knows
and the late drives on
stretches of highways
and smiles up at the sky
know
"i don't like this feeling."
cameran Apr 2014
it's those nights,

where the nightmares truly seem to get the best of us,

and the dark seems more inviting then usual,

that we come to realize,

it might not get better from here.

c.r.k.
"all monsters are human."
cameran May 2015
sometimes i wonder
if i've ever crossed your mind,

maybe i'm only a quick thought,

maybe you might think my hair looks pretty, or that my eyes turn green in the light,

maybe it's just a fleeting glance,
so quick it makes you dizzy,

maybe i'm just a "I think I've seen her before"

or "she was in that class I had"

or maybe you've spent hours wondering what my favorite movie was or what it would feel like to hold my hand,

And maybe,
maybe you've never
thought about me at all
"i think about you all the time."
cameran Nov 2014
thoughts have
a way of being
your only friend
when no one else
is there to hear
you talk. they're
the kind of friend
who criticizes your
choices, even if they
may be the right ones,
and the ones who tear
apart all shreds of
self confidence you
once had. in the end,
you think your thoughts
are a good friend, but in
reality, they're you biggest
enemy.
"all alone with just my thoughts."
cameran Dec 2018
it's nighttime and i am laying back in bed.

my pillows are cotton and they rub against my neck as i try to get comfortable. i never really do. i play with the loose thread of my comforter, and wrap it around my finger until the tip turns purple, i wonder for a moment, what would happen if i let the feeling spread until the top of my pointer is useless? suddenly, i hear your favorite song play in my head. it is soft. soft and rolling and it gives me the same feeling as my thread wrapped finger. i feel weightless and useless just like the crimson, shaded pad of my pointer. your song grows louder while everything else grows more quiet. i didn't know it was possible for this amount of silence to exist, it felt as if my skull grew transparent and all my thoughts began floating around the room like tiny lulling clouds. your song is drifting into the ceiling, i hope it floats through and up and up all the way to the moon. then it will settle there amongst the rubble and it will play it's rolling melody for all the stars. maybe they'll all fall asleep and it will be completely dark and completely quiet. the song just grows louder instead, so loud it begins to ring in my ears like a symphony of tiny, little bells. it rises and rises and i wrap the thread tighter and tighter and i squeeze my eyes closed and i beg. i beg for the song to stop, but it just grows louder. the bells reach their crescendo and it's then that i realize that the thread was not wrapped around my finger but my heart, and i was painfully, irrefutably, regrettably in love.

the song finally stopped.
"stuck on the puzzle by alex turner"
cameran May 2014
im so tired of this
i always feel so small around you
like i don't matter
and sometimes you'll smile at me
or touch me gently
as if to remind you care
but i don't think you really do
because when we're around others
you treat me like i don't exist
and it's agonizingly painful
i won't do it anymore
i can't
"I promised myself I'd never cry over a boy. I lied"
cameran May 2015
at first it's grey,
that's the only way i can describe it,
it's like you can't hear anything but white noise
or see anything but fog,
and then the clouds form,
and it rains,
sometimes for hours,
and sometimes for years,
and you're just sitting there in the downpour,
looking at nothing,
because your eyes can't focus,
and it feels like your heart isn't beating,
and your lungs aren't breathing,
and it's just you,
all alone,
in the rain,
staring at nothing.
"what does it feel like to feel nothing?"
cameran Mar 2014
i put the poison stick to my lips,
feeling the wind as it whips,
i took a breath,
every inhale a  brush with death,
i know its bad,
i've read the books,
i can't help it,
now i'm hooked.

i took a sip of the devil's nectar,
it's sweet,
it's sour,
fogs my blood for hours,
i know it's bad,
my momma's told me,
i can't help it,
it makes me feel free.

everybody says, "that stuff is bad",
then how come when i have it,
i don't feel sad.
"Light it up, gulp it down, the devil's got me in his crowd."
cameran Aug 2014
i loved him in pure, unadulterated innocence,
whilst knowing he was anything but innocent,
and that's quite alright
"it wasn't the most conventional type of love, but it was a love of the sorts."
cameran May 2014
i sat outside under the willow one day,
and saw you walking by.

the blunt hang loosely on your lips,
which i found my gaze drawn to.
they were a bit chapped,
but oh so plump,
and very red.

what would it feel like to have those lips caress my skin?

would i enjoy the ridges made from your teeth pulling at the flesh gently?

would i giggle at their softness grazing my shoulder blade?

would i melt as you whispered ***** secrets into my ear, whilst taking me to another world entirely?

i didn't have to wonder much longer because before i knew it,
your lips touched mine.

i didn't feel sparks though.

instead i felt an overwhelming warmth flushing my cheeks,
and curling my toes,
causing my being to go numb,
in a passionate frenzy.

i think i'm in love.
"i kind of ****** up."
"how's that?"
"i fell in love."
cameran Mar 2014
Momma always told me fairytales had happy endings.
Well, she was wrong
I'm not beauty, I'm the beast.
"Disney got it all wrong."
cameran Apr 2014
leaving your mind crippled
and your body numb
fear hurts
"i used to think there were monsters under my bed, but now i know the * real monsters walk among me everyday."
cameran Jan 2014
What if our whole entire universe is on the smallest petal of a sunflower?

Or on a measly blade of grass?

On the thumb of a giant?

What if our whole lives are played on the television for someone in another dimension?

What if they watched us go through heart ache and love?

Or our wedding and graduation?

And when we die the movie ends?

If you think about it we are so minuscule.

Like a flea on a dog, or a fly in a fruit bowl.

We are like the stars in the sky, and the pebbles on the ground.

We are a force of nature, and a mystery to the unknown.

We are people, that think they are big.

But really, are very small.

c.r.k
It could be true, or it could be false.
cameran Mar 2015
you look at them once,
and automatically you
know everything there
is to know.

but what gives
you the right?

the right to label
someone based on
their sexuality,
their mentality or
their physical appearance.

who said you were
important enough to
judge others?

you are not the
high or mighty.

so stop acting
like something
your not.
"i'm sick of watching our generation not caring."
cameran Apr 2015
once this is over,
and i have no distractions left,
i'll be forced to come to terms
with my biggest fear,


myself
"it's like being naked, but way less ****."
cameran Apr 2014
rows of satin,
draped on trees,
the color of flowers and honey bees.

long, colorful dresses,
and bare feet,
music in the air,
and a table full of sweets.

the most important thing i need,
is not diamonds,
or flowers,
but a man,
a groom,
the one who loves me endlessly.
"i've dreamt of a wedding since i was five years old."
cameran Apr 2014
being broken is that feeling you get when you look at your mother's favorite vase shattered on the floor, and think, "oh well. Theres nothing i can do now."
"i've never cut myself on broken glass."
cameran Apr 2014
i don't want to think about all the
what if's
and the
oh no's



i just want
silence
"please stop talking, i can't take it anymore."
cameran May 2015
i'm holding my breath
because
it hurts to breathe
"i wish more than anything to be strong."
cameran Mar 2015
i love you.

i know that i've never said it out loud,
but i love you so much it hurts me,
and maybe thats why i couldn't say it,
because i'm only human,
and humans don't dwell on things that hurt them,

again i'm so sorry i never told you,
i should have told everyone i knew,
i should have shouted it from the rooftops,
but i didn't

and you can't stay mad at me for things i never did,
but should have known to do
"please forgive me."
cameran May 2014
i could sit here,
and let the words pour out.

have the pain drip from my fingertips,
the memories,
of my first love,
and kiss,
and the day he first held my hand.
maybe i'll talk about when he left for her,
that other girl,who had a prettier face,
and a smaller waist.
i lost him,
i lost him to her and that hurts,
but i won't say anything out loud,
i'll just write it on here.
"pain has this painful way, of slowly creeping up on you until your paralyzed."
cameran Mar 2014
I tried to stop it,
slow it down at least,
but the feeling grew.

Now, I'm heartbreakingly in love with you.
"It really happened to me, now I'm doomed."
cameran Jun 2017
you blocked my number,
so i deleted yours, and by deleted,
i meant that i copied it onto a sticky note and stuck it behind my bed,
because i know one day i'll call you,
you won't answer,
but i'll still call.
"the number you reached is out of service."
cameran Jul 2016
you act like i've chosen to be the way i am.
i can't control anything.
"i feel useless."
cameran Apr 2014
i love how you could make me feel like everything,
and nothing
all at once
"i don't like you."
"keep telling yourself that."
cameran Jun 2014
"why are you looking at me like that?"

"like what?"

"like you're going to fall in love with me."

"maybe i am."

"no, don't."

"why not?"

"because girls like me fall in love with boys like you, until there isn't any love left to share, and then boys like you leave girls like me."

"isn't that the best part? falling in love again, with a different person? experiencing new things?"

"well, maybe i don't want new things. maybe i want the same thing over, and over again, but it feels new because every time we look at each other its like we meet for the first time."

"i don't know if you'll find that."

"i'm sure as hell i will."
"don't question things you can't explain. instead, try embracing them."

— The End —