you were my sunshine,
but then you were
blocked by the clouds
of feelings and self doubt,
and now you're my rain.

the night
is our day,
and gin
is our water,
loose morals
are our morals,
and love
is forbidden,

we had a path
that was
supposedly
good,

but why walk
a straight line,
when zig zags
sound better

I tried so hard to stand out,

But it wasn't enough.

Our perspective's are so different,

yet we are the same.

i'm watching a movie
in which you're the
damaged soul,

and i'm the stupid
girl who tried to
fix you

if you had to choose between
your passion or that someone,
what would you favor?

someday the rumors will be true,
and you'll be in love,
but it won't be with me.

Every soul is born pure.

It's the selfish actions, and the unkind words,

the angry glances, and the malice filled minds,

that fell like ashes and slowly, but surely,

darkened all the innocence.

c.r.k.

imagine the feeling
that crying in your
younger brother's
arms gives you,
and then try to
forget it like i'm
doing right now

some of the
most beautiful
things
started from
the ugliest
of devastations.

get up,
get ready,
go to classes,
go to work,
go home,
go to bed,
repeat.

terribly mundane;
it hurts to know i live
such an unextraordinary life

I etched your name into my skin with a cigarette.
I filled your empty space with liquid poison.
I deluded your image with vivid dreams.
I forgot your scent with unwavering time.
Despite all this though, I never actually forgot you.

i can not beat you,
so i will break you

let's put it this way,
am i something real to you,
or just a date outlined in hearts
on your Instagram page

i'm getting dizzy from
spinning in circles
with you

"why are you looking at me like that?"

"like what?"

"like you're going to fall in love with me."

"maybe i am."

"no, don't."

"why not?"

"because girls like me fall in love with boys like you, until there isn't any love left to share, and then boys like you leave girls like me."

"isn't that the best part? falling in love again, with a different person? experiencing new things?"

"well, maybe i don't want new things. maybe i want the same thing over, and over again, but it feels new because every time we look at each other its like we meet for the first time."

"i don't know if you'll find that."

"i'm sure as hell i will."

i don't answer your calls
because it hurts less
when i don't hear your voice

the most painful type of love
is the unrequited kind.

then again i rather feel pain than nothing at all..

love is like pulling on a rope
you know is going to break

if you say the same word long enough in your head,
it begins to sound like a foreign language.

the same thing goes for you telling me lies.

you can say what you want,
for as long as you want,
but sooner or later i'll start to disbelieve you.

i just kept running until my heart was pounding against my chest like a prisoner trying to escape from his cell. i tried to take in air, but every breath shot a toe-curling ache throughout my body, then my fingers went stiff, and my posture fell slack. i kept running though, i just needed to get  to where i needed to go. if i keep running without a destination, then i'll be running forever.

i'm scared.

i'm just another teenaged runaway
with no hope for society.

you told me not to cry,
so i cried harder

your smile is honey,
your eyes are sugar,
and your kisses are milk.

you make the perfect cup of tea,
now come back to bed,
and lay a little longer,
tangled between the sheets with me.

i was hoping it wasn't true,
all those rumors about you.

the way you treat girls like dolls,
break their hearts,
and laugh as their tears fall.

how you touched that girl,
made her feel special,
then left her,
after you got what you wanted.

i closed my eyes and shook my head,
my heart beating way to fast,
then tumbling out of my chest,
leaving me feeling dead.

how could you?

how could you watch as she weeped,
and not feel anything.

i thought you were a good boy,
but no,
you are a very, very bad one

You always seem to sneak up to the front of my subconscious.
The way you smile,
the way you laugh,
the way you seem to be carefree,
it all creeps up on me until I'm drowning in you.

It's sad though.
It's sad because while thinking of you,
your thinking of someone else.

Someone who is perfect like you.

even the worst villains can appear to be heroes,
all they need is naive citizens to believe their every word.

i planned never to fall in love,
but then you
and your stupid ice water eyes
****** it all up.

rows of satin,
draped on trees,
the color of flowers and honey bees.

long, colorful dresses,
and bare feet,
music in the air,
and a table full of sweets.

the most important thing i need,
is not diamonds,
or flowers,
but a man,
a groom,
the one who loves me endlessly.

i don't know how i feel anymore.
i have too many doubts, and hopes,
and promises. an abundance of dreams
that may or may not come true, and
more than enough heartbreak that may
**** me in the end.

i am an empty body,
and a harsh mind.

without you,
i am a flower denied of it's sun

when you touched without
my permission,
you took away my
right to say 'no'

i try to shut you out,
and move on,
but the cerulean blue of your eyes,
reel me in,
like a fish
being caught in the ocean.

it hurt to look at him
because sometimes
he was too beautiful,
and other times
he was too flawed.

happy people
become unhappy
when they begin
to question why
they were happy
in the first place

i spend all this time perfecting myself,
for you,
the most flawed person i know

it starts with a burn,
a deep-set fire in the
pit of my stomach,
then comes the rising,
up, up, up, the flames
lick the soft tissue of my throat,
my fingers twitch
and my chest heaves,
i roar each time the
flames leave my mouth,
i cry out for peace,
i cry out for the guilt
to leave my body with each flame,
i cry because i wish
i had control of the fire,
but each time i give in to the twitch,
i cry because the fire has control of me

are our similarities,
happy coincedences,
or bad omens?

Sometimes all the anger I have reaches it's peak and it explodes.

What I would scream to her,
You act so fake around everyone, but no matter how hard you try you'll never be true

What I would scream to him,
I love you! I love you so much it hurts!

What I would scream to them,
Nobody likes it here, so stop pretending we do!

What I would scream to the world,
Stop acting! Stop fake smiling! Stop pretending! Just please stop!

It just can't be kept in.

I'm angry at the world, and it's angry right back at me.

c.r.k.