i shouted from rooftops,
i screamed across oceans,
i bellowed from the top of a mountain,
i made every sound i possibly could,
i yelled until my lungs burned,
yet, you still couldn't hear me say,

*"I'll love you, until my last days."

i put the poison stick to my lips,
feeling the wind as it whips,
i took a breath,
every inhale a  brush with death,
i know its bad,
i've read the books,
i can't help it,
now i'm hooked.

i took a sip of the devil's nectar,
it's sweet,
it's sour,
fogs my blood for hours,
i know it's bad,
my momma's told me,
i can't help it,
it makes me feel free.

everybody says, "that stuff is bad",
then how come when i have it,
i don't feel sad.

He plays with girls,
uses them for their bodies.

He's never been in love,
just likes to party.

She's shy and quiet,
not one for crowds.

She's good in school,
and not easily fooled.

He's good inside,
there must be light,
he's just not putting up much of a fight.

There's bad in her,
she gives in to quickly,
light 'em up, gulp it down until she looks sickly.

Who said opposites couldn't attract?

I wish to get lost in you,
the way you smell like smoke and mint,
the way your laugh resonates off every wall,
the way your eyes change from blue to green,
the way your smile only curves a little,
even the way you look when your sad.

I hope to get lost in you,
so make sure nobody gives me a map.

It tastes good on my tongue,
and heavenly down my throat,
it fogs up my brain with one big swarm of smoke.

Strange visions, and rash decisions control my fate,
fruity flavored liquids, and staying up late.

I did this for you,
don't you see?

You and your bubblegum lips ruined me.  

crk

I etched your name into my skin with a cigarette.
I filled your empty space with liquid poison.
I deluded your image with vivid dreams.
I forgot your scent with unwavering time.
Despite all this though, I never actually forgot you.

Sometimes all the anger I have reaches it's peak and it explodes.

What I would scream to her,
You act so fake around everyone, but no matter how hard you try you'll never be true

What I would scream to him,
I love you! I love you so much it hurts!

What I would scream to them,
Nobody likes it here, so stop pretending we do!

What I would scream to the world,
Stop acting! Stop fake smiling! Stop pretending! Just please stop!

It just can't be kept in.

I'm angry at the world, and it's angry right back at me.

c.r.k.

You always seem to sneak up to the front of my subconscious.
The way you smile,
the way you laugh,
the way you seem to be carefree,
it all creeps up on me until I'm drowning in you.

It's sad though.
It's sad because while thinking of you,
your thinking of someone else.

Someone who is perfect like you.

If I were perfect would you love me?

If my waist was pencil thin would you spare me a glance?
If my hair was long, and flowing would I have a chance?
If I could look like an angel with no make up at all,
would you catch me when I fall.

Sadly I know that you won't.
You like perfect girls.

I'm far from perfect,
we both know that.

c.r.k.

I used to imagine myself standing at the top of the Eiffel Tower,
or exploring whats undiscovered under the sea.

Teaching children with words of wisdom,
or singing to a crowd who adores me.

Taking a road trip across country,
or soaring through space alongside the stars.

Instead I have no dreams, but the ones that are yet to come true.

I tried so hard to stand out,

But it wasn't enough.

Our perspective's are so different,

yet we are the same.

January 21, 2014.

One day this will just be another date.
And 2014 will just be another year on a long timeline.

And the music we thought was cool; will be old.
And the music before today's generation; will be ancient.
And the generations before that; will be unheard of.

All the movies we thought were amazing, will be nothing but *"classics" to them.
All the books that Hemingway and Jane Austen wrote will cause them to have to think about where they've heard those names before.

Time is not manipulative.
You can not pause it.
You can not rewind it, nor fast forward it.

Yet, you can live in it.

So, live for now, not then.

c.r.k.

She wasn't unusually happy, nor was she sad.
She was more in between those two things than anything else.
When days got unusually hard, she'd use some liquid courage to get her through the day.

Her eyes glazed over and lost their mirth,
Her tongue morphed into one of a serpent; perfect for slicing my skin with her angry words.

In that moment I could see her her true nature, the one that loved to use her mouth before her mind to bruise my heart.

The one who couldn't stand on two feet, or properly count to ten without messing up.

The one who was under the influence of the devils nectar; sweet and savory, yet poison.

She wasn't a human in that moment.

No, she was a puppet.
A puppet who wobbled, and slurred.
A puppet who was swaying to the devils melodic tune; going only towards the dark side.

What happened to the woman I once knew?
Was she lost between heaven and hell?

It was because he was mine,
and I was his,
and we were each others.

We ignored the pain,
and the sorrow.

We didn't think of ourselves as poisonous,
or treacherous.

We were the epitome of youth,
and love,
and hope,
and home.

And in my heart I knew that one day I wouldn't be with him anymore.

I would turn to my lover and whisper between kisses,

"I remember the first boy i ever fell in love with."

or

I would turn over to my lover in-between kisses and whisper,

"I remember the first time I fell in love with you."

And god ****** did I hope it was the second one,
because he was mine,
and I was his,
and we were each others.

If I think about you even for a moment, all of it comes back.

The tears running down your face, staining your porcelain skin,

the screaming that left your throat raw and bleeding,

the late nights trying to convince you that it'll be okay,

but all that was for nothing,

your gone now,

and I'm free from it all,

but I'm also numb.

Numb all over.

c.r.k.

Maybe it was the way the sun caressed the land below it,
or the way the clouds danced together across the sky.

Maybe it was the way the wind whispered its greatest secrets,
or the way the flowers stretched their arms in the warm spring air.

Maybe it was the way he danced in the meadow;
so care-free and alive.

Maybe it was the way he looked at me;
like even God was blinded by my beauty.

Maybe it was the way he held me;
like someone was going to ****** me up at a moments notice.

Maybe it was the way he loved me;
strong and firm like an oak tree,
wild and free like the waves crashing against the shore,
loyal and passionate like a king fighting for his kingdom's safety,
soft and caring like a mother to her newborn child.

Maybe it was the way I loved him;
more than any words in any language could ever express,
more than any action could express.

Maybe it was the way these things made me feel happiness.

Maybe it was the way they made me feel okay.

c.r.k.

Every soul is born pure.

It's the selfish actions, and the unkind words,

the angry glances, and the malice filled minds,

that fell like ashes and slowly, but surely,

darkened all the innocence.

c.r.k.

every time he didn't answer, i died a little inside.

Maybe he's busy,

saving a life,

dancing in the rain,

falling in love with a stranger,

kissing in cars,

climbing a tree,

writing a novel,

driving to Disney,

but all he was doing was forgetting me.

c.r.k.

Sometimes I think I'm dead.

I'm breathing,

I'm moving,

I'm laughing,

I'm smiling,

I'm doing all the things someone alive would do,

but there's this feeling,

like mold on a bathroom floor,

or the smell of ***** dishes and trash,

or rain coming down in showers on your birthday,

the feeling that, no, it's not going to be okay.

That feeling is worse than being dead.

Because if your dead, at east you can escape the feeling.

c.r.k.

What if our whole entire universe is on the smallest petal of a sunflower?

Or on a measly blade of grass?

On the thumb of a giant?

What if our whole lives are played on the television for someone in another dimension?

What if they watched us go through heart ache and love?

Or our wedding and graduation?

And when we die the movie ends?

If you think about it we are so minuscule.

Like a flea on a dog, or a fly in a fruit bowl.

We are like the stars in the sky, and the pebbles on the ground.

We are a force of nature, and a mystery to the unknown.

We are people, that think they are big.

But really, are very small.

c.r.k

Her body was tattered and scorned,
tainted by the words of hatred,
and bruised by the ones who said they loved her.

Nobody saw past the warped exterior,
nobody peeled back her layers of armor,
hardened by the tormenters,
nobody wanted to love the girl that was damaged.

If they did peel back those layers,
if they did become rightful to her inner beauty,
they'd see an angel, an angel who has fallen.

They would see a butterfly, with vibrant wings that demanded attention,
they would see a gorgeous rose, who's petals have been frayed,
they would see her for who she really is.

They would see her as a women.
A women of many hardships.
A women strong enough to move oceans,
and fight wars.
They would see a women so strong,
not even the mightiest of blades could slice through her armor,
she was a women of gold.

c.r.k