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  Dec 2014 calpurnia mockingbird
Shang
mostly it is the darker days,
   povoking thought.
tracing memories from
   forgotten fingertips.

words silenced.
voices forgotten.
perfect mornings.
  always changing.

    mostly it's the same.

feeling reality,
    fleeing god.

tonight, it's perfectly
clear to me.
i'm sorry.
© Shang
  Dec 2014 calpurnia mockingbird
bones
When I drive
in darkness
I like to
let rain fall
without
interference
and watch
for the light
waiting in each
landed drop
to spark at
oncoming traffic,
I watch a
long time
and wonder
sometimes about
the total law of
probability
but I am no
mathematician
and luck
has steered
my hands
truly
thus far.
She
She will not speak to you of darkness,
she'll keep her sickness hidden well
a painted smile on filthy carcass,
a secret sworn to never tell.

She loves you though her heart abhors it,
she wrestles with her troubled mind
and hopes that in her broken spirit
a grain of beauty you may find.

She knows that when you see her closely
your heart will flee to others arms
for there can be no swift repairing
of wounds torn deep by lovers harm.
It's been a while now since,
Whatever we are whenever we are together,
Disappeared, again.
There are no side things this time.
No plan B.
My life is a lot more empty, yes,
indeed.

It's not that complicated,
though my cursed mind must make it so,
It's easy now, being numb, being blank,
Like exhaling after a long deep breath,
at some point it feels like you are drowning underneath
a dry vacuum and still you keep releasing,
'till you don't feel anything
at all.
Tabula Rasa,
baby boo dearest,
how slowly you made me fall.
To a blank slate,
Rising up upon my former fate,
like a black curtain call.
Blissful. No.
Comfortable like,
going back into the womb,
surrounded, worriless,
in a fetal state.
Thank you for everything,
I said.
Not replying,
Was simply your colored place.
Doubt settles.
Internal voices
vicious, vindictive,
confirm contempt.
Laying low,
silently shaking,
catching breaths
beneath the fallout.
Darkness decends,
it's chill envelops
as hope dies eternal
my demise it's final joy.
Brushed aside
unimportant
all emotion
laying dormant
Needing someone,
showing weakness
bow my head
to plead forgiveness.
Fools believe
that they could matter
fragile hearts
lay broken, scattered.
Twist the knife
then turn the page
too tired for sleep
too numb for rage.
Self hatred wins
the sweet redeemer
as lies unfold
to scar the dreamer.
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