This dark is filled with ghosts.

Teaming fingers, bone cold with the agony of sorrow brush my brow, willing me to mourn, to cease to be within this beating form and join the shadows that beckon.
I chase oblivion down to the bottom of the nearest bottle and beyond, my smile a painted scar that masks the ugliness within, as numbness creeps silently into the corners of my soul.

I will not belong within the hearts of the living.
I will not be long at all.

Do you remember
that midwinter night
the one with ice
in the air
the one that
we burned
until it
turned white
that nobody
else could
stand near
do you remember
the dance of
the slender
flames as they
tortured the cold
when they
were done
you glowed
like the sun's
tongue had been
licking
your soul.

Get out of my head, telephone ears
I'm not even trying to call you
But you're answering every line
Don't believe in god, but you're giving me signs

There's little cities in frames plastered throughout every hall
No corner of this house makes me feel alone, when I talk to myself the sounds just bounce of the walls
Little people in my head are grinding gears, making worlds in the back of my eyes
Everything on the other side slurs my words because I visit myself so often I'm going blind
It's the only place to hide here

Are you going to push me around when I'm king?
Feed me grapes as I roll around in my golden wheelchair?
Come to ease my every whim at the ring of a bell?
Are you going to ****** me with your perfume and let me run my fingers through your hair?

Will you pick me up and teach me how to dance?
Kick the wheelchair from underneath me and take me out to see the stars?
Pluck some funny shrooms from that log and open up my mind?

I know one day I will die
And every part of me will be pulled apart until I am rot and bones or a pile of ashes on top of a will the size of a tome
But I hope that it is in someone's home
And not just my own
But how can I ever trust that you'll never prefer to be alone?

Hey,
If I can just have a minute,
You need to hear this.

This is me
You
It's hard to explain
But just listen.

This is something you need to hear.

I know you're filled with questions
With worry right now
But when the time comes
The answers will appear -
All of them -
Whether from within
Or from others

Either way
You'll wonder why you were so anxious in the first place
Things will sort themselves out.
Life's kinda funny that way.

Do you remember when you were fighting that guy -
Well, it hasn't happened yet
But you will be in mismatched fights
Both literally and figuratively
Where you feel outmatched and outgunned
But you will outlast -
It'll be like that.
You'll be in disbelief at what happened
But relieved that you made it through.
Just hold on.
Don't tap out,
Don't throw in the towel.
When things are at their darkest
And you wanna just quit,
Don't.
That's when your breakthrough
Is at hand.

****'s going to happen.
I cannot say what exactly,
But it - they - will happen.
And it's alright.
You may not think so,
But it will all be fine.

You're stronger and braver and kinder
Than you think you are.
Times will come when
Your world seems to be ending
But it won't.

You've survived countless storms before,
And you will weather many more.
And that's alright.
You can't lose,
Not with such profound love that you have in you.

You will hurt like never before,
Cry and lash out,
Question everything you have ever known.
And there is nothing wrong with that
There is nothing wrong with you.

You will fall,
Only to rise,
Again and again.
Each time will be better
And harder
Than the last.
Each incarnation is stronger than the one before
A level-up, if you will.

You will feel alone,
Forgotten, abandoned,
But you're not alone.
You were never forgotten at all.

You will be besieged
By rage and hate,
But you will not allow bitterness
To settle into your spirit.
Bile will not seep into your bones.
It's just gonna go right through you.

You need to - and will - understand
That the enemy is in you -
And so is the answer.
It's all been inside you
All this time.

All your struggles and questions and fears
Seem meaningless at this point
But they were necessary steps
They show you who you are
What you're made of.
Now you know better
Now you know
That fear is an illusion,
Anxiety is nothing
But the needless twiddling of thumbs.

Fear gives a small thing
A big shadow.
That's all they were and are:
Shadows.

I want to tell you
That everything is gonna be alright.
Just hang in there.
Don't sweat the small stuff,
Don't shy away from challenges,
And you will make it.

Just remember that life is not a contest with others.
It's a battle of attrition,
With you as your toughest opponent,
But you will win.
Dig deep inside you
And unearth the strength sleeping within.

It's gonna be worth the struggle, my friend
I promise you that.

in a river flow
you see me I am
a limb  or leave
soft demeanor when I float down
I am at nature's mercy;
quite like now.

You see my limbs thrash
trying to tread water as
no one else does

you get high when I am
low when I sink under;
you are my lifesaver.

Then, on the shore I come up on,
you are there, a hand hold,
you are my float.

I've floated on other streams,
went under, many times.
Never came up gasping
seeing my dreams.

Never have I paddled over
limbs and debris,
raised my head and seen  
heaven.