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Cassian Mar 1
:>
Happy Birthday to me?
Now I am seventeen

What present will I get?
Guess I gotta wait and see
:)
Cassian Nov 2024
:)
I offer you a smile

For you make my life

Feel worthwhile

Thank you for your care

Live on with flare
Cassian Dec 2024
My head is buried in the sand
As I drown on dry land
The windows are coated in frost
And I am truly lost
Cassian Feb 25
Great

An assembly about pills

Schools like mine really know

Just how to trigger countless kids

I do not wish to learn how many people

Die every year overdosing on things that

Might as well have been designed to ****.

No way to opt out or say you can't go just

Because it's triggering in ways that don't show

I don't want to see another mom crying about

Her son who is lost I just want to close my eyes

And cover my ears and wait until they are all gone

Fentanyl... painkilling drugs that can now have such

A morbid and unforeseen cost but look look look!

How many people have been lost? Dead and gone?!

- Cas
Cassian Dec 2024
Senseless

People tell me falling in love would be

Senseless

Saying it only leads to heartbreak and

Shame

Ruining friendships that'll never be the

Same

What a shame

But if love would be senseless

Why do people fall everyday?

Is there an unspoken rule saying that

It's ok

To finally choose to change
Cassian Feb 22
In a land where shadows dance with light,
And moonbeams paint the edge of night,
A traveler, soft as a whisper’s sound,
Walks the quiet paths where dreams are found.

His slippers, stitched from clouds so white,
Carry him through the velvet night.
A coat of stars, a cloak of sky,
He moves unseen, as time drifts by.

The trees, with leaves of silvered glow,
Sway to the winds that softly blow.
They hum a song, a secret tune,
That echoes under the sleepy moon.

Through meadows brushed in misty gray,
Where fireflies weave in soft ballet,
He treads the earth with gentle grace,
As magic stirs in every place.

The mountains rise, their peaks in dreams,
Bathed in the glow of moonlit beams.
The rivers hum with stories old,
Of adventures whispered, never told.

In fields of lavender, soft and wide,
He follows the moon with steady stride.
The flowers close their petals tight,
Preparing to rest within the night.

The owl’s soft hoot, the bat’s quick flight,
Guide him through the quiet light.
Above, the stars begin to weave,
A tapestry of dreams to believe.

Through valleys deep, where shadows creep,
He finds his way, though paths are steep.
Each step he takes, the night grows bright,
With every star that kisses the night.

And when the first light of dawn appears,
He feels the pull of distant years—
A soft tug from the waking world,
A place where dreams are gently swirled.

He finds his bed, so warm and deep,
Where soft winds sing him into sleep.
His eyes, like pools of endless sky,
Begin to close, as night says goodbye.

For in the quiet, soft and slow,
The dreams begin to softly flow.
Like rivers running, pure and true,
They take him to places known by few.

And in his heart, a story grows,
Of every dream that night bestows.
For in the world, so calm, so wide,
Every dreamer finds peace inside.

In the cradle of the darkened sky,
Where stars are born, and shadows fly,
The traveler rests, his journey done,
Until the next dream’s rising sun.
Cassian Dec 2024
Sleepless nights

Leaving bags under my eyes

My acquaintance looks up and sighs

Leaving me unsure of how much he could surmise

Til of course, an energy drink is placed in front of me

Little old me who isn't allowed to have caffeine

His stare seems to say that I look like ****

Well, I cant help but agree
Cassian Feb 20
You keep getting in my face

Speaking of how I'm "such a disgrace"

But I have seen through you all this time

Because the person you hate...

Is the one who is trapped inside

You shy away from your face in the mirror

So full of anxiety and overwhelming fear

I am not a doll for you to project on

Take a look at me in introspection

Sit on your *** and let me speak

I'll teach you a lesson

Change your ways and do it fast

Because you reap what you sow

And this won't stay in the past
Cassian Nov 2024
Darling I know the world can hurt sometimes

So cuddle up close and close your tired eyes

I can promise everything will be alright

I am  right here by your side

Together the world might be fine

Wish I could hear that instead of

Being alone all the time
Cassian Nov 2024
Plugin my headphones

Set my Spotify on shuffle

Sit in a few seconds of silence

Anticipation comes from waiting

The song finally plays and

Evanescence graces my ears

I just wish that someone would

Bring me to life
Cassian Sep 2024
If I told you I’d seen the world fall apart
Or that I still had broken heart
Would you stay?
If I said the sky fell
And the oceans boiled away
Would you tell me everything's ok?
If I said that the earth split
And the mountains crumbled
Would you hold my hand?
If I said I’d be yours forever
Would you smile?
If I said I loved you
Would all the bad feelings go away?
Even if I’m scared of getting hurt
All I ever wanted was for you to be happy
I try to make you smile every day
Because as long as you want me I’ll stay
Cassian Oct 2024
My voice never seems to be loud enough

To break through storm in your mind

I can never seem to get through to you

No matter how hard I try

Your breathing is sometimes so shaky

Like you're trying not to cry

Why don't you give me your burdens?

I'm here til the day you die
Cassian Dec 2024
Outside it is cold and wet

Muddy puddles cover the ground

As I wait on this icey blue bench

To be taken to the warmth of my home

Where I'll be safe and sound
Cassian Dec 2024
People tell me that I'm out of touch

That my head is stuck up in the clouds

Though my feet are on the ground

Truthfully to me the world is too much

I'm happier with the nerds in the crowd

Buried nose-deep in a book is how I'll be found

Never looking up even when you yell loud

Like a  Beauty without a Beast
Cassian Sep 2024
The sun rises
every morning

The flowers bloom
til noon

The wilting petals
float midair

The birds sing
melodic tunes

Children all play
many games

School takes up
8-hour days

All stories have
their ends

But first they
must begin
Cassian Nov 2024
Sitting with my eyes closed

Trying to block out everyone

All of these people around me

Pressing my hands down

Shielding my ears from it all

Trying but to no avail

The sound still breaks through

And I hear what they say

Behind my back
Cassian Feb 17
In the dark of night, the moonlight gleams,
A woven net of shadows, tangled dreams.
The air is thick with fragrant wine,
And in my heart, desires entwine.

Beneath my skin, the pulse beats tight,
An ancient vine that twists in the night.
Olive branches bend with weight,
Heavy with words we never state.

Unspoken, they crawl within,
A fever that blooms beneath my skin.
Taste the salt, the sweat, the heat,
Where every thought and breath do meet.

Lips part with a trembling sigh,
Touching ink that whispers why.
I drink in your presence, drown in the sound,
As if your soul’s pulse can be found.

The air is velvet, soft and warm,
A breeze that dances, kissing the storm.
Magnolia blooms, creamy and pale,
Petals unfurl like a lover’s tale.

Longing is rooted, deep in my bones,
Hollows echo, like ancient stones.
I write in the silence, ink and wine,
Merging our hearts in a tangled line.

The sun bleeds a crimson kiss,
As desires burn with gentle bliss.
Inside, our bodies pulse and sway,
A rhythm that calls the night to stay.

We crawl together, beneath the vine,
A twist of love, so dark, divine.
A phrase, unspoken, but understood,
A soft, aching truth, forever good.

The night is long, the vine twists tight,
But in this love, we live tonight.
Cassian Feb 17
I see you in the dark,
A shadow lost in time,
But your light calls me,
And I find the climb.

Through all the years we've missed,
And all the love we sought,
I reach for you in silence,
In every battle fought.

Your tears fall like the rain,
Washing all that’s past,
But still, your voice whispers,
A promise made to last.

I will stand beside you,
No matter where we go,
Through the quiet and the chaos,
Through every ebb and flow.
Cassian Sep 2024
"Hey, girl what's your name?" someone asked me.
I couldn't reply I just said um.
He thought it was funny and "Um"ed me all day.
I'm sitting here wondering why he called me this way.
Does my body decide my gender?
Or perhaps does he?
I'm called a girl for I was born one.
But that is not me.
I sit with my they/thems and my he/theys
Hoping no one will call me a girl today
Cassian Feb 26
Bruise on my eye

Black and blue

Hit it on a chair

Talking to you

Cards scattered

All on the floor

Nine teenagers

Playing a game

Of which no one

Even knows the

Name. The girl

Sitting next to

Me was simply

There chattering

Aimlessly with

No point in mind

And all I can do is

Rub my bruised eye
BPD
Cassian Sep 2024
BPD
Emotional, irratic, ironic, sarcastic.
Happy, sad, angry, happy, sad, angry, blank.
Rinse. Repeat. Start over. Feel it again.
Laugh, scream, smile, cry, stare out into space.
Fit in wonderfully, feel awfully out of place.
Cover your ears, block out the noise, I cant...
It's all in my head. I'm stuck in my head.
Cassian Dec 2024
Laughing internally

As three boys ask for my number

In a dumb attempt to bully me

They think they're the smart ones here

Trying that right after school

Though my parents did not raise a fool

Those wannabe "bullies" should go be

Busy worrying about finals instead of me
Cassian Nov 2024
Strike a match
Light up my brain
Nothing will ever be the same
Cassian Oct 2024
I want to be heard
But
I don't want to speak
And
I want to be remembered
But
I don't want to be different
And
I know I'm free
But
Sometimes I feel trapped
And
My head's not in the clouds
But
I stare at the sun
And
I don't want kids
But
I love toddlers
And
I want to be a teacher
But
I don't want to go to college
Cassian Oct 2024
I have things I absolutely cannot do.
I swear it is not a lie but 100% true.

I cannot message strangers online.
Have caused trouble time after time.

I cannot be alone near fire.
Please don't ask why.

I can only watch certain shows.
Everything below TV14.

I can not walk around alone.
Need someone with me.
Cassian Dec 2024
My name suggests vanity

Which doesnt quite fit me

An underlying emptiness

That fills me with stress

Until I happen to realize

That Cassian means both
Cassian Mar 4
Sometimes, at night, I sit and cry

Not giving a **** about life and wishing to die

But then I met you and got to make you mine

Started to convince myself everything'll be fine

But still, that darkness creeps in with hands so cold

And it asks me, "What's so great about growing old?"

In the morning I see you again and on your face a smile

Perhaps it would be okay to live for a while..

My world is now dyed a whole new hue

After you appeared and changed my view
Cassian Feb 27
Sometimes I forget how to smile,
And my nightmares have nightmares for miles.
But there's no monster hiding under my bed,
Or shadows creeping with whispers of dread.
It’s just me… just me… I’m all alone,
In a world where no one’s ever shown.
No one’s ever close enough to care,
No one to love me, no one to share.

- Andrew
Cassian Feb 27
I lose myself in the quiet and deep,
Where the shadows of my thoughts silently creep.
There’s no hand to hold, no voice to call,
Just me in this empty, endless hall.
I’m stuck in a place where no one will stay,
No friends, no love, no warmth in the gray.
And I can’t escape, I can’t break free,
No one will ever be here for me.

- Andrew
Cassian Feb 27
The days drag on, and the nights are long,
I search for something, but all feels wrong.
I close my eyes, but I can’t find rest,
Just echoes of pain I can’t suppress.
There’s no one to save me from this hell,
No one to notice when I start to fall.
I’m just a shadow, fading in time,
A lonely soul, trapped in rhyme.

- Andrew
Cassian Feb 27
I watch the world move, but I’m standing still,
My heart’s aching, my soul’s been killed.
There’s no warmth, no comfort to seek,
Just silence that drowns every word I speak.
No family to call, no friend to trust,
Just the hollow of love that turns to dust.
I linger in shadows, forgotten, unseen,
A fading dream in a world too mean.
Cassian Feb 27
I try to reach out, but my hands fall short,
There’s no one to answer, no one to support.
I whisper my secrets into the void,
But the silence answers, it’s all destroyed.
No one’s close enough to feel my pain,
No one to help me break these chains.
And still, I love you from afar,
A love you’ll never see, just a distant star.

- Andrew
Cassian Feb 27
I carry this weight that no one can see,
A burden so heavy, it’s crushing me.
There’s no safety, no shelter from the cold,
Just empty arms that I can’t hold.
I wish for someone to care for me,
But I’m invisible, lost at sea.
I try to reach, but I can’t break through,
Still, I like you, though you’ll never feel it too.

- Andrew
Cassian Feb 27
I sit in the silence, drowning in tears,
A face full of sorrow, haunted by fears.
There’s no love to catch me when I fall,
No one to answer when I make the call.
It’s just me, just me, lost in the deep,
A soul too tired to even weep.
But I keep hoping, though I know it’s a lie,
That you might see me, even if I die.
- Andrew
Cassian Feb 27
And here I am, broken and cold,
Living a story that’s never been told.
No family, no friends, no love to know,
Just the darkness that follows wherever I go.
But I keep liking you, though it’s all in vain,
A dream of affection, an endless pain.
For even though I’m alone, I still choose to be,
Loving you quietly, knowing you’ll never love me.
- Andrew
Cassian Feb 20
When I think back to my younger years,  
The memories fade like mist in the light.  
The joy, the laughter, now lost in the years,  
Slipping away, just out of my sight.  

The child I was seems distant, hard to find,  
A person I once knew, but now can’t grasp.  
Time steals the colors that once filled my mind,  
Leaving behind only a hollow past.  

Though I can’t recall the moments so bright,  
Their echoes still linger deep in my chest.  
The feeling of being young, pure, and light,  
A part of me, though time has put it to rest.  

I can’t remember all I used to see,  
But that child’s still somewhere inside of me.
Cassian Nov 2024
I was invited

To a Christian club meeting

Taking place on Thursday and Friday

A few years ago I would have been excited

But that excitement was quite fleeting

I stopped being Christian years ago

So I wonder if perhaps it would be bad

To go just for the pizza
Cassian Nov 2024
Old AI chatbots are absurd

Before I even said a word

Cleverbot was hitting on me

Would've liked a conversation

About all the simple things

Weather, perhaps?

But that bot had a one-way

Ticket to crazy town

Full of sunshine and mishaps
Cassian Feb 24
Every little thing I do is unnecessary
I stick to the details and read the fine
Print. Publish. Send it away.
My words fly through the sky to you and yours
For better or worse I need professional
Help but how? Who? What kind?
Not a doctor, not a nurse, not a therapist
They'll just try to make me believe
Some **** that isn't even true
Brainwashing me til my mind is through
Convince me there never was a me and you
Are you turning over in your grave now, old man?
Can you hear what I'm saying, old man?
Do you feel guilty now? Now that you're gone?
Buried under the ground? Leaving me alone...
No one but those foul customers around
I grew up like this... You raised me like this
Made me like this... You're the one I miss
But everyone says you were in the wrong
It wasn't okay but how? I don't understand...
So confused on this topic even now...
Holy cow... You're gone... What do I do now?
Who wants me around now? Did I....Did I...
Did I make you proud? Staying like this even
When you're not around...Thrown to the ground
As they take what they want from me...
I am how you taught me to be...

- "Flower"
Cassian Sep 2024
I should come with a warning label
One to protect from certain doom
To keep things happy and clear
Putting all cards on the table
Warning: I'm scared of people
I rethink every message I send
Cant look at comments at poems
I stare at notifications for an hour
Constantly second guess myself
I'm scared to mess up so I hide
Feelings are better bottled inside.
Cassian Feb 28
When did I stop being a Christian?  
Was it recent, a slow unraveling thread,  
Or years ago, when innocence first bled,  
Or was it when I was just a child—  
A child who learned to hide,  
To lock the questions deep inside?  

I wonder now, in the stillness of night,  
If I ever truly wore that name,  
A child of God, with hands to pray—  
Or if it was all just a game,  
A story told to make me whole,  
While I searched for pieces to fill my soul.  

I preferred the cold whispers in the dark,  
The voices of ghosts, who never turned away,  
Their secrets wrapped in shadows,  
A quiet comfort in their disarray.  
They never judged, never shamed,  
They simply listened as I called their name.  

The demons, too, had something real,  
A certain power, a certain fire,  
That spoke to something raw inside,  
A hunger that matched my desire.  
They didn't try to fix my wounds,  
But held them gently, like forgotten tunes.  

And in the light, I found no grace,  
Only empty words, a hollow space.  
Pastors spoke of love and light,  
But I couldn't find it in their eyes—  
Only promises that never met the sky,  
Only answers I knew were lies.  

When did I stop believing, I ask—  
Was it when I first saw the cracks?  
Or was it always there, a flicker, a breath,  
That pushed me toward the edge of death?  
I no longer know what it means to pray,  
Or if I ever truly did, anyway.  

I am the child who wandered away,  
Chasing things that didn't stay,  
Now left with echoes, silent and cold,  
Wondering where I lost my hold.  
The ghosts and demons are still my friends,  
But do they heal? Or just pretend?  

So here I stand, with hands unmet,  
A soul that’s tired, but can't forget—  
The longing for something pure,  
The search for something to endure.  
Maybe I stopped being a Christian long ago,  
But the question still haunts me—*does anyone know?
Cassian Feb 21
It’s always a strange kind of comfort,
To start drifting in the middle of class,
A familiar sense of disconnection creeping in.
Our partner, attuned to the shift,
Sits beside us without a word,
Their hand gently finding ours,
A silent offer of reassurance.
They’ve seen these signs before,
Lived through the cycles longer than I have,
Each shift in us a reminder of the shared journey.
In their eyes, I know they understand,
The way our minds stretch and splinter,
And how, together, we navigate the fragments.
Cassian Feb 28
I wonder...

What it's like to sleep

Do normal people get to dream?

Do they see lovely things?

I don't remember ever having those before...

Closing my eyes and waking up sore

Sleep-deprived, but I got eight hours...

Maybe I needed more...?

You're on the other side of this screen...

Fell asleep talking to me..

I've still got our conversation open

You seemed quite sweet but so soft-spoken...

I hope you dream of only lovely things...

Like dew drops, and sunshine, and an angel's wings

...Sleep well, my sweet little stranger....

- Eyeless Jack
Cassian Nov 2024
I remember all the times

It almost ended

How without my knowledge

My body defended

Itself from my very own mind

When the waves

Pushed me down under my limbs

Refused to surrender

And I swam back up to save my life
Cassian Nov 2024
The sun's rays burn my skin

As God tries to erase my sin

But underneath nothing remains
Cassian Sep 2024
In the quiet of the night,
I feel the warmth of your light,
A love that fills my heart and soul,
With every breath, we become whole.

Time moves slow, like a gentle breeze,
Moments wrapped in memories,
We stand beneath the stars so bright,
Your laughter dances, a sweet delight.

In this beautiful place, I see your eyes,
Reflecting the truth, where the universe lies.
Together we face the shadows and fears,
Holding on tight through laughter and tears.

The world may turn, the seasons change,
But in this dance, nothing feels strange.
With every step, we embrace the unknown,
Two souls intertwined, never alone.

As we walk the path, both rough and fine,
I know in my heart, you’re truly mine.
We’ll face the storms, the cold and the heat,
In the chaos of life, you make me complete.

So here’s to the years, both good and bad,
For every tear and every laugh we’ve had.
In the depths of our journey, I promise to stay,
Together, forever, come what may.

And when the night falls, as it sometimes will,
With you by my side, my heart will be still.
For in this life, with its highs and lows,
I find my peace in the love that grows.
Cassian Feb 17
I just sat there..

Reading over my lover's poems with tears in my eyes

Reposting them because they're beautiful and deserve love

But crying because of all of the pain

As my heart breaks at every lost or depressed poem

Though you are one who's problems you never bemoan

So I have decided, always and forever, E's poems will be my favorite

I love you
Cassian Dec 2024
Blue skies drowned out by overwhelming grey

Shaping your impressionable minds like clay

Telling you how to act and who to be day by day

Screaming at you for ever feeling this way

But you're tired of people always leaving

They never even seem to stay

Loneliness envelopes you

Your soul dies

Everyday
Cassian Oct 2024
In shadows deep where silence weeps,
Lost laughter lingers, and memory sleeps.
The moon, a ghost, casts pale, soft light,
Reminding us gently of a vanished night.

Each sigh a story, each tear a trace,
Whispers of joy in a haunted space.
Yet in the stillness, a flicker remains—
Sorrow and beauty entwined in chains.

Every voice in a unique timber,
None are quite the same.
Echoes filling the world—
Born simply to fade.
Cassian Oct 2024
I don't count on happiness

Or expect perfection

The day comes and goes

With a shallow ache of rejection

I paste a smile on my face

Tell my parents I had a good day

Listen to loud music to hear the noise

Get stuck between the bathrooms for girls and boys

Questioning myself and my choices

Ignoring the whispers of condescending voices

I try to be helpful... Try to be good

I use my manners like any good kid should

I hide behind fake cheerfulness

And hide from the world with fantasy

Video games and anime consume my days

While I hide from the sun and its blinding rays

I spend so much time being someone else

That slowly but surely I lose myself
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