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:)
Cassian Nov 2024
:)
I offer you a smile

For you make my life

Feel worthwhile

Thank you for your care

Live on with flare
Cassian Dec 2024
My head is buried in the sand
As I drown on dry land
The windows are coated in frost
And I am truly lost
Cassian Dec 2024
Senseless

People tell me falling in love would be

Senseless

Saying it only leads to heartbreak and

Shame

Ruining friendships that'll never be the

Same

What a shame

But if love would be senseless

Why do people fall everyday?

Is there an unspoken rule saying that

It's ok

To finally choose to change
Cassian Dec 2024
Sleepless nights

Leaving bags under my eyes

My acquaintance looks up and sighs

Leaving me unsure of how much he could surmise

Til of course, an energy drink is placed in front of me

Little old me who isn't allowed to have caffeine

His stare seems to say that I look like ****

Well, I cant help but agree
Cassian Nov 2024
Darling I know the world can hurt sometimes

So cuddle up close and close your tired eyes

I can promise everything will be alright

I am  right here by your side

Together the world might be fine

Wish I could hear that instead of

Being alone all the time
Cassian Nov 2024
Plugin my headphones

Set my Spotify on shuffle

Sit in a few seconds of silence

Anticipation comes from waiting

The song finally plays and

Evanescence graces my ears

I just wish that someone would

Bring me to life
Cassian Sep 2024
If I told you I’d seen the world fall apart
Or that I still had broken heart
Would you stay?
If I said the sky fell
And the oceans boiled away
Would you tell me everything's ok?
If I said that the earth split
And the mountains crumbled
Would you hold my hand?
If I said I’d be yours forever
Would you smile?
If I said I loved you
Would all the bad feelings go away?
Even if I’m scared of getting hurt
All I ever wanted was for you to be happy
I try to make you smile every day
Because as long as you want me I’ll stay
Cassian Oct 2024
My voice never seems to be loud enough

To break through storm in your mind

I can never seem to get through to you

No matter how hard I try

Your breathing is sometimes so shaky

Like you're trying not to cry

Why don't you give me your burdens?

I'm here til the day you die
Cassian Dec 2024
Outside it is cold and wet

Muddy puddles cover the ground

As I wait on this icey blue bench

To be taken to the warmth of my home

Where I'll be safe and sound
Cassian Dec 2024
People tell me that I'm out of touch

That my head is stuck up in the clouds

Though my feet are on the ground

Truthfully to me the world is too much

I'm happier with the nerds in the crowd

Buried nose-deep in a book is how I'll be found

Never looking up even when you yell loud

Like a  Beauty without a Beast
Cassian Sep 2024
The sun rises
every morning

The flowers bloom
til noon

The wilting petals
float midair

The birds sing
melodic tunes

Children all play
many games

School takes up
8-hour days

All stories have
their ends

But first they
must begin
Cassian Nov 2024
Sitting with my eyes closed

Trying to block out everyone

All of these people around me

Pressing my hands down

Shielding my ears from it all

Trying but to no avail

The sound still breaks through

And I hear what they say

Behind my back
Cassian Sep 2024
"Hey, girl what's your name?" someone asked me.
I couldn't reply I just said um.
He thought it was funny and "Um"ed me all day.
I'm sitting here wondering why he called me this way.
Does my body decide my gender?
Or perhaps does he?
I'm called a girl for I was born one.
But that is not me.
I sit with my they/thems and my he/theys
Hoping no one will call me a girl today
BPD
Cassian Sep 2024
BPD
Emotional, irratic, ironic, sarcastic.
Happy, sad, angry, happy, sad, angry, blank.
Rinse. Repeat. Start over. Feel it again.
Laugh, scream, smile, cry, stare out into space.
Fit in wonderfully, feel awfully out of place.
Cover your ears, block out the noise, I cant...
It's all in my head. I'm stuck in my head.
Cassian Dec 2024
Laughing internally

As three boys ask for my number

In a dumb attempt to bully me

They think they're the smart ones here

Trying that right after school

Though my parents did not raise a fool

Those wannabe "bullies" should go be

Busy worrying about finals instead of me
Cassian Nov 2024
Strike a match
Light up my brain
Nothing will ever be the same
Cassian Oct 2024
I want to be heard
But
I don't want to speak
And
I want to be remembered
But
I don't want to be different
And
I know I'm free
But
Sometimes I feel trapped
And
My head's not in the clouds
But
I stare at the sun
And
I don't want kids
But
I love toddlers
And
I want to be a teacher
But
I don't want to go to college
Cassian Oct 2024
I have things I absolutely cannot do.
I swear it is not a lie but 100% true.

I cannot message strangers online.
Have caused trouble time after time.

I cannot be alone near fire.
Please don't ask why.

I can only watch certain shows.
Everything below TV14.

I can not walk around alone.
Need someone with me.
Cassian Dec 2024
My name suggests vanity

Which doesnt quite fit me

An underlying emptiness

That fills me with stress

Until I happen to realize

That Cassian means both
Cassian Nov 2024
I was invited

To a Christian club meeting

Taking place on Thursday and Friday

A few years ago I would have been excited

But that excitement was quite fleeting

I stopped being Christian years ago

So I wonder if perhaps it would be bad

To go just for the pizza
Cassian Nov 2024
Old AI chatbots are absurd

Before I even said a word

Cleverbot was hitting on me

Would've liked a conversation

About all the simple things

Weather, perhaps?

But that bot had a one-way

Ticket to crazy town

Full of sunshine and mishaps
Cassian Sep 2024
I should come with a warning label
One to protect from certain doom
To keep things happy and clear
Putting all cards on the table
Warning: I'm scared of people
I rethink every message I send
Cant look at comments at poems
I stare at notifications for an hour
Constantly second guess myself
I'm scared to mess up so I hide
Feelings are better bottled inside.
Cassian Nov 2024
I remember all the times

It almost ended

How without my knowledge

My body defended

Itself from my very own mind

When the waves

Pushed me down under my limbs

Refused to surrender

And I swam back up to save my life
Cassian Nov 2024
The sun's rays burn my skin

As God tries to erase my sin

But underneath nothing remains
Cassian Sep 2024
In the quiet of the night,
I feel the warmth of your light,
A love that fills my heart and soul,
With every breath, we become whole.

Time moves slow, like a gentle breeze,
Moments wrapped in memories,
We stand beneath the stars so bright,
Your laughter dances, a sweet delight.

In this beautiful place, I see your eyes,
Reflecting the truth, where the universe lies.
Together we face the shadows and fears,
Holding on tight through laughter and tears.

The world may turn, the seasons change,
But in this dance, nothing feels strange.
With every step, we embrace the unknown,
Two souls intertwined, never alone.

As we walk the path, both rough and fine,
I know in my heart, you’re truly mine.
We’ll face the storms, the cold and the heat,
In the chaos of life, you make me complete.

So here’s to the years, both good and bad,
For every tear and every laugh we’ve had.
In the depths of our journey, I promise to stay,
Together, forever, come what may.

And when the night falls, as it sometimes will,
With you by my side, my heart will be still.
For in this life, with its highs and lows,
I find my peace in the love that grows.
Cassian Dec 2024
Blue skies drowned out by overwhelming grey

Shaping your impressionable minds like clay

Telling you how to act and who to be day by day

Screaming at you for ever feeling this way

But you're tired of people always leaving

They never even seem to stay

Loneliness envelopes you

Your soul dies

Everyday
Cassian Oct 2024
In shadows deep where silence weeps,
Lost laughter lingers, and memory sleeps.
The moon, a ghost, casts pale, soft light,
Reminding us gently of a vanished night.

Each sigh a story, each tear a trace,
Whispers of joy in a haunted space.
Yet in the stillness, a flicker remains—
Sorrow and beauty entwined in chains.

Every voice in a unique timber,
None are quite the same.
Echoes filling the world—
Born simply to fade.
Cassian Oct 2024
I don't count on happiness

Or expect perfection

The day comes and goes

With a shallow ache of rejection

I paste a smile on my face

Tell my parents I had a good day

Listen to loud music to hear the noise

Get stuck between the bathrooms for girls and boys

Questioning myself and my choices

Ignoring the whispers of condescending voices

I try to be helpful... Try to be good

I use my manners like any good kid should

I hide behind fake cheerfulness

And hide from the world with fantasy

Video games and anime consume my days

While I hide from the sun and its blinding rays

I spend so much time being someone else

That slowly but surely I lose myself
Cassian 4d
Down like the ashes

My heart sinks now

My happiness fading

As dread starts to grow

You may be moving

I wish you wouldn't go
Cassian Oct 2024
Why do I always feel

There are eyes on me

Ones I cant see

There are voices I hear

I'm so afraid

Of what they say

My subconscious conjures

The most grotesque pictures

It happens every single day

I can't calm down

I can't sit down

It's way too loud

Make it stop

Make them stop

Send me away

Put me away

A padded room

Where I should stay

I'm so afraid

Day to day

The voices I hear

Wish you knew what they say

I can't sleep

My soul, they want to reap

Get me out of this place

Away from my haunted brain
Cassian Nov 2024
I refuse to cry

To show them that they've won

I refuse to show weakness

They do not deserve that satisfaction

My face will remain a blank mask

I will sit silently through the inner turmoil

And convince them that I'm fine

That they absolutely haven't hurt me at all
Cassian Sep 2024
Someone said I talk too much.
Maybe they are right.

I speak about all of my thoughts.
And my feelings I write.

I write countless poems in simply a matter of days.
Endless thoughts and feelings surface.

My mind is truly nothing but a winding overgrown maze.
Every word I type is just a flower.

A simple flower growing upon the vine.
Neverending tendrils of words.

Straight from this chaotic mind of mine.
I hope it brings happiness.

If not happiness I hope that my words can bring something else.
Something that can be much harder to feel.

I hope my poems bring it to you.
May they bring you peace.
Cassian Nov 2024
I accidentally missed breakfast

Because I was much too slow to wake

Then I accidentally missed lunch

Because there was time I didn't want to waste

So I will sit hoping dinner will be large

Because my hunger is enough to devour even

My very own plate but until then

I shall sit and wait
Cassian Oct 2024
I listen to thoughtless plans

Falling from the mouths of

People with no personality

They want to marry at twenty

Have kids at twenty-one

With no understanding

Of the work to be done

Infants are not rocks

They need to be fed regularly

Some every two hours

Others less frequently

They may be fitful dreamers

And interrupt your sleep

Diapers can be expensive

Many need to be changed

Their cries can have different meanings

They need your attention most of the time

Marriages do not always work

Many lead to divorce which is difficult for children

Plans change and life cannot ever be controlled

So dear little girls, please..

Do not be fools
Cassian Oct 2024
I try to be perfect

Wish to be praised

I offer friendship

Cry when we part ways

I do everything

Strive for attention

Want acceptance

From everyone

So why do I

Sit alone

I offer all my help

So why when I need you

Are you gone

I thought that we

Were

Friends
Cassian Dec 2024
When I was younger

I made a plan for my life.

To find a husband or a wife

To have some kids and live happily

But now that I'm older, who would want me?

I've looked at myself in the mirror, I know what they se.e

I feel so skinny, hopelessly pathetic, weak, and overwhelmingly ugly.

Knots in my stomach keep me from eating even when I should be hungr.y

My clothes feel so out of place, and outdated, I can't even hope to dress snappily.


People bump into me

Invisibility; my "superpower"

Their fault but they always expect me

To be the one to have to feel bad and say sorry

Well I'm sorry you had to know pathetic little me.

Though I truthfully hope you have happy holidays and

May all of the presents that you might receive be all the craze

I hope that all your wishes come true, so have a merry Christmas.

From me to you
Cassian Nov 2024
An acquaintance

Stopped to ask me

If perhaps someone

Such as I would be

Called a cannibal

For eating fruit loops

However dear reader

As fruity as I am I

Highly doubt I'm edible
I thought it was funny so I figured I'd tell you lol
Cassian Sep 2024
What is gender?
Is it what you are born as?
What you choose to be?
Something that changes day by day?
Something you never quite have?
I believe it's everything and nothing.
An eternal spectrum thats meaning is everchanging.
Something that is interpreted differently by each person.
Gender's meaning is as wide and vast as an ocean.
Something that belongs to you and me. Be yourself no matter who or what that is.
Whether thats boy, girl, genderfluid, genderqueer, agender, or nonbinary like me.
Cassian Oct 2024
Why am I happiest when it is loud?

Surrounded by fake friends that wont stick around

As opposed to in silence all by myself

Reflecting upon small moments in my day

Could it be because my happiness depends on others?

Or am I simply afraid that my mind will destroy that feeling?

Whatever the reason may be.....

I find that I am happy that you listen to me
Cassian Sep 2024
I'm not sure why it happened or how
But I'm stuck here again
Caught up in the past thinking old thoughts
Feeling old feelings
Once again choking back tears
From bottled up emotions
I know I have you
I know you'll hold my hand
I know you'll never leave
But I can't stop crying right now
I feel sad without knowing a reason
And I'm trying very hard
To smile for you
But right now..
I can't
I'm sorry if that's disappointing
I'll try harder next time
Just please please please
Go easy on me today
Let me cry and offer comfort
Cassian Dec 2024
Hey there, sweet stranger

I see the way you hide

Bottling everything up inside

I read your words over and over

Knowing you're just on the verge

Of finally breaking apart

So let me protect your heart

I see you, sweet stranger

And all your works of art

I feel your pain deep inside

You never need to hide

Not from me
Cassian Dec 2024
Overthinking everything

Questioning life and losing friends

Wishing to never face them again

But in the end, this is high school
Cassian Oct 2024
I am
A person
I am
Not a doll
I am
Afraid to fall
I am
Not a bird
I am
Only so strong
I am
Kind of smart
I am
A beating heart
I am
Living here
I am
Used to fear
I am
Not weak
I am
Read top to bottom then bottom to top
Cassian Oct 2024
I don't know what I'm doing

I can't stop writing

My fingers refuse to cease their movement

I have too many feelings

Too many thoughts

An idea building up

But I don't know how to shape it

I don't know how to treat it

To feed it

Is it an enemy?

I wish to defeat it

A lump is growing in my throat

My stomach is full of knots

I have too many issues

They're all pouring out

There's no holding back now

My thoughts are an ocean

There is no solid ground
Cassian Oct 2024
People ask me my type to decide who I am
They say sexuality determines identity

However, I believe that who I like isn't what I am
I am pan but that isn't my entire life

That would be like saying I'm a girl because of what I wear
Though I wear a lot of strange things

People tend to make assumptions based on who a person is
I believe you should get to know them

Start by saying hi and go from there
Maybe make a friend

It really is simply that simple
So do not assume
Cassian Oct 2024
Why do you like me?

I am broken

Unfixable

My blood is cold

My tears have dried

Every ounce of my soul is gone

My heart has nearly died

I am tired of failing

Of being left behind

I wish to disappear

My mind is broken

Half the time

I am scared

To be free

I want to move out

But I don't want to be me

I'm terrified of living

A fake me is who they see

I write of darkness

Speak of trauma

So then

Why on earth are you following me?
Cassian Sep 2024
I’m weary, tired, shadows near,  
But like the song, I’ll persevere.  
Sick of the struggle, longing for peace,  
Yet I’m still standing, my heart won’t cease.  

Though feeling done, there’s still a spark,  
You know I’ll rise, igniting the dark.  
With every challenge, I’ll find my way,  
Just like the lyrics, I’ll seize the day.
made to read while listening to I'm Still Standing lol
Cassian Nov 2024
I was sitting quietly

Because it's what I'm best at

But I just had to ask

Out of everyone who spoke

Why did y'all enjoy

The youngest's poem most?

Last I checked Nyx

Was roughly ten years old

- Dylan
Cassian Nov 2024
One word and a forgotten ache

Starts to burn

One sentence and I wish I

Could've learned

So many mistakes in life

Such a disgrace

I see a name and feel such

Overwhelming shame

Forcing my brain to give in til

I'm going insane
Cassian Dec 2024
Death-defying

Darkness underlying

People are dying

Stop staring at me

Why aren't you all crying

All those smiles are fake

A snake in human skin

Your eyes scream at me

A broken person in hiding
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