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Marissa Calderon Aug 2019
A relationship with me is much like stepping on a grenade.


Thrilling, terrifying. and bound to implode.


So, if I find another great love,
I will not ask them to grow old with me.


I will ask them to

implode

with me.
-
Marissa Calderon Jan 2019
I should warn you about me...
I am a oddity of sorts.
I am deathly quiet,
except upon occasions that I am loud.
I am dumb,
unless I choose to be witty,
and I am the most single romantic.
I wrap my anger in peace,
and store it alongside envy and hope.
I hate myself,
but no one can ever love me more.
I am hideously beautiful,
and I hate to love,
but love to hate.
I am a conflicted contradiction,
and we will fall in love
until I realize that I am afraid of heights,
and so I will walk away as I crawl back to you.
Forgive me, my love, for being this way.
Just as I accept things for the way they are,
I can't seem to stay the same.
So I change.

I am a paradox.
Marissa Calderon Nov 2018
Sometimes I want there to be so much noise
I can't hear my own thoughts.
I want it to be so loud
it finally covers the sounds of my own screams.

Sometimes I want the noise to disappear
into a void of nothingness.
I want to drown the silence slowly
and let it consume me
until nothing remains.

Sometimes I want to hear nothing
and everything
at once.
I want it to overwhelm me,
to take over everything and have full control.
Let me hear my own thoughts
just enough to know they're there,
but not enough to understand them.

Sometimes I want things that can never happen.

Sometimes.
Marissa Calderon Nov 2018
I might never forgive the Universe for hurting you so badly.
For putting you through that pain.
But I promise you didn't go through all that for nothing.
You won't die in vain.

You have survived your life everyday up to this point,
recognize it as a blessing.
God is using you in ways we may never understand,
you may very well be someone's life lesson.

Love who you want and be who you choose.
Do everything you'd ever wanted to.
Don't hold back from fear, no,
use is as determination and push through.

I know that my time with you is limited,
your end is drawing near.
But I try not to think about it,
because then all the emotions come out.
Love, sadness, anger, fear.

I love you Nana,
until your very last breath.
Please keep looking after us
even after death.

I'll look to the sky when I talk to you,
and think of you when I see butterfly's.
Because just like them, you'll have a pair of wings.
But like the angels, you'll fly.

I promise to always hold you close to me,
to keep you near.
I love you Nana,
I'll remember you for all my years.
Marissa Calderon Nov 2018
Maybe people aren't 'sick' because they can't sleep
maybe they're just sad
because in order to sleep, you must have some type of peace
and we no longer have that anymore
If I offended you in any way, I am so terribly sorry and I can take it down. Sleep well beautiful people.
Marissa Calderon Nov 2018
My veins fill,
not with blood,
but with greed
and desire
to love
and be loved
in return
Marissa Calderon Nov 2018
at first, I just wanted you to care

but then I got greedy

and I wanted you to love me
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