i didn't cut myself today
are you proud?
are you going to pat me on the back
and say,
"good job"?
are you going to smirk and say
"i told you that you could control it."
are you going to eye my wrist
and heave a huge sigh of relief
and treat me very carefully?
are you going to give me a reward i don't want?
i didn't starve myself today
are you going to thank me profusely
and give me yummy foods to eat in front of you?
are you going to hug me and say
"darling, you look so healthy!"
i didn't hurt myself today
my body is healing
and you are pleased
you treat me so delicately
or so nonchalantly
as if everything i do
is either a huge accomplishment
or nothing at all
but
that's not what i need right now.
i need to say
"i didn't cut myself today"
and i need you to look at me
and kiss me
and tell me
that even if i had
you would still be here
kissing me

The ice inside me
is never thawed by the heat
in between my thighs

hush my perfect baby
hush my little girl
i am here and you are too
and we can finally begin

you kiss me with your eyes
i see you
you tempt me with your smile
i know you do

perfect curls
perfect eyes
freckles are not blemishes
rather, beauty marks
galore

you're not the sun
because
your radiance is not meant for all
you are the moon
whispering sweet nothings to me
in the middle of the night

i will make you a full moon
i will make you glow
and you will wink
and smile,
curling your lips in a smirk
and say
"am i too young to feel this way?"

you know what my answer will be

oh Venomous Love,
it's the subtle things You do
that make me crumble.

a wayward glance pushes me
down the rabbit hole,
just two portals to a misty world
where my deepest dreams mingle
with sinister things.
Our world, shaped by the mosaic
of my imagination.

an aroma, sweeter than dew
hangs in the air like tendrils of ivy,
and trails Your golden shape.
a strangling, pleasing scent bends the mind,
and binds my soul.

Your voice, mellifluous as a hymn,
lashes like a snake.
filling my veins with the sweet poison they call
Love.