there are ghosts in my walls
and demons in my head
they enchant me with stories
of what it's like to be dead

they cradle me softly
when no one else will
they whisper how lovely
it is to lie still

they sing to me sweetly
and make love to me at night
they tell me there's no way
anything will turn out right

they carry me away
from this place that i call home
this place that feels so empty
and where i've felt so alone

they've dug me up a grave
and they've sung their lullaby well
they don't have to push me in
since all i've known is hell

i step down on my own
and they smile sweetly still
blankets made of earth
are the only things i feel

the spirits wave goodbye
and the last thing that i see
is a new ghost among them
and i can tell it's me.

Hello Alone, old friend
I always knew you'd come back again
You could not stay away, I see
And so you're here, haunting me
You brought along your friends, those three
Named Sadness, Confusion, and Misery
You all go through my heart's debris
Dancing around in endless glee
Singing, "No one is as sad as she"
I wish that you would let me be
Hello Alone, it's you, old friend
I always knew you'd come back again.

He kissed my eyelids, and that was very important to me.
It made him stand out in my mind
For kissing lips may be more common,
But eyes are the windows to the soul

there is an urn
that will grow from ashes into a tree
i saw it today
and i thought of you
because you are so alive
and so in love with what is real
you will be a tree after you die
and you will keep on living
you will smile at everyone
and wave your full, green branches,
letting people breathe you in.
and i?
i will lie under you
six feet, to be exact
beneath a stone cold grave
proclaiming my death
for i am not alive
anymore

There is an empty bitterness
which is sustained here.
One can't help but feel helpless
as loved ones inhale fear
and exhale possible precious breaths.

The "too clean" smell intrudes the senses,
and nervous flickers arise
as the waiting room fills with tensions.
People think of their goodbyes
just in case the worst news comes.

But then there is the expecting room,
which is a hopeful place.
"Baby is coming soon!"
"Come see her pretty face!"

And yet amidst the joy and excitement,
there are still those who don't
receive all they dreamt of,
and perhaps are unable to receive it.

Perhaps they will end up
in the other
room
sooner than expected.

everything good
is going away
making it harder
to get up in the morning
each day is a struggle,
a battle, a war
and i am losing

thank you thank you thank you
you are fuzzy belly rubs and
unraveling spines
i am
picked scabs and
hard play-dough but
whatever we have right now is
my favorite flavor of
ice cream at
the pier in Illinois
where my mom grew up
thank you
thank you thank you thank you
my phone capitalizes the first letter at the beginning of every sentence
just like my brain capitalizes my first impression of everything
it was good
thank you thank you thank you

She said I was her second favorite.
Not that she'd met a better man,
but that way she left room for

improvement.

She wanted to believe in fidelity
like someone wants to believe
in Jesus or pure justice.

She asked my complex thoughts--
the wordless ones. I asked for an explanation.
She only stared, and I realized I
couldn't tell if her eyes were
green or blue.

She stabbed her ice with a straw
and told me to stop calling it love--
what we were making. That was
fine. I had a few other terms in mind.

She said nightlife and fanfare were
for homosexuals. So, we spent
most evenings eating Chinese takeout
in a rented room.

She vomited on the Fourth of July,
while fireworks erupted. I sat in
a lawn chair, and tried to remember
how she looked in that black A-line dress.

She needed to know my plans for our future.
I said there were endless open doors in front of us.
She said she only heard the sound of a door
closing behind.

She was a free spirit. And I "put it on trial."

She said she needed me

to change the channel.

She said when we ended -- and we would end --
I'd learn a valuable lesson:
a woman is the only creature
that doesn't have to die to haunt you.