Can I just
break down and
let it all out.
So tired of
being
okay
perfect
normal.
I just want to
cry
scream
talk.
I need somebody to
hold me and
listen
and be there.
I need somebody to understand.

I used to say that
you
felt like coming home.
And when you left
I
was
devastated.
But, I've realized that
the only home that there is
is inside
me.

I am not okay but I have to act like it's all fine. I'm so tired and lonely and I just want somebody that I can call up at two in the morning and go get coffee with. I wish I was pretty enough and smart enough and funny enough. But I'll never be enough. I hate myself. So so much and I just want it to stop.

It's been sixteen days
I don't have the courage to pick up a pen
And ink those thousand thoughts
I don't have the right words
I don't have the right thoughts
There are just too many of them
Crowding in my mind
Like a swarm of bees buzzing away killing my soul
They've spun a web in my mind  
But in spite of this rumpus
All that exists is a void
White spaces and fine lines
Half written anecdotes
Two words on the screen
And a blank space
Now my eyes feel a white light passing through them
Those self destructed verses try to find a place
Somewhere
They need to be carved
They need to be read
There's no room for these unwanted thoughts I guess
The teacher says turn to page number 25.

Please give me
The strength
I need
To end everything
Tonight
Because no one
Will care
And no one
Will notice
As I am
Gone from this
World
Because you all
Will go about
Your normal lives
As I disappear
In the blink of an
Eye.

-e.w.

An unethical practice to fully comprehend my existence in
space and time,
I took the world hostage and prodded its inhabitants with
probes and electrodes
only to find myself
conducting self-lobotomies in front of the bathroom mirror;

Gazing through the eyes of McCrae,
I ****** my hands into
pristine soil,
tore up roots and
soldier bones, creating a
garden of chaos
only to find myself
amongst red petals and marrow
strewn across green vision fields,
but the larks still bravely singing fly!

I splattered ******* across
impressions of Monet and Renoir
only to find myself
dripping like
Dali,
screaming like
Munch,
is this what beauty looks like?!

I passed up a
hitch on a
Heart of Gold
only to find myself
in the mire of a
Brave New World,
kicking at the dirt that sent
electroconvulsive shocks
up my spine,
is that a headlight reflection in my Bell Jar?!

I looked down the barrel of my fingertip guns, still smoking and
listened to the hollow wind of my self-inflicted universal entropy...

run.

Through a wormhole,
into the forest of wisdom where I reviewed observational data of my
chaotic string theories,
there I found myself,
rejecting the null and
assembling a fire of new Hope using the
burrs and thistles burrowed under my skin,

scratching and clawing at unethical practice.