There's a reason there's a path outside your door
that leads to a road
that leads to an interstate,
that leads to an airport.

And there's a reason that planes fly from that airport
to one near here.

Same reason that airport has a road
that leads to a highway
a highway that they are repairing as we speak
that leads to my town
to a path that leads to my door

And its not just coincidence.

Any more than its coincidence that you are reading this.

I remember a Time
when 4 am meant the night was just beginning
and a half pack of cigarettes meant I was almost out

when a green box with four wheels spelled
F-R-E-E-D-O-M
and those hours inside
were like eons

when the Right Song
at the Right Moment
would leave me quaking

that first Drop
out of my mind and into that pool
and how amazing those camel turkish jades looked
and felt
as the smoke curled in my lungs

when all I wanted,
was to EXPLODE
to burst from all the tension and frustration
the confusion
to lose myself in the midst

I remember the disgust
with It and with Me
burnt out on the great hypocrisies
of the life I'd been given
and all I could do was
Run
Flee
dream of faraway places

the weakness
the overly analytical sensibilities
that brought me to my knees
that led me to tear myself to shreds

and, of course,
always chasing Her
that timeless, ephemeral Her
who would wipe it all away

I remember the betrayal
the way I needed to scream and yell
to make them understand
so I screamed and I yelled
alone, cruising through empty lanes of highway
at night.

the birds
those damnable birds!
always so bright and cheery
as I would come tumbling down
from my fleeting bliss
always wanting to just
keep chasing that peak
that moment, that Feeling
the all encompassing Knowing that
You Are Here Now,
however elusive it may be.

the surging force of unbridled passion and immature love
which consistently left me a burnt out husk
wondering why I'd ever let myself
get so far into that Hole
keep digging, keep digging,
it's got to be down here somewhere.

the elation of extending your ******* to the world
for just a little bit longer,
just a few more songs,
just one more cigarette.
that's all we ever needed to Figure It Out,
whatever It was or may Be.

the realization that 11:00 is the best time of all
never too late, nor too early
more time to play, or to sleep
but we never really slept much at all.

most of all, the Thinking
and thinking
the running round and round in endless circles
here and there, glimpsing a Truth
a fact or flaw,
a philosophy or prophecy
too much, too much.
I shattered.

broke myself into pieces
for Her and for Them
and mostly, for Me

I remember how the drinks
might not have put it back together
but they'd **** well make me forget
that it was broken in the first place

and especially that Bed Rock I hit
where even moving seemed incomprehensible
where nothing made sense
and all the glittering pieces were laid bare

but
The Climb
The Climb!
not without it's trips and stumbles
not without it's regressions;
for every two steps forward,
take one step back.

an ascension, nonetheless
even now, from my vantage point
I can see that hard place
but I still can't see the peak

and I am glad to have crashed
to have broken myself on the crags and the ridges
to carry the gravel in my skin and in my bones

extra weight for my climb;
strength training for the mind.
and now I know I
in a way that can't be learned from simply skating by
eventually,
the ice will break.

The makeup feels too heavy,
The lipstick- too unnatural
And the fendi scent sticks to my skin.
My mascara runs, as I rub my eyes.
Darkness covers the city,
A sigh of relief, then a deep inhale of life.
My head begins to know a faintness-
Stifle the loneliness,
Muffle the empty parts, fill it with something.
these thin ribbed tights, too easily torn
the night of many moments begins
and a night of helpless, wishful thinking sinks in
insecurites-itching and itching at my skin.
The Bass, the Boom.
I walk alone through the sea of people.
the never ending lull of the beat-the- pulse.
Lids drowsy, the pockets of confusion and lights
maybe for just a second, this moment will take me higher
She’s next to me, her own ecstacy,
The energy kicks and pulls,
I see the blood in her mouth, too much anxiety
But she looks so happy.
I have to leave, leave these confusing lights.
I hate this part,
I begin to think of you.

--amelia rose

I know at night
Searching for your warmth,
You're always in arms reach,
but it feels so far.
You're an eternity away,
yet under the same sheet.
I simply roll closer,
Arms searching for skin.
Though it is dark,
Your silhouette is clear.
Briefly I hesitate,
Am I a comfort to you,
As you have become to me?
My arms close the gap.
Your skin it too warm,
My hands are too cold.
You sigh softly, content.
Our legs instinctively intertwine.
Then your hand closes around mine.
When did this become familiar?
Before I can really think,
I'm comforted by your touch.
Your breathing, so steady,
Matched by your heartbeat.
Then, without my consent,
Without my conscious present,
I begin dreaming.