If now is a prediction of the future than i hope to exit now and explore other realms of options and opportunities to better map my future in order to achieve happiness or at least a sense of stability I need a stronghold or a fortress of some sort to protect my insecurities and help mask my Great Depression which consist of a decline of love and joy which has become a treat instead of a meal my moments of temporary happiness is so few and far between that I see no silver lining in my unfortunate situation called life one of my hopes is that I disappear into a world of nothing to sit in a room of no emotions and no stress nor noise just utter silence as if I reached in my head and set missiles on a mission of mass destruction of my mind and a goal of freeing my trapped thoughts I hope to achieve something greater in this room something beyond anything I've ever felt something related to peace.

I can feel the freezer burn on my heart I can feel my body growing numb I see no warmth I see no ending I possess no heat of passion not a sense of love not a warm bone in my body I'm a block of ice never to melt I'm like dry ice dangerous and mysterious only evil in my mist I'm ******* the outside to protect my liquid interior I'm weak and unstable and empty. Oh so empty. I've never felt so alone in this black place I call home.

Life

... Is like a hospital full of sick doctors. Or a plane with a blind pilot. Like a butterfly with no wings. Like choosing love over war. That ***** complicated and **** near impossible. It's just a fraction of the truth. Life is hell.

Darkness surrounds my better judgement as I search for a light to brighten my emptiness I'm hollow I'm worse than empty I'm shallow not a deep emotion within me fill me up with passion but don't give me not a dash of love give me the sweet kiss of death but don't you dare revive me be kind to me for I am a sinner shower me with luck to make love to a winner let my offspring prosper and my demons be free let my soul be unshackled and my heart beat along with the sea.

Were we ever in love or was I dreaming? Was I enchanted by the idea of love or controlled by the thought of having someone like you. Was our love a game just to make me feel shame, for having emotions? Do I not deserve to love and be loved or do i deserve to hate. Do I determine who I love and who I hate because I don't think I do I think I never had a choice I was destined to love you, and you were destined to disappoint me, one thing you never let me down on, one thing I could count on, was your disappointment; you used my love for your own personal pleasure and now you choose to hate me, you've made me cry you've broken my soul worst of all you've broken my heart I guess love doesn't live here my heart is vacant hate has arrived and my emotions are shaken how could I go on and pretend to be happy there's no happiness here not even any laughing.

Forever lasting pain and blood spilled on a silent corpse gasping for breath, a zombie among mankind, a parasite of the world with a flesh eating virus, making it's way to the organs the heart, screaming for escape, pumping to survive, the veins ice and freeze, no blood flow, silent screams echo through the long dark halls of wonderland, the mystery that cascades through the fog of reason, pity escapes the leashes of it's captures and attacks the confidence of the silent dying bird, never to fly, never to breathe, never to squeak again.

If this is the end let me press rewind if this is the end give me a ounce of more time if this is it dont say I didn't love you if this is it just know I put nobody above you.

Somebody sell me a dream! I'm fresh outta hope somebody save my life because I'm fresh out of dope thought I could survive and hide the demons in my eyes thought I could forgive the lies and fight the battle within my life how could I ever forget? The same way I can forgive how can I ever be free when I can't even escape from me how can I even begin to love when I possess no like.

As I try to shield myself from the beast of civilization, the cold hearted bleeding dagger protruding through the back of America, that filthy, filthy, king of darkness swallowing the minds and dissecting the thoughts of the youth, the raging zombie in the form of love. So I tried. Beauty claim the beast as it was written and saw the true face of Frankenstein. What a soft timid thing, similar to me. Dare I try? ***** the breast and taste the flesh of the raw meat. Something new, something sweet, something just like me. Beauty tamed the beast and so the face was revealed.

Darkness surrounds the deep ocean of eyes, a show for the weak in which power is displayed for the enjoyment of all. Pain as a sound of laughter screaming through the halls of terror, closing in and locking the free soul into a prison of love. Pink bars and gold locks. The taste of it all, the bitter bite of blood rotting in the corpse of the perfect host. Anger deep inside consumes the cages while organs rattle and beg for forgiveness. The smoke getting heavier and the vision became foggy. Oh how the mighty have fallen and the taste has spoiled. Who wouldve thought a fruit from the tree of paradise could cast poison onto the awaiting queen. The sparkles fade from her and her eyes roll into spikes stained with ****** love. Blinded and misguided the eyes drop. The soul crawls to the forgotten circles only to be unaware of sound. Deaf. Deaf to reason and purpose so the skeleton crawled. Screams and shouts of the subconscious chanting Reveal thyself do not **** thyself. Bleed tears and smell the fears. Shake. Shake with terror and look upon the horror of the flesh. Rotten to the core and pink with need. Thy sweet pearl has started to form, thy sweet center ready to rain. Let the skin cascade over the bones, let the skeleton crawl out the closet. Watch as the color darkens and the corpse remain empty. Watch. Watch the beautiful curves of the horizon as you hope to kiss the bud. Blossom. Rise my flower for you must no longer crawl. Cry my beloved because your soul is lost to all.

So hollow yet so full of emotions so eager yet so calm my life is like the quiet before the storm or the aftermath of an explosion. Nothing is true and nothing is new to me in this life of a sin as I continue to ride in the fast lane on a mission of discovery. I am lost and I am found. Who am I or what am I? All I can be is me in this sea of life.

The sound of my pain whips my emotions as if it were the devils laughter there is no love in my heart nor any regret I don't regret loving you I only look down upon my existence because to exist in a world with you is chaos to breathe your air is poison to look at you and still feel my emotions running deep is a pain all on its own if only I could end you like you ended me if only I had the strength to break free if only I could see that you were never suppose to be part of me if only I could just be free.

The twinkle in your eyes when I profess my love for you the feel of your curves cascading down your long body and the shape of your honey lips how could I forget the pleasure of ever loving you of ever knowing such a delicate flower? My sweet angel my diamond in the rough of life my warrior and my hero a comrade in this war of love my goddess of Atlantis Athena the great my loving queen how could I have ever been so mean! Love of a lifetime in this soulless world my never ending dream my true beauty queen live long, love forever, miss me never, stay true, be you.

Just stroke my hair and tell me I'm beautiful hold me tight and never let go squeeze my body and let the demons ease from my mind kiss my lips and let the *** explore my thoughts grab me up and feel my body tremble get creative with your hands and watch me explode whisper sweet and ***** things to me watch my eyes roll back in appreciation love me as you make love to me get wild with me as you dream of putting a baby in me get close and go deep and watch my knees grow weak ill meet you at the finish line it'll be a tie only love in the air as our bodies give way and collide.

After all I've put up with you you still pour acid on my wounds you still inflict pain on a suffering soul well call me a lost cause there's no turning back for me , I'm desperate for love, not even a heart in me.

If god truly does not exist at least I spent my life believing in something greater than the human race and something beyond this miserable thing we call life