just when i thought all my hope was gone.
you took me by my hand
and told me i was wrong.
just when i thought there was no bright light
then you took me to it.
i was amazed by the sight
just when i thought you were gone for good.
you came back to me
and lifted my hood.
to tell me how beautiful i was..
and how much you understood.
one day you lifted up my long black sleeves..
you looked back up at me..
stared me in the eye.
slowly you pressed your lips against the red lines that appeared on my soft pale skin.
i began to cry.
and you held me for the longest time.
soon you had to go..
you walked out the door..
and never came back.
i knew that you loved me..
even though you left..
me alone.
you knew that i was strong enough to handle it on my own.
sometimes i cry because i want you to come back and hold me through the night.

it all started with the first cut.
just one small cut was all i needed.
it made the emotional pain go away.
it made me feel human, a human with feelings.
the first cut
thats all it was.
it slowly grew into more,
the first cut,
its seeable to many but you.
the first cut
came from you.
thats all it was.
everyone was the first cut.
they all came and they never left.
the silk white lines across my skin.
the red lines left but the silkish white lines they will only come, never go.

as i take a step forward,
i can’t help but look back.
some memories are fading,
and some my mind lack.
my heart starts aching as i remember that life.
the pain is intense,
its like a knife that has stabbed me in the back.
the future is waiting.
but i can’t let go.
the past is fading fast
but my reaction is slow.
i cant let go..
i remember the way your fist felt while it connected with my face.
the way you slammed me up against the wall and began to beat my face..
it will stick with me until i take my last breath.
i will remember the way you laughed when you saw all the bruises you caused.
i refused to look in the mirror day after day then one day i looked at my reflection and i hated it.
because of you i lacked beauty.