I am black lace kissed with stardust
You are brilliant, faded, hand me down
Tie-dye
Leaving the smell of afternoon naps
Sleepy smiles
And camp fires in your wake
Turning on my Mother Nature
Let's get to dancin'round these flames
Licking the space between our skin
Heart beat rhythms driving hips
To sway against our strings
Connected.
Summer rain steaming mmm please
Feel your heat getting closer
A river runs through me
So in tune, I pulse for you
Aching with the distance
That seems to always separate
Our good timing

I need no one's validation
To know that what I feel
Is real.

"they" keep us numb with news of horror, loss and war
To distract from the reality of calculated ******
Our inability to connect with suffering unless we ourselves are touched
Is tragic
That is our signature
Change triggers our fight or flight
You probably chose flight
Easy way taken, light visible at the end of the tunnel

What is there is comfortable.
Planned.
Safe.

Your place in life assured
To be bland.
Worked to your last breath
(Almost assuredly taken in pain from cancer)
Used. (Taxes are theft)

We lack the cohesive ability to connect
Never touched it personally
Feeling sad or horrified does not change the reality
MOVEMENT!  ACTION!
These two simple words
One an example of the other
Could change the world
The future.

What we are remembered for.

Yes, we are good at war.
Excel at it in fact
Many would say an "art form"
Whispered sovereignly across the lips of megalomaniacs, genocidial delusionists and those who always thirst for more
never quenched
Our perfected brand of self-species annihilation
Will be what we are remembered for
"Even one so precious, written from the mouth of god"
Did not stand a chance
Against our innate brutality
Consistent fear of change

Yet our past does not define us
Our actions right this very minute
How we treat not only others but also ourselves
They reflect what we have learned
We can choose to forgive. To love.
To respect each other
Bright beacons give light when we are in shadow
Rarely are they chosen to follow
Blinding all the same
They had many hands to guide them home

They chose love.
You can too
That is what I hope "we" are  remembered for

Downtown's been calling
I just let it ring
Like virginity that conversation,
Once ended
Will not be taken back without painful
Drastic measures
You are not poison
You are forever
The perfect drug, made just for my wounds
You would destroy me
Jam my busiest crossroads
Old haunts blending into new aches
I'm not ready for your vacant houses
Windows cracked or hollow
That feeling, those shells
Lie within us all
You need a warrior
I am one,yes
Call to arms
I'll be on the front lines, ready

                           Pain.

In any form is welcome.
For pain is feeling but not too deeply
Not like the scars of sadness
I am shell shocked, disconnected
No longer whole
Shrapnel still embedded
Organs and tissue assimilate to it's form
Healing, yet still
Unable to lift a sword to defend
Are you ready for that?

(silence)
I know what you are thinking

"How will we know if we don't try?"

                           Big Picture Moment

When I'm ready...
                 I'll let you know.

Your crazy haloed spectrum smile
Curves lazy slow sweet amid early morning
I tag along, you step inside
The braided lengths of our hungry fingers
Time slows
My sighs stream softly into wishes
Neon tinted bubbles capturing swirl wind
I focus on their ascent to star dust
Right where I want to be

The subtle slide of your gaze across mine
Weaves through a maze of our bonfire sparks
The gypsy twitch of my star-lit hips
Has your mouth monsoon season
Give it to me soft and sweet
Liquid honey tongue swirler
Closer, gotta get closer
To this ache
Fill it up, work it out, make me beg for it
Pleeeaasseee
Hissed moan whisper plead prayer yes, yes, YES!
Muscle spasm star spangled black out vision. convulse. flood.
This is why you keep on coming back
You've got a spine archer, a mind ******, a tongue twister
And she's all your's

I wake up with your smell braided through my hair
                            Saturating my senses from the night before

Starlight and moonshine lit rings of soft fire in our eyes

                            Falling asleep in your arms
                            World stops, fog settles in
                            No one here but our body heat
                            Syncopation at it's most natural speed
                            Cold fibers seek solace in lip kissed goose bumps

You push me deeper than ever before

                            Our hands parting but pried apart
                            Occupying the spaces between hello and goodbye
                            It is never that easy though, is it?

Straight lines curve when wrapped around your tongue

                           Making the most out of deep sighs and slow, easy smiles  
                           The subtle shifts in your geography have my mouth watering
                           Causing a wild flutter to awaken the dead ache
                           In flesh once thought to be silent

It beats only for you

                           Ink and I have been forged since birth
                           Soul seared and thirsty for it's satiny black quench
                           With it I paint you immortal
                           Dancing through veins and sacred neuron firing
                           you are held
                           Where I can always keep you safe
                           Where in memory you are eternal

Got this ache
Ooh sweet fire, burning me down
Wrapping hot silky wet around all of my sharp edges
You make me feel like a hot house orchid
Ice eater
Anything to temper the flame
Liiiick
Straight up center stage
Curtains parted
Gasp and low moaned surprise
Fingers dancing, soprano orchestra sings
Yeeeeees
Opera house style
Standing ovation
Bow taken
...we should make a season out if this

I watched green smoke to black
Ribbons of sensual silver-edged good morning
Snaking above me
A canopy of feel-me-up pheromones
Hazy
You watched, dripping, shower rod framed
As my frame did the same
Please, don't ask for a towel
Let's leave these sheets with the print of our bodies

Son, women (sigh), women are a kin to the ocean
Riding the currents of their emotions
Through cold and warm
Swelling, ebbing
Pulled by silvery moon
To navigate their shifting tides
One must be a patient sea captain
Hurricanes and tempests may steal your hope
Hold fast! Secure the rigging!
Listen to the wind though, my son
Her siren's song will guide you through to safe harbor
On those days when you reach calm waters
The aches she soothes in your soul
Will be worth any perfect storm

You went to that place
                         Where her flowers used to grow
Spilling hot, salty tears countless times
                    Left the air always smelling like the sea
Even years later
                       You can still hear her mermaid laughter
                   Echoing through the trees
Grown over with weeds now
                                      Sweet memories resting place
Much like the aching hollows of your heart
                   Anger rushes through the quiet solitude
           Urging your knees to buckle
Digging your hands into rich, wet earth
Sobbing great hiccuping gulps through mournful wails
                        True pain is that of loss
A circle is finally cleared
       Exhaustion floods the moment
Head heavily laid where she rests
                   Clouds hum by above the canopy
Digging into your pocket
Smiling softly now
            Grasping at incubating bleeding heart seeds
A hole here, a hole there
                                   She'll grow again

*For the dead never truly leave us

I used to be close enough
To breathe you in...

Now I must settle for tasting you
On the wind.

Wild heart
Gypsy soul
Traveler of the outskirts
Dancing through the darkness
Stars dangle in my hair
Tasting midnight on my lips
You mark me every time
Teeth. Hand-prints. Essence.
I never leave whole
Pieces of me, of you, crocheted into grandma squares
Dot the journey between us
Hansel and Gretel style
"Pick them up"
You pick them up!
Connect their edges
Our nimble fingers weaving through
A wash of color and heartache stretches between us
In order to grow we must hurt
One of your smiles nips at my pinky as my needle moves
I miss their edge
Moaning softly, shaking memories loose
Warmth easing through the distance between you and I
"Let's wrap up in each other"
But we are not done!?
..."We never will be. I want you now."

He was a trilogy master
Leaving out the brisk bite of winter chill
Extremes to an extend
Always turning back again towards the light
Engaged in graphic silence
He toiled
Ink stained fingertips acrid as he bit their half moon edges
Dragons and fire burn across the pages
Blank ones waiting their turn to soak up his imagery
Sand dunes sweep across his vision
Night landscapes forever shadowed in darkness
Howeling mountains inundated with sharp-toothed beasts
His pen swirls with magic and mist
At once a slave and master to his words
This is his world
One of falling asleep on half-written sentences
Waking up from vivid dreams to create again
*This is his world

An empty room seared into memory
It once held your breathless form
I listened to that heart go silent
Crying wet, hiccuping tears onto your heated skin
I cleaned you up, kept you warm
Tried desperately hard to shut your eyes
Knowing that you would never smile with them again
I cannot say for sure if you heard us
Your father breaking down through the speaker
Mitchell, your best friend, sobbing through the phone
I held each call gently, wishing not to cause you more pain
My voice softly singing the song we danced to at our wedding
The stark, violent feeling of your loss
When you were finally free'd from your mortal prison
For you that word took on a whole new meaning
I have never been so proud as the day when you made me yours
But watching you, fighting along your side
To not give up
Even to your last ghost of thought
I was even more so
Left with an aching dark moon
A dead sun
No light to reflect off of my screaming face
I grieve in darkness
Where I can still feel the weight of your  hand in mine

You have to do it all
Just to know where it gets you
Spilling *** and secrets through verse
Begging me with lined pages to give in
I am the mountain
You are monsoon season
Wearing down the face of my resolve
The echo of our mingled passion lingers
Like the scent of your skin against mine
From pushing to pulling we are connected
Through fingers buried deep in pulsing veins
"This is where you belong"
You slither along my curved neck with a southern draw
I wish miles were clouds and we could sleep forever
The comforting eclipse of moonlight stopping time
I apologize for nothing
As shadows fall across your smile
You will not wait
I am not the one

You tell me to slow down
The playground of my childhood's gone rusty
Don't play so hard!
As I burn my thighs on sunburnt metal slides
That make my hair stand on end
I fingertip touch your lips
Arching sizzle between your flesh and mine
I tell you not to think so hard
The fastidious cogs of your aging brain weazing
Be spontaneous!
As you sit steadfast watching me
Swinging so high I touch the trees
Wishing they were stars
And that your toes painted the sky next to mine

You sit quietly
With fidgeting hands
Lacing fingers into your own
That you wish were hers
Gravity from the black hole
That is the mid-west pulls you further
Into her stunning rings of brown eyes
Strawberry tipped, Large ******* and a mouth that could **** start a Harley
A pen in hand you doodle
Glancing up at a clock that should be melting
Going as slow as tree sap on a January morning
You wonder of she is careless or careful
Does she laugh that loud in person
Or only when she  occupies that space around her that glows

She walked through the window
Stumbling and reeling
I called out to her hollow
Have a care for the ceiling!
She turned bleary eyes
Smiling crookedly at me
Her face one of several
At the same time three
Amber liquid in a crystal glass
Sloshing over the brim
The newly mopped floor
Whispered sternly and grim
We are only watchers here
Sitting silent and long
As rocks often do
Listening  to a  stream's running  song

I crawled myself home
Soaking wet through the trees
After standing for hours outside of your window
Hoping for a peak
Into your warm light insides

I thought about that summer night

When you told me to open up my eyes
Turn skyward my hands of light
Paint the stars across it's silky midnight blue
You said it changes when I touch it
Soft at first then sweeping strokes
I never forgot the hitch in your voice
As you watched me work
We talked til bright rays touched us at morning

I grew cold as I waited
The night settling into my bones

You never came home

I wonder if she is special
Special like you said I was
Hauling my bruises and heartache onto the porch
Tears mingle with rain as I cry myself to sleep
Against my door frame
Hearing your voice whisper through the trees
*Open your eyes. Paint with light.

I remember the sound
                        of your September sorrow
Letters roaming the distance that stretched between us
Your words a constant companion to the coming cold
My lips wished every day to greet yours come morning
The scent of lavender and mint drifting through our room
Sunlight pouring gently over your distinct features
A heart full of love shining softly in your eyes
As you wake up to my warmth next to you
Some day your scrolled worship reads
I will be closer
                                            No more wishing
Folding your letters again and again as I pull them out to revisit
The gentle longing I can still feel in their varied stains of ink
            Give me a reason and I won't break down
Is the last line of the first one you sent
Still haunting and hopeful
          We have so much more to give
So much more in store 
*Some day soon

I **** softly on my finger tip
Showing you exactly what you are missing from so far across the room
Your dark eyes keep a steady stare on my tongue and teeth
Paying extra attention the way my soft mouth wraps around my flesh
With as much grace as I can muster
I unfold out of the chair I was occupying
Straighten my satin teal cocktail dress and head towards you
The crowd is crushing tonight
Too many panting, grinding bodies between you and I
When I finally reach you my heart is racing
My mouth wet
A trickle of sweat slides down my chest
Settling in my ample cleavage
I want you to lick it off me
To ******* desire
You lean in close
Wrapping one arm around my waist as you do
“I want to tear you apart” whispered against the sensitive shell of my ear
My body trembles, leans into the pull of yours
You guide me out onto the dance floor
Where slow, pulsing music hypnotizes our hearts to beat as one
Twirl and grind. Spin then wrapped tight again.
As the music ends and blends into something upbeat
My voice is soft and pleading “Take me home.”
Eyes sparkling, breath quick, you thread our fingers together
**Leading me out into the night

He used to be more aware
Vision peripheral instead of pinpointed
More real
More free
He remembers what choice tasted like
As he rolled each opened ended one across his kaleidoscope tongue
He knew this would drown him before he could breathe again
His heart lines had turned to dust
Blowing gently into the visceral wind of his malady
This left him misguided
Every hand through his
Fingers entwined
Became collateral in this new war he did not know how to fight
All encouragement fell on his now deaf ears
All he could hear was the weighted hum
Of personal failure
Another day spent in bed past noon
Joints moaning in protest when pushed to function
He would pull himself together
Sew the chasms and fizzures close
**If only he could make that choice

Woke up with fall air crisp and burning it's way
Down into the breezy interior of my summer heart
Mornings like these beg to be alone
The solitary pulse of rushing blood sets the tempo
My steps sure and quick on unforgiving asfault
Colors weave through my vision
Catching the earth in mid costume change
Feels provocative.
We are all peeping Tom's.

Houston stood up from his stooped position on the sunken mattress edge. Shuffling over to his one lone window he grabbed a paint stained old t-shirt and used it to gingerly wipe the filth off of the closest pane. The light he allowed entrance made the sorry state of his quarters look all the more uninviting. Piles of soiled clothing, dozens of glass bottles, torn canvas shreds(he could never hold his temper long enough to sleep on it) and empty paint pots from one unkempt corner to the other.   No wonder he had not worked in months. How could an artist create in such a state? He sighed heavily to himself and pulled on faded blue jeans with a plaid button up. Clothed and comfortable he surveyed his "work" room, which consisted of his five foot wide, two foot deep closet with the doors removed. The easle sat sad and empty, waiting to fulfill it's sole purpose: to support the realized weight of this man's genius.  He was a painter. A **** good one too or so some folks said. He was still a skeptic. Houston mainly  painted to control his temper. It was his only outlet for a hair trigger rage that simmered just below his sweet and gentle demeanor. Those closest to him understood his struggle and did their best to not instigate but every once and a while they dealt with the business end of Houston Montgomery. Not a show anyone would want a repeat performance of.
       One of his so called "masterpieces" was sold to a gallery down town for twelve thousand dollars last year. Seven months had come and gone since then. . He would trade his most amazing memory to be able to rewind back to that day.  Around that time the fates must have decided Houston was having far too much fun. That very same month he also came across a down on her luck actress who went by Sylvia Stone. He had been doing pretty well for himself up until that point. Bills were paid, fridge was full and his clothes were clean.  Then everything went to ****. She was easily impressed with Houston's new money and thought jumping on this pony was better than settling for a jack ***. Houston spent more time with her than he had expected. More time than he really wanted but he had not been with a woman in many many months and she was incredible in the sack. She did this thing with her mouth that had his eyes even now rolling into his skull and his spine quivering. Too bad she turned out such a psychotic ****.
         His art started to suffer. Normally he could sit down and pump out two pieces a week. For four months straight he only produced three total and they were horrible, shamefully lack luster. He told Sylvia he needed space, that it wasn't because he did not want to be with her but that he needed more time to work. He would get a few pieces done then they could spend a week together.  She seemed understanding but distant. Houston went back to dedicating his time to his work. Hoping that after he made some money Sylvia would be open to picking up where they left off, Houston worked quickly to pump out something fantastic.  

Things were quiet and productive
for seventeen days.

**Then Sylvia called.

Houston woke up early. Yawning. A cigarette away from just packing his meager possessions and leaving everything this dusty room did not have to offer. A spark of zippo flame had his lungs drowning in chemical filth. Sometimes it felt good to get *****. Often enough now that he had forgotten what it felt like to be clean. The yellowed pages of his favorite books stared back at him in a mismanaged pile on his writing desk. What few thoughts he had managed to scripple out kept them company on crumpled napkins and ink stained pages.The sheets a sweaty twist around his pale form. He knew something had to give or he really was going to go over to Silvia's to just "talk" but do what he had been thinking about more often of late and  drown her in the kitchen  sink sloshing over with ***** dish water she never drained. Gods but that woman drove him crazy. The clanging of glass every time he took a step a testament to those emotions. All he could do to cope with the damage she had wrought was lose himself in a bottle. Any bottle would suffice but his favorite was spiced ***. It used to burn going down but they had gotten so used to each other it was like old people having *** with the added bonus of actually reaching fulfillment.  The company he had kept last night lay sadly on it's side next to his worn mattress. It's cap somewhere in the wreckage of Houston's hundred dollar a month room. He looked down at it and sighed, picking up the neck and now stale sips left in the bottom. He knew that this one swallow would only stoke the flames of his desire for more yet he could not help himself. Autopilot had taken control weeks ago. The glass on his lips was comforting but the not enough taste left on his tongue was sour. Today. Cracking of his spine echoed as he stretched. Today he was going to get revenge.

You

There are so many words I could pull out of my fingertips.
Passion that fills my lungs
Shadowed *** filled air breathing through me
Waking up that sleepy side that never knew
The heated intensity that you've always called to
Soft lips and sharp teeth capturing your need
******* and biting it into an inferno

I want to go down in flames together

Had I but waited
With eyes closed
I would have never tasted
The falling of your lips upon mine
Soft at first with gentle teeth
Crescendoing into passioned heart beats
Melting into the sacred shadows between our hips

You sit across from me with your knees in knots. The best place for you to be. At arms length. Where you are safe from the soft trembling of my hands, the nervous pounding of an unsure heart against the bruised cage that holds it captive. Between the pages of you and me the ink has always blurred but  I have opened my mouth and let loose words, imagines that I wish I had kept to myself. Promises that only stoked this erratic flame. Cannot say for certain in the dark if you were laughing or crying but in the harsh light of day you were neither. You were gone.

I never can hold on.

The heavy melting  of drug hazed bones
Confuses my curiosity with the sober

                              You cut me.
                                      To the quick.

Anger deep mortar holes smoldering through layers
I had carelessly constructed
Breathing through the cracks but just barely
Suffocation at it's most frightening
It is not the burn you must worry about
Just the ache

That is where I have kept these last months
A tangible, gut wrenching desire to be numb
I. Felt. Everything.
Strange dreams weaved colorfully throughout
Waking in a cold sweat
Looking for flowers but all I find is **dirt

Stay
You always seem so far 
Away
Even the bleached roads between us
Cannot keep these lies from drowning 
Piece by piece
I don't want this to hurt you
I don't write this to hurt you
My hands fall down by broken sides
Bruised love handles telling their own 
Version of what always happens
Stay
You don't have to rip away 
Tearing what little fabric we still hold
Deafening, the aching numbness that follows
Silence
A sword wielded  by an expert marksman
On your own time, sweet heaven hurry
Tensed like a bow string, ready 
Stay
Never fade